This is a massive fic. So, you can just read this basic summary I've made before chapter 1.
If you like Faith and-or Spike and have wanted them to be the center of the story with an ensemble (really almost everybody) cast you will like this fic.
The fic is Post "Chosen" BTVS and Alternative ATS Season 5.
I hope you can like the fic even if you aren't so into Spike/Faith (most aren't.) It also helps if you like sexy romance, humor with angst, action, friendship and complex feelings and "the price of magic." All things Slayerverse only maybe a little better with hopeful relationships, maybe(?)
Here's a sample to see if you like it. It's in novel format. Just this sample is in script format:
Faith: "You think I'm the fucking stupid one! If I belong anywhere it's here with you. I'm just like you. I fuck up. I hurt people; I kill people because I can't see what else I can do. But, no matter how much I fuck up I'll do anything to get it back to good again. You're sayin' you'll hurt me? I just nailed you in the balls for something you did before I was born. I know it's just magic-in-your-head land, but you probably won't be able to have kids after that. Maybe we'll hurt each other all the time, but I don't care as long as we come through in the end."
Spike: "Doesn't hurt much," he sniffed and adjusted his balls, frowned, and then gave her a little smile, "Besides vampires can't have rug-rats anyway. Thank god for small favors. Imagine the father I'd make? Well, I wouldn't bullocks it as bad as Angel. How's Connor anyway? I bet he's beside himself that you're doing such dangerous magic."
"Connor is cool," Faith said, "He knows I gotta do what I gotta do."
"Yeah, 'cause you really must risk yourself for pathetic weepy creatures like me," Spike scowled, "You made it very clear that you don't want me in the real world and now you've come inside me and seen all the worst I have to offer. So, you really must have me out there with you."
"Yeah, u-huh," Faith said, "So are you coming with me willingly or do I drag you out?"
- Chapter 29
I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how to do a quick recap. I decided to do it by telling you all the bad (and some of the good) things that have happened to our lovely Ms. Faith Lehane over these few years. The fic isn't all from her POV at all but this recap is.
There are some things Faith doesn't know, like what is going on with Buffy. So, here's a quote from Buffy:
"Look," Buffy said, "I've had my head messed with more than you can imagine, and I'm talking this month alone. Really, some inter-dimensional ethereal angel thing tried to mystically take apart my head to destroy my soul. She killed my amazing and actually sweet boyfriend while I was making love to him and then imprisoned me in the darkness of my own mind. I only made it out because I have friends, scary powerful friends, who know my darkness. So, you aren't going to make a dent in head-messing-department and trying to kill me won't work either. Did I mention I died after that thing messed with my head? But, dying never works out for me; I'm better at the killing. "- Chapter 49
Buffy chapters: 14,20, 34, 43-present
Here's the Review of All The Bad Things That Have Happened to Faith
(You can always come back here for a refresher)
Bad things for Faith, Season One:
*Having Buffy jump dimensions out of this world so The First won't rise again.
*Having to retract The Slayer spell so Faith is the only Chosen One for real.
*Having a demon thing rise out of Faith that kills all of her enemies in an uncontrollable rage that leaves her weak afterwards.
*Having a rich spoiled brat lesbian Latina for a roommate/friend and listening to her bitch constantly. (Well, maybe she doesn't suck all the time.)
*Having to rely on Spike to heal her with this weird E.T. glowey power he has when he touches her after the demon comes out.
*Having a normally peaceful demon clan try to kill her and Spike because of some stupid demon prophecy.
*Having Wes, Angel and Robin start to believe that the prophecy may be about Spike's glowey E.T. healing thing and that it is bad for Faith when she knows it is not.
*Two attempted assaults, the first by three soldiers that were after Connor.
*Having to bring the demon thing out to stop Connor from suicide-by-many-demons because Connor blamed the almost-assault on himself.
*Having the boyfriend, the good guy she needs to keep her honest, (Robin Wood) hate Spike and Connor for no good reason.
*Finding out the good reason why Robin hates Spike that he and Spike were hiding. (Spike killed Robin's Slayer mom when he was evil in 1977.)
*Realizing that Spike's healing power was him burning her soul into her to heal her, and that would kill him, and not being able to tell anyone because she knew that Spike wanted to die for her and she feared they would just let him die.
*Having to kind of lie to everyone and say she does believe Spike's healing is making her evil somehow. (To be fair it is kind of true because if she lets the idiot die for her isn't she still evil and selfish?)
*Realizing that without his healing she will die, but of course she isn't going to let the jack ass die for her!
*Giving up her Slayer power in order to remove the demon by having Robin Wood's adoptive grandfather, Alistair Crowley (played by Malcolm MacDowell,) do a brutal spell on her where she has to relieve her painful memories.
*Having that spell not work because she couldn't help but fight it and now she still has a piece of demon in her with no Slayer power and she's still dying.
*Having Spike insist on dying for her and having to run away with Angel so Spike doesn't get her and hope, somehow, she doesn't end up dying.
*Having to keep all of this secret from everyone. At least Spike doesn't tell anyone what's really going on either and they just think he's nuts and obsessed with getting his healing hands on her.
*Robin Wood dumping her was at her weakest because he realized she was never going to give up The Mission even if she had no power.
*Ending up telling Spike how her mother died and how she feels responsible.
*Spike finding her when she ran away with Angel and insisting he dies for her. He tells her he loves her. It takes her awhile to realize he's saying he was saying he is IN LOVE with her. Would he really stoop so low to win?
*Jumping off that cliff so he wouldn't win. Faith wouldn't let Spike die for her!
*Him catching her on the cliff and having to push the rest of the demon out of her so he wouldn't be able to burn for her.
*Having them both live and Spike insisting he really was in love with her and that he wasn't just saying it to be an asshole and win the fight (Okay maybe that is in the non-suck category.)
But, the suck-fest continues…Next "Chapter" is Season 2 Recap.
This isn't my best "season" but my favorite chapters are When Faith goes into Spike's head: Chapters 27-29
Season 2 Re-cap of Faith's suck-fest suffering
*Having a nightmare about her abusive past even while she was so freaking happy to be in a house with Spike with nothing to do but screw him.
*Having to break up with Spike because she learned he took Connor to beat the shit out of Wes (in Season One) Chapters 9 & 10, Spike said this was because he thought Wes could convince Faith to let Spike heal her but Wes refused because he believed Faith (and the prophecy) that Spike's healing her was evil.
*Finding out that Spike also beat up Wes because of The Orpheus/Angelus idea that was hers! Realizing Spike was an ass-hat that didn't respect her decisions and that he manipulated Connor to beat up Wes.
*Having Spike totally freak out and cry and tell her she was just looking for an excuse to sabotage their relationship because she was afraid of getting hurt.
*Spike disappearing for like a month after she broke up with him. (He couldn't come back to town and helped her fight The Mission and be her friend.)
*Having Connor get kidnapped by this Sajahan demon guy and finding out that this demon is in cahoots with the demons that think she's in some prophecy with Spike and that they are conspiring to end her or Spike as well as Connor.
*Finding out the reason Spike was missing is because he had been kidnapped by a rogue ex-government group headed by a woman who wanted to make Spike into a mindless killing cyborg to kill her.
*Realizing this woman Dr. Shelly Walsh was some twisted mad scientist bitch who blamed The Slayer, and Spike, for the death of her mad mother and she wanted to torture Spike and kill Faith to take out the Slayer line. She also wanted to do something with Connor.
*Killing the mad-scientist bitch when she tries to kill Spike and having Willow and Riley Finn, show up and see Faith is a killer.
*Trying to save Spike's life by having his cyborg ass bite her.
*Having the bite keep him alive but being told that he'd stay in a coma locked in his bad memories forever.
*Learning that Wes was somewhat responsible for what happened to Spike. (But at least now Spike, Faith and Wes are even.)
*Learning that Spike was somewhat responsible for what happened to Spike. Wes decided to take him in as he seemed to be starting a killing spree. He went to Boston and killed Faith's extremely abusive foster father right after she dumped him by finding out his name at Wolfram & Hart.
*Having Willow do a spell to go into his head to try to wake him up and him not being able to hear her. Then seeing him watch his little sister die, having to watch B abandon him and having to watch him kill Nikki Wood.
*Then having Spike be able to hear her. Make out with her, fight with her and then throw her out of his head, literally. Well, mystically.
*Having him wake up and be all bitchy to her.
*Getting back together and having to have sex in a Wolfram and Hart hospital. ( Because now she and Wes are even. Okay, part of that was ok but…)
*Leaving to take a shower and coming back to find her boyfriend has been possessed by the guy she trusted to remove that demon from her, Alistair Crowley (played by Malcolm MacDowell)
*Having Crowley say really messed up cruel things to her and kill people while he plans to assault her in your boyfriend's body, while he rants about that stupid ass prophecy.
*Having your rich bitch best friend shoot your boyfriend's possessed body
*Having the guy in your boyfriend's body try to kill your best friend only to be saved in time by Angel, Connor and your ex, Robin Wood who also was adopted by the guy who is possessing your boyfriend's body.
*Having the guy move from your boyfriend's body to Angel's body and then to try to go to Connor's
*Having Dawn and Willow and Xander come in and having Dawn use her "key" power to suck the guy into a Hell dimension. (That was actually cool.)
*Having your boyfriend freak out for a minute about all that but then be okay.
*Having your ex be kinda mean, but it's understandable…Even tough he was the one that broke up with you.
*Having to deal with the weird ass prophecy—still and learning that there are all these different sects of Rhoshobi demons that are fighting about how to handle the prophecy.
*Having a really good time living with your stupid ass formerly evil vampire boyfriend while he's still a pain in the ass.
*Faith's stupid ass formerly evil boyfriend saying crazy stuff, like he wants to marry her and your BF giving her shit about it.
*Finding out that Buffy is back in this dimension and has been, for a good while, and that Spike and Willow knew and were keeping it secret. (Actually, it's Dawn, Xander, and Kennedy that are losing it over this. Faith is 5 by 5.)
*Faith's stupid ass formely evil boyfriend telling her that he has to go off with Willow to save B's life and that they might not make it back alive.
*Kennedy losing it over this and Willow being really cold to her and literally throwing a spell at her that give Kennedy Slayer power.
*Faith has no idea what's going on with Spike and Willow. She just knows they are doing a dangerous spell and going into the dark parts of her soul because some inter-dimensional being tried to destroy B's soul and killed some guy she was with.
*Faith keeps texting Spike but he isn't answering. She texts him all the latest information:
*Faith's foster sister Reese (played by Tania Raymonde.) shows up and seems really smart and sassy. She hooks up with Connor and they seem to be in love.
*Reese turns out to be a Vengeance demon who was just using Connor. She threatens to kill Connor (just to prove to Faith that men are nothing.) Faith was forced to kill her.
*Faith gets her Slayer powers back, which is bad because she can only assume that means B is dead.
*Before she was killed, Reese granted a wish made by Robin Wood that made him go a little dark and say some cruel things to Faith and then leaves town after this.
*Faith assumes Spike is dead, but she still texts him that she also left town for a few days to "take care of some things." Chapter 47
*She looked up Spike's last name and found out it was Pratt (which didn't suck, but it is kind of funny.)
*She gets a text from some unknown number saying it is Spike, but what if it is someone screwing with her?
That leads us to the latest chapter…
But here is the first chapter of the fic, started so long ago, everyone has grown so much since then. But, in case you wanted to read it:
Story Notes: Starts off after "Chosen" and "Home". Sunnydale rose up from the ground with Spike. He has stayed in Sunnydale along with Faith to guard the closed Hellmouth. Buffy has jumped this dimension in order to keep the First from being able to rise. In part one we find Spike showing up at to see the Angel gang at Wollfram & Hart. What Ever for?...
Forget Me Not Part- I
The Emperor's new clothes
"Mr. Angel, I'm sorry to interrupt your...meeting." Joe, the security guard paused as he saw Wesley, Lorne, and Angel playing darts. Fred was at the computer.
"But, security has found that there is another vampire in the building...We've been trying to terminate it, but- uh- we can't seem to. It's fast and mean. There have been no casualties yet, but-"
"Angel, you didn't tell security that another vampire was INVITED into the building?" Fred gasped.
"Uh-oh." Angel grimaced as he looked on the security screen. He saw his childe smile as he pushed a bunch of security guards down the stairs, and catch a stake that someone threw. Angel turned up the volume on camera 7.
"Is this yours? It landed on my picnic." He said throwing the stake back to the guy.
"Is this all the big boy's got? Because I am so not impressed...I wanted a welcoming present...a gift basket...from Pottery Barn." He sighed. One of the more brave- or moronic-security guards jumped on him from the top of the stairwell.
"All right. Pier one would have been fine" The vampire said as he threw the guard off.
"Obnoxious little bugger. Wonder what he wants. Want me to go take care of it?" Wesley offered.
"No. I know what he wants" Angel sighed.
"What is it? More peroxide? I swear after the 'Matrix' came out with that rebirth of Glam...All the kids with the black coats and the dyed hair...It's tacky...Hey, he looks familiar...Eow! That's gotta hurt. The security guards have dental, right?" Lorne winced as he looked at the camera.
"Angel!" Fred prodded.
"Call off all the men immediately, Joe" Angel said coolly. Joe obeyed taking into his CB.
"Good idea...Because this is already gonna cost us a fortune in comp. Poor guys. I'm depressed. Oh, I need another drink." Lorne sighed and went to the bar.
"Gunn" Angel called into his intercom.
"Angel, you have to push the button first" Fred reminded.
"I know! I did. Didn't I? I didn't. I hate these things!" Angel snapped.
"Gunn" Angel called into the intercom, pushing the button this time.
"Yo" Gunn called back.
"Spike is here, and he's not gonna be the friendly guest we thought...I- uh-forgot to inform security he was coming" Angel informed him.
"Man!" Gunn's cackle filled the room. "I'm on it."
"I said I would handle it" Wes whined. "Wait...Did you say Spike?...William the Bloody? You invited-Are you daft?...Gunn, you're going to need back-up!" Wes called into his cell phone. He checked his sleeve to make sure his stake contraption was working properly.
"It's cool, Wes...I'm on it." Gunn called back.
"He'll be on you, I'm afraid...Picture a shorter sharper tongued Angelus...Smart, but his weakness is that he's easily distracted by his emotions...Say something about Drusilla, she was his sire. Angel and he had quite a rivalry going for her. Maybe that's why he's here" Wes informed. "Wait doesn't he have some chip in his head now? Are you honestly letting Gunn down there alone? That chip must be faulty."
"His chips or chip or whatever is gone...at least I think it is, It doesn't matter if he has chip things or not anymore...What do you mean 'sharper tongued'? I have a sharp tongue" Angel demanded.
"Buffy...I mean...He had the chip taken out over a year ago" Fred stammered as Angel frowned at Buffy's name.
"Oh, I really hope he does have chips and he comes up here...minus the ass-whipping part of him...I could use some chips...Faulty ones will do, if it saves me a trip to the grocery store...What the hell are you all talking about?" Lorne demanded.
"Wes, when was the last time you talked to the Council?" Angel asked.
"Well, them getting blown to bits put a damper on our phone calls, but even before that they were about as friendly as any ex-employer...Why?"
"Whoo! Look at Gunn!" Lorne called as he looked at the screen. Gunn was the first one to successfully hit Spike, and it looked like he did it nice and hard.
"Charles! What is he doing?" Fred groaned.
"Finally, a worthy adversary. Tell the big boy he needs to dump more of the budget into security...You're part of the most evil corporation in the world, and it's like I broke into Chucky Cheese to meet the mouse." Spike grumbled as he hit Gunn.
"We ain't evil, Bro...We're the good guys. If it's evil you're looking for go to the East coast branch." Gunn said as he tackled Spike and pushed a sword up against his throat.
"Oh, yeah. You're the nice branch of the rotting dead tree that's gonna fall on grandma's house." Spike grunted as he flipped Gunn off of him.
"But our money isn't too rotten for you" Gunn pointed out as he got up.
"I...am an independent contractor... I am not affiliated with W&H or any of their nasties they got goin' on ...I'm here to set something right... or at least make it better ...Hey, you know why I'm here?" Spike stopped fighting as he asked.
"U-huh...and, I'm here for the same reason you are, I wanna make things right. And, I finally get my own office to do that in." Gunn smiled as he twirled his sword.
"No. You are a corp. affiliate...You sold you're soul to the dealer... I'm just taking his money." Spike smirked. Gunn charged him.
"I sold nothing! I had nothing left to sell!" Gunn roared as he hit Spike hard with his own fists now.
"Been there...but you must've had something... How could a human make me bleed so easily?..." Spike touched his bloody lip right before Gunn hit him again. Spike turned into vampire face.
"No human can do that without some magics...They could get lucky and have a kill, and I'm guessing you have..." Spike told Gunn.
"But, not a good rumble... Not with me. But, I'm not complaining...Been a while since I had a good one...My Slayer, the one that I train, she could give me a good trashing...But, she wouldn't, not if I begged her." Spike had thrown Gunn into the concrete wall.
"Sounds like a personal problem to me." Gunn retorted.
"You're all right...Don't worry, I won't kill you...Don't do much of that anymore." Spike laughed in human face as Gunn slid down the wall.
"Oh, I am not worried." Gunn smiled angrily as he flipped to get up.
"Heh...My, my... You're making this more like breaking into Disney World than Chucky Cheese...Really, Mate...I just need to talk to the mouse." Spike said as he ducked.
"Gunn...Quit it. Bring him up." Angel's voice came on Gunn's cell phone.
"It's the mouse! He's all ordering people from his big chair...Can't believe he learned how to work a cell phone...You should have seen him when the plain 'ol phone came out...He'd talk into the wrong end. It was bloody hysterical...Like giving a monkey a soda bottle." Spike chuckled with Gunn who seemed more amused than Spike.
"Shut-up, Spike!" Angel growled into the intercom.
"Oh, and mousy has big ears...Does mousy have big eyes?...Can you see this, Mickey." Spike said giving the camera the bird.
"Why is he giving us the peace symbol?" Fred asked.
"That's the bird, Fred...It's the British finger" Wesley sighed.
"Oh" She said in realization, and then, "Oh! This changes everything in those 'Red Dwarf' episodes I've seen."
"Mr. Angel, HE is here!...I think Mr. Gunn hit him or something," Talia, Angel's secretary said into the intercom.
"Thanks, Talia...Send them in" Angel said.
"Angel-Cakes, the button," Lorne reminded. Angel grumbled.
"Talia, send Gunn and Spike in here," he said. There was no response.
"I swear, that girl is an evil spy sent to destroy you with her incompetence," Wesley said.
"No, her office skills are as good as Cordy's" Angel said.
"Fire her," Wes snorted.
"No..she-she's okay... without her this whole Spike thing wouldn't be going as smooth. Not that it...I like her she's...I can't fire someone; it's horrible!...Okay, if they try to kill me or hurt Connor I can...but not if they are just..." Angel stammered.
"Connor? Why does that sound familiar...Like Spike seems familiar," Lorne stroked his chin.
"Talia!" Angel yelled into the intercom.
"Coming." Talia said sweetly.
"...to finally meet the lady that was charming enough to persuade me to come to Micky's lair...Can't believe someone as smart and as...hot as you would work here." Spike smiled to down at a short curvy girl with blue hair.
"Aw, well it beats waitressing!" She blushed. "So, yeah, like I was saying...She wrote a whole thesis...on you...and then she died." Talia was saying walking backwards to face Spike. Spike's lip was bloody. Gunn walked in limping, but he looked pleased.
"My life shocked her to death? I can understand that...it bloody killed me" Spike grinned.
"No..no, no!" Talia laughed and touched his chest. "She died when the Council blew-up... It's been about a year now, but still... it really sucks, you know... I never really liked the Council ... but I never thought anything would EVER happen to them. They were just so: 'Oh, look at us were the Council...We are so much better than everyone else.'... I took some classes there, but then I dropped out... It was how I met Lydia. I really wish she was alive so I could call her now."
"Talia, we have an actual business meeting to get to," Angel said gently.
"You sod off! The girl's talking about her dead friend, and you are blowing her off so you can play CEO with me...Well, I'm not impressed. What was with your welcoming committee, anyway?" Spike grumbled.
"I forgot to tell security you were coming. They are supposed to kill any vampire that gets in here. Sorry" Angel said dully.
"Oh, Security hurt you! Your lip's all bloody!" Talia gasped.
"Yeah, and from him that is like a teary eyed apology. How do you work for this Wanker?" Spike rolled his eyes at Talia.
"I'm fine too, Thanks." Gunn rolled his eyes
"Angel. He's cool...He lets me wear what I want...and I didn't have to take these out, though I can tell he wishes I would" Talia rolled her eyes pointing to her nose and tongue piercing.
"Very nice...They say if you like girls the tongue one is more towards the tip, and if you like boys it's more toward the back...Where's yours?" Spike asked with his eyebrow-raised. Talia stuck out her tongue to reveal a further back piercing.
"Very nice" Spike smirked.
"Whew! I'm an extra in a teen movie all of a sudden." Lorne said.
"Okay, really didn't wanna know!" Gunn scoffed as he threw up his hands.
"Angel, why exactly is he here. Should I kill him," Wesley whispered.
"Not yet...That will be all Talia," Angel grumbled.
"No, that won't be all Talia," Spike said sharply. "I'll tell you one secret about me, since you can't seem to jimmy your way into files and records 'round here."
"You tried to break into files and records!" Angel snapped at Talia.
"It was before you were here...When I worked for the evil W&H as a temp. It was only to find out about Spike for Lydia's thesis...And maybe I wanted to know what was up with Kurt Cobain," Talia insisted then turned to Spike. "What's the secret?"
"Maybe you can rest a little easier about your friend...The guy who blew up the Council...He won't kill anymore girls... I offed him," Spike winked.
"Really? What sort of demon was it? I have my theories...Did you do all your torture stuff?"
"Not as much as I would like...My Slayer burnt out his eye...And I twisted his head full around..." Spike smiled as he held Talia's chin and jerked it a little bit. "He was the worst kind of demon, he was a man that decided to go to pure evil.
"Buffy burnt out a man's eye!" Angel's eye widened.
"No! Buffy would never do that! She was already gone. We made sure it was over...for her," Spike seemed insulted. "It was Faith...But I killed him." Spike smiled now.
"You killed a human...with Faith. I should have known you'd be the same even if you did have a soul," Angel said lowly.
"HE has a soul...Here we go again! Slayers should not be involved with vampires! And this time it will be even more dire. I bet he and Faith will make Buffy and you look like Ozzy and Harriet." Wes grumbled.
"Thanks, Wes" Angel grumbled.
"Well, it's true. You and Buffy didn't exactly bring out the best in each other...And he- he is just the sort that will drag Faith down into the mire, and his mire is probably far more dirty than yours...They've already killed once! The last thing she needs is to let out her dark side now that the Hellmouth is closed...God this is awful! Why didn't I check up on her?"
"Who the hell are you, Cowboy? You know Faith? You keep you're dirty lawyer hands off her or you'll lose them!" Spike walked up into Wes's face.
"I am not a lawyer. I am demon hunter. I was with the Council and I-" Wesley stood firm glaring at Spike as he interrupted.
"The sodding Council! That's even worse! Those archaic autocrats! Figures you'd be working here. So, some of you survived...and what a surprise the survivors are too bloody righteous to kiss my ass for ending the man that spoiled their little club!" Spike smirked.
"Do you want to see the 'Deftones' with me?" Talia asked Spike nervously as she stepped between him and Wesley.
"You're treading a fine line, Spike." Angel grumbled rising from the desk now.
"Yeah, sure...Love the 'Deftones'...I have a friend who loves them too...Are the tickets still on sale?" Spike asked smirking as he ignored Angel.
"Well, we have limitless tickets, Don't we Lorne?" Talia asked with a sigh.
"Sure do," Lorne answered.
"Oh, balls! The 'Deftones' sold-out...Went all corporate," Spike whined.
"Not really. They have their cute little indie label, but they are playing in a place we are part owner in. There's no escaping us, Kid...I can't believe I just said that. I WAS kidding," Lorne gulped.
"So, you can bring as many people as you want...But, I was hoping we could be alone," Talia frowned.
"Look, I'm coming out of something really really huge...I had this girl, and it's like she died, but she didn't die, but I can't-"
"Oh, is that the Slayer that had to jump dimensions so the world wouldn't fall into the hands of evil?" Talia asked.
"Yeah." Spike looked teary.
"Oh you poor thing...A vampire in love with a Slayer...and then she has to leave...It's like star-crossed" She cooed.
"He was with Buffy too?" Fred asked.
"Good Lord!" Wes grumbled.
"This is a business! Not some group therapy single's bar! Talia, get out! Spike, sit down and listen before I throw you out!" Angel roared.
"No! You shut your trap, Mr. Burns! See what happens when you wear the emperor's clothes? Not only are you wearing nothing but, you become the sodding emperor. You need me, I don't need you!" Spike yelled back staring Angel down.
"Wow... That was hella deep. And no one ever talks to Angel like that, not even them." Talia said as she pointed to the rest of the room. "Miss Chase would tell Angel off, but she left. She was all: 'I can't work HERE. I don't even know who you are anymore. Maybe I forgot who you REALLY were in that coma'"
"I don't live in the King's kingdom, Love...Angel holds nothing over me, and apparently the same goes for Cordelia...Knew I liked that bird," Spike smiled.
"Don't I hold SOMETHING over you, Spike?" Angel asked. "I know I do in the other dimension at least...But, even here she loved me. She always loved me...But, you seem to be over her already. Using your story to pick up chicks, replacing her with Faith."
Spike was instantly over the desk on Angel in vampire face. Angel threw Spike off and Wesley went to grab him.
"No!...None of you touch him...This is my fight!" Angel said in vamp face. Spike ran at Angel again.
"I don't know why he said that. I warned him about all the things that would set him off." Fred winced as the vampires wrestled.
"Ohmigod! Ohmigod! This is all because of me." Talia shrieked.
"I knew this was a baaaad...I don't get why boss needs him." Gunn shook his head as the vampires fought wrestling and growling. They hit the walls and plaster fell.
"Wait, I'm confused now. Well, I was confused before, but—Are they fighting over Cordelia?" Lorne questioned yelling over the computer crashing to the ground as Angel and Spike fought on the desk.
"No, it's that Buffy girl Slayer...I think. Angel mentioned the other dimension where he and Buffy are a couple" Fred said.
"Well, it sounds like you know a lot more than I do... Spike really loved Buffy too? God, what was with that girl." Wes remarked yelling over the growling.
"mmm-K...I don't really care if I'm in the know...I just want to be in the clear...of getting hit with flying debris, like a two hundred pound desk...So, we're walking and we're walking...Let's go people." Lorne said as he was leading Talia and Fred out by the shoulders. A stapler hit the wall and shattered with staples flying out landing at Lorne's feet.
"And we're ducking behind the couches until this is over." Lorne sang nervously as he skittered back to the couch.
"Angel you should end this, or at least let me get a crack at him...He has speed, but when you do get him nail him...Like that, yes" Wes said, not that Angel or Spike seemed to hear him.
"Oh my God! Will Mr. Angel try to kill Spike?" Talia was screaming.
"No, Angel will just kick his ass." Gunn told her.
"Will Spike try to kill Mr. Angel?" She asked.
"Dunno but, Angel will just kick his ass." Gunn said.
"You sure about that?" Lorne asked as Angel got thrown into the bar mirror.
"According to Angel, he can kick Spike's ass." Gunn said calmly.
"Oh, I hope this ends like Rocky" Lorne gasped.
"Which Rocky?" Gun asked as Angel punched Spike and he fell.
"I don't know! The one where James Brown comes and signs...That isn't the one where Rocky kills a guy is it?" Lorne fretted.
"I'd assume that this will end like all there other fights when you factor in the souls...They'll both break some bones and things. Spike might get a few more broken. Then they will stop" Fred said.
"You never loved her! You left her, left her to die! She learned what love was through me!" Spike growled as he kicked Angel in the face.
"You...shut... your fake-accented mouth! You know nothing about Buffy and me! I didn't use her to hit on receptionists a year later." Angel yelled as he pummeled Spike.
"I'm a secretary" Talia snipped
"Yeah." Spike giggled now. "But you left. You left and you fucked sodding Darla...'Bout a year later, or was it two years?..." Angel got off of him and turned around.
"Does two years make it okay to shag your old Sire bitch that didn't have one decent bone in her body?" Spike asked Angel's back as he got up and brushed off broken glass.
"It's probably not over yet...if this is like their other fights." Fred whispered as she stopped Wesley from getting up.
"Tell me you were thinkin' a' Buffy when you screwed that dead whore and I'll kill you...You wanted your Lady Macbeth back... and now some boy is out there desperately trying to shut you out! And I have to make sure he can...Paying off Peter, so Paul will forget how you robbed him of EVERYTHING! " Spike growled. Angel grabbed Spike by the throat and lifted him up.
"Oh! That's harsh." Gunn winced.
"Yep..not over." Fred stated.
"What is he talking about?" Wesley asked.
"Don't talk about what you don't understand!...Everything I did was for Buffy. Then, everything I did was for my son...I loved Buffy. I loved her enough to allow her to not have pain from me; I did the same for my son. They are the reason I am in this office. Why are you here Spike?" Angel demanded. Spike kicked Angel and they both fell.
"I have my reasons too. Reasons you'd never bloody have. Love doesn't end when the girl isn't yours anymore...It doesn't end if she is gone...It doesn't end if she can never be yours...It doesn't even sodding end with her." Spike roared on the ground.
"I don't fucking care what your reasons are- You'll get nothing from me. Buffy made the mistake of letting you in. I won't! Get out!" Angel demeaned as he got up holding his arm. Spike laughed as Angel threw his shoulder into the wall to get it back into joint.
"Angel...Isn't there a reason you wanted him for this? He is a capable person that- Connor- Brian won't remember." Fred said.
"I can't even believe I let him in here, let alone almost trusted him with this! In all your research, you failed to pick up the fact that he was still evil, Fred." Angel grumbled.
"Well, granted there is always more than one way to look at data, but as far as what I found he wasn't evil and he has work experience with teens helping them and stuff ...not killing them...not now anyway...Except for that whole trigger of evil thing ...I didn't get the file on him and Faith killing a guy...They probably only did it a short while ago...It takes a while to archive these things...Sorry." Fred explained.
"Don't bloody apologize to him... Sounds like you're the one doing all the work...Never knew I had such a big fan club that archived my every piss...if I did piss." Spike said to Fred.
"Files and records." Angel grumbled into the phone as he snapped it back together. "Get me EVERYTHING on Spike and the Slayer and what they've done together...No, not that Slayer! The only one that's here now-Faith!" Angel groaned "No, I do not want it E-mailed to me...My computer is down." Angel kicked the cracked monitor of his now broken computer. "No, I don't want you to call tech. support! Just give it to me on the exotic stuff known as paper!"
"You keep your Sodding Evil CEO paws away from Faith! The last time she dealt with your little company and you it didn't end so well." Spike's eyes narrowed one was swollen almost shut.
"It WASN'T my company then...It's different now!" Angel spat.
"Oh my God! Did you know your eye is swelling shut?" Talia asked Spike in a moment of silence.
"Talia." Angel grumbled lowly. "If you like working here you will go and get that file-NOW!" With that, Talia ran off.
"Oh no, you're not a bloody fascist!" Spike scoffed. "I always wondered how those Enron or Pepsi people live with themselves...'Oh, it's not ME owning parts of every other company so I can insidiously own the world.. It's not me destroying the rain forests...It was the old company. It's the other branch that does that.'"
"I could have sworn I said: GET OUT!...And We don't own stock in every other company...You are listening to too much NPR" Angel grumbled.
"Actually, Angel..." Fred began.
"We do?...C'mon, how can we own stock in every company?" Angel haplessly insisted.
"Well, all the major ones...But, it's not like he said...We make them better" Fred said.
"Oh really? So you're a sweet fascist monopoly?" Spike smirked.
"I thought Angel made it clear that you were to-" Before Wesley could finish someone's cell phone rang. Everyone looked down at their phones.
"It ain't mine. Mine plays the baseline of 'Superstition.'" Gunn sighed.
"That's cool. I should get mine to do that," Fred said. Angel kept trying to answer his phone, but couldn't.
"Get your own song, woman!" Gunn chided.
"Hello...Hello...God I hate this thing!" He grumbled.
"It's not yours, Boss." Gunn called to Angel. Spike was kicking through broken glass on the floor until he found the phone.
"That you, Nib?" He said into the phone wearily. "I'm all right."
"Do you think that's Faith? I can't imagine the vileness they would bring out in each other." Wesley whispered to Angel.
"You are a sodding piece of work! I can't believe you called me about this...Well, I can't take care of it. I'm about four hours away...I thought Faith would tell you...I'm only gonna be gone one more day...Well, prolly two more days now...or maybe zero more days... Why yes, I can vague it up for you...I'm some where...I may or may not be partaking in something...Maybe the right thing to do...Maybe not...depending on what your philosophy of truth is...Is truth beauty- Is beauty truth? Ponder that one... That'll get you ready for college...Dawn, you can go anywhere you want! Just pick the college you want...We'll get the money...I'll get the money...Don't worry about it...Do the things kids do...I dunno make-out in cars with HUMAN boys...Go to prom...Do spells with Red." He coughed and sat down on the couch.
"That's not Faith...He said 'Dawn'...Do you think it's Buffy's sister?" Wesley asked.
"Wow, Wes...You may not be detecting much anymore, but you still have those mad skills." Gunn rolled his eyes.
"Ah, bloody hell." Spike winced in pain taking out a cigarette and flopping on one of the couches.
"No, I'm fine. Just needed a cigarette...and a drink...Can you get me Scotch, Love?...The black label stuff...Haven't had that stuff since I'd kill for it." Spike said softly to Talia, who had returned with a thick folder.
"Ah, a man after my own heart...except in the murderous rage department" Lonre said as he pulled the stapler out of the wall.
Fred and Gunn started to clean the various parts of the trashed office. Wes and Angel just remained standing staring at Spike as if they were waiting for demons to rise out of his phone.
"Thanks, Love." Spike said to Talia as she handed him the Scotch and looked at him sadly. "...No, not you, Dawn...Yes, Dawn I have a secret girlfriend four hours away...We met in an ensouled vamp chat room...Look, Nib, it's already dead. It can't hurt you. Just get it out of the house." Spike said.
"Oh, this vase! I loved this vase... I have to look into it, but I think there is a curse if you break it. You know how long it's been since this office has looked like this?" Lorne tisked as picked up the remains of a vase.
"Umm...Two weeks ago when that Bulega assassin demon got in?" Gunn asked as he threw some glass in a trash can.
"Oh, yeah I forgot about that." Fred said.
"That wasn't quite as bad as this...I was thinking it was more like last year" Lorne said.
"What the old zombies?" Talia asked.
"No, Angel got back from Sunnydale from when that Buffy girl had to jump dimensions in order for the biggest of big bads to go away...Totally trashed the place...Not that he still thought he had a chance...I think it was just a kick in the teeth finding out that he is human in a dimension with Buffy somewhere... Buffy-She really does sound like the girl you bring home to Mom." Lorne laughed.
"Hey Lorne...do you think you could NOT tell the employees my most painful and personal issues?" Angel snapped as Talia handed him the file.
"Oh Pull-ease! Assistants find out everything-whether you like it or not...Mine knows more about my personal life than I do...That is the only way they make good assistants" Lorne insisted.
"I read the file and I think that Spike is perfect for this... He's really helped the Slayer, and your son and the Slayer have a lot in common...Not the Slayer you and Spike both- The current vampire Slayer... Spike and her are pretty tight friends, and she has a lot in common with your son and his life with you-both were street kids, and they liked beating the snot out of people, but they really wanted someone to love...It's sad...I should call my Mom" Talia told Angel.
"See, she's good and seems to know a whole hell of a lot...I rest my case" Lorne said "What's the deal with this son?"
Talia walked to the mini-fridge and brought out two packets of blood. She put one on Spike's eye, and punched a straw through the other and handed it to him. "Thanks, Love...Aren't you sweet?"
"Everyone will know everything in due time...Did you just give him my blood?" Angel demanded from Talia, who didn't answer, but just gazed at Spike.
"Talia, could you leave us now, please" Angel said tensely.
"Look what you did to him? I bet everything Lydia said in her thesis about you was true...If she were alive...She'd be really pissed" Talia said almost tearfully.
"Talia...I promise you'll get to see him later, Okay?" Angel said softly. Talia left slowly.
"Nib...Just be a man and pick it up...No, you can't wait for me...It will stink up the sodding place before I get back...I dunno...Three days...Okay, just listen to me..." Spike was still on the phone. He rolled his eyes.
"He has the girl handling dead things. You're not still hiring him for... What was it you were hiring him for?" Wesley whispered. He winced as Spike slurped with the straw as he smirked up at him.
"Isn't Buffy's sister about the same age as Connor? Spike seems like he gets along with her...He's helping her with the dead thing. Keep in mind we need a strong Super human, Non-evil person to do this" Fred said gently.
"Someone 'Non-Evil.' That's all it takes to get trusted around here? What is the world coming to?" Wes asked.
"I dunno, Man. You think he'd screw the kid just to spite you?" Gunn asked.
"No, Spike was always a man of his word in business...Especially if he needs the money. He wants to have a reputation as a bad-ass, but a bad-ass that won't screw you...It's how he makes his money...He always kept Drusilla in dresses and dolls. He killed for some of it, but you can't kill for all of it...Not without putting your women in danger...If he didn't need anything for Dru he'd rip your heart out before you hit the ground...and then he wouldn't stop killing until he got something else in his head." Angel said this will a far away look in his eye.
"And this is the person you want to handle your son?" Gunn asked.
"What Son?" Wes and Lorne said in unison. Angel opened the file as Wes and Gunn looked over his shoulder. They all took parts of the file including Fred.
"Hey!" Gunn smiled. "Is it me or does Faith have a damn fine boyfriend?...Okay, I didn't mean that like it sounded...He looks like me...That's why I said it."
"Knowing Faith, this boyfriend doesn't mean she's not involved with Spike," Wesley muttered.
"So, Faith's a playa!" Gunn nodded happily.
"I really don't think this guy looks anything like you, Charles" Fred said.
"Well, he's black, bald, and fine... Again- only saying he's fine because he looks like me. We're the same type."
"What?" Fred scoffed "You think you just all look the same to us girls? I'm insulted. I find you much cuter."
"Really?" Gunn smiled.
"Yes, you have a cute innocent face and he has more of a serious sexy one...I prefer cute," Fred said.
"Oh God!" Angel gasped.
"I second that -now I'm insulted." Gunn pouted.
"No...look" Angel said handing Gunn some paper.
"Walk over there..." Spike was still on the phone "Are you standing over it? Right...Now look at it...It's dead. There's nothing there...It's at peace...Now, touch it...C'mon...with one finger..." He held the phone away from his ear and winced.
"Christ! Don't scream...At least don't scream into the phone...I'm hung...and this sun light isn't helping...Oh, I'm in a place with special windows that keeps out all the UV rays but lets in the sodding light...All the rich vamps have 'em...No, I bloody hate it...The sun hurts my eyes...I don't know how you people stare at it all day...It only looks good when it's coming up or going down. Don't worry about where I am..."
"How did he know about the glass?" Angel asked.
"Dracula...but, that's only speculation" Fred told Angel.
"This guy is a trip and a half" Lorne laughed as he looked at the file. "And takes on things I'd rather not know about." He threw the file down, and went over to the bar near Spike.
"Getting another call...It's Faith! She'll come save you, Okay..." Spike rolled his eyes.
"Here we go...God, I hope she stayed under control...If he has any influence on her what so ever, we are in a world of trouble, my friend." Wesley said lowly. He made sure his lips didn't move.
"I just wanna know what he left Dawn with." Angel said with still lips.
"SLAY-a!" Spike laughed.
"Say 'Hey' for me" Gunn said. Spike just glowered at him.
"What are you doin'?" Spike was smiling again, but then looked shocked. "Wha!? Oh my bloody God! That's horrible!"
"What? What's wrong?" Wesley demanded.
"Her boyfriend is taking her to a country music concert" Spike actually answered Wesley.
"So, Yay...on this Caleb guy being dead. I would have turned him inside out...Seems like they went easy on him and only turned him the wrong way around" Gunn sighed.
"Oh Charles!" Fred scoffed in disgust.
"Have you read about this guy yet?"
"No, I'm reading about the time they got thrown out of that restaurant from a whipped cream fight... Willow was there. How bad can Spike be if Willow was there?" Fred looked at Angel who was only paying attention to Spike on the phone now.
"Here" Gunn gave her some papers titled "Winters, Faith, The Bloody, William, Johnson, Caleb: June 30, 2003"
"I can't believe that the most recent information we have on them is a year old. I really have to do something about..." Fred's voice got stuck as she read something. "...this...backlog." Her eyes widened.
"Are we sure they really killed this guy? Like he's really dead forever? Not like Lilah dead?...Because if he's not really dead we should get on that whole inside-out thing" Fred swallowed.
"Here's a picture of the body, Babe...It's really waterlogged, but you can see where Faith burned out the eye...She is so cool," Gunn smiled.
"Oh, that's not country, Fi...That's Grassroots...I knew Wood couldn't be that daft... See, I'm so bloody classy. I'm sticking up for your man, even though he hates me... Told you-You have to ask him that...He should be the one to tell you. I'm sure he will when he tires of us being mates." Spike sighed and took a drag on his cigarette. The room was actually quiet for a moment until Spike spoke again. "Grassroots is completely different than country, Fi...It's like country mixed with blues until it's good...You'll like it, okay?...I as your watcher say you should go...I know, I'm way too cool to be your watcher...I'm your punching bag complete with files and records that can break necks. But that's a really long title...Wanna call me Master?..." He paused then laughed an honest laugh and then said "Bite me, bitch."
"What? What did he just say?" Wes demanded still not moving his lips.
"I said: 'Bite me, bitch'...And I have the vampire hearing too...I don't need to read lips!" Spike spat at Wesley and then turned back to his phone. "Christ, I'm with morons, Fi...I'm getting money...For Dawn, and you if you'll take it...You need to have money if your gonna go to school, or open a store, or become a rock-star, or whatever you wanna do." He smiled than his eyes narrowed into anger.
"You'll take the money, if I have to stuff it up your ass, Slayer!...Yeah, well let me tell you somethin' if I wanna do something for my friend...I'll sodding do it!" He yelled and went to stand up, but whined in pain and then softly said "Hey, before I forget do you wanna go to a 'Deftones' show in L.A.?"
"HELL YEAH!" Everyone heard Faith scream in the phone.
"Could you not do that... I'm hung...Sod you! I mean I'm hung over...You are such a dirty bird." Spike laughed.
"Is there anything here on the nature of their relation-" Wes began.
"No, I'm not shagging the Slayer!... Angel, I think your boy has a Slayer obsession...Better watch him." Spike growled.
"Balls." Spike groaned into the phone. "Yes...I'm in Angel's little cooperate kingdom whoring myself for cash...and there is this annoying Sod that got all buggery when I mentioned I knew you...Yeah, he is a Brit...Really?" Spike mouth opened a bit. He stood-up and stared as Wesley for a while who stared back.
"Well, no wonder you went all dark... He's a buggering pounce ...You were a precious 'Bit and I wouldn't trust him with a pet rock!" Spike laughed. It was Angel who held Wesley back from running at Spike as he stretched on the couch. "Oh c'mon just a little! You're spoiling my fun. ...All right, I'll leave him alone." Spike grumbled as he looked at Wesley.
"Can you say 'Hey' for me NOW?" Gunn asked.
"The black bloke that kicks ass says 'Hey' by the way." Spike sighed.
"She says 'Hey Gunn.' She wants to see you when we go see the 'Deftones' now...Look what I bloody started...You sure you wanna hang with the oppressors, Fi, even if they do kick ass?" Spike grimaced.
"Oppressor! 'Cuse me? Didn't you just call me 'the Black bloke'" Gunn exclaimed without any real anger.
"I'm here for money!...Yes, I still think it's evil...I think Peaches and all his mouseketeers are all in a spot of trouble and will go dark any day...And, maybe it will be us that will have to take them down" Spike said joyfully. "Well, you think Starbucks is evil and you work there, but you aren't a big Starbuck...I'm just a little mouse taking one turn on the wheel ...It's just a one time thing...A family matter."
"Why? Why am I doing this?" Angel groaned and put his head in his hands.
"Peaches? He still seems like Peaches...But, now he's a twenty-first century boy: He's a twenty-first century digital boy...Don't know how to live, but he's got a lot a' toys." Spike sang. Lorne looked at him deeply. Then poured him more Scotch.
"Thanks, Mate" Spike said.
"Don't mention it, Hun." He sighed.
"What? What did you see?" Angel whispered as he pulled Lorne aside and they whispered. Wes looked angrily back and forth between Angel and Lorne and Spike.
"How is it in the killing fields? Good. Good...Ah, Brilliant." Spike smiled with his eyes closed.
"Why do you wanna talk to him?" Spike demanded with his eyes open wide now.
"He is not. He is a sodding horrid friend...He hit me in the face a bunch of times, so I had to hit back...Bloody Hell! I didn't do anything...He did it...Yeah, it was." Spike laughed suddenly.
"No! Wood hating me has nothing to do with Buffy...There are about three whole things in my life that don't now." Spike began counting on his hand.
"Your boyfriend hating me...You... What do you mean? You have nothing to do with Buffy! You couldn't be more different...So what if she asked me to help you. If you were a tight-assed bitch I'd help you like anyone would help a lady slay things, but I wouldn't be taking you to a sodding 'Deftones' show, would I?...Balls, you are a pain- Oh, the third thing is that there is this bird that asked me to the Deftones show and she seems like a real hell-cat...But, I can't - I miss Buffy- I could never be with-
"Spike! Get off the phone!" Angel grumbled suddenly.
"Well, maybe I COULD go to the show with her and possibly do the one-night-shag...You know how long it's been since I've done that?... I dunno. Hang on."
"Cutie." Spike looked over at Fred. "Pull up the file on the last time I had a one-nighter."
This made Lorne burst out laughing. Wesley and Angel both glowered.
"They- uh- Don't have stuff like that do they?" Gunn demanded.
"No, they only have significant things...I mean if the one night stand turned out to be significant ..like someone got Herpes or conceived an evil demon baby they'd go back and find it." Fred sighed.
"If we really wanted to be a good guy company we'd find a way to tell someone about the herpes before hand...I'm just saying...It would be nice to help people...in...any way." Angel stammered as everyone stared at him
"You don't really want to talk to Peaches...He has children in sweat shops somewhere, but he pays other people to know about it...He's paying me to make people forget about a child." Spike sighed.
"Spike!" Angel roared.
"See, it's so easy to brass him off...Okay, talk to, Mr. Peaches CEO, on MY minutes...It's not the bloody point I have unlimited minutes!" Spike grumbled. Then his face softened in surprise.
"Don't worry...It's not dangerous. You just asked if I could get killed...You didn't even ask if I'D kill somebody, I suppose that's okay with you." Spike laughed and beamed as Wesley's mouth became a straight line.
"Yes, as long as I'm all right-screw the sweat shop children," Spike said still laughing. Wesley bit his lip.
"We don't have any sweat shop children, do we?" Angel asked Fred. She shook her head.
"No killing...It's rather boring really...But, lessee I need to heal now, so that'll take a day...Then I need to go to Sacramento...Yep, Sodding Sacramento, where all the shinny happy families live, apparently...That will take a sodding day...Then I'll be back the next night...The 'Deftone' show...Peach, when is the 'Deftone' show?" Spike asked. Angel just looked at Lorne.
"The third...Tell that little Pistol I said 'Hello'" Lorne smiled.
"The Pylea demon said 'hi'...The green guy...She said 'Hey.' She said she actually likes some disco now, because of you. She wants to know if you're coming to the 'Deftones' show." Spike said to Lorne.
"Tell you what...Punk really isn't my scene, but I'll go, if you tell me how the hell you knew where I was from." Lorne said with his mouth open.
"He's coming...He is cool...So different from the other Pylea people that crossed over...No, you don't understand, Love. All of Peach's people seem very cool, cooler than him. That was always one of Peach's talents he knows how to suck in the best blokes and bints so he can make himself look better than he is...But, I think all of these people will slide down the slippery slope unless they get away from this sodding place...I can feel the evil here, Fi." He said more seriously.
"Why don't you tell us how you really feel?" Fred asked with an eye-roll.
"You're people are the ones hovering over my conversation, Cutie." Spike said to Fred.
"SPIKE GET OFF THE PHONE!" Angel yelled in vampire face.
"I'll say! The two of you talk longer than me and Miss Joan -the diva- Rivers, and you're almost as bitchy" Lorne sighed.
"You sure you want to him to talk to him?...Oh, Do me a favor. Go to Buffy's and throw away a dead rat...Dawnie is suddenly too girlie. She'll slay a demon, but never touch a dead little mouse...K...Here's Mickey." Spike handed the phone to Angel.
"Faith" Angel said lowly.
"I'm fine. No. We're fine. Don't listen to him...No, you couldn't have done this for me...Sadly, Spike is the best person to do it...No, I won't take care of him! He can take care of himself...hopefully...and he's your boy now?" Angel grumbled.
"No, I am not Citizen Caning! I AM happy...No of course not perfectly happy!" Angel grumbled.
"I not being a Dick...I would like to see you...We all would" Angel said softly now.
"Tell her to take advantage of her employee stock options at Starbucks." Wesley called.
"Did you hear Wes?...Well, if you ever need to borrow money, Faith...Okay, okay, okay...I didn't mean to insult you...Okay, good. See you later, bye" Angel closed the phone as Spike glared at him.
"I thought all vampires weren't phone people...but it's just Angel" Fred said absent mindedly.
"You'll give Faith this place's bloody money over my dead body" Spike growled at Angel.
"You want it laundered through your dead body first- fine...Are we gonna deal here or what?"
"Hit me." Spike smiled.
"From the look of your face...I already did that enough" Angel smiled. "Fred?"
Fred set-up a PowerPoint and dimmed the lights and gave Spike a folder.
"Oh lovely. Slides of the family vacation!" Spike rolled his eyes.
"This is Brian. Brian Fox." Fred said as she showed a picture of a smiling Eighteen-ish boy outside.
"Skinny little runt...must have gotten that from Mum" Spike smiled.
"Don't test me Spike...if you do ANYTHING wrong to him I'll make December 8th 1886 feel like a cake walk" Angel grumbled.
"All right, all right. No need to channel your better half" Spike said defensively. "I've got nothin' against the boy. I'm givin' him a life without you, aren't I?"
"This is his mother Charlene, a music teacher. This is his father Lawrence, he's a brain surgeon" Fred continued.
"Wanted to get as opposite as you as possible, eh?" Spike laughed.
"These are his sisters Quinn, 22 in graduate school for..for..Oh no! I forget! I think Art or Art therapy." Fred stammered.
"All right...Big Sis prolonging school on Daddy's money 'cause it beats working...Next." Spike grumbled.
"This is his other sister Jolene, Joey, whose 15 in high school-"
"Hey! You didn't say anything 'bout dosing a little girl! I am not gonna dose a little girl!" Spike rose furiously.
"William, just listen... You won't be hurting her." Fred said softly.
"Yeah! Just having her live a sodding lie! People like you-"
"Are just like the people that made Dawn... Are you living a lie with Dawn? Would you rather have her on the streets of LA?" Angel demanded. Spike sat down his arms crossed.
"It's Jolene and Brain that have started having the dreams" Fred explained.
"'Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top.'" Spike muttered.
"Virginia Woolfe...He can be taught something" Wesley muttered.
"Knock it off, Spike" Angel grumbled.
"He doesn't like when I quote the smart people. Metaphysics make your boss all dizzy" Spike whispered. Wesley glanced at Angel bemused and concerned as Fred continued
"They are having dreams that Brain was never really part of the Fox family until last year. Jolene has dreamt what the Fox's life would have been without Brian. They have become more and more vivid to her...She started to believe that they are real. She remembers Brain suddenly being there last year, for real, and everyone just thought he had always been there. But, Jolene swears that isn't the way it was..." Fred was showing pictures of the girl. In every picture she looked more and more tired.
"'But does it matter whether it was a dream or reality, if the dream made known to me the truth?'...Eh, Peach?'" Spike winked at Angel, who just ignored him now.
"Tolstoy" Wesley stated.
"Dostoevsky" Spike snorted. "Shoulda spend more on the Lit department in the Council."
"She has insisted that every event in the families life has happened differently...She can remember her past reality with Brian, when she was under fourteen, less and less everyday. Her delusion is becoming her reality and vice versa. Psychologists are saying that she must have a deep resentment towards her brother, and now she had a psychotic break. Jolene has gotten more and more depressed... She thinks she is going crazy. Her grades are slipping. She doesn't do any of the things she used to enjoy doing." Fred continued.
"Can we not play this game, Cutie?" Spike asked Fred "The kid's getting smart. She's not delusional. She's bloody sane!...You're the ones driving her crazy...You're the ones playing CIA and putting lies in her noggin'...Peaches got a play thing and he fucked it up as much as he possibly could, and then he got bored and made it somebody else's problem. That's what he does. You wanna know who hasn't changed-"
"Would you shut the hell up and just listen to me? I worked hard on this and I worked hard on rebuilding my own memories just so I could understand all this for your stupid ass, so you wouldn't ruin the mission... I know all about you and I'm not some little intern that is going to fawn all over you like you're- like you're- some sexy serial killer guy! And I don't care that you have a soul and like kids now! I just think you're very rude and annoying very very annoying" Fred shouted.
"Cutie's got a bit of fire" Spike smiled. "If you know all about me and my rudeness, you'd know I don't like to swim in denial as much as the prince of lies here does. So, let's call it like it is. This here is Angel's boy he made with my favorite evil Grand-bitch Darla."
"Angel made what with the Grad who now?" Lorne gasped.
"Angel what the-" Wes began.
"It's true. I had Wolfram and Heart build memories for him and this family... so he could be happy. That's why I accepted the Wolfram and Heart deal- for Connor—Brian," Angel sighed and got up to face the window.
"Yeah and he had the Big Bad lawyers erased all your memories of the kid too...What a buddy your boss is, huh? Kid must 'a been a real pain in the ass just like-" Spike was interrupted by Angel hitting him in the face at full force. Spike laughed and spit out a bloody tooth at him. Then blew him an obnoxious kiss.
"Ew!" Fred crinkled up her nose.
"Don't worry. They grow back by morning, Cutie" Spike explained.
"I don't give a rat's ass that was just disgusting" Fred scoffed. It seemed like Spike's feelings may have been hurt for a second.
"Why do this Angel? and Why is HE here?" Wesley asked
"Oh-oh! I'll field this one, Dad." Spike raised his hand and smiled.
"You see EX-watcher, you're all endowed corp. here wasn't as big as it thought. It did a fine job screwing with the minds of the distant people in the boy's so-called-life: friends of the family, the dentist, the mailman, they remember his awkward years with skinned knees and braces just fine, or at least they think they do. But...for lab rats closer to the boy, turns out corporations are better at destroying than creating-Imagine that. The saps that were supposed to forget about him all together like you an' me forgot just fine. But all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put the phony memories in straight for the family. The little bit and the boy are starting to see the truth...'Mummy, the emperor has no clothes.' or in this case...'Mummy, I am not really yours; I belong to the naked emperor.' Children are always the first to smell a rat...But, Cutie here figured the rest of the family will soon follow... So, Sire is sending in his other insurrectionist child- ME- to dose the family with some acid or something that with keep them under the thrall he wants."
"The family is going to start losing the memories-or-a-regaining them one by one in age order, but they'll be miserable and they won't be sure what's real- like Jolene...We know that Brian has started having the dreams too because he told Jolene. We don't know to what extent Brian's memories have returned he may be downplaying how much he does remember or even lying and saying he's had dreams to make Jolene feel better...We don't know. He only told Jolene. They actually don't resent each other at all...In fact they are very close..." Fred explained. She started showing pictures of Brian and Jolene together at different ages. They always were laughing. Everyone was silent staring up at the screen accept Angel.
"Here's the last one we have...right before the dreams started" Fred said lowly. It was Jolene with cotton candy all over her face and hands trying her best to rub it all over Brian.
"Hey, that's Great Adventure!" Lorne exclaimed. "I've been there. It was easy to go because people just thought I was part of some show...as always."
"Brat seems just like Dawn at that age. Food went everywhere except her mouth. What a bloody spaz she was" Spike snickered. He looked behind him to see Angel still looking out the window. Spike rolled his eyes and took a drag of his cigarette.
"But, Angel why do this? Did you feel that life with us- with you- was too dangerous?" Wesley asked.
"Are you Kidding? Talia told me the boy was big and bad. Some sort of vamp hybrid with none of the draw backs of the face, and the sunlight, and the blood crave...if you call those draw backs...Hey, maybe I should spawn a rug-rat! They could mow the lawn, get milk, beat down things for me during the day...Did you have them strip all of that away from him, Peach?" Spike asked snidely.
"Well, something awful must have happened for Angel to do this. He was a hybrid? Was he evil? Did he have no soul?" Wesley demanded. Angel was silent.
"On the contrary, maybe if he had no soul he could have tolerated Angel for a few more years...When you have no soul all that hate seems normal." Spike grinned at a frowning Wesley.
"The boy having a soul and a bit of sense hated Peach's so bloody much he couldn't see straight-literally. Like some of Peach's other dollies the boy went mad...So Peach did what he does best-he leaves-but he sets the brat up to be someone else's burden...And everything is better because these people actually aren't dead inside. They can love the boy"
"You don't know anything about Angel and why he did this!" Fred snapped.
"Oh, Cutie...I am sure you're brilliant. With the exception of his Baby-Mama, Peach does have such good taste in women. But, what they never realize is that I know EVERYTHING about him and why he does what he does to them- and now to the boy... Why do you think I'm here and not one of his ass kissing cronies? Why do you think your Angel hasn't tried to toss me out?"
While Spike lit another cigarette, everyone else looked at Angel waiting for a response. Angel was just facing the window-looking down in the light.
"This is all so 'Stella Dallis' meets 'East of Eden.'" Lorne sighed.
"Or 'Dallas' meets 'Star Wars.'" Gunn said.
"Just...Quit calling me 'Cutie'! I swear I don't why Willow hangs out with you!" Fred was flustered.
"You an' Red had a thing... I can see that. Red and I don't really 'hang out.' We just always find ourselves loving the same people, and we have a mutual respect... She is a cutie with a bit of fire too. We should really talk more, I suppose" Spike smiled.
"Call me Cutie again and I'll swell up your other eye" Fred grumbled.
"Oh...you a witch too?...This place will make you go dark. Red will have to come save you, I suspect. I call you 'Cutie' 'cause I don't know your name...No one properly introduced themselves. Now who's rude?" Spike asked.
"Oh...Well...I'm Fred" Fred stammered.
"Fred, that makes sense, you being of the...witch persuasion" Spike smiled.
"This is Lorne."
"Lorne? Doesn't sound Pylean. That your show biz name?" Spike asked.
"Please, my brain is overflowing because Angel has had a son the whole time I've known him. I don't need to be reminded of the whole shock of you knowing where I'm from." Lorne sighed.
"Actually, Lorne...Angel just had Connor for about two years...He was kidnapped and taken to another dimension where time moves differently and he came back as eighteen years old" Fred explained.
"Oh...of course," Lorne said as he poured himself another drink.
"That's Charles...Gunn- Charles Gunn" Fred told him as Gunn nodded.
"Peaches lucked out with you. I imagine you were a fighter before he came along. I just wish I could say that you lucked out with him, " Spike said.
"I'm not one to bitch about my boss...I'll leave that to you," Gunn said plainly.
"You shag my Slayer?" Spike asked Gunn.
"You-shag-my-slay-a?...Did you and Faith bump uglies?" He repeated.
"I really don't think that's any of your damn business!" Gunn replied.
"Aw, ya didn't... Too bad, man... And now she's doing the whole boyfriend bit with Wood. You woulda been so much better for her...I think" Spike sighed.
"Listen, I-" Gunn began angrily and then softened. "Thanks."
"Ummm and this is Wesley."
"I really don't understand why you are here and I really do not like you in the slightest." Wesley commented.
"Mmm" Spike shook his head "Angel isn't the only failed Daddy in the room. I only know bits 'a your story with my Slayer, but don't worry she's got a way better replacement too, and I'm sure she's forgotten you with out the magics."
"He'll be out of here real soon, Wes." Angel said before Wes could respond.
"Right, well, until he is-I am- all right?" Wesley said firmly. Angel nodded and Wesley began to leave.
"So, if I land in the big house or the hospital please don't visit me unless you need me to save your ass!" Spike called after Wesley. Gunn started laughing.
"Charles!" Fred gasped.
"No, see it's funny because Faith was in the hospital and then jail and Wes never visited her until...Sorry" Gunn halted his laughing as Fred looked upset. "Hey man, lay off with the poignant insults!" Gunn tried to say to Spike firmly.
"Here are the pills. We created them down at the lab. I've given you all of them. There are some extra...just in case. If I find ANY of them sold on the black market, there will be consequences," Fred said dully and gave Spike a bottle.
"One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small, and the ones that Father gives you don't do anything at all," Spike sang as he held what looked like a black bean between his fingers.
"Honey, you make my head hurt," Lorne sighed.
"Sorry. Just something about all this cheery sunshine makes me go all Julie Andrews, Right Peach?" Spike snickered as he looked at Angel who was still looking out the window as still as a statue.
"Ya know, speaking of consequences, Cu-Freddy... If this is black magic-It's gonna have a price...For you...For the boy. I know you're not in my fan club, but just trust me," Spike sighed.
"It's not magic. It's pharmacological," Fred said.
"Farma-wha?" Lorne asked.
"It's synthetic...a drug. It's only affect is to make people believe in the reality they are supposed to, if they are actually trapped between two realities whether the realities were created by magic or different dimensions or whatever creates a schism," Fred explained.
"What do you mean 'makes them believe in the reality they are SUPPOSED to?' How does a pill decide which reality is right? I mean, what if I thought I was SUPPOSED to be Wesley Snipes, I'd take that pill and believe it? " Gunn asked.
"No, Charles. It will put the person in line with the rest of the universe's reality, it won't make you a delusional idiot just to be happy. Even if that's what you wanted," Fred sighed.
"Kind of like Prozac," Lorne said. "Say...Ang, I understand this whole floating baby boy down the river, but you'd tell me if he and I double dated the Judd sisters or something?"
"That's a pretty good question," Gunn stated.
"Gunn, you know already...The memories that were taken have no affect on your life. Everything has happened as you know it, accept I had a son...and that is the real reason I am here at Wolfram and Heart," Angel explained
"So, no horrible consequences from the pill-just dry mouth and diarrhea...But, what about all the magics you did to get the world this way? When is that going to come all crashing down around you?" Spike asked.
"THAT'S a pretty good question," Gunn stated again.
"That isn't any of your concern," Angel said dully.
"Fine by me. Don't say I didn't warn you...So, am I your angel, Charlie?" Spike asked with a grin as he walked over to Angel.
"I want to see you again right after with a full report on all these specifics," Angel sighed handing spike a paper which he stuffed in his pocket.
"Hang on, Charlie! Got a few previsions. First things first... I am not running past my house twice for you. I'll call you and tell you how the Spengoli went... If you need to see my pretty face so bad, I'm sure my Slayer is gonna wanna see you when we're here for the show, and I'm not leavin' her with you for a minute... This cooperate life is slowly Angelus-ing you from the inside out, and I dunno what happened between her and your better half last time she saved your ass, but it's not happening again" Spike growled.
"Fine you can wait for your money then too," Angel grumbled.
"Speaking of the money...My fee just doubled...I charge extra for dosing minors," Spike smiled.
"Fine," Angel growled.
"Boss, you do remember how much money we're talkin' about?" Gunn asked. Angel didn't answer.
"Eow! Eow! How much? How much?" Lorne asked giddily. Gunn whispered in his ear.
"Oh! Baby, you're a rich man!" Lorne exclaimed.
"I'm guessing you've never sent two girls to college, and set one up in a business." Spike stated.
"What kind of business?" Lorne asked.
"Motorcycles, selling and fixing," Spike stated as he put his hands behind his back and paced.
"Nope. But, I set a girl up in the music business and we marketed her as this hip-hop punky biker chick...That did cost a pretty penny," Lorne said.
"Oh her...Well, on behalf of the white demographic ages 17- 140 from the male and female biker, punk, gay, and average sods focus groups...We are really bloody sick of her," Spike said.
"Really? She is really such a nice kid...How 'bout the Hip-hop young Urban demographic?" Lorne asked.
"Why you lookin' at me?" Gunn raised his eyebrow.
"I know a 'Bit you can call. A friend of Fi's" Spike said.
"Spike!" Angel barked "Quit annoying my people and get to work!"
"THEY started talking to me...I'm not finished yet." He said slyly as he breathed on the glass
that allowed him in sunlight.
"Look, Lorne, Gunn, Do you guys-" Angel began.
"Have actual work we could be doing, so we don't encourage your out of control ADD childe?" Lorne asked.
"Have a very cool job waiting of training Ninja Kats, now that it's all out in the open that you 'Matrixed' our memories? Sure."
"..And the king dismissed his men, and kept his lady to show strength in front of the emissary" Spike sang.
"She's not his lady" Gunn smirked.
"Of course not... Just the Lady of the court...Just like you're not minions. You're Lords," Spike smiled.
"I can live with that," Gunn nodded and left.
"So, 'Deftones' with the Slayer on the third...Bring whoever...I'm sure anyone that you would know would totally have the right look for that club..." Lorne waved at Spike.
"Oh...Will you lose respect for me when you see the motley crew I'm brining to town," Spike smirked
"Well, with just you and that blue-headed bombshell, and the Spitfire Slayer the place will look goooood" Lorne said as he stood in the door way.
"Lorne" Angel groaned.
"I'm sorry...I guess we are supposed to hate him? I just can't...Not with the signing and the seeing of the bittersweet and the devotion and passion and the kismet...Lots of kismet." Lorne said excitedly. "See you and the pistol later and then later and then...then.. " He sighed or took a breath "later...but don't worry. It's all good." And with that he left Spike with a raised eyebrow. Then Spike put held his hands together behind his back and leaned into the window.
"You have cars with this kinda glass, Sire?" He asked drawing something in his not-needed breath's fog. It was the anarchy symbol.
"No way, Spike!" Angel snarled.
"Oh, I don't believe you! I think you have a fleet of them" Spike mock whined.
"No, Spike! Now take it or forget it all!"
"I want a car I can sunbathe in, and if you think I'm steppin' out like this you're lesser vain of the two us... I want to wait until I'm all healed and pretty again. I wanna be set up at a hotel for the night... all expenses paid with room service and an honor bar...You can afford a seven dollar snickers bar..." Spike winked at Fred and spoke again before she could object.
"And I want your word, as an honest businessman you won't involve Fi or Red- Faith or Willow- in ANY of your business dealings. I don't want those birds to set foot in this place. I'm not one to miss out on a bit of harmless fun with some swell peeps, like the ones that you have managed to glom on to this century...I'll play with your friendly pets, that were good to my Slayer, but I want her away from the ones that bit her. When we come to see the 'Deftones' I want that buggering ponce to stay away from Faith" Spike smirked.
"Do you really think I need you for this? Do you realize that there are a thousand people I could get besides you and all of them have been looking a thousand times better since you walked in here," Angel snapped.
"Yes, I think you really do need me for this. Even though I can be a bit slow I knew you weren't calling ME out of the goodness of your heart after you took everything I ever cared about from me...You would have never called me over my Slayer, but she must have had some contact with the boy... Maybe she was the best time in his life, and seeing her would make him remember it, and of course seeing you would remind him of the worst. But, when he sees my lovely mug he gets nothing, because I'm guessing you never showed him any old family photos."
"Angel, we CAN just use send our people over there to hire some people to put it in the food like Knox suggested," Fred said gently as she walked over and touched Angel's arm.
"I think Boss is afraid that Junior is remembering more than he is letting on to little Sis...And he may be afraid the boy does have some of that vamp power left and he needs my muscle if the boy should start swingin'. And, if fortunate son does remember Dad the boy isn't gonna want someone to sugar coat Daddy for him. He's gonna want someone with my virtue who sees Daddy as plain as day as he does. My girl, Buffy, she could never see it... and how convenient it was that HER memory of you and Big D's love child was erased before she took off...You Buggering Mother F-"
"Buffy knew! She loved Connor when she knew...I mean- she loved that I had a son," Angel grumbled.
"Nope Buffy couldn't see it..." Spike continued calmly. "Dru DID see it, but she was so mad she loved it...My Slayer now, I think she sees it, but she doesn't have the heart to admit it... We all have to have our delusions or society would collapse in two weeks, right? But who is really the one who has the virtue and the wisdom when the smoke clears? "
"And what is it that you are so smart and vitreous to see?" Fred scowled.
"Emperor's clothes, Freddy...Soul or not Daddy is an egotistical tyrant and all his benevolence is self-serving" Spike smiled.
"Oh, shut your fat mouth, at least Angel has benevolence! You are just here to torture him and get paid to do it "Fred snapped.
"Well, I had a good teacher, unlike my Slayer...Knowing that Fi's dead beat Dad is on your team gets my teeth out." Spike grumbled.
"I think you're teeth were out way before Wesley. In fact I KNOW they were." Fred commented.
"Nonetheless, I don't want him near my Slayer. HE is the bad influence"
"Quit calling Faith that-You can't own people Spike! Faith and Wesley made peace before you even met her" Angel snapped.
"I can't own people 'cause you own them all already. Stock in every company. You're little prick in every-" Spike was interrupted by getting punched again. He slid across the floor until he hit the wall.
"Get the fuck out or I swear I will beat you to death." Angel said lowly. There was a dull ringing. Spike got his phone out of his back pocket.
"You got good timing Nib...Oh it's you." He grumbled his eyes narrowing.
"Yes, I am...Did you call me to find that out for your newsletter on me. I'm sure they have one they put out here you could just copy...Sod off!...Oh, there's more in the basement in that cabinet in the back...No! In the back! Well, I know you only got the one eye, but LOOK." Spike sneered and rolled his eyes. Wesley came bounding into the office and stepped on Spike.
"Do you mind?" Spike blustered. Wesley glowered down at him.
"I just got the full report on your son...I am sorry Angel, about everything" Wesley sighed.
"It's in the past, Wes" Angel said.
"Yes, but it was in a past I couldn't remember, and I would have liked to have remembered it even if the memories were less than pleasant...For the longest time I didn't understand why I split off about something so petty as my feelings for Fred...Not that my feelings for Fred were...Why did you erase our memories?" Wesley asked.
"I didn't have a choice it was all or nothing" Angel murmured.
"I understand...But, couldn't you have told us before now, it would have made my motivations for some of my actions a lot more clear" Wesley said.
"Every one's memories are exactly the same they just don't have Connor in them," Angel told them.
"How can that be true though? I mean one person can change everything in your life. If I didn't know you I would still be in Pylea" Fred said to Angel.
"I thought you were the one that understood how this all worked...If you had to forget me, you'd still be here working at Wolfram and Heart with everyone. You would just remember meeting Gunn in the cave and Wesley would have always been the boss or something...Nothing would really be changed" Angel insisted gently.
"I understand how it works. I just think that would change everything," Fred replied.
"Well, I had no choice" Angel insisted.
"You have a choice now," Wesley said.
"I can't do that to him. I can't bring him back here after he thought he had the life he always wanted" Angel said miserably.
"No!" Wesley exclaimed "Not that. Get William the Bloody out of here. Get someone else or do it yourself. I don't trust him! Not in the least! And I'll make sure my department keeps an eye on him in Sunnydale with Faith." Everyone looked over at Spike.
"I must be speaking Chinese...Oh, no! It's that you're a moron...I've told you EXACTLY where it was five times...Wha? Faith is there! Well, why in God's name am I talking to you?...I swear I hate you more each day! Oh wait...Do you wanna go see the 'Deftones' in LA with Fi an' me?... Well, Angel's secretary wants to shag me, and she asked me... I'm bringing you because I sodding want to!...I can't. No, you Sod, it's not because she's Angel's secretary! Why do you think?...Well, thanks but I don't need the opinion of a moron...Sod off! Oh, tell Fi to ask Kennedy and Red...Well, tell Red she can see her cute little friend Fred and then she'll come...I dunno, we'll crash Peach's place...Don't worry he's pouting over his latest fuck-up so we won't see him...We can bring Dawnie. She can see her bastard father who hasn't given us a dime. Hey, Dawn has to learn to drive already and I can teach her now...No! The Desoto is dead, anyway," Spike scoffed. All of Angel's people stared at him waiting for him to say something-anything. He didn't.
"Oh!" Spike gasped suddenly, "Did Fi ever tell you that her old watcher has taken up with Angel?...Yeah! No!...She can be so closed lipped. It's 'cause she knew I'd come down here and beat the-Really?" Spike laughed hard now.
"Who the hell is he talking to?" Wes demanded.
"Some one-eyed demon," Fred said.
"Ow! Oh bugger, I think I have a broken rib...Lemme talk to Fi" He sighed still laughing.
"Fi," Spike gulped. "The idiot can't find the rat poison...It's in that place where I left that thing that time...Oh. I wanna tell you something, Fi. But, you have to promise not to bitch"
"So...now that's Faith. Why does he call her that 'Fi'...It's not in the file" Wes grumbled as he looked in the file.
"It's sort for 'Firecracker'...Look in the file to find out why I call you a buggering ponce" Spike called to Wesley.
"Nothing. Nobody. I AM nice. I am not the evil CEO. I'm the bloody worker on the floor-literally." Spike said "Okay, now listen...In that place where I left that ax...No, THAT ax...The hero's ax. I dunno, Fi which one is the hero's ax?" Spike asked rhetorically.
"That's my girl...Well, that's what it's called. Okay, underneath it is a key on a chain. No, it's to a deposit box in Bank of America...Yes, I'm bloody serious...I don't know why that is so funny...If something should happen to me..." He sighed and held the phone away from his ear.
"IF SOMETHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO ME...WHICH IT WON'T...like if I have to jump dimensions, or if I go into a coma, or if I should be taken in as the son of Daddy Warbuck's and all our memories are Matrixed...Take that key...You listening ... take that key to B of A on Main and you an' Nib get the prize inside..Not telling...Not arguing...Hanging up. Call you later! No, no, hanging up." Spike insisted and hung up. His phone instantly started ringing again.
"Incorrigible little vixen" Spike grinned as he got up. He opened the phone saying. "You won't deny a man his dying wish...Well, his un-dead dying wish...It's only 4k for each of you...Are you daft? That's nothing. You are naive when it comes to money...You are! It's 'cause you knicked everything before...Don't you give it all to her...It's for both of you. Hey! You're breaking-up-losing signal...I'm in the sewer...Believe me I'm in the sewer! Bye...Can't hear you! Bye"
"Like I said, incorrigible." He grinned "A lesser man might give up and get an office job."
"Did Faith tell you anything of what happened between us? Of what she did to your beloved Buffy, to Angel, to me? Did she tell you we forgave her for it all? Did she tell you I saved her from the council the day after she tortured me?"
"You were part of the bloody council!" Spike snapped.
"And you were part of the fanged four! The most depraved bloody thirsty family of vampires that killed thousands! You killed two Slayers yourself." Wesley demanded.
"Who the bloody hell is the fanged four?...It doesn't matter. I know this is where I'm supposed to say: 'Oh boo-bloody-hoo! You are so right and good and I am so bad and wrong. Please forgive me' I was a bloody vampire! That was what I was supposed to do! I was evil! I had no little angel on my shoulder! I was a sodding lion. They were the zebra. I fed" Spike growled at him.
"You took pleasure in killing young girls" Wesley snarled.
"I did, but than again that was in the job description. The Slayer knew I was gonna try to hurt her. They all knew where they stood with me. I was going to kill them, or die at their hand. What they didn't know was that was what you were gonna do that from the inside. I didn't say: 'Daddy's here' and stick the knife in her back, and that was what the council was all about," Spike yelled.
"That's not-I left the council and I saved Faith!" Wesley insisted.
"Oh, I've heard this song before with Rupert! I know how it ends. You can take the watcher out of the council, but you can't take the council out of the good little watcher boy!"
"What the bloody hell does that mean?"
"It means that you were no vampire, but you used a little girl to feel like a big man. You were lucky. You got one of the best...I knew them all. One of the top three. But she was flawed, and you resented that so much, didn't you? Because you were such a sodding failure yourself you wanted a flawless little doll to parade around. Her only flaw was she had been used so many times. All she needed was a little care and she'd be fine...Or she just needed that one good rogering to push her over the edge, and you were there for her, Watcher boy." Spike was then hit in the face by Wesley.
"Impressive... You've been workin' on that?" Spike smirked as he readjusted he jaw.
"Faith would never say these things about me! You're full of it!"
"Faith would never say these things about you because she doesn't say anything about you at all. That's how I know I'm not full of shit at all," Spike laughed.
"Wes, don't listen to him," Angel groaned. "He's the same as he was one hundred years ago...You can take the evil out of the boy, just not the piss-ant"
"All you know about me from a hundred years ago and now is probably all you know about your boy...That I'm rightfully brassed off," Spike scoffed.
"See...he's like a little yapping pit-bull. He pisses around what he thinks is his and when he feels threatened he sinks his teeth in...Trying to get his little jaws open hurts more than if you just let him get bored and let go." Angel said softly to Wesley.
"Bloody threatened! By him! The only real men you have here are the kick ass kid and the lounge lizard, who is probably gay, but real nonetheless-until you corrupt them with all this glitter" Spike insisted.
"Yeah, I see what you mean, Angel. Arf, arf! No wonder Faith never talks about you, Wesley...Who'd wanna hear this?" Fred glared at Spike.
"I- you- he...Shut-up!" Spike stammered.
"Bye," Fred said cheerfully as she handed him the folder and the pills.
"You can't be-" Wesley began.
"So we're clear, Sigh...Double or nothing...Sunshine Car...Expenses, hotel...Deadbeat is to be scarce when -Fi- Faith is here...None of my girls are to be your angels...I'm the only blond 'Ho." Spike grinned again.
"Faith and Willow aren't your girls! You don't have ANY girls! If they or anyone I know is interested in working for me or seeing Wes they are welcome to" Angel scoffed.
"Fine! She won't wanna see him anyway!" Spike nostrils flared. "You have a job for her? I'll make her realize what this place is and what you are. If she wants to go she'll have to beat on me...And she won't- She can't bare to hurt me" Spike said as he and Wesley glared at each other.
"Don't be jealous, Spikey. I don't have any jobs planned for anyone but you. I am just not going to forbid anyone to do anything...I'm not a fascist, or a whiny manipulative child...Now, out, wait, sit, stay and I'll get you your little toys you worked so hard for with the tantrum," Angel said mockingly sweet.
"There is one more thing" Spike said lowly.
"What?" Angel grumbled.
"Files and records. I want access to them." Spike's voice glided.
"Absolutely not" Angel said firmly.
"What are you afraid of? That I'll suck your little world into hell?" Spike chuckled.
"I thought you knew everything, Spike. What do you wanna know so bad?"
"Like I would tell you!"
"I only have scant reports from other dimensions... All I know is that Buffy and I are doing well. She graduated college last year, and our son just turned one" Angel said.
"What business do you have breeding all these children? One of you has done enough sodding damage!" Spike roared.
"I seem to be doing fine there" Angel smirked.
"What did you do there? Convince her to stop with the ruff and tumble? Had Faith take over? Try to get her to be Donna Reed? She needs to fight like she needs to shag-not that you would really know about that. You won't last!" Spike spat fiercely.
"Faith is dead there. She killed herself."
"You Sodding-" Spike gulped in some air, as if he had to. "Too busy with Buffy to get up off your ass and lend a hand."
"She killed herself, Spike...I'm sure Buffy and I-"
"I am sure BUFFY, your barley-legal bride, tried to do what she could...But, She and Faith were both children...They needed someone older and strong, and you ARE TOO SODDING WEAK for either of them...You reduced yourself to a mere human over there, so you could have a few years shagging Buffy! But you will get yours you selfish Nancy asshole!" Spike seethed as he pushed Angel up against the glass.
"She will get bored of you. She needs someone who can fight by her side, who can handle their bloody power without turning into a Sodding bastard!" He continued in vampire face.
"Someone like you, little man? I don't know where you are there, but I am sure Buffy either killed you, or you are in Drusilla's lap" Angel said emphatically. Spike slammed Angel against the window. Fred squealed when it sounded like the glass cracked. Angel punched Spike, which made him let go.
"Angel, the glass!" Fred exclaimed.
"It'll hold" He said calmly.
"Angel, get him out of here, for God's sake!" Wesley exclaimed.
"Where is Dru?...In this dimension?" Spike asked suddenly as he shook his vampire face off.
"Drusilla was last seen in LA with Doc."
"Doc from England?" Spike asked surprised.
"Yees" Angel sighed impatiently.
"Are you bloody serious?" Spike gasped in an amused way.
"No, I'm lying" Angel said sarcastically
"Well,...no one is getting at her then."
"I wouldn't think so...Unless you and Faith..." Angel's voice trailed off.
"We don't have any plans in taking over your turf here... Are you gonna...I mean, I'm sure you are. You are still convincing yourself you Mr. 'Do the right Thing' and now that you know where she is..."
"We don't have any plans." Angel said plainly.
"Well, right then...Thanks Freddy...See you on the third?" Spike said sighed to Fred emphatically.
"Is that when you're coming back with the report?" Fred asked after a bit of a pause.
"Yees" He sighed as if she were naive. "And that's when I will bring Red- Willow- the Slayer, and Dawn to town"
"W-Willow? I thought you didn't want her here." Fred stammered.
"Here! No bloody way! But, were going to the 'Deftones' show" Spike rolled his eyes.
"You- are- You are taking Willow to that thing with Talia?" Fred seemed dazed.
"I thought I would...I mean, I know her girlfriend will want to go, and it would be a chance for her to see you"
"Willow has a girlfriend?" Fred asked meekly.
"Oh Balls." Spike grumbled "You didn't know...Look, I'm sorry. I don't have to bring her, if you had a bad break-up with her. I just figure with birds it's different. Everything is out in the open and everyone is all friendly...God! I couldn't stand it! So, I understand where you're coming from...Well, now she'll want to go because her girlfriend and her boy are going."
"Her boy?" Fred squeaked.
"Yeah, why you don't like him either? Don't blame you, but he's like the background music...He just is always gonna be there when they are doing anything important...So, you are not coming now?"
"Uh- no...I mean yes...I mean, I'm not...I'm coming...I'll come..It's okay..I mean I should go, right?" Fred stammered and looked at Angel.
"That's up to you" Angel shrugged.
"Right see you with a 'Bit, two love birds, a Slayer, and a wanna be pirate...after I'm done slippin' the mickey to my uncle's family then?"
"I -um-Uuuuhhh...You realized I just yelled at you before, right?" Fred said nervously.
"Sure. It's a right of passage for every bird I know...Bye" Spike winked and he left already looking more healed.
"He kept calling me a bird? Is a bird some kind of lesbian? Not that..I'm um-" Fred asked.
"He means girl... And are you both insane!" Wesley grumbled.
"Talia, could you come in here please" Angel called.
"Did you guys know he's like bringing his ex-girlfriend's little sister on our date now? I don't know whether that is cute or really sad. I never thought he would be like this, I mean-"
"Talia" Angel sighed. "Call Gwen at the Hyperion and tell her to give Spike suite 3-A for the night. Tell her to go and get some of my blood at my place, and tell her that he is going to be a total pain in the ass and want cereal or something that they don't have on the menu. So, she should be ready. She has full permission to kick his ass, but warn her he'll probably just enjoy it. Then go to lot 7B and get the Mazda for Spike. It's his to keep."
"He'd like the Mustang better"
"Get the Mazda"
"You are...You're all insane... Maybe HE is right and this place is making you evil. You've sent a maniac that was trying to throw you out the window to help your son... You are leaving Faith in the hands of that maniac!" Wesley griped.
"Wesley, I know it all looks kinda tweaked... Okay, maybe it IS a little tweaked, but have you been in my life lately?" Angel asked rhetorically.
"I don't know. Have much of my memory has been altered?" Wesley grumbled. "Listen, I am concerned for your son,...and, I am NOW concerned for the other guests at the hotel... and mostly concerned for Faith, who I don't have to remind you is the only vampire Slayer now."
"Believe me my son will be fine. You don't think I have people watching him? Faith can make her own decisions, and he wasn't trying to throw me out the window. He KNEW he could never...Anyway, Talia..." Angel sighed and continued as Wesley stood with his gapping mouth.
"Tell Gwen to keep an eye on him. Tell her to call me if he drinks anymore than a fifth of Scotch. Tell her to call me if he drinks any Jack at all. Tell him if he throws any furniture out the window I'm taking the car back...And if he needs anything at all that you can get him- give it to him," Angel said plainly.
"Um, Angel..." Fred stammered
"What?" Angel grumbled lightly. "This is what I'm doing, okay? It's complicated, yes, but they are my-Connor is my son and I'll handle it the way I see fit."
"No," Fred sighed and whispered something in his ear.
"Talia" Angel said suddenly. "I wasn't suggesting that you...I mean I don't want you to think...I mean what two people-"
"He wasn't saying that you should sleep with Spike in any way, shape, or form as part of your job here. You're to have a professional relationship with...the independent contractor," Fred said.
"Oh, you guys...Look if you didn't want me to date him, you should have said so...Now we are going to this show...Is THAT why he asked like 20 other girls to the show? Because YOU told him he couldn't-Do you know how hard it is to be single and in LA and find some guy that isn't a total psycho?"
"Talia! Do whatever you want!" Angel snapped.
"If you could just make something up in writing saying that we did not encourage you to fraternize with...him..Maybe?" Fred asked softly.
"Form 56-12 B. Why didn't you just say so?" Talia scoffed.