Chapter 6: Who Loves Ya, Baby?

I was being attacked at Ashley Kerwin's wedding. I wouldn't believe it if it wasn't currently happening to me. For weeks and weeks, our apartment had reeked of female planning, with Ellie trying to find the perfect dress while also coordinating the shower and helping Ashley and her mom with every goddamned last minute detail of the damn ceremony. I had been warned at least four times not to cause any disturbances and not to ruin the most joyous day of Ashley's life. And that was just this morning.

I had stupidly agreed to be Spinner's best man after realizing that Ellie would want it, and I was in the business of pleasing Ellie. Ever since the break-up, I had been walking on eggshells around her, and I was hoping that, after the wedding, I could stop. I gave up the coke, the pot, and I was working on my last bad habit, cigarettes. I kept screwing mindless girls for her sake, but it was getting old. I was getting old.

Being Spinner's best man, I had to stand uncomfortably close to him for the duration of the endless ceremony. Toby, a mere groomsman, stood behind me, and I could've sworn he kicked me a few times throughout the service. I didn't really care, he was, after all, Toby Isaacs, and I endured with minimal fidgeting.

I had to give a goddamn speech, too, even though I had nothing to say about the guy that was in the least flattering. However, about five minutes before I was going to give the speech, I got punched in the face. Toby Isaacs, the little bitch, punched me twice, once in the face and once in the side, before I regained control and knocked him to the ground. He screamed at me and spit on me, but I didn't get off of him, not until he strung together enough words so that I figured out why he had attacked me at his step-sister's wedding.


The damn bitch took off a few nights ago, and I didn't think anything of it. I took her out a few times, she called me incessantly, and it was enough to get back into bed with Ellie. I thought it was over. I thought I was done with her. And then Toby fucking Isaacs has to fucking punch me at his own step-sister's wedding.

I stood up slowly, afraid to do so, afraid that with the death of the commotion, I would have a lot of explaining to do. And I didn't do anything. I stared at him, and he stared back at me, although weakly because his left eye was already starting to swell and bruise. Spinner grabbed me, pulled me off of him, screaming something about "breaking it up." He, like always, was a day late and a buck short.

Ellie put her hand on my shoulder, but she stopped short of dragging me out of the room. I tried to plead my case with my eyes, but she just stared at me. Suddenly, a mass of white got between her and pushed me into a more secluded spot. "Hey, Ashley," I said, coming more to my senses. "Sorry that I, well, you know, kicked Toby's ass." It didn't seem right to try to sugarcoat it. I kicked his ass. If it all weren't so fucked up, I'd be proud and let some guys buy me a drink.

"Ellie and Spinner have been having an affair, did you know that?" And, quite suddenly, kicking Toby's ass didn't seem as momentous.

"I knew they were together... once. I didn't tell you, well, truthfully, I didn't think you'd believe me. Plus, you seemed so happy."

"Happy with Spinner? Craig, I thought you knew me better than that."

She did, I noticed now, look incredibly sad dolled up in virgin white. "I'm sorry, Ashley. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry you found out on your wedding day."

She looked a bit perplexed. "I found out weeks ago, Craig."

"Oh? Then why did you go through with the wedding?"

She didn't answer, or her answer was more unexpected than any verbal offering she could have given. She pressed herself against me, her lips pushing against my own, my hands involuntarily getting lost in the bunches of her wedding gown. I was completely shocked and taken aback, but the only response I could come up with was to kiss her back.

Unfortunately for me, the area wasn't exactly secluded. As soon as Ellie shrieked with amazing volume to bring me back into my thoughts, I realized exactly what had happened. Ellie ran out, probably screaming and crying. It wasn't my job, as her lap dog, to make out with her best friend on said best friend's wedding day.

But I looked at Ashley, who was still holding onto the back of my coat as if Ellie's presence didn't affect her in the least. This woman wasn't Ellie's best friend. "All this," I said as I forcefully removed her hand from my coat, "all this for a little revenge?"

I spit at her feet and walked out, not even bothering to listen for a response.