Identity Crisis:

The characters of POTO are just slightly confused as to their real roles and identities, a confusion caused by the indecision's and differentiating opinions of the writers of phantom phictions. Poor little creatures... the disasters we put them through! Muahahahahahaaa!

Note Any 'gay bashing' in here is completely out of fun and jest. My best friends are all gay so I mean nothing harmful by it!

Madame Butterfly: Thank you for the typo correction. I've fixed it!

Christine: "It simply isn't fair. Those writers are always confusing me."

Raoul: "Tell me about it, I never know just how my character's role is suppose to be played. One minute I'm spouting sonnets and the next moment they have me hanging in a noose by my neck!"

Erik: "Yes, I agree. I for one am sick to death of the writers taking advantage of us all!"

Christine: "What are you talking about Erik? Everyone loves you no matter what. The writers and readers alike are all on your side."

Meg: "Oh shush. You guys are always complaining, but what about me? I've been made out to be everything from a ditzy young blonde, to an evil seductress looking for trouble around every corner. And besides, you guys get all the writing time. I'm hardly mentioned."

Raoul: "And rightly so, you are only a secondary character. Why should you be put into the spotlight."

Mme. Giry: "My daughter has every right to be upset about her down-casting in these phics. Look at what they do to me. I've been written to be this cold-hearted witch who gets off on bossing around the ballet rats and wearing black. Oh, and they always assume that I know some darker secrets about Erik than I let on to."

Erik: "But you DO know some darker secrets about me, remember?"

Mme. Giry: ::smiles:: "Yes, well, let them think what they want I suppose. I'm not one to blab secrets around."

Andre: "What I want to know is, what on earth gave them the idea that Firmin and I are gay?"

Firmin: "You might not be, but I most certainly am. And I do have the hots for you!"

Andre: ::scoots away:: "Ummm, anyway. They make us out to be imbeciles. Honestly, we can't be that dumb if we can manage to run an opera."

Erik: "Sure you can. After all, it is I who runs this opera and you are that dumb. Only an absolute fool would be stupid enough to believe that a ghost is real and then be even stupider to pay that ghost a salary!"

Nadir: "And what the heck is it with people always making me out to be some nosey know-it-all who doesn't know how to stay out of other people's business? I mean, c'mon, I'm not that bad am I?"

::All look at him seriously::

Nadir: "Ok Ok, so maybe I find other peoples lives more interesting than my own. ::stares sadly into his lap:: I cant help it."

Carlotta: "At least none of you have the complex of being a fat cow. I am skinny and I sing beautifully!"

Erik: "Carlotta, I think your nose is growing..."

Carlotta: "Hmm? What was that, Erik?"

Erik: "Nevermind..."

Piangi: "I don't think you are fat and you don't sing like a cow."

Raoul: "No, she doesn't. I've heard cows sing and all they do is Mooooo mooo moooooo."

Erik: "Thank you Fop for that wonderful insight."

Christine: "Please please, can we focus on me for a minute?"

::all sigh::

Raoul, "Of course my dear, lets talk about you all you want."

Erik: ::Cough:: "Suck up!"

Raoul: ::sneers at him::

Christine: "I don't understand what people want of me half the time. One minute I'm in love with Raoul, and the next I'm supposed to be in love with Erik. I never know what I'm supposed to be doing in a scene. Maybe that's why people make me out to be such a ditz."

Meg: "Well, you are blonde.."

Christine: "I am??? I thought I was a brunette with green eyes!"

Erik: "Only in some phics my dear. But in a lot of them you are blonde with blue eyes."

Christine: "Oh no! I thought for sure I was a brunette. Wait, maybe I am a blonde! Help! I'm confused again!" ::starts crying::

Erik: "Its alright darling." ::pats her head:: "I'm confused sometimes too. The writers cant get it straight just how deformed my face is. Sometimes they say its only half my face, others think it's the whole thing. I never know just what mask to wear, And my eyes have been described to be every color from gold to bright blue. Come to think of it, what color are my eyes?"

Raoul: "I know my eyes are usually green with jealousy. But at least I'm described to have pretty eyes so I guess it doesn't matter."

Erik: "Again, thank you for that insight that we really didn't need."

Raoul: "And what about me? The writers all think that I'm some sort of goodie-two-shoes fop who loves to do girly things."

Erik: ::CoughCough::

Raoul: ::glares at Erik again:: "I'm serious. How on earth can I be such a debonair Viscount and come to the girls' rescue if I'm a spineless twit who's more concerned with his dashingly good looks?"

Erik: "I don't know, it's a mystery."

Christine: "I think you are handsome, Raoul. But is it true what they write about you?"

Raoul: "What do you mean?"

Christine: "Well, about the pink tutu? Do you really wear one when nobody is looking?"

Raoul: ::Ahem:: "Darn those writers for confusing us all like this! I demand justice!"

Carlotta: "I say we all go on strike unless the writers are more kind to us!"

Christine: "I can't go on strike. I'd lose my position as prima donna on the stage if I did that."

Carlotta: "You can't lose what you never had my little limping sparrow."

Erik: "Watch it Carlotta... or else!"

Carlotta: "Or else what? You'll come after me? I'll just sic Piangi on you if you do!"

Piangi: "Yes, Carlotta. Do you want me to pummel him?"

Erik: "I hardly think that a pummeling is possible with you. You might just sit on me and be done with it. Besides, it wouldn't be a fair fight, seeing as how your neck is so thick I probably couldn't get my punjab lasso around your fat head!"

Piangi: "I beg your pardon!"

Erik: "Yes, you'll have to beg that from me."

Nadir: "Would all of you stop bickering and fighting! We're supposed to be arguing about the writers here!"

Meg: "I agree! We need to decide what to do!"

Mme. Giry: "Why don't we come up with some kind of character regulation requirement form so they have to follow it every time and stop confusing us characters."

Andre: "I agree completely. They make too many variations on us. We need a raise if they are going to put us through that much aggravation and trouble."

Erik: "I don't see why you are complaining that much. Your character doesn't change much at all. You aren't even in most of the phics unless they need someone to organize a mob to come after me."

Firmin: "Speaking of which, Andre. Don't we still need to pay the mob for the last midnight raid of the opera cellars?"

Andre: "I'm choosing to ignore that right now."

Firmin: "But wont the mob come after us?"

Andre: "Shut up you! I'm the one who does the thinking around here!"

Erik: "Or lack thereof..."

Meg: "Well, we simply must do something. I need to know how old I am. I don't even know how many candles to put on my cake. Everyone says I'm anywhere from 16 to 20."

Erik: "At least you know in which decade you were born. I hate it when the writers cant make up their minds as to whether I'm in my mid fifties or early twenties."

Raoul: "Yes, that's especially bad in those phics that place us in the future. I mean, can you honestly see us all attending high school together?"

Erik: "Yes, those time switching phics can be a bit annoying at times. Why is it that so many female writers have some strange girl traveling back in time to be with me or change things? Heck! Why is it that writers have me falling in love with other women in the first place? Doesn't that sort of demean my love for Christine? Honestly I don't see what ladies see in me. I'm hideous remember?"

Christine: ::sighs:: "Because they are jealous of me."

Raoul: "Why is nobody jealous of me? They never write phics of other girls coming after me. What does Erik have that I don't?"

Erik: "Well, besides a great singing voice, seductive mannerisms, dressing in a black tuxedo all the time, living on a lake underground, being enormously talented..."

Raoul: "Alright alright. None of us need to hear of your enormous talent..."

Christine: "Speak for yourself Fop!"

Raoul: "Hey! You just called me a Fop!"

Christine: "Sorry, couldn't help myself. Erik just reminded me again of how deliciously sexy he is."

Meg: "Christine, is he really that sexy?"

Christine: "Umm, yes he is. You can have Raoul though. I think the two of you will be cute together."

Meg: "Whoo hoo!"

Raoul: "That wont work remember? The writers have always tried to get that to happen and it never works out. At least not that I remember. Wait, Meg, have we ever worked it out together?"

Meg: "I don't know but we could give it another shot."

Carlotta: "Why don't I ever get a second choice in the matter? I'm always stuck with Piangi. When are they going to write a phic about me and another man?"

Erik: "They wont, because no other man in his right mind would be with you."

Carlotta: "Hey!!! That was mean!"

Mme. Giry: "Can we please get back to the matter at hand? You fools keep bickering like a bunch of old ladies!"

Firmin: "Well, you are an old lady so at least one of us has the right to bicker!"

Mme. Giry: "How dare you call me old you worthless stupid gay idiot!"

Firmin: "Now that was hitting below the belt!"

Andre: "I didn't think you wore a belt because of the extra two seconds it takes to get it off when..."

Meg: "Ewwww! I don't want to hear this! My poor virgin ears!"

Nadir: "From what I hear, your ears are the only thing 'virgin' about you!"

Meg: ::slaps Nadir:: "I resent that!"

Nadir: "No, you resemble that!"

Erik: "You are all behaving like monsters! I thought I was the only one entitled to doing that!"

Christine: "Well that depends entirely on who is doing the writing. Sometimes you can be very sweet and loving!"

Erik: "Me? Sweet? Never! I think I should go on strike. I'm supposed to be the bad boy in all of this!"

Christine: "Ooh yes! Be a bad boy! Be a bad boy!"

Raoul: "Christine, my darling, how can you talk like this about him?

Christine: "Oh shut up you fop! You know its really him I love."

Raoul: "But what about all those stories you run away with me in?"

Christine: "You know they were just stories and I certainly didn't write the outcome. I was just acting and you know it!"

Raoul: :: slaps her:: "Then I was just acting too! I didn't really just slap you, you little tramp!"

Christine: ::slaps him back harder:: "I'm the better actor though! Wasn't that a great performance?"

Erik: "Bravo Christine!" ::claps enthusiastically:: "Your best performance to date!"

::meanwhile Mme. Giry and the managers are still arguing::

Mme. Giry: "I do not wear black underwear! You guys are totally sick! Just because the writers make me wear this stupid black dress all the time!"

Firmin: "What are you going to do? Hit me with your long staff? Ooh I'm really scared! C'mon hit me!"

Andre: ::Grabs her staff and hits him with it:: "That's for calling me fat! You limp-wristed jerk!"

Firmin: "Ouch! I thought you cared about me Andre! Well nevermind that apology! I'm calling the mob and telling them you wont pay them their salary, but you're paying a ghost instead!"

Andre: "You wouldn't dare!"

Firmin: "Mob! Come quick! Your cheapskate manager is refusing your salary!"

::in comes the mob with pitchforks and torches::

Erik, Christine, Raoul, and the rest of the cast: "Oh Crap! It's the Mob! Run for your lives!!!!!"

::They run off into the distance, avoiding the angry mob::

Seeing as how the Characters never resolved their solution to the writers abuse of them, they continue to be our slaves and we writers can happily do whatever we want to them.

The end.