A/N: hey guys! glad you came! First off the bat, before BathoryM's rabid and huge amount of fans come to clobber me: Yes, I did have permission to write this fic and BathoryM said, and I quote, "I loved it!!" (::sigh:: I melted from that email. I was squealing with happiness). Now, in case any of you have not read 'Rider On A Pale Horse' by BathoryM, I feel bad for you. Firstly, you have missed out on what is probably the most lauded and developed Inuyasha AU fic on any site. If I took the time to write out all the awards this fic has been nominated for/won, it'd take a good long while. So, suffice to say, ROAPH will blow your mind. It has blown everyone else's so join the bandwagon! Secondly, (and here comes my superiority complex!) you won't be able to understand or enjoy this fic that I am so proud of.
Read R.O.A.P.H! You will never look at fan fiction the same way! It has, to my knowledge, one of the only good OC's in the entire fanfiction community. The other ones probably belong to Midoriko-sama, LaraWinner or Rozefire, all the heavyweights in FanFiction-dom. (What!?!? You've never read them either? Good lord, get going!!!) Let's be honest here, most OC's suck. It is proof of Bathory's talent that Merrick is as fabulous and rounded as she is.
So, this is Lord Ryu's thoughts on the little love triangle going on in ROAPH. I put in some hints of what I think I see coming plotwise and, no, BathoryM didn't tell me anything so my ideas are pure conjecture and imagination. It's rated as it is for reasons as I think some of the mental pictures are a little....overly imaginative. Review please but most of all- Enjoy the fic!
I glance up and feel my blood being its familiar slow simmer. It's familiar because my blood screams whenever I see them together. You see that little look they just shared, that unspoken camaraderie that I'm shut out from? Those are the little things I can't stand.
Isaw her first, I should be the one she shares those private thoughts with.
But its always him.
She lights up when ordered to go and visit him. He makes up ridiculous reasons to meet me because he knows I take her with me. Do they think I'm an idiot? Do they imagine that I am blind, deaf and dumb?
Oh, they pretend to not care. They claim not to feel anything more then a connection born of responsibility but I am not a fool.
They sometimes are caught in a private moment. Standing just a little too close, a little too breathless over nothing, they jump apart as if caught fornicating against a wall. They do so because its what they want to be doing. I know, I can see it in every tensed muscle.
When they look at each other, they don't realize what their eyes are saying but I know. Everyone knows. Gods above, it shines from them in this unspoken god damned emotional connection! From politics, Rin, warfare and Naraku to flowers, philosophy or religion, those two can read each other like only the closest of lovers can.
It infuriates me.
Why was I not the one she can have a silent conversation with a glance? I found her first, she should be in love with me.
But she's not.
She loves him.
It wouldn't hurt so much if they just acknowledged it but no- they have to be honorable. Don't they know that all the honor has died in our odd three way relationship? It is this pretense at honor and loyalty that galls me, burns my stomach and throat.
It kills me a little bit because I know they'll rejoice at my death. It might only be subconsciously but ah, won't they be pleased? Can you hear the crescendo of instruments that would play in their movie when all obstacles are removed? Free to be with the one they have loved for so long, after so long a denial of their damned passions!!
I feel sick with my rage, my carefully cloaked fury. I stand on the edge of breaking....Sometimes I don't even care.
Their insipid unrequited love, that mutual silent adoration that they try so hard to hide, is so apparent. Yet, they claim not to see it. Hell, he won't even acknowledge the possibility.
I'm at least man enough to know when to throw away my pride to grasp at happiness. Too bad my happiness is dependent on her, too bad that her happiness is dependent on him and too damn bad for me that he feels the same toward her.
I can even hear his cold voice from when I first told him of her, him so sanctimonious and imperious.
"I won't pretend to understand why you chose to do this thing, but for the sake of our long time alliance, I will remain in treaty with you. Understand that this is a boon I grant you."
How the mighty have fallen.
I recall when I was as strong, as proud as he is now. Then I met her. I wonder sometimes if she was my downfall but I know better. I have become stronger since she came, a faster, more daring and smarter being. Then, why do I feel weaker since she came?
Is it possible to loathe the very air she breathes while bemoaning the fact that she is not closer to me? A conundrum, I admit, and one that has made my life a hell ever since that day. Maybe she is his downfall?
Shouldn't there be rules against the two who keep you sane falling in love?
Shouldn't I hold supreme place in her heart as her master and savior?
Ifound her first, a sniveling brat in the forest, screaming and mentally torn open.
"Who are you?"
A snort. "Isn't the question who I was?"
Ah, her bitterness at such a young age intrigued me in a way I still don't understand. Those five words sealed my fate as they convinced me to take her in, to understand her. Maybe it was the snort?
Sometimes I wish I had just let her die.
But I didn't. I nursed her back to health, I urged her to live once again, I taught her everything she knows, I showed her the enemy, I educated her, I gave her all I had to give.
What is it about him that makes all I did paltry enough that she goes to him so joyously? His looks, his vast holdings, his arrogance? I have all or more of all three.
Oh gods, have you ever seen them practicing together the art of war in a secluded bower? They say they go there because it's quieter. Yes, it is quiet. Quiet and secluded, perfect for an assignations in the afternoon. When did I become so suspicious?
All they ever do is fight. They never even touch beyond a moment. But do you see how they act together? She blocks his swing and an almost unseen light of pleasure gleams in his amber eyes. At the sight of his joy, her own eyes light up. Seeing her happy causes his pleasure to grow and as his does, hers does as well until both, normally stern and serious, are almost laughing in their joy of the other. Just being with the other, flirting at the edges of the physical aspect of their love, testing the borders, always testing.
See how they complete each other, how they exist in a little circle of passion, a world of their own making?
They make me sick.
That was suppose to be our world, our circle of passion, I was to be the one who completed her. Like how she is the one who completes me.
I wonder, since she is not with me, am I complete?
She has been injured, grievously injured. I want to go in but can't. He's in there, he's always in there. Ever since they first laid her on the bed to recuperate, he has not left her side. She's not awake but he just won't leave. I know that if I as so much as enter the wing her room is in, he will leave. He does not want to be caught loving her. But it would hurt him terribly to have to leave his beloved alone, even to me, her master, her Lord. And I.....I find myself unwilling to hurt him.
He is my friend. I don't want to cause him pain. It will cause her joy to wake up seeing him and I want her happy. So I don't go near, I leave them alone, I always just remain in the background.
Does this make me weak or compassionate? Are the traits a different side of the same coin?
Why am I always the one who steps aside, who suffers in silence? Why do I not get anything from the woman I love, not the slightest bit of affection? Oh, I know she is faithful to me, I know she is loyal and true and I know she obeys my word but...I want more.
I won't get it.
I hate them for making me who am I today, bitter and discontent. Sometimes, I just want to reach out and pluck out their shining eyes, those lying lips and denying tongues, destroy with meticulous care those beautiful bodies that want to join as one. The idea comes late at night to sneak in, rip out their betraying hearts and eat the brains and marrow of those who have slowly destroyed me with all their honor and restraint.
I relish those mental images.
Sometimes, I wish they would make one small mistake, commit a folly in the name of their love so that I could finally destr-
Idiocy. I chuckle softly.
Ah, the maudlin ramblings of a demon lord.
I would never do such things to my two closest companions, no matter how hurt I may be. What they feel is beyond their control, an idea amusing enough in its own considering what control freaks they both are. What is surging through their bodies and souls is unavoidable, unintentional and unstoppable. I would never take revenge on those two.
Or so I tell myself.
How the mighty have fallen indeed.
A/N: well, how'd you like it? I welcome all who wish to give advice! I'm a revision addict and love making things perfect! So, any advice at all (grammatical, stylistically, spelling, whatever) is welcome. Oooh! If you enjoy criticizing people, read The Rest of my fics and correct me over and over! (Not a subtle hint, I know, but come on. Life's too short to not be blunt sometimes!) I really like reviews, they totally boost my ego so please do so! Thanks for reading!