At your request... A sequel!
After the not-so-nice mob came after our beloved characters, they miraculously turned on the angry townspeople, stealing their torches and pitchforks, beating them back into the shadows from whence they came. Then they re-grouped back at the opera, now with a vengeance!!!
Raoul: "We showed them didn't we?" ::shaking a long staff in the air::
Christine: ::holding a shovel:: "Yeah! That's the last time they try to chase us into a river to drown. That would have been a horrible ending! (shameless miff on Lon Chaney ending)
Meg: ::panting:: "Where the heck did they come from anyway?"
Andre: ::catching his breath doubled over his knees:: "Ask Firmin! He's the one who made them to come after us!"
Firmin: "I protest! It was the writer again! I had no control over what I said! You see why we have to go on strike or this abuse will never end!"
Erik: "Oh sure! Blame the writer for everything, you sad excuse for a manager. You are so used to not being able to make a single thought for yourself, that now you are actually claiming that none of your thoughts or actions are you own!"
Mme. Giry: "No, Erik. He can make decisions on his own. They just all suck so he's got to blame someone. And if it were the writer making him an idiot, it's because our stories need some kind of comic relief!"
Erik: "I thought that's what Raoul was for..."
Raoul: "I don't need relief. What did you mean by that?"
Erik: "Its not you that's funny in particular. It's what I do to you that's so funny!"
Christine: "Oh Erik, please stop picking on him. Its not his fault he's a dumb rich Fop."
Erik: "Why not? It's fun to pick on Fop Boy."
Christine: "Because we need to focus and figure out what to do about the writers abusing us they way they do."
Nadir: "I agree. Something must be done!"
Carlotta: "Yes! I'm tired of being made fun of! And my poor Piangi! He doesn't know whether to be dead or alive in half these stories. And I don't like the idea of being tied to someone who dies every other story."
Piangi: "I'm dead?"
Erik: "No, you're not dead at the moment, but I can take care of that for you quite easily..."
Andre: "Everyone stop bickering like a bunch of old ladies!" ::Hard glance at Mme. Giry:: "Christine is right, we need to decide what to do."
Firmin: "Don't you idiots realize it? We can't decide what to do. We don't have the power to make decisions on our own! The writers make us say and do everything they want! Without them, we wouldn't exist!"
Raoul: "What are you raving about?"
Firmin: "See! A writer made you say that! A writer is making me say this! At this very moment, one of the writers is making me say every little word I'm saying!"
Meg: "I think he's lost his mind!"
Nadir: "I don't think he has a mind to lose. He is management after all."
Nadir: "I think he might actually be right. I mean, how else would we be put through all this stuff without a choice? We must not have any control in this whatsoever!"
Firmin: "I have an idea! Everyone freeze! Nobody talk or move or even think! Let's see them make us do something now!"
Everyone does as they are told and stand perfectly still trying not to think or talk.
Carlotta: ::through her clenched teeth:: "This is stupid. How long do we have to stay here like this?"
Firmin: "Forever! Now Shhh!"
Several minutes pass.
Andre: "This is pointless! Everyone unfreeze. Even if we are trying to do nothing, it's the writer who's making us do that nothing."
Erik: ::hits Raoul with a board with a nail in it::
Raoul: "OUCH! What the heck did you do that for?"
Erik: "I didn't do it on purpose. The writer made me do it!"
Raoul: ::Bashes Erik over the head with his pole:: "Yeah, I didn't have any control over that either!"
Christine: ::smacks both of them in the back of the head:: "Neither did I!"
Just then, in a booming voice, the almighty writer intercedes before a bloody war starts!
Writer: "Stop fighting all of you! I can't have my characters beating each other senseless if I am to continue using you!"
Mme. Giry: "Where did that voice come from?"
Writer: "Never mind that! And pay no attention to the person behind the box 5 curtains!"
Raoul: "Hey, I know what that line is from! It's from the..."
Writer: "...next person who interrupts me will be cut from the script!"
Writer: "Now that's better! You all think you are so incredibly confused from what we writers make you do, huh?"
Erik: "Yes we are. We are tired of the abuse. I'm tired of being made to fall in love with someone other than Christine or see her run off with Fop Boy!"
Writer: "Ah, but you see, that is completely our prerogative. We can do whatever we want with you! That's what makes it fun for us."
Christine: "So when we do get to have fun? How do we decide what we want without your control?"
Writer: "You don't! In fact, since you were all griping about being confused about your true characters, I'm going to have a little fun!"
All: ::gasp:: "What are you going to do?
In a large poof of smoke, the writer disappeared and left the characters coughing in the clearing air.
Erik: ::coughing:: "What the heck just happened? Whose voice was that?"
Christine: "Was it the Angel of Music? Wait, Angel! Come back!"
Erik: "Christine dear, that's me you are thinking of, and I'm right here in front of you."
Christine: "Where? I don't see you anywhere."
The remaining smoke lifts and all stare at each other in disbelief.
Christine: "Why am I wearing a tuxedo?"
Erik: "Why am I so short and wearing a tutu!"
(little explanation here: Erik in Megs body, Christine in Erik's, Raoul in Carlotta's, Meg in Mme. Giry's, Mme. Giry in Piangi's, Andre in Firmin's, Firmin in Andre's, Carlotta in Christine's, Piangi in Raoul's, and Nadir in his own)
Christine: "Oh no! I just realized! I have Erik's face. I'm ugly!"
Erik: "Welcome to my world sweetheart!"
Christine: "Oh Erik, I'm sorry..."
Raoul: "We've all switched bodies! My God Carlotta! Your need to lose some weight I feel like I'm going to suffocate in this body!"
Erik: "Why am I in Meg's body? Is this some sort of sick justice because I played pranks on the ballet rats all those times?"
Meg: "If this is justice, then I certainly don't deserve this! How on earth did I end up my mother's body?"
Mme. Giry: "You should complain. I'm stuck in this fat idiot's nasty body. Someone get me out quick! I'm starting to miss my black dress!"
Piangi: "I'm not complaining! I'm gorgeous! Holy cow! I can see my...!"
Carlotta: "I'm not complaining either. Look how young and beautiful I am! Wait, I just called Christine beautiful! Ahem, I mean, naturally you can now see how similar we both are in grace and beauty."
Nadir: "Hey wait a minute! I'm still in my own body. How come I didn't change at all?"
Andre: "Guess you aren't important enough."
Nadir: "I never get to have any fun."
Andre: "You call this fun? I'm stuck in Firmin's body and only God knows where it's been."
Firmin: "If you'd like a detailed list, I'll be sure to leave one in your coat pocket!"
Christine: "Wait a second! I'm the luckiest girl alive! Look at me! I'm in Erik's body! Look Erik, I'm touching you in ways I've never done before or dared to dream!"
Erik: "Figures you'd wait to do that until I was out of my body. Damn!"
Raoul: "Christine, stop that! Quit touching his legs!"
Christine: "But their MY legs now aren't they! Touch touch touch touch!"
Erik: "Please Christine, can't you wait to do that until I'm back in my body? I'll let you touch me all you want I promise."
Christine: "Then it wouldn't be as much fun because I'd be allowed to. Ooh! Man you have a nice butt!" ::squeezes a cheek to test it::
Raoul: "Christine, if you don't stop doing that right now I'm going to have to use Carlotta's fat butt and sit on your hands to keep them to yourself."
Christine: "But I am keeping them to myself! They're my hands now!"
Erik: "You will do nothing to ruin my beautiful hands, fop! God only knows that if her body sat on them I'd never play another thing again!"
Raoul: "Ooh! Even more reason to do it!"
Erik: "That's it!" ::Starts for Raoul in Carlotta's body::
Meg: "Erik, if you must fight, please don't rip my tights! They're my best pair!"
Erik: "I'll try not to. But honestly how can you wear this damn leotard. It's itching and keeps riding up my butt!"
Meg: ::shrugs:: "Speaking of that, mother, you should be ashamed of what you've got under this dress! Where on earth did you get such a thing anyways?"
Mme. Giry: "I can't tell you, you're too young. Just do me a favor and don't show the world. At least I wear underwear! Piangi! Do you go commando all the time? I've heard that it's more comfortable for large people to go without but this feels disgusting. Why did I have to be changed into a man? And that man in the first place? Piangi? Are you even listening to me?"
Carlotta and Piangi are making out in Raoul and Christine's bodies.
Christine: "Ewww! Don't make me kiss the fop! I'm feeling dirty just watching myself be violated like that! Does that mean that Piangi really has the hots for me and Carlotta has the hots for Raoul?"
Raoul: "God I hope not! Carlotta, if you do one thing to mess up my hair while you're kissing him, uh, I mean me, I'll take off all these clothes so everyone can see your nasty naked body!"
Carlotta: "You wouldn't!"
Raoul: "Try me!"
Christine: "Erik, please do something, Raoul, I mean, Piangi is messing up my makeup and Carlotta is abusing my beauty."
Erik: "What do you want me to do about it? I'm wearing this stupid tutu, and I'm smaller, and even in your body, Carlotta could still try to squish me."
Christine: "Are you calling me fat?"
Erik: "No! Hardly!"
Christine: "Good, because if you were, I'd have to take off this mask in front of everyone!"
Christine: "Would you rather I take off all your clothes?" ::hopeful smile::
Erik: "Please don't! Save that for when we're alone, then you can take all my clothes off."
Nadir: "Hey, Writer, C'mon change me into someone! I want to play this game too!"
Andre: "I can't believe I'm in a gay body. Oh well, at least I'm thinner."
Firmin: "God, Andre. You need to lose some weight! You are so fat and ugly I doubt I'll ever get another date!"
Andre: "I thought just awhile ago you were saying you had the hots for me."
Firmin: "Change of perspective. I can't think that way about my own body."
Andre: "That's not your body! That's my body and I want it back!"
Meg: "And I'm old! God I want my own body back! No more wrinkles for me!"
Mme. Giry: "Excuse me? I don't have wrinkles. Those are beauty lines."
Erik: "I'll give you some beauty lines..."
Carlotta: "I think I'll keep this body. I like feeling this light."
Christine: "Oh no you don't! Give it back!"
Carlotta: ::dancing away from her:: "I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and ..."
Andre: "Gay! I'm in a gay body! I'm never going to live this down so help me..."
Erik: "God! I'm about to rip this stupid leotard off if it doesn't stop riding up my..."
Meg: "Ask me if I care! You better not! Mom will see my..."
Raoul: "Breasts! I've got breasts! Man their huge! They'd be better if they were attached to something..."
Piangi: "Pretty! I'm too much of a pretty boy in this Fops body! When I get out of here I'm going to eat a whole..."
Mme. Giry: "Pig! Piangi you are a fat disgusting pig. It no wonder why you sweat to death when you cross the stage. Maybe if you lost some weight, the ladies in the audience would find a fraction of you to be..."
Christine: "Sexy! Erik you have an amazing body! Do you work out and jog by the lake when I'm not there? I'll bet you could pose in the centerfold of something..."
Firmin: "Naughty! That's what I can't wait to be again. I'm going to run out and be naughty instead of boring old..."
Nadir: "Me. Why does it always have to be me who gets left out of things? Everyone else gets to have fun in the stories.
Erik: "Alright enough of this!"
Andre: "I quite agree! I want my own body back!"
Meg: "And how the heck do you propose we do that? Shall we just slam our bodies together into one big mess and hope that our souls get jolted back into place?"
Nadir: "It could work.."
All: "Shut up Nadir!"
Mme. Giry: "This doesn't concern you!"
Nadir: "Geez! I was just trying to help, but since you wont let me, I'm going to go sit over there and be by myself!"
Raoul: "Good riddance!"
Erik: "Now where is that writer? How did we get them to come here in the first place? What were we all doing?"
Christine: "We were all arguing about stuff."
Carlotta: "Well that doesn't help much. We've been doing nothing but arguing since before and after they changed us."
Piangi: "Carlotta my dear, its alright. I don't really care to be changed back anyway. Lets just go."
Raoul: "Oh no you don't! Not with my body, you're not going anywhere!" ::Throws a punch at him using Carlotta's beefy arm::
Piangi, in Raoul's body, falls to the ground, knocked unconscious by the powerful punch.
Raoul: "Wow I don't know my own strength! Well, I guess that would be Carlotta's strength. Oh no! What have I done? My face! My beautiful beautiful face! It's ruined!"
Piangi is now sporting a black eye.
Carlotta: "Serves you right for hitting my beloved Piangi! Maybe I'll give your girlfriend here one to match!" ::with that she punches herself in the eye, knocking herself out::
Firmin: "Well, no great loss there."
Christine: "My eye! Erik, look what she did to my eye!"
Erik: "I'll kill her! I'll kill her!" ::walks over and starts to strangle Raoul in her body::
Raoul: ::kicks Erik in the shin:: "Quit choking me! I'm not her!"
Erik: "Ouch! That hurt! That's going to leave a nasty bruise!"
Meg: "Oh great, thanks!" ::Hits Erik over the head with her mother's staff:: "Hey wait! I'm hurting my own body!"
Mme. Giry: "Thanks Meg, you broke my staff!"
Meg: "Sorry! But you saw what he was trying to do!"
Nadir: "You are all acting like a bunch if imbeciles!"
Andre: "Nobody asked your opinion, once again!" ::takes a swing at him::
Nadir: "Whoa! That wasn't necessary!"
Firmin: "You are always trying to butt in on other people's business! You are still in your own body! Be glad for that!"
Nadir: "You have all lost your minds!"
Erik: "We have? Have we?"
Nadir: "Well, you've always been a bit on the loony side, but now you're absolutely nuts!"
Erik: "That's it!" ::starts at him with the Punjab lasso he takes from Christine::
Seeing that the fun could continue for hours, but would eventually end up in a bloody demise from them all killing each other, the Writer comes back in to the scene to change them back. POOF
Writer: "So, are you all through complaining?"
All: "Yes! Please change us back!"
Writer: "Maybe now you will complain less about the stories we writers so lovingly and creatively create for each others enjoyment. Look at it this way, as long as we keep writing stories with you in it, you still exist and stay famous."
Erik: "Well, you've got a point. I guess its not so bad to have a little variety. Besides, without the Phans, I would always be left alone without Christine at the end of the story."
Writer: "Alright. I guess you have all learned your lesson to stop whining about your lot in life."
And with that, the writer magically transformed them all back into their normal selves. POOF
When the smoke cleared and they were all back to their own bodies, there was much rejoicing and dancing in the streets and they all swore never to complain again. (Except of course about phics written based on Phantom of Manhattan).