"A Room With a Mousse"
(FOI is copy. ME!!!!!! INVADER ZIM,unfortunatley,is not.)


"He's coming!!"

"GET AWAY!!!!"

The Tallests froze,staring in horror. What had they done to deserve this?!

Before them,a lone black boot stepped into the doorway,followed by another. Soon,two large eyes gazed into their own.

Everyone in the Massive stood still,unable to comprehend......

"My Tallests! I hope I'm not late!"


"Late?!" Red gestured with a tad more violence than necessary,"Late!? For WHAT?!?

"How did you even GET here?" Purple whined behind him. "WHY?!"

The vertically challenged alien bowed in respect,a glowing smile on his face,"You are quite accomplished actors,my Tallests! 'Why?' Heh-heh! Why? For my award,of course!"

"Award? For what?!"

"Ha-ha! Surely you remember how I stopped it!" Blank stares. "The SIR rebellion?"

Purple blinked,"...SIR rebellion?"

"Yes,yes. I was going through some old records at my base,and I found that this noteworthy act had gone completely unnoticed! True,my leaving Earth has put the mission on hold,but I felt that you would not want to pass up the chance to honor your favorite invader!"

"SIR rebellion..."Red was tapping his chin,"Waitaminute!! Didn't YOU start that,Zim? You did! It was eleven years ago!!"

"Hm? I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm pretty sure you started it."

"Must've been somebody else."

"You were on guard that day..."

"No,no. Couldn't have been me."

"But you were supposed to be gaurding them...and you went off to get snax..."

"I recall no snax!"

"McSmitty reported you!"

"McSmitty?! McSmitty's a liar!!!"

"But so did Bill!"

"They were conspiring against me!!"

"But I know that--"

"It wasn't me!"

Several MORE minutes of this horrible bantering passed by,and both tallests saw that they weren't going to get anywhere. Just when it seemed as if they would have to pick the little,rambling pest up by his antennae and throw him out into oblivion,Red got an idea...

A really good idea...

Probably the best idea he'd ever gotten...

Wait,then how'd he get it so quickly? Huh? .......Oh,well.... It was still good.



Zim looked on,utterly dumbfounded as to what his Tallests could be whispering about. Finally,after what seemed like decades;they turned to him,a pair of devious smirks on their faces,"We see now that your contribution greatly affected the Irken empire!" Purple announced.

"And so,after much deliberation,we will grant your request! Servant Drone!" Red pulled his enslaved waiter up by the collar,"Go out back. You know where to find her..."

"Y-yes,my lord..." it whimpered.

"Um,why aren't you going?"

"I-well,I don't know where to find her..."


Now,far away from all the chaos (or so she thought) sat our heroine,Foi. She was currently polishing off a meal so exquisite that it should have been restricted for the Tallests' consumption only... Which,in fact,it HAD been. She was also eating a scrumptious,ill-gotten doughnut;reading an ill-gotten magazine,and taking it's ill-gotten quiz,"Are You a Kleptomaniac?";along with wearing a GORGEOUS,new,black and white outfit that she had bought with her own money. Or,at least,that's what she said.

You see,being one of the shortest,tiniest things on Irk had it's advantages. Namely,you could pilfer an entire mini-mall and go virtually undetected,because no one set their securaity cameras that low. Plus,she was cute. Nobody ever suspects someone that's small and cute.

Nobody,except for the people she had decided to target. Especially Red and Purple,who were really starting to miss their triple-glazed,double-frosted doughnuts,which always seemed to disappear when she was on duty. Actually,they were missing one now...

So,the two had collaborated in order to get rid of their little waitress-slash-theif,but,being in the middle of a galactic conquest undertaking,they found that she was becoming the least of their problems. Granted,they could just throw her to the malfunctioned SIR units. Although it woudn't be nearly as much fun...

As what they had planned for her now.......


Service Drone Steve wrung his hands. He hadn't liked the look on the Tallests' faces. Not at all. "Foi?"


"Gah! I was-I mean I...Eh? STEVE!!" his friend scowled at him,trying to hide her stolen goodies,"I told you never to sneak up on me!!"

Steve smiled at the comical scene,until,of course,he remebered his duty,"It's a good thing I did. The Tallests have summoned you."

" 'Summoned' ? Drop the formalities,pal! We're friends!"

"Even so,Foi,this is our job."

"Job shmob. I'm only in it for the doughnuts."

"You are only in it because you are a natural-born Irken child with no better place to go. And those doughnuts aren't even yours!!"

"They are once they're in my tummy."

The creature merely shook his head,not wanting to start an argument. He never won when he did start one,anyway."Come on,Strange One,if I don't get you out there pronto it will be MY head you next serve to them on a platter."

"Okay......Just let me finish this marzpe."


Steve had known Foi since she had first come to the massive. She was very young--an orphan. A disgraced,natural-born Irkeness who's only talent appeared to be stealing everything in sight. But she was more than that,he knew. Despite her childish-ness,thievery,and "If-it isn't-FUN-I-will-not-do-it" attitude,she was a loyal friend to those she liked...Steve,so far,being the only one on her list.

And this is why he felt himself start to sweat,"I would...be cautious if I were you,Foi..."

She noticed his dicomfort,"Why?"

"I don't know...Just be careful."

"O...kay." Foi tugged his antennae playfully,"You too. And,while you're at it,can you tell me if the new shipment of doughnuts is in?"


"Just kidding!"


'Tap. Tap. Tap...'

Purple nervously drummed his fingers against his armrest,adding to his friend's annoyance.

Zim,however,was growing more joyous by the minute,"It must be a truly magnificent award!" he exulted to himself,"I mean,why else would it take this long?"


"Foi! Hurry up!!"

A thin scream echoed through the air,and she suddenly jumped out a doorway,wearing beautiful,shiny black new boots and gloves,"Feel how soft they are,Steve!! These are REAL sandae!!! Gorgeous,huh!?"

He glared at her outstretched hand. "Come on."

"Oh,fine. Squish my joy. Party pooper."



"My Tallests-" Steve started.

"Finally!" Red lept from his chair,"Bring h-IT in!"

Zim looked about ready to burst open with excitement.

"Zim,may I present to you..."

Purple snickered.

"An amazing present..."


"....Your new wife,FOI!"

Red gestured to the entrance,where there stood a tiny,nearly GIR-sized Irken girl,obviously a natural-born. Her skin was a light,key-lime pie green;and her pink eyes looked exactly like two huge,strawberry-frosted sugar cookies.She had thick,black antennae that swirled down into cream-horn curls,reaching the middle of her shoulders.

Zim froze.

And stayed in that position.

For a good ten minutes.

And then...................

He laughed.

"Oh,my Tallests! This is too much! Why,I almost believed you there! This little SMEET,my WIFE!! Hahahaha--"

Red smirked,"No...we're serious,Zim. Really"


"Yeah!" Purple snapped his fingers,"It isn't often done,but we're giving you the special honor!" His servant ('Servant Drone Skootch') handed him a piece of paper,which the Tallests promptly signed,"She's yours forever!!"

"Yep! We never want her back!"

"Keep her!"

Both Zim and the girl were being shoved toward the exit and,just before they were unceremoniously chucked out,Purple yelled gleefully.

"Enjoy your honeymoon!!!!!"



"My Tallests! My Tallests!! Please reconsider! With all due respect--I was only hoping for a trophy! An award! Something shinyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! PLEASE?!!"

No one answered.

"How!? How can they DO this to me??"

Zim paced back and forth outside the massive,his rage seething and spewing like molten lava. "I don't understand! Why would the Tallests betray me like this?!"

"Mmph." From atop his crazily parked voot runner,the little Irken girl shoved a snax-stick in her mouth and shrugged.

"After all I did! I've been so LOYAL to the empire!!"

Ripping open another bag of sweet treats,she nodded.

"And THIS is my reward?!? I can't believe it! I...What...? Are you eating my candy?!?!?"


(Author's Note: Ah,sweet marital bliss...

So,what so you think? I only hope the humor served to mask my atrocious writing skills..... To find out what 'snax-stix' and 'marzpe' are,read: "Independent Dependence",by me--FAITH!!!! Read it now!!

TRIPLE-GLAZED,DOUBLE-FROSTED DOUGHNUTS to aaaaalllllllllll my reviewers!!!!!!!!!!

And thank the Lord God,for giving me the inspiration for this!!)