Disclaimer thingy: Same as before. But I do own all the children, as I made them up, hehe.

Um... well, read on!


Chapter 1: "Get me Tom!"

Deep in a faraway galaxy (whose name I haven't a clue) rested a planet known as... Planet Druidia. And beneath the transparent air shield... 9,990 years of fresh air. Upon one stretch of land sat the massive castle, where King Roland and (many) others lived. And inside the castle walls, a shout rang throughout one of the many hallways, coming from a large bedroom.

"Tooooom!!! Thomas!!! Get your space-butt in here, now!" Princess Vespa, brown hair dampened from sweat, clutched tightly against the arms of the chair in which she was resting. The woman's belly was quite large and rounded (dear god, she's pregnant again?!), hidden beneath the skirt of her pink dress. Growing frustrated, the woman was about to yell even louder, when running footsteps pounded down the hallway.

"Well, it's about time!" she huffed, as the door began to open.

Barf (he's not a dog, he's a mawg!) hurried into the room, panting and heaving. Making his way over to Vespa, he gasped for air, tongue flopping about wildly. "You... shouted... your... highness...." He clutched his side suddenly, whimpering as a cramp revealed itself. He really needed to work out... but later. Much later. In another ten years, maybe.

Vespa stared at Barf, hazel eyes rapidly growing wider. That wasn't who she wanted! "What are you doing here?! I want Tom!!! Get him in here, now, or I swear I'll rip your tongue out!"

The mawg, finally able to catch his breath, stared at the princess dumbly for a moment. The air rung with silence, save the furious grinding of the woman's teeth. She would need another set of dentures soon if she kept that up.... "Excuse me, your highness, but who exactly are you wantin'?" He certainly didn't know anyone named Tom.

The princess narrowed her eyes into thin slits, suspecting that Barf was playing dumb. And she hated when people (half or otherwise) did that. "My husband, you fool! Tom! Whom you like to call Lone Starr! Now go and get him!!!"

Barf continued to stare at the princess, mouth hanging open in shock. Lone Starr's real name was Tom? 'But he looks more like a... a... anything, really, just not a Tom!' was the first thought that came to the mawg's mind. After all this time, Barf was just finally learning his boss's real name. And it was a boring name, at that. Lone Starr would forever be, in Barf's eyes at least, known as Lone Starr. Or even as Prince Lone Starr. Anything but 'Tom'. He nearly gagged just then, shuddering violently at the horror. Why anyone would name their kid 'Tom' was beyond his comprehension, as most things were.

Finally pulling away from his thoughts and returning to the present, Barf realized that Princess Vespa was glaring at him. So, without another word, the mawg ran for the hills! Actually, he ran to get Lone Starr, who was in the room with the indoor hill.


In another part of the castle, nine of the twelve and a half kids were playing inside their large... play room. There were the quadruplets (Billy Bob, Billy Joe, Billy May, and Billy Billy) playing a video game called 'The Destruction of Planet Earth'; the triplets (Mary Sue, Mary Jane, and Mary Christmas) painting the fingernails of their pet llama; and the twins (Tom Jr. and Vespa Jr.) fighting over the last fortune cookie. But where on Druidia were the other three and a half kids? ...Ah, who cares?

"How many times do I have to tell you, Ruff? The E-mail Man doesn't like to be chased!" All nine heads turned, as their nanny, Dot Matrix, entered the room. She was tugging kid number ten along by his ear, which resembled those belonging to a dog. And oddly enough, the kid also sported a short, furry tail.

"Aww, come on, Dot... you know I was just havin' a little fun," Ruff stated, a guilty look plastered across his face.

The robot sighed, shaking her metal head from side to side. "When will you ever learn? I swear, you take after your father in many ways...." Pausing for a moment, she shot a glance to the other kids. "Your father, who is Prince Lone Starr. Just because you happen to have a tail and dog ears doesn't mean a thing!" Her eyes shifted in either direction.

Ruff sighed heavily, as Dot's grip ceased to loosen from his ear. "I'm hungry. Whatta we got to eat?" He glanced around, as if hoping a bowl of food would jump out to greet him.

Dot blinked once, twice, then looked down to the boy. "We just had lunch seven hours ago! You're still hungry?"

He shrugged. "Yeah." Pausing for a moment, he seemed to remember something and reached down into a pocket. Pulling out a milk bone, he grinned widely. "Nevermind, this'll do." Tugging free from the robot's grasp, Ruff sauntered over to a chair and plopped down, and began munching on his snack.

"Dot, we want some ice cream!" shouted Mary Sue, Mary Jane, and Mary Christmas at the same time. All three girls jumped to their feet and raced over to circle the robot. Hopping up and down, they began chanting, "We want ice cream, we want ice cream, we want ice cream!"

The annoying chanting, plus the fact that all three were doing it at the same time, began to irritate the nanny. "All right, all right, I'll get you some ice cream!"

The chanting continued, "We want ice cream, we want ice cream, we want ice cream!"

"I said I'll get you some!"

"We want ice cream, we want ice cream, we want ic-"

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!"

The girls stopped chanting. Two of the girls just stared, wide-eyed, at the robot. But suddenly, Mary Christmas began crying. The type of crying where the kids scream, and no tears come out. Yeah, she was faking it.

Billy Bob, Billy Joe, Billy May, and Billy Billy all turned to look at their sister. Sighing heavily, they all stood and walked over to her. Each one pulled their hand back and slapped the girl across the cheek. Slap one, slap two, slap three, slap four....

"Okay, I've stopped, I've stopped!!!" Mary Christmas yelled. Stumbling backwards from the blows, she stepped onto something that crunched beneath her shoe, and glanced down.

"Mary Christmas! How could you?!" Vespa Jr. shouted, glaring at her sister. "You squashed the fortune cookie! Now I won't get my fortune!"

Tom Jr. whirled on her. "Your fortune??? The cookie was mine!" Actually, it belonged to child number twelve and a half. Tom Jr. had stolen it, but he wasn't about to tell his twin that. Of course, what he didn't know is that you know the truth. The power lies within you, Reader, within you! (And no, I'm not talking about the Schwartz.)


Huffing and puffing, (which was something he did a lot), Barf reached the correct room and stepped inside. After a quick look at the ceiling, the mawg realized that no one else was in there. "Prince Lone Starr?" He took another step into the room, still looking up.

Nearly the entire room was filled with a fairly large, grassy green hill. Tucked into the side was the most peculiar of things: a door. It was a bit difficult to see, as it was painted green, the same exact shade as the grass. But it was there, and a yellow brass knob was situated in the very middle. The knob was probably the only way one could find the door... unless, of course, they actually looked for the round portal. Which Barf did not.

Suddenly, the green door swung open and out came Lone Starr. His brown hair was tousled about, dark bags hung beneath his eyes, and it appeared as if he hadn't shaved in weeks. Or showered. Yawning, Lone Starr swiveled his head about, gaze resting upon Barf. "Hey, you! What're you doing in here? This is my hobbit-hole, go buy your own!"

Hearing the shout, Barf's ears twitched and he jumped, before spinning around. Bowing low, he whined softly, as it sounded like his boss was pretty angry. "Sorry, your highness, but it's-"

"Barf?" Lone Starr cut in. Realizing that it was his good friend, the man grinned and stepped over to him. "Gee, Barf, I'm the one who should be so..." Another huge yawn escaped him. "...orry. Didn't dawn on me who it was, 'til you turned around. You'd think the ta..." And yet another yawn. "...ail would've clued me in, ya know?"

Barf arched a brow, momentarily forgetting his reason for coming. "Gee, Boss, you sound mighty tired... Haven't ya been gettin' any sleep?" He paused for a second, then frowned in confusion. "And what's a... hobbit-hole?"

Lone Starr shook his head slowly. "No... no slee..." Another freakin' yawn. "..eeep. My wife keeps asking for stuff, mostly food, that I can only get on other planets! Why can't she ask for something made here?" Suddenly, he looked around, eyes wide in fear. Seeing nobody else around, he sighed with relief. To answer Barf's questioning look, he shrugged. "Thought she might be around here, somewhere... listening. She hates it when I talk about her." He paused again, soaking in Barf's last question. "A hobbit-hole, Barf... that thing, right there." He pointed to the hill. "That, is a hobbit-hole. And it's mine, all mine!" He begins laughing evilly, though I'm not sure why....

"Oh... I see...." Barf ignored the evillish laughter, deciding that his boss must be too tired to realize he was laughing so... evilly. "So, uh... where'd ya get it, Boss?"

The evil laughter stopped, finally. "Why, on eBay, of course! It's amazing, Barf. You wouldn't believe the stuff they have on there! There's this one thing, that...." But Lone Starr didn't get to finish his sentence, as he fell to the floor with a crash. Light snores filled the air, as apparently he had fallen asleep....

"Barf!!!! What in the world is taking so long!?!?" Came a scream from the other end of the castle.

Eyes growing wide, the mawg stared down at his sleeping prince. "Oh boy... I'm in trouble."