Author's Notice: I am such a dork, I haven't written in like, forever. Lol. I started this Lily/Remus a while ago and just no finished it. It's weird. I feel sorry for you guys, because my writing really doesn't make sense sometimes. I like this though. It's different. In other news, I go back to school the 30th of August. Fun! Can't believe summer's almost over :) I'm gonna be a junior...w00t w00t! :D So yes, enjoy. I really need to work on the Harry/Hermione & Ron/Hermione fics I started like, two/three weeks ago. Oh yes, don't get confused about who's talking, let it flow!
Disclaimer: Thank you to Dumbledore in Sorcer's Stone for "Alas earwax" which I just thought was too cute for words. And of course, J.K Rowling for writing such an awesome series. :) Woohooo.
I got a hole in me now
I got a scar I can talk about
She keeps a picture of me in her apartment in the city
But some things in this world
Man, they don't make sense
Some things you don't leave until they leave you
And then the things that you miss, you say
Bright Lights, Matchbox 20
It is one of those stories. It's very Beauty and the Beast. Tale as old as time and all of that jazz. In a perfect world, Remus would've married Lily, he would've married her because they loved each other, loved each other so much. They had met the first day of Hogwarts and have been inseperable ever since. I could give you all the details, I was there, watching them, my own life put on hold to experience love firsthand, through them. I could tell you Lily's favorite colour, purple. Remus' favorite pair of boots, the black one's, so scuffed from exploring the Hogwarts grounds. I could tell you whatever you wanted to hear. But for now, our time is short, our lives even shorter...for now I'll cut to the chase. The real story. And it is so simple.
"You have something to tell me."
"I aced my potions test, I ran into a wall, and I..."
"You're dating James."
"I know, Remus, life is so sad sometimes, I know."
"That was your choice. Forever."
"I had to make a choice, Remus. I had to make a choice. And so I made one."
"You don't make any sense, Evans."
"But I don't have to do I, Lupin? You can read me like an open bloody book, just by my tone, by my eyes, by the way I tug at my hair."
"I often am."
"Sometimes you are. Has he kissed you yet?"
"Let's not pretend you're some prude, Evans. So, has he?"
"Yeah, it wasn't like with me and you."
"I know. Now you can date Narcissa, if you want."
"That was a long time ago."
"I hate the girl, really. She's some 'I'm so great and cute' snob and she makes me want to puke, but one can't have everything."
"Am I going to be invited to the wedding?"
"Much too early to be thinking of weddings, Remus."
"Are you happy?"
"In the spinning around laughing drinking sort of way? No. I'm happy because I'm making the right choice though, because I'm being smart, and happy because James is an amazing human being."
"You are my proudest moment, Remus."
"I always told you to date James."
"I shouldn't have."
"Sometimes you just have to support someone. Even if they're being bad."
"You are so lovely, Remus Lupin. You will make some woman so happy some day."
"What kind of happy?"
"Every kind of happy."
"There's just you, Lily."
"Life is so petty sometimes, Remus. You make choices and you make choices and you pray one day they'll add up. I'm praying."
"You better be."
"You can at least hide your bitterness and resentfulness better than that, Remus."
"You'd see through anything, Lily."
"Look at this old tree...we've been coming here for seven years. Seven years."
"Seven years is an awful long time to love someone."
"It's a nice old tree. Eleven..."
"Twelve and thirteen. Fourteen and fifteen. Sixteen."
"...is so old and wise."
"Remus. If you ever....ever...need anything, you know, find me. I'll already be looking."
"I'm more than self-sufficient."
"To buy bread and earn a living? Yes. To love and care for and forgive? God, everyone needs help with that stuff."
"Just dumb luck. And sometimes...sometimes I miss you, sometimes I need help, sometimes I..."
"And there you were. All those bloody times. All the times I got scared, all the times I panicked, all the times I was angry...there you were."
"Here I am."
"And there you'll be?"
"Yeah. But you'll have James for everything, then."
"He's not the same."
"He's a big quidditch star, he doesn't understand the plight of the commoner."
"And you, Lily Evans, are a commoner?"
"Very much so. Send me off to the countryside, bread and butter, horses...I'd love it."
"You'll be the quidditch star's wife someday. Someday soon."
"No, the other Lily Evans, yes, you!"
"Do you want me to marry him Remus? I'm sure that can be arranged."
"I just want you to do the right thing, as usual."
"Oh I never do the right thing, I just try, I just...I don't know, even with you, I was so...so in love."
"But now it's James."
"It'll always be James, Remus. Forever and ever."
"You'll miss your Hogwarts years."
"But doesn't everybody? Life isn't like Hogwarts, Remus. Everything is so important out there in that big world, every move you make magnified, how scary and bizarre."
"You'll make it."
"But you don't want me to, do you? You want me to fall on my face. Find myself falling out of love with James. Well, I'll tell you what, you had a very long time to fight for me and I didn't see any fighting going on."
"Is that what it's about? I didn't fight for you enough?"
"I didn't mean it like that!"
"I had faith in you, Lily. And all of your silly, random choices. And all of your flings. I supported you, that's what a friend does."
"Love is worth fighting for, Remus."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm saying, September first, first year. October twenty ninth, third year. I'm saying, May fifth, fifth year. And I'm saying January eleventh, seventh year. Right now. That's what I'm saying. September first, the day we met. October twenty ninth, the first time you kissed me. May fifth, when you told me you loved me. And now. Now. Is all we have."
September first. First year.
You're Remus Lupin aren't you?
You like chocolate frogs?
Here, you can have mine, just make sure you give me the card.
I like the cards too.
It's my chocolate frog that means I get the card.
I met you two minutes ago and we're already arguing.
You're silly, I don't know if I should go around making pals with people like you.
Oh, don't be ridiculous. I'm harmless. Beautiful. But harmless.
Stuck up, are you?
Just Lily. Lily Marie Evans, pleased to meet you. And please stop smoking, you're only eleven and if they catch you they'll have your neck.
But they won't catch me.
Just Remus. Remus Johnson Lupin. And don't tell me what to do.
Give me back my chocolate frog.
I can throw it up if you like.
October twenty ninth. Third year.
I have this rule.
If a bloke kisses me he has to tell me why.
So, why'd you do it?
Because your lips were really close to mine?
I also have this rule that says when a bloke kisses me and then he tells me why he can't have a stupid answer.
I like you, Lily.
I like youuuuuuu..." she points to him dramatically "toooooooo!"
They collapse on the sofa, laughing.
May fifth. Fifth year.
Lily, I have something to tell you.
I'm sort of busy, Remus? See the book in my hand? See the quill on the table?
Can't it wait?
I love you.
But I was always trying to pressure you to say it and you never do! And you just said it!
Sorry, I had a bertie bott in my mouth...sorry, real sorry. Did I ruin the moment? Oh no, I didn't ruin the moment did I?
Almost but not quite.
I love you too, Remus.
And now. Now is all we have.
He doesn't know what to do, nothing makes sense anymore, nothing adds up. She laughs because she's speechless after all of this, just so speechless. She used to have an answer for everything, a smart aleck response for anything. But now she just laughs. Laughs. She laughs so much tears pour out of her eyes, and he watches as he nervously picks apart a leaf. Hogwarts grounds are so beautiful, so beautiful.
She smiles once more, because looking at Remus is like loving someone for a very long time...loving someone for so long you know all of their flaws, their habits, their addictions, their loves. He looks right back at her, his eyes burning into hers, and Lily doesn't look away. She does not feel nervous, awkward. She remembers so many times they would just look at each other, sometimes when they were angry, sometimes in jest.
He knows it is his turn to speak now, but doesn't know what to say. There is so much to say and so little words. There is seven years of love hidden in the way they look at each other now. Seven years of love, and a lifetime left of heartbreak. Heartbreak if they make the wrong choices. Heartbreak if life is cruel and they are weak. But now, now they are seventeen. Just seventeen.
Silly...laughing...immature...jumping...perfection. It's a perfect picture, so perfect. And it is filled with love, two people. His rumpled white shirt contradicts her perfectly pressed one. Her laugh contradicts his shrug. They are two totally different people, and one of the two is dating James Potter. James Potter. Quidditch star. But when she is with Remus nothing matters, the world becomes just Remus and Lily. If only for a moment.
He takes a step towards her, and she stops laughing. She becomes very serious and her tiny feet take a step closer towards him. He leans over.
And he kisses her.
"Love is worth fighting for," she whispers.
And if all they have is now. Then that will be enough.