This is my first humor fanfiction, and it's a lot more difficult than drama, so please review. Flames are OK, too; I know I'm going to get some after this. Please accept this in the humorous spirit that is intended.
I do not own the Teen Titans, nor do I own , nor do I own any of the fanfictions, except one, that might bear a resemblance to the ones referred to here.
I have to give full credit for the inspiration for this to Tee4, for the Law & Order: SVU fanfic Taking a Bite Out of the Big Apple. If you're an SVU fan, check it out. It's hilarious.
Anyhoo, on with the story! It takes place between Betrayed and Aftershock.
The Teen Titans Discover Fanfiction
Titan's Tower, common room. The alarm is sounding. Cyborg and Beastboy are on the couch, and Robin, Raven, and Starfire are rushing in.
Robin: What's the emergency? Is it Slade again?
Cyborg (looking at Beastboy): Told you we shouldn't have used the alarm to get them down here.
Robin (annoyed): It's not an emergency? What, you found a cheat code for Myst III and just had to share it with everyone?
Raven (also annoyed): Beastboy, it's called an emergency alarm. That would suggest, at least to a person with the intelligence needed to tie one's own shoes, that it should be triggered only when there's an actual emergency!
Beastboy: Hey! (makes a move to raise his feet to show her that he was quite capable of tying his own shoes, thank you; then notices his loose shoelaces and puts his feet back down) Listen, I know, but you have to see this. (points at the viewscreen where they usually watch TV or play video games. This time, however, it serves as a monitor for the Titan's computer.) I was on the Internet, checking out some of our fan sites, when I noticed this web page.
The content of the website takes them all by surprise, stunning them into silence for a few moments.
Robin: Whoa. Well, it's nice to know we're inspiring so much creative activity.
Starfire (jumping up and down happily): I cannot believe our fans wrote so many stories about us!!
Cyborg: I can't believe there are so many stories, and so few about me! What am I, some sort of comic relief sidekick? That's Beastboy's job!
Beastboy (annoyed): Dude! I am not the sidekick! And see, look, you have a story right here!
Cyborg: Yeah, one that pairs me up with Jinx! She's a criminal, we haven't even seen her for close to two years, she wasn't that interesting anyway, and someone thinks she's a perfect partner for me! Who in hell writes this stuff?
Raven (reading story summaries): Speaking of pairings: "Raven and Beastboy", "Raven and Beastboy", "Raven & Beastboy"? Do these people even know who I am? Have they been paying any attention at all?
Starfire (also reading): "Robin and Raven." "Robin has a crush on Raven." "Robin and Raven are having a baby." "Robin and Raven are married". Robin, is there something you wish to tell me?
Robin: They're just stories, Star. Products of people's imaginations.
Starfire (Opening one story and skimming it.): How could this klorbag imagine that I would become pregnant by some boy I met at a music concert! I do not even like the name "Chad"!
Beastboy: Hey, c'mon, you guys! Like Robin said, they're just stories. I'm kind of flattered. "Beastboy and Raven", "Beastboy and Raven", "Beastboy and Terra", "Beastboy and Starfire". "Beastboy and Robin," even. OK, wait a minute. "Beastboy and everybody?" (Speed-reads the story) Eeeewwwwww! (Jumps up from the couch) Eeww, eeww, eeww, eeww! Man, I wish I hadn't read that! That image of Cyborg is one I do not need!
Cyborg (staring at the screen): How do you think I feel? I don't think I can physically do that!
Robin (re-reading the summary): Well, you can't say that you weren't warned.
Beastboy: It should have been in blinking, bright red letters.
Starfire: What is this one? Starfire and Raven, ff, lemon?
Raven: Ummm . . .
Starfire: I suppose the ff could stand for "female friends," but what does "lemon" mean? Are we eating something?
Beastboy (sitting back down): Something, yeah. Or someon—(breaks off after a hard nudge in the ribs from Cyborg.
Cyborg: Man, that's another image I do not need.
Robin: Dude, speak for yourself. (Gets a hard nudge in the ribs from Raven)
Beastboy: Yeah, now we know why guys like those late night girl-talk sessions so much. (Gets a thump on the head from Raven) Ouch.
Starfire is watching all of this and being confused.
Robin: Maybe we should switch to another genre.
Cyborg: Wait. We have a transmission coming in. I can't localize the source.
The screen goes black. Slade walks out of the blackness towards the screen.
All (in unison): Slade.
Robin (looking around at the Titans): Would you let me say it?
Beastboy: Hey, why do you always get to say it?
Robin: Because I say it the coolest. With the long s and a hard edge. Slade.
Slade: Yes, Robin, you say it the coolest. Can we get back to the reason I called? I have something very important to bring to your attention.
Slade: Well, I see you've discovered your fan fiction page. Have you found the stories about you and I?
Robin: Sorry, we haven't looked at the "kicking Slade's butt" genre yet.
Slade: "Kicking Slade's butt." Interesting that you would put it that way. Robin, when you were my apprentice, did I ever take advantage of you?
Robin: Uh, yes. All the time. That was kind of the point for you.
Slade (slamming his fist onto the desk): I mean, besides that! Did I ever take advantage of you in a physical way?
All eyes turn to Robin.
Robin: Nooo. Uh oh, you'd better not be talking about what I think you're talking about.
Slade: It gets worse. There's a picture. Fan-art. Actually nicely drawn. The subject matter, however, well, I'll let you judge for yourself.
Slade's image is replaced with a color picture of Slade and Robin.
Beastboy: Dude, that is not where a bo-staff is supposed to go!
Cyborg: That's it. My ocular implant goes off-line right now.
Starfire (her skin as green as her eyes): Robin, I think we have a lot to discuss.
Raven: OK, tonight I need to do a lot of meditation.
Robin: Why are you showing us this?
Slade (back on the screen): Well, as you can see, we have a common enemy.
Terra (shoving her way into the frame): Tell me about it! (to Slade) Hey, master, move it or lose it! (Slade moves out of the frame) Have you seen these? (holds up a sheaf of computer print-outs and reads one after the other) "I hate Terra.", "If I owned the Teen Titans, Terra would die.", "Beastboy battles Terra to the death and hooks up with Raven.", "Terra is revealed to be a demon from Hell!" I don't get it! I'm cute! I'm cool! I'm hip! Why the heck don't I have any fans!
Raven: Well, you did betray us to Slade.
Starfire: Pretended to be our friend when you were not.
Cyborg: Sabotaged my security system!
Beastboy: Broke my heart.
Terra: Oh, c'mon guys! I only did that to give myself a dark side. You know, a battle between good and evil inside my own soul. It's not like I enjoy working with Slade. Your video games are way cooler!
Slade (back in the frame): In any case, it seems obvious that we have to "attend" to this matter.
Robin: Look, I'm not a big fan of some of this, either, but I think you might be overreacting. All we really have here is a lot of people with overactive imaginations and a little too much time on their hands. Teen Titans, out. (cuts off Slade, and turns off the computer) Listen people, let's just try to forget about it and go to bed.
Titans silently agree and head off to bed.
Later that night
Raven opens the door to her room and sticks her head out. She looks up and down the hall and silently walks over to Starfire's room. She opens the door and goes in.
Starfire (on her bed and in her nightgown): Friend Raven! I did not think you would come!
Raven: Well, you were so insistent. You must really want this.
Starfire: I want to share this experience with you, Raven. I believe it will bring us closer.
Raven: Well, OK. (moves onto the bed) I'm a little nervous, Star. I've never done anything like this before.
Starfire (touching Raven's cheek with her hand): On my world, girls do this all the time. We consider it natural and healthy. First, let us get rid of this. (Removes Raven's cloak. Looks at Raven, then hugs her.) Thank you, Raven. This means so much to me.
Raven (tensing a little in Starfire's embrace, then relaxing): Hey, what's a friend for? I have to admit, I've been looking forward to this, too. (puts her arms around Starfire)
Starfire (pulling back to face Raven): So, shall we begin the braiding maneuvers on each other's hair?
Raven (turning around so that her back is to Starfire): Sure.
Starfire begins braiding Raven's tresses.
Starfire: I am still confused from earlier. What does the term "lemon" refer to?
Raven: Ummm . . .
I hope you all enjoyed that. I'd also like to thank all the people who reviewed my last fic, the drama "One Morning." Your reviews meant a lot to me; thank you.