"Gryffindor, With Feeling"
A Parody of:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 6 Episode #107: "Once More, With Feeling" Written by Joss Whedon
A/N: Characters owned by JK Rowling. Original BTVS episode owned by Joss Whedon. Set at beginning of sixth year Potter-verse. To set up what is going on just prior to this, Neville is dating Susan Bones who he has given access to the Gryffindor Common Room. Lupin has returned to be the sixth year DADA professor. Everything else should make sense.
"Gryffindor, With Feeling"
Open in Harry's dormitory, morning. The words "Gryffindor, With Feeling" splash across the screen in the style of an old movie musical. Pan down to reveal an old-fashioned alarm clock (the kind with actual bells). The clock hits 7:00 and the alarm goes off.
Reveal Harry in bed, rolling over to glare at the clock. He reaches over, picks it up, looks at it.
The overture music is a medley of the musical themes from the rest of the episode. As it plays, we see the following action:
Begins with Susan Bones walking across the Gryffindor boy's dormitory, then she turns and goes back the way she came. Grabs a sweater from a chair and exits into the bathroom. As she goes, we see Neville making the bed. He finds a piece of the herb that Susan used to do a "forgetting" potion. She wanted Neville to forget they had had a fight the night before. Neville picks it up, sniffs it, smiles.
Pan to the hallway. Ginny runs out of her room and over to the bathroom door. She knocks on the door while jumping from foot to foot as if she has to pee. Susan comes out of the bathroom brushing her hair. Ginny rushes into the bathroom. Pan to boy's dormitory to reveal Harry still lying in bed, awake.
Cut to the library. Overture music continues. Ron and Hermione are looking at a copy Witch Weekly, smiling and talking (we don't hear their dialogue). A student comes over and Hermione escorts her toward the check-out desk.
Pan across to Ginny standing by the restricted section looking at a book. Lupin comes over and takes the book away. Ginny looks annoyed. Lupin gestures with the book and she walks off.
Pan to a round table where we see Neville and Susan looking at a book together and taking notes. Pan further and we see Harry sitting next to Neville, sketching on a pad.
Lupin comes over and holds a wand in Harry's line of sight. Then he gestures with his head toward the door and walks away. Harry puts down his sketch pad, gets up and follows Lupin to practice Occlumency, taking off his sweater as he goes.
Cut to the courtyard, night. Harry walks along, looking around. Suddenly he begins to sing!
Every time I think of his elimination,
Nothing ever feels just right.
Still I always feel it is hallucination,
Sirius is here, I'll see him tonight.
Malfoy appears from behind one of the castle's large pillars, rushes at Harry. Harry spins Malfoy around, continues singing.
I've been making shows; hiding [punch] mood lows,
Then everything just slows
[kick, grabs Malfoy and using his wand, throws Malfoy behind him]
Like I've been wading through a potion
Walking through the world.
Crabbe attacks him from behind, but Harry was ready and jinxes him without looking back.
HARRY: My flag never seems to be unfurled.
He resumes walking and singing.
I was always brave, and life was tempting.
Now I find I just don't care.
We see Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle gathered near a tree. There's a person tied to the tree. The Slytherins see Harry and attack.
Sirius' grave, is just so empty. [punches Crabbe]
Nothing under there. [hexes Goyle]
CRABBE: What is under where?
Crabbe punches Harry and he goes down. A club is sitting on the ground beside him. Harry lies there on his back, gives Crabbe an incredulous look (you don't know what underwear is?) . Sound of crickets chirping.
HARRY: I don't think I'll share.
He continues lying there as the three Slytherins begin to do a dance.
He does pretty well and he doesn't yell
But after Sirius fell [Harry gets up and grabs the club]
He's been wading through a potion.
MALFOY: Wading through a potion.
Harry pulls Crabbe away, knocks him out with the club.
GOYLE: And in the here and now...
[Harry pushes him aside, knocks Malfoy with the club]
MALFOY: He's not even half a Gryffind- [realizes he's been hit] ow.
Malfoy falls over. Harry continues walking, holding the club.
Will I stay under the weather?
Keeping myself on a tether?
He uses his wand to cut the ropes that are tying the person to a tree. The person comes around the tree trunk and we see it's a very good-looking girl. It's Cho Chang.
CHO: How can I repay-
He turns away, tosses the club aside and continues walking.
I don't want to beeeeee…
[walks up onto a raised platform ringed by statues, stops]
Wading through a potion.
Losing all my drive.
I just wish that he…
Was here to talk to me…
And I wish that he could be-
Goyle attacks him and Harry Stupefies him. Goyle drops to the ground knocking up some dust which forms an artful cloud, obscuring Harry from view, then clears as he sings the final word.
End of song "Alive." Wide aerial shot of Harry standing amidst the courtyard ringed by the statues and pillars.