Calypse: ok, so I was bored once again by the mundane life this country so adequately provides me with. Actually it's because an important file containing all of my fics, pics, and so on and so forth has been deleted and as a result I decided to write a new fic to vent out frustration on... Microsoft word? My computer will never be same after this...

Chapter one- An 'Abusive' DMHG Relationship

A dark spooky alley, but that's where this happens a lot isn't it? Either this or an empty class in the middle of the night, but lets say that people graduated (by skipping two years) and got a job and is living there lives to the fullest... almost.

The dark lord rose, he murdered people, who cares? That isn't what this story is about, nope, this story is about using a cliché subject about clichés. Oops I wasn't supposed to give that away, silly me. Anyways...

A dark alley

One where rats crawled by making homes in human skulls (who knows how it got there) ravens cawed, and all and all a pretty disgusting place to be. But Hermione was there, why? We don't know because that's how these things start, Hermione has to be somewhere alone in the middle of the night. Yes lets all forget the fact that she has intellect that surpasses most people (even me, especially me because I don't speak 300 languages now do I? Oh wait, she doesn't either? Her loss...) and there is no way that she would just be standing there without a wand looking clueless and stupid as if waiting for something.

Enter Draco Malfoy

He's the real victim, I mean who wants to ride a mudblood? Certainly not him...

"So Granger," he drawled licking his lips like a sex god he is, all dressed in leather with his chest exposed to the night's air. "Wha... shit." In one fluid motion the blond covers his nose glaring daggers at the doe like brown eyes. "Of all the places to pick... do you seriously think I'll do you in the sewers?!"

Suddenly the air of innocence, weakness, and overall vulnerability disappears from Hermione as her eyes harden in to... err chips of wood?

"Well I don't have that many choices!" she stamped her feet impatiently on the slimy floor wincing as some of the grime splashes on to the 100 galleon dress Harry got her for her birthday. Merlin knows why she's wearing it... in an alley of all places...

"Well I refuse to 'force' you if we're going to do it here." Snapped Draco indignantly pulling at his leather vest. "I'm freezing my ass off! I want to go home! This is a fanfic, I'm not getting paid!"

"But that's the fun of it!" protested Hermione shaking her F-cup chest up and down with Draco appreciating the effects of the tight, 100 galleon material.


"Didn't you see what it said up there?! Abusive relationship! You fuck me, I cry, you do it again until you come to your senses or Harry rescues me." At the last one she struck a pose which... ended up ripping a part of her dress... which showed the part of the anatomy not normally shown to public.

"Now you really look like a hooker." Stated Draco, wondering why the hell they were standing there in a freezing weather while it was raining, in an alley way! He was confused, poor Draky...

Hermione got ticked off, perhaps she was on PMS with all her moodswings you know?

"Excuse me?!" she said poking at Draco's stomach and enjoying the hard, six pack muscles. "Who are you calling a hooker?! You're the one who's dressed up as a slut!" Draco turned red,

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO WEAR THIS SHIT!" Hermione cringed back then straightened out her suddenly sleek and curly hair.

"Oh I did? It looks good on you Draky-darling." She purred wrapping her arms around his muscular neck. "So... about..."

"Granger... this is about abuse, not you trying to jump me." Stated Draco flatly pushing her away from her.

For a moment, she looked offended but then walked up to him putting one of his hands on her D? F? Cup breasts. Suddenly her lips quivered, then her eyes watered, then she burst out laughing...

"AHAHAHA I'M SORRY!" she choked out as Draco jumped away from her. "I just can't do this scene!" she giggled as she poked at her synthetic breasts, "wow, can I get another boob job while I'm at it? I'm supposed to meet up with Harry and he'll probably love it if it's a few centimeters longer!"

Draco Malfoy, for the moment, looked angry.


(Caly's sorry XD)

Take 2

Draco played paddleball disinterestedly while Hermione changed in a changing room that had conveniently appeared in the alleyway.

"Can I rape you now?"

"No Draco, I have to get ready."


"No I still have to put on my make up, and shave my legs."

"What's the point? I'll mess it up anyways, we're supposed to do an 'abuse' scene. Now?"

"No, I still have to finish my lips and wear this gorgeous dress Harry bought me."

"This gorgeous dress Potty bought me!" mimicked Draco, strongly reminded to quit doing slash scenes with Harry. "Like I said before, what's the point? I still have to rip it off."

"Do you want the audience to see me run around naked?!" shrieked Hermione hysterically popping her suddenly bushy head out to witness Draco covering his ears and getting bopped by the pink, rubber ball.

"IT'S A GODDAMN RAPE SCENE GRANGER! IT DOESN'T MATTER!" with a disdainful sniff she went back in flashing her F-cups as she went.

"Well it matters to me. And since that annoying authoress isn't talking every other paragraph, lets take time to do all of this."

Draco growled.

1 hour later...

"So how do I look?" waved Hermione flaunting her new emerald dress in front of the half-frozen, angry, irate, Malfoy.

"Fine, now let's get it over with!" Hermione looked disappointed but she complied as Draco forcefully slammed her into a wall, his face coming closer and closer...


No kiss?!

We can't have a relationship without a forceful, steamy kiss!!

"D.R.A.C.O!" Hermione gritted out pronouncing each and every syllable, uhh no, letters then. "We're supposed to do this!"

"Hey I'm not sacrificing myself to a mudblood so she could go and have a nice snog session with Saint Potter! I actually have a job you know! Not all of us get money out of thin air!" Hermione twitched.

"Fine! Be that way! I'll sue for divorce!." Jiggling her D-cup breasts in Draco's face she apparated away to Hogwarts... somehow.

"Crazy bitch."