Dsiclaimer: I don't own Gravitation
I leaned my head back against the brick building. It was pouring rain, but I made no attempt to get out of it. The slight overhang shielded myself slightly from the rain, but it could not stop the chill that was slowly spreading through my body. I had been locked out. Yuki had kicked me out again. It felt as though I should even stop expecting the door to be unlocked when I arrived home. I had been staying at Hiro's house so much it felt as though I lived more with him then with Yuki. I didn't want to get up and call Hiro again. I didn't want to burden him again. I knew he probably wanted a night alone with Ayaka. I also knew part of the reason was shame. After all this time with Yuki and all the things we had been through I was still doing something wrong. I was still burdening Yuki. I knew it was something I had done and Yuki had a right to hate me. I pulled my jacket closer trying to warm myself. My jacket was as wet as the rest of my clothes.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to fall asleep. Trying to stop from crying. I couldn't help it. Everything I had ever wanted was Yuki and he couldn't care less about me. The light that illuminated the front of the apartment complex went out leaving me in the dark.
I'm all alone. It's just like before I met Hiro in Junior High. I might have gotten a few passing glances and been admired for doing something. Though in truth...Inside myself I was alone. I had no one who I could trust and hang out with. The one thing in my life had been Nittle Grasper. I could imagine that I was Ryuichi's friend. It was like that until I met Hiro. He had wanted to be my friend and learn about me. I still loved Nittle Grasper, but no longer needed them as my stability. Yuki had become my stability, but instead of me no longer needing him. He no longer wanted me. It was pitch black so I no longer felt the need to hold back from crying. I pulled my knees in and soon had cried myself to sleep.
I laid down on my couch. I had kicked the brat out again. I admit sometimes it was nice having him around, but mostly I just felt like kicking him out. Then Hiro would show up on his Motorcycle and take him to his house. The truth is I enjoyed kicking him out. He was like a dog. Everyday he obediently showed up at my door only to be turned away. It was a game and incredibly amusing
For me at least.
Tomorrow I'll let him come in and give Hiro a break. Speaking of him I haven't heard his motorcycle. I looked down out my window and saw a figure lying hunched together on the ground. It was the brat. He was sleeping outside in the rain. I felt my amusement falter and grabbed my umbrella that was leaning against the wall next to the door. I walked down the steps and opened the door. Outside it was pouring even worse then I had thought. I went over to Shuichi and kicked him. He trembled for a minute and sat up without opening his eyes. When they opened they didn't light up like they usually did. It was probably from the not sleeping.
"Yuki...?" He said and rubbed his eyes.
"No shit sherlock. Come inside" I said and gave him a nasty look. He got up without saying anything and followed me upstairs quietly. I opened the door to our apartment. He walked in past me without acknowledging me and went to our bedroom.
"Probably getting changed" I mused to myself.
I walked into the bedroom I had once shared with Yuki. Everything that surrounded me had been made into a memory between me and Yuki. I walked across the room and picked up a photo. It had been Yuki and I ice-skating. I had been laughing, but Yuki had been staring off in to the distance. I placed the photo down and walked up to the pile of my possessions. Clothes, A few CDs, and junk. Everything else I had owned was still at my parent's house. I grabbed my stuff and shoved it in my old duffel bag. I went and picked up the picture of my and Yuki. My first thought was to put it in my bag but finally I crossed the room. And put it in the trash bin. I sat down on the bed. This house. Everything here had been my life for the past three years. Yuki was the person I had devoted everything too. Now I know I'm not the right person for Yuki. He should be with someone who can give him comfort and not pain. I caused Yukis life to shatter once and I can't let it happen again.
I stood up and walked out of the room. I kept my head down and walked out the door. I heard Yuki mumble something incoherently and I could hear his footsteps behind me. I pressed the down button for the elevator and when he rounded the corner the door opened. I stepped inside and pressed the button for the ground floor. When I walked through the door leading into the darkness. I took a few steps and turned around. Yuki was leaning against the door frame huffing.
"What...the...fuck..?" He huffed out.
I tried to smile one last time for him, I knew it was barely a wisp of a smile. "I'm sorry Yuki. I'm not the person who can make you happy. I'm not the person who can make you happy for the rest of your life. I messed with your life once and almost permanently hurt you. I'm sorry. I think the best way for you would be to just forget about me," I was crying freely now. I was soaked to the bone and the tears warmed my cheeks, but froze my heart.
After that Yuki said nothing. I turned and ran. Once I was a block away I slowed down. It was the telephone booth I had used so many times to call Hiro after Yuki kicked me out. I collapsed on the ground. The tears that had been falling down my face turned to sobs. I had left everything behind. I had left behind my love for love. I didn't know where to go now. I pushed myself off the ground and began to walk. I had no idea where I was going. Soon I was in front of NG Studios. I sat down on the bench outside.
How can he be gone? How can he say that bullshit? It's not like that at all.
I need him here
I heard a door open behind me.
"...Shu-chan?" a familiar voice said.
"Ryuichi?" I asked. Ryuichi ran and sat next to me. His face was plastered with his trademark goofy grin. When he caught sight of my tear streaked face and lousy demeanor he stopped smiling.
"Shuichi. What's wrong?" He asked
"It's Yuki..I left him..It's for the best, but then why..why does it hurt so much?" I sobbed.
"Shuichi..After losing love everything hurts..." Ryuichi whispered. Then he lifted his hand and pushed my chin up. "Until you find someone to help you heal." He said and leaned forward our lips connected and I felt so confused. My body told me to kiss back so thats what I did.
To Be Continued