disclaimer- I do not own any legal rights and/or copyrights regarding the Soul Calibur series. Also, I've run out of truly funny disclaimers. Damn.

Nor do I own any rights regarding Skittles, except the right to throw the green ones at people I don't like.

apology- Genya is deeply sorry this chapter took so freaking long to post. College began to interfere, as well as the time leading up to college. Fear not, loyal fans, for she hath returnéd to thee with fresh material… and SKITTLES!

apology again- Sorry, Genya is not providing Skittles for everyone. You'll have to buy your own.

And now, with no further and pointless ado, Illusory Studios is suing the psychiatrists who said they were perfectly sane and in excellent mental condition to post

CHAPTER SIX: THAT AIN'T COOL.

Ivy, Taki and Xianghua left the now-trashed back room, rather intent on finding Talim.

"Poor girl, probably lost and alone or somewhere, crying her eyes out." Xianghua sighed. Ivy merely rolled her eyes in response.

"Talim can take care of herself." the ice-cold dominatrix said. Taki shared a measure of Xianghua's worry.

"She's fine in a fight, but the girl doesn't know how to defend herself from the jungle of sick, horny bastards out there. Some of them can be pretty charming when they want to be."

The other two nodded in agreement.

"Well," Ivy began, "I'd like to refresh myself with a quick drink before we head off."

"Okay, we'll wait for you outside." Taki said as Ivy made a beeline for the bar. Leaning against it (and drawing the sex-starved eyes of every patron in there), Ivy placed her order.

"Barkeep! Scotch neat, and make it snappy." she barked out sharply. In a flash of light, a sleek and silvery blade sank into the bar beside Ivy.

"You would dare to dishonor me and my bar?"

+slurp+

"Oooh! Two pretty girls in miniskirts! This must be my lucky day." Heihachi thought, licking his lips beneath his ample black hood.

And, indeed, there were two lovely ladies, clad in sleeveless white shirts and matching miniskirts were making their way delicately up the dusty main road. The fine lass in front looked to be a bit older, her proud bearing brimming with confidence and determination.

The girl behind her, however, looked more than a little annoyed. Delicate shoulders slumped, slim arms limp and beautiful brows knit closely together, her very aura seemed irate.

All in all, an easy target. Heihachi stepped out in front of them and made his move.

"Pardon me, young ladies, but I couldn't help but notice that you're new in town. Perhaps you could use a guide?" he asked, secretly casting his eyes up and down the pair.

"Oh, that would be lo---" the girl in back began, perking up a bit before she was cut off by the older woman.

"Don't worry, Cassandra, I'll handle this." she said, briefly turning to face Cassandra before returning her attention to Heihachi.

"Would you care for my services as a guide?" the old man offered again.

"We would delight in your company, kind sir." the first girl answered. Smiling with thoughts of naughtiness, Heihachi bowed slightly and turned to begin the tour.

+slurp+

Kilik's eyes snapped open. He grasped Yoshimitsu's shoulder tightly, the magic ninja's muscles flinching in response.

"Don't mess with the driver, man!" Yoshi yelled over his shoulder.

"There is no time for anger, my odd friend."

"Odd? What the?"

"I have felt a great amount of despair emanating from the south."

"Soooo?" Yoshi asked. Kilik drew in a deep, calming breath before explaining the situation.

"Despair is a negative force, one that leads down the path of fear. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to---"

"I don't get it."

Kilik stopped dead, his mystical and calm aura slowly piddling out on him. Voldo picked up where Kilik had left off.

"Hiss, iss ss, hiss iss." (Someone is sad, sad enough to get really mad and kick some ass.)

"Sad, eh?" the mystical spaz contemplated. As the Lightbulb of Epiphany slowly crackled to life, Yoshi wheeled his camel southward.

"Hess?" (What now?)

"Who do we know that cheers up by hitting things?"

"Ssss." (That's a long list, man."

"Dude, Sieg!"

"Hiss." (Riiiight.)

+slurp+

"There's my home," Talim said weakly, pointing to a small, white house, slightly in need of a fix-up. "It's not much, but it's the best I can do."

"Oh, that's all right." Raphael patted Talim's back gently, reassuring her. He stepped up to the door and tested the lock. Nothing the unlocked status of the door, he did the gentlemanly thing and opened it for Talim. Blushing, she walked inside. The small girl paused after entering, turning slightly to look up into Raphael's eyes.

"Uhm, if you, I mean, do you think you, ah, maybe…" Talim stammered, skin flushing more and more with each word. A small smile from the Frenchman halted the stammered speech, simultaneously causing the girl to turn around in embarrassment.

"If you'd like me to stay and help you sort things out, I would be delighted."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, I'd like that."

+slurp+

A low, gravelly voice slowly rose in a sorrowful lament, waves of anguished sound spreading a long and depressing dirge for a broken heart.

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout…"

Or not.

:Sieg, you suck.:

+slurp+

Ivy blinked rapidly. Standing across from her, naked katana buried in the old wood of the bar, was Mitsurugi. Once the blinking had given her mild eyelid cramps, Ivy regained her bitchy dominatrix composure.

"I don't really care about your foolish honor. Give me a scotch neat and I shall let you keep your head." Ivy snarled. Mitsurugi glared harshly at Ivy, ripping his katana from the wood of the bar and sheathing it, ducking behind the bar. After a moment's clattering and clinking of glass, he rises with a glass of scotch and sets it down in front of Ivy. The leather-bound whipstress downs the drink in one fell swoop, placing the glass rim-down on the bar.

"Put in on my tab." Ivy says, a devilish glint in her eye. She swiftly exits the bar, joining Taki and Xianghua.

Mitsurugi can do nothing but glare at Ivy as she swishes her way out of the brand-new batwing doors.

+slurp+

Yoshimitsu pulls his camel to an abrupt halt, rather forcing Voldo to slam into the hairy beast.

"Hisss!" (Watch it, jerk!)

"The sorrow here is overwhelming." Kilik stated gravely, dismounting gracefully from the camel's back. Yoshi hopped off of the animal, staring into the deep black depths of the desert cave.

"Eeep." the magic ninja gulped. Kilik tightened his grip on Kali-Yuga, stepping forward into the darkness, expression firm and eyes filled with raw determination. Voldo, shrugging slightly, walked in behind Kilik, dragging Yoshimitsu in by his wrist.

+slurp+

Raphael took a seat on the old, worn couch near Talim, sitting within arm's reach of the young girl, noting that her eyes were still a bit red from crying. He placed a hand between them, letting it rest on the age-worn cloth.

Talim ignored the hand and threw herself on Raphael's shoulder, tears starting up all over again.

"I'm so sorry. I—I'm just, well, it's just been horrible!" Talim sniffled. Raphael took her slim hand gently into his own, using his other hand to lovingly stroke her hair.

"There, there, it's all right." the fencer consoled, softly kissing the part in Talim's hair.

She jumped, gasping in a short breath, eyes wide.

"Was that too much?" he asked, drawing back slightly from Talim.

"Uhm, yes, a little." she replied, cheeks flushing anew with red as she spoke. Raphael slid his arm down to wrap around Talim, stopping just above the small of her back.

"My apologies. It won't happen again." A warm and comforting hug encompassed Talim. The small girl curled up in Raphael's arms and, while it felt good to be held and comforted, she couldn't shake off the feeling that something wasn't quite right.

+slurp+

Seung Mina struck the ground with the butt of her naginata. Tossing a hefty bag stuffed with jingling coins down in front of her, she grinned evilly.

"Remember, I want the target dead, and don't harm a single hair of the partner. Got it?" Mina asked the shadows across from her, one of her hands placed on the closed entry flap of the dusty tent she was in. A dark, shadow-shrouded hand reached out and gripped the sack of gold, the sound of knuckles rapping on the dirt answering Mina's question.

"Good." she said, leaving the darkness of the tent and returning to the sun's harsh glare.

p.s.- I'd like to thank you all for your patience, and for putting up with me. Thank you very, very much for the reviews (I'm not worthy), tips and advice (still not worthy). Sorry if this chapter wasn't exactly up to par with the rest, I'll try to make up for it in chapter seven which will, by Skittle, be up a lot sooner than this chapter.