Lord of The Rings: Fellowship of the Ding Dong

Disclaimer: I am in no way related to J. R. R. Tolkien really seriously I checked and no I can't even speak elvish... ooh poopsicles...

Chapter 1 Ding Dongs exist!

Frodo danced in the flowers because they smelled really good and were pretty. Meanwhile in the background a small red head in a black full length dress ran happily following the pretty butterflies fly prettilyly in the pretty sky.

"Follow the Butterflies follow the butterflies wee lallalala!" The red haired freckled boy sang happily as he was promptly run over by a white car called the mach 5.

"Sorry bout that I gotta win this race see? I gotta win this race with my fast talking monkey in the backseat and some girl who talks really fast ok so can we just forget about this??" Speed Racer said dropping a $20 on Ron's chest and driving away at top speed.

"EH-HEM! This is lord of the rings and I am Frodo and I am the main character of this story--" Frodo stood about 3 feet tall with messy black hair and fur. Suddenly a little donkey driven cart rolled by and in it Gandalf. It actually wasn't a donkey but actually a small animal used as a substitute instead of a donkey we're low on funds.

"Oh yippie ki yaa! It's Gandalf! I don't remember why but I love him very much!!" Frodo said jumping up and down. "Gadalf it's me it's me Frodo Bagggins!!!"

"Oh no..." Gandalf said trying desperately to lower his hat but to no avail, "Hello there Frodo how is your uncle Bilbo?" He said trying to smile

"He is wonderful--" Frodo began but was cut off by the screaming of little tiny hobbit children.

"AAAH GANDALF!!! IT'S YOU!" The two foot tall kids screamed they were nearly run over by the cart but were missed my mere centimeters. They all sighed in relief but were sadly hit by Speed Racer. Boo-hoo.

"Let us go to your Uncle's birthday Frodo so that you can stop talking and I can talk to your uncle." Gandalf said rubbing his temples.

"Sorry you missed it he had this funky ring thing and I burned it and funky words appeared and well we destroyed it and blah blah blah.... It's so anyway there's this consul thing and we should go to it." Frodo said waving his hand in a circle.

Gadalf shook his head, "I see... oh no it can't be."

Later at the consul thingy...

"Ooh pass the cookies over here!!" An elf with black hair said ooh he felt special. "Now we should do this more often because this is just so much fun!!! We can paint Legolos' fingernails pink and then stick Gimli's hand in a cup of water and see if he pees!!!"

"Nowyerrelfdonotwannadothaterrrr..." Gimli said.

"What?" Gandalf said wiping cookie crumbs out of his beard.

"ShetupGandalfyouoldfartyerrgunnadiesoonuhhhhh..." Gimli said slurring his words.

"Beg your pardon?" Gadalf said using his beard to clean the toilet bowl that happened to be to his left.

"Neverrmindtelluswhywerreeherree." Gimli said looking at the elf with black hair. He began pouting.

"But my nails aren't dry yet!" he said blowing on them. "Alright we are here to talk about the evil the very anticipated evil thingy which is--" dramatic pause "the chocolate ding dong!"


"What was that?" Boromir asked.

"I don't know must be lightening." Aragorn said hiding his picture of Arwen covered with a picture of Legolos.

"This is totally and utterly ridiculous. I am disgusted to call myself the same species as you. Lightening doesn't make noise nunga nunga brain it's thunde--" Simon Cowell was promptly hit in the heart with arrow.

"Score 1 Legolos score scary human non immortal dude nada!!" Legolos said fixing his sunkissed golden locks. All the elves and everyone else shielded there eyes.

"Gandalf why I am here again?" Frodo asked looking at Gandalf the Grey who had poop stains on his beard.

"You're here because I hate you and want to get rid of you by making you get rid of the chocolate ding dong. I mean I don't have the foggiest idea what you are talking about." Gandalf said grabbing a chocolate chip cookie.

"Ok this meeting has come to order! I think we should send the little hobbits so when they fail we can torch their towns!" Some old guy said.

"Good idea I will accompany them!" Gadalf said sticking a camcorder in his back pocket. 'I don't want to miss this hehehehehe mwahahhha!'

"Gadalf you were the first to use your thought bubble ooh!" Frodo said.


"Yoo hoo MerrynPippin here not drunk no not drunk at all."

"Not atall we not drunk." Merry and Pippin promptly fell over and were dragged off stage.

"Mr. Frodo?" Samwise began. Lord of the rings music plays softly in the background. "Mr. Frodo I should come with you on this journey because I know that even though we will fight Mr. Frodo and you will not talk to me sometimes and blame the missing food on me and I might drown Mr. Frodo. Mr. Frodo I will still be your friend in the end Mr. Frodo." Samwise finished and the music that was really loud stopped too.

"Yea sure whatever come along." Frodo said picking lint from his belly button. "So where does this ding dong thing have to go?"

"To the Hostess Factory on top of Mount Food. It's the second one from the left of Mount Doom." Some other old guy said a long green booger came out of his nose. Gandalf used his beard as a tissue and wiped it away.

"Oh that's not so bad." Frodo said "So let's drag Merry and Pippin into this I could use a good laugh every once and a while and we might as well bring the elf."

"I will come with Legolos!" Aragorn said.

"Pick me! Ooh OOH PICK ME!!" Boromir said.

"Yes Boromir you can come along not like it matters you'll be dead soon anyway..." Gandalf said.

Doo doo dooooo dooo dooo naanaaa naaaah aaaa [Lord of the Rings music]

"Oh I hope they make it." The black haired special elf said. "My nails are ruined."

OK chapter 1 complete wee woo! Please review so I can continue!