I do not own or have any rights to Ranma ½. This work is entirely fanfiction.


Omake. An exaggeration, or, in the case of anime or manga, a severe parody.


I wrote this while working on chapter 7 of Ranma's Morning Confession. I was taking a quick break from writing, and had this weird idea for a little bit of silly work. Please don't kill me, or nothing, alright? And as for the cross-gender references that happen because of Jusenkyo curses, I'm tired right now, and so all gender-bending people will be referred to by their original form. At least, until the caffeine kicks in, which probably won't be until I'm almost finished.

Soun Tendo, Genma Saotome, Nodoka Saotome, and Nabiki Tendo had long since left. They had wanted nothing to do with this. They had said they were going to return tomorrow. Kasumi had said she would spend the night at Nodoka Saotome's once it was concluded, with everyone else. She did not plan on staying here any longer than was absolutely necessary. She looked at Ranma Saotome.

Ranma sat in the Tendo living room, cross-legged, as he watched his target. His target sat just out of arms' reach, giving him the same treatment. Ranma's hands each wrapped around a weapon of immense power, sure to have a serious effect on his opponent.

His opponent, as it stood, was similarly armed, both hands occupied. They stared at each other.

Akane and Kasumi sat in a corner of the room, making sure they were clear of both lines of fire, and well out of range. They did not want to get hit. Kasumi wasn't quite sure how she had gotten to be in the position that she was. Akane thought it was Ranma's idea, though it might have come from his opponent. Kasumi was going to be score-keeper for this... this... duel, since it was determined that she would be the most impartial judge possible. For each time that Ranma or his enemy could manage to score a hit on the other, she was to mark it in the small chalkboard in her hands. And glancing blows were not to count. She could only mark it if the hit had caused a serious effect on it's victim.

Akane shuddered. The outcome of the duel would have direct effect on her, if Ranma lost, she didn't know what she would do then. She wanted Ranma to win, because the prize for this fight was... was...

She forced herself not to think about it. Ranma would win, she knew it. A part of her, one she tried not to listen to, thought of what it would be like if he lost, and that tiny part wanted Ranma to lose. Akane tried to ignore it, but it was there, all the same.

The person he would be fighting would make it difficult on him. They had fought before, and, if anything, they both looked to be putting a lot more effort into this one. Last time, Akane thought Ranma might have died. He'd been out of contact for several weeks the last time they had fought. On top of that, Ranma's opponent was very much... like Ranma himself. They shared, truly, one thing. They shared the same curse.

His opponent was Herb.

Gotta remember, Ranma thought to himself, only one weapon will work at a time. If I try to nail him with the same one twice, it won't effect him. Gotta switch weapons after each hit, or he won't even notice it. Stupid weapons.

Herb was reminding himself the same thing.

Mint stood in another corner, watching. He was not to help, save for replacing Herb's weapons if one of them broke, or was rendered useless. Akane had the same job, for Ranma. It had been decided that the only thing used to attack were the weapons they had possessed, which Akane had found in a box of Happosai's, labeled DO NOT TOUCH UPON PAIN OF DEATH.

Lime was unconscious, having tried to touch Akane's chest. And that, Akane reflected, is what started this, really. Ranma and Akane had both taken offense at the attempt. Herb had made several comments, none of which had an effect on the engaged couple, until Herb had made a comment on Ranma's curse.

The effect had been staggering.

Ranma had started bellowing at Herb, while Akane tried to restrain him from pounding the Chinese Ki Master into the ground. In the end, they had come to this. Herb and Ranma would duel with only Happosai's weapons, and only serious strikes counted. The one who scored the most strikes within a set time limit would be the winner. Unless, as Herb insisted be added as a winning condition, the other was knocked out, passed out, or killed. Ranma had agreed, and Herb had set the conditions of his win, while Ranma had set the conditions of his own victory. Akane had been included on that discussion to make sure that she knew what was going to happen when one of them won, as she was a part of the prize. Somehow, she had agreed to it.

"Ready!" called Kasumi.

Ranma and Herb both leapt back several feet instantly, weapons ready. They tried to stare each other down.

Right hand first, right hand first, right hand first... Ranma told himself. Right weapon, left weapon, right weapon left weapon. Gotta be careful, gotta be quick to avoid his weapons... Akane begged me to win...

Akane, however, was beginning to feel horribly guilty about liking the thought of what would happen to her if Ranma lost. She didn't know how Ranma would take it, though that small part of her wanted to find out.


Ranma managed to get the first hit. Akane actually saw it. Despite the distance between Ranma and Herb, Ranma's right hand snapped forward, and Akane saw a blur in the air, racing towards Herb. Herb tried to dodge, but the blur hit him in the side of the head. He gasped, feeling warm liquid race down his face. He wiped it away.

"Point Ranma," said Kasumi, marking the board.

"You die," said Herb.

"Try it."

Herb's hands moved fast, and Akane watched as three undefinable ripples shot though the air from Herb's weapons. Ranma dodged to the side, but the third shot managed to nail him in the eye. His eye squinted shut as it began to sting, but he ignored it and forced it open.

"Doesn't count, Herb. Nothing happened. Wrong weapon, you gotta hit me with the other one first. They don't work unless they're going against each other."

Herb was furious, and the battle was on. Shouts of rage crossed the room, as the weapons did their work on the two battling warriors. Kasumi called out points, trying to keep from looking away. Akane was starting to feel nauseated. Mint looked as though he might pass out sometime in the soon-to-immediate future.

"Shit!" Ranma snarled. He'd broken one, smashing it into the wall trying to get away from Herb's blasts. "Akane!"

"Left or right?!" she called back.

"Both, the other's gone useless!"

Akane tossed him the replacements. Ranma snatched them, diving through the air, even as he felt something hit him in the side. Herb had got him.

"Point Herb."

"Mint, left!"

"Yes, Master Herb!" Another replacement was tossed.

Damn things. Ranma thought. They don't last very long in a real battle!

The duel continued. Minutes passed as both opponents, both feeling the strain, continued to try to dodge and attack at the same time. Akane had stopped watching; her head spinning from watching the weapons do their work. She only looked when Ranma called out for new weapons. As far as she was concerned, it happened far too often, though it was still rare. She found herself wondering how Kasumi managed to keep watching.

"One minute," Kasumi said.

Herb and Ranma threw themselves into it, battlecries roaring. Kasumi was unable to turn her head even for a moment, calling out hits every few seconds. Time did not seem to be passing fast enough.

The shrill beeping of the timer came after what seemed like an eternity. Neither Ranma nor Herb looked like they would continue standing much longer.

"The winner by two points," intoned Kasumi, "Herb."

Ranma collapsed. Dammit! Dammit dammit dammit! I knew I should have tried the Kachü Tenshin Amaguriken! It might have worked! But now... now... Akane...

He hit the table as he dropped to his knees. A water cup flew, drenching him. Ranma, now a girl, could not look at Akane. It was one of the conditions of the fight: there was no rematch for this.

"I will be upstairs," he said. He didn't have to look at Herb to know that he was smiling.

Kasumi was heading out of the door, ready to leave for the rest of the day. Akane sat in shock, not quite believing that Ranma had lost. That tiny part of her mind did cartwheels. No part of her mind liked the smug look on Herb's face.

She went upstairs, to see Ranma, before he did something stupid.

Ranma wasn't in her room, like Akane thought she would be. Instead, Ranma was in Akane's room.

"I'm sorry, Akane," Ranma whispered. "I thought I would win. I expected to win. I'm so sorry about this... now you have to... have to..."

"Ranma," Akane sat down next to the red-head on Akane's mattress. "I... have to tell you something."

"Nani?" Ranma didn't stop staring at the ground.

"Before you started the fight... there was... a small part of me that wanted you... to lose."


"I know Ranma, I know, but it's something I've secretly wanted for some time now."

"You couldn't have told me before we set the wedding date?!"

"I'm sorry Ranma. I am... but I'm not going to regret this. And I'm going to make sure that you don't, either."

"A-Akane..." Suddenly, Ranma knew what he had to do. It was the only honorable thing to do, the only option he had left while he still had honor. He stood, and walked out of Akane's room, into the bath. It would be less messy in here, Ranma though in a kind of detached way. He was entirely aware that Akane was following him.

Herb smirked more as he left, Lime and Mint following him. They questioned him about it, but he did not answer. Herb knew what was happening, he could tell by Akane's screams. He knew Ranma would do the honorable thing.

His smirk only grew larger as he strolled out into the street, leaving the screams behind him. He had won the duel. He had won against Ranma Saotome.

He had won the Water Pistol Duel.

And Akane and Ranma's first sex together would be both as girls.

He didn't think the young Tendo girl would have been a screamer, though.



What? I said "Omake" at the beginning, didn't I? Idiots..