Here's a Letter for You
You grabbed her.
And then you kissed her.
And instantly, I knew nothing in my world would ever be right again.
I could only watch through the window my hospital bed; I could only sit in silence as my heart shattered into a million pieces.
You'll never know how much I regret the way we ended, never know how much it breaks my heart to look into your eyes and not see my reflection, but hers. I wish I could take back all these lonely days that I've sat here and dreamt of you. I've cried so many tears that my eyes burn as if they are on fire. I watched you kiss her and I burned up.
I can never understand why Fox. I just want to see you happy but will you truly find happiness with Whitney? I don't think so. I will never understand how oblivious you are! There's a perfect girl sitting right in front of your face, yet you look through me like I'm nobody. You only have eyes for her; no matter how many times she berates you, harms you, no matter how many times she breaks your heart, you just keep running back. Yet, the one that would full-fill your needs in every way possible is right here, waiting for you and you wouldn't have to look any further. I guess its true how they say, "The obvious is always what you can't see. "
Before you came into my life, I never knew what it was like to look at someone and just smile for no reason at all. I may have cried a million times since we haven't been together, but all the times you made me smile is what will remain in my heart forever. And finally, I know that the human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand. Listen to your heart, not your head. My head is telling me to let go of you, because you let go of me long ago but my heart just cannot suffer another blow. I think letting go of my love for you will kill me. Please forgive me, Fox.
I'd rather be dead than without you.
Somebody once said, ' You never forget your first love. That's what makes it so special. You love so hard, so deeply, and so intensely because you don't know any different. It's the best until it is over. Then you hurt like you've never been hurt before. Eventually you love again, but you love differently. You love more carefully, more cautiously. '
I loved Ethan with every fiber of my being and after it ended, I never thought that anyone would ever make me love again. I felt so empty.. and then you came and everything was alright again. Your arms were my solace for those barren days that I thought I could never recover and I will never forget that feeling of security, nor will I ever forget how just one look could make me burn for you. In the end, I loved you and cherished you far more than I ever did Ethan but by the time I was ready to accept it, you weren't mine to cherish anymore. Without you, I have nothing.
And I looked to you just to find my existence and to open my eyes. I can't breath as you push me aside and now I feel that it's time to die as I realize just how you could let me believe in a lie. Believe in something that you never believed yourself. I can't keep on struggling with myself just to breath, I can't keep clawing just to remain above the surface. Everything I've ever done, everyone I've ever known, every word I've ever spoken and every name I was ever called is devouring me. After all of this and watching you love my best friend, there would be nothing left. I'd rather die of my own accord than allow circumstance to beat me.
So this is farewell, forever.
Please take care of Ethan Martin.
I love you.