Disclaimer 2: Me own? Hahahahaha! You make me laugh...
Thank you to everyone who reviewed this is for you!!! And also for Steve from Blues Clues who went to 'college' and Anurug Bashcar because he didn't show up for camp yeah him too he's important we always blamed everything on you.
Chapter 2 Do you see a clue?
"Walking is boring, can we stop?" Frodo asked rubbing his calluses.
"Can we get booze?" Merry asked merrily.
"What about second breakfasts?" Pippin asked rubbing his stomach.
"You know what if you wore shoes, didn't get drunk and ate more breakfast we wouldn't have any problems!" Aragorn said angrily.
"Dude you gotta chill out." Legolos said. He shook his hands like as if there was a surf board in it.
"OK if you say so Legolos" Aragorn said with hearts in his eyes.
"I see something." Legolos said squinting his eyes. "Oh no it's a it's a..." Super dramatic pause. "It's a gasp nudist beach!!"
"What was that?"
"It's lightening." Aragorn said crossing his arms and bobbing his head up and down.
"No it's not remember? It's thunder Aragorn say it with me now THUNDER!--!" Borimor said he was promptly shot in the heart with an arrow.
"Now what's the score??" Legolos said holding his hand to his ear.
"Legolos 2 weird non immortal guys nuthin!!" Twenty fan girls said.
The fan girls fell promptly of course and were dragged off stage.
"So when are we going to get our booze?" Merry said. He hated being sober everything made sense and nothing was blurry. No fun no fun atall.
"Would you shut up?" Aragorn said.
"No you shet up." Pippin said making a retarded face like Aragorn's.
"Whyyoushutupandwelookatthatstrangethingy." Gimli said.
"What did he say Mr. Frodo? Mr. Frodo I did not understand his slurred speech Mr. Frodo because I am only your servent Mr. Frodo." Samwise said.
"I think he said to look at that strange blue paw print." Frodo said pointing at the strange blue paw print. Standing in front of it were two men named Steve and Joe.
"I don't see a paw print." Steve said hundreds of kids laughed.
"It's behind you!" They yelled.
"Well kids we don't really wanna talk to Steve cuz you know he went to college, and well I'm more entertaining..." Joe said winking slyly in his stripy shirt.
"Waah we love you Steve!" The children cried they were promptly sat on by a big dragon with fire in its mouth and a really awful five o'clock shadow.
"Fee fi foo fum! I smell the one ding dong! Give it to me and I will cook you rotisserie style!" He said.
"Dude it's called breathmints." Legolos said fanning the air in front of his face.
"I will beat him!" Gandalf said. He had read ahead and found out that if he did this he would get shiny ooh so smart. So Gandalf went and began waving his shiny stick around.
"You" dramatic pause "shall not" second very dramatic pause "pass!" Third wait no, no dramatic pause there just an angry dragon who carries a whip falling off a cliff.
"Gandalf look out!" Frodo yelled as Gandalf was dragged off the cliff. He clung on to the edge. Lord of the Rings music gets really really loud.
"Plunderyoufools." He says and lets go falling towards the dragon where he'll return eventually. OOH foreshadowing....dununnuuu!!!!!!
"Really that is starting to get on my nerves what was that???" Pippin said. He really really hated being sober.
"What did Gandalf say?" Merry said before Aragorn could suggest lightening and another person would get shot thru the heart.
"I don't know I think he said 'I love you Frodo'" Frodo suggested.
"Nah nah he said 'pluushkafooka' little dudes It's like totally elvish. Dude it says here it means follow the clues." Legolos said taking out his English to Elvish dictionary.
"YouareallwronghesaidplunderyoufoolshethinksthatFrodowilldieandwewillfailandtheywilltorchHobbiton." Gimli suggested.
Steam poured out Gimli's ears.
Miles away some elves were preparing their torches.
"OH MY GOD! They like lost Gandalf in an anticlimactic scene geeze what a way to go." One elder of Middle Earth said.
"Well we better polish up our blowtorches." The special elf king with black hair said waxing his blowtorch.
"No Daddy I can't let you do this well actually go ahead burn Hobbiton I don't care but please let me marry Aragorn!" Arwen said crying.
"Sure go marry him just don't touch the nails I just had them redone." The Elvin king said looking down at his nails. He had just gotten them redone at Elvs R Us. They had little crowns and hearts on them. He was wearing a shirt that said "arrows don't kill hobbits blowtorches kill hobbits"
"Oh thank you daddy!" Arwen said bursting into tears. She promptly ruined his nails.
"Dammit I'm going to have this redone Arwen you will not marry Ara--whatever his name is. Go to your room and don't even think about making yourself human to get any pity from me!!"
Arwen sulked off crying her eyes out.
"Dammit! Pass the chocolate chip ice cream I need comfort food." The elvin king said as he was handed a humungo tub of choco chunk mint ice cream. He took a spoon and began stuffing his face.