Disclaimer: I own nothing…

Summary: Set about three years after the 'Angel' finale. Buffy finally finds out that Spike is alive, but can't handle the fact that he kept it from her, so she runs. Both do their best to move on, but they find that it's not as easy as it seems…

Rating: R

Author's Notes: I know I've been gone forever, and to those of you who have been asking about 'Concrete Angel', I swear I'm working on it. I've been having some crazy computer problems, and then there's dorm shopping and preparing for college… It's just been hectic. But yes, I am working on it. And as for this story, I know this chapter's short, but trust me, the next one will be much longer…

Distribution: If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.


Prologue:



"So that's it then?" The question was filled with pain; his voice fearful of her answer.

Buffy couldn't turn; couldn't look at him. If she did, she wouldn't be able to walk out. Not again… But she had to. There was no other way to go in this situation, and she wouldn't turn back now.

"Yes." she told him quietly, tears flooding her eyes.

"Buffy…" Spike murmured gently, moving behind her to rest a hand on her shoulder, urging her to turn to him. "I can't do this without you."

Finally giving in and turning to him, she saw the pain he was feeling reflected back at her from his beautiful blue eyes, which were now brimming with unshed tears. "You're going to have to." she told him with conviction. "I meant what I said in the hellmouth that day, but I can't be with you knowing that you didn't have the decency to make a phone call and let me know that you were alive… Do you have any idea how much that hurts?"

"Buffy, I'm sorry… I don't know what else I can say…"

"There's nothing you can say, Spike!" she argued, her tears suddenly beginning to slip down her cheeks. Pausing for a moment, she took a deep breath, then met his eyes. "Do you remember the summer after I died?"

Realization struck him suddenly, and his eyes moved from hers as he did everything he could to keep the tears at bay. She was right… completely. He knew the pain she had had to endure when she'd thought he was dead, because he had felt the same when he had lost her.

"You know exactly how it feels to hurt so bad that you don't want to wake up in the morning. You know exactly how it feels to lose the one person in the world that you love more than your own life… You know. And still, you let me suffer for nearly a year, when I didn't have to… How could you do that to me?"

The pain in her eyes and the tears streaking down her cheeks broke him, and he let his own tears begin to fall slowly. "You're right." he muttered softly, his voice cracking with pain. "I'm so sorry, Buffy…"

"Goodbye, Spike." she told him gently, pressing one final, soft kiss to his lips before walking out the door and out of his life for good.

Once the door was shut behind her, she heard one last, murmured 'I love you' from Spike and it nearly made her turn around and walk back into his arms. But she couldn't… So instead she turned away; her mind screaming '
I love you, too…