Title: The Cleansing Rain
Character Pairing: Roy/Edward
Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist that's all there is to it.
Summary: Edward and Roy feel the effects of a late morning rain storm, as they both come to life changing conclusions.
Note: This is an off the wall, behind the scenes sort of thing. I was
tired of reading fanfics where Ed was just an impulsive foul mouthed
boy, and Roy was a smug arrogant officer, the two needed to show some
intimacy towards one another. Instead of being like two sex crazed
children. I hope this can satisfy my need for some tenderness between
the two. It may or may not reflect on how they really are, but who
Ed looked out of the window which was beaded with rain droplets as the rain poured outside in front of him, he couldn't help but feel emotional during these times. Maybe it was the atmosphere that bad weather seemed to create that caused him to feel so sad and at times, even when he was with Al, alone. He sighed his breath causing the glass to temporarily fog in front of him. He stared back at his reflection in the glass, how young he looked, but how old he felt. His life experiences had caused him to age faster than his body did, he at some times felt, out of place in this small body of his.
Sometimes he wondered what it really felt like to be fifteen. He certainly didn't do what fifteen year olds did, and he definitely didn't act like a fifteen year old, except when he had his tantrums. He huffed, people complained about him being childish when he threw his tantrums, but they never stopped to think, that he had those tantrums because in his mind he had the right to be childish now and then. He didn't have to be Fullmetal all the time. It was his given right to be Edward Elric sometimes, even if people complained, it kept him sane, and that's what mattered. Without his sanity how would he ever restore his limbs and his brothers body?
He sighed again, causing the glass to fog more than it had last, bad weather brought about so many emotions, and they were all so damn confusing sometimes. Ed's eyes jerked as he caught the faint reflection of another being there behind him, he turned around not really alarmed by the presence. His eyes fell upon an unusual sight, it was Roy standing there watching him. He looked at Roy, his usual playful flare was gone, and replaced with something more soothing, maybe even the Flame Alchemist was effected by rain.
"Rain can be so soothing can't it" Roy spoke softly as he moved next to Ed placing his hand on the window causing a foggy ring to outline his hand.
Ed sat there watching him as Roy looked out of the window, his dark eyes reflecting the small flickers of lights out into the city. It had always amazed him how deep Roy's eyes could be, how much they could take in with a single glance. Finally Ed found his voice to give reply to Roy,
"Yea, I suppose it can be."
His answer wasn't really uncaring, or offhand, it was more content than anything. He felt fuzzy inside and the feeling caused him to relax into himself. Maybe emotional wasn't what rain caused in him, maybe rain actually was bring out who he truly was, making him relax and finally be himself. It was at this moment he felt like his name was Edward Elric, and not Fullmetal. That moment made him smile, as he joined Roy at the window looking out into the world outside drenched in rain.
"It's rare, to see you so content. "
Roy started softly his fingers trailing a bead of rain as it fell down the window gathering other rain droplets into it. He continued talking, quietly as if not to shatter the soft moment in which they were held.
"It's so rare that you let your true personality show, so rare, you are you..." He paused to look at Ed, "When people look at you, they only see the hot tempered and impulsive Fullmetal, the Alchemist Genius. If only they could see you now, as the rain cleanses the world around us, you're sitting here truly yourself." He says gently calmly.
Ed turned to look at Roy, how he looked so different in the faint light caste and reflected from the street lamps. He looked almost human standing there looking back at him, something jumped inside his chest as he felt himself falling into Roy's dark and endless eyes. They held no pity and no smugness, just softness and tenderness. Something he'd never seen in Roy before, it was so nice to be sitting there staring into his eyes, how beautiful they were.
Roy returned Ed's gaze, he'd always secretly admired the boy for being as powerful and as strong as he was physically and mentally. At such a tender age he was already a national alchemist, and it was to no surprise as to why they'd deemed him the "Alchemist Genius". Still Ed held a sort of, well, flare, to who he was and how he thought. He was considerate and kind in all forms, weather he's admitted to himself that he holds these qualities was a mystery to him. Still he couldn't help but admire and maybe even love Edward for who he ways, a fifteen year old boy with a big heart.
"So strange, how when it rains like this, I feel at some kind of peace with myself. It's like the rain's washing away my guilt and allowing me to some how, let me forgive myself" Ed whispers softly breaking the gaze Roy held him in, as he looked down at his hands.
Roy watched Ed softly as he spoke to him revealing words, opening a sort of small window to the boy he really was on the inside. Someone else would have been frightened of this change in Ed's usual persona, but he felt honored that Ed was showing this side of his self, to him. Ed continued talking staring out the window,
"Its like the rain is drenching me, washing away the dirt and grim left on me. Soothing my skin with cool hands, it's like my mother's hands are washing over me. Her voice comes to my mind and I can hear her comforting me telling me everything is going to be okay, and that no one hates me for the mistakes I've made in my past. For those few split seconds, I feel finally free...free of everything..." He whispers gently.
Roy nodded and returned looking out at the rain. He felt like he should say something, anything to assure Ed that really no one hated him. He picked at Ed often, but it's never with the intention of hurting him, just to lighten his usually serious dedication. Seeing Ed spend his life so dedicated to a cause so great as his, made him a bit sad, he didn't hold pity for Ed, no it wasn't pity at all. It was more along the lines of, understanding the situation he was in and helping that someday soon, Ed would experience somewhat of a normal life. There again he was hoping foolishly, but he spoke anyways with a soft and tender tone,
"Maybe it's not your mother talking to you, maybe it's yourself telling you that you're holding unnecessary guilt. You disguise it subconscious as your mother, so you won't feel guilty about actually wanting to forgive yourself for something that some people would call, fool hearted."
Ed looked at Roy as he spoke, standing beside him like that he realized even when he was relaxed he seemed to command so much power to himself. The strength and pride he held when he stood up, even like this, was overwhelming.
Still, he couldn't help feeling so comfortable talking with his superior this way. He tried to tell himself that it was the rain playing with his head and emotions, but another more dominant half of his conscious mind told him that this sort of feeling was right and he believed that dominant half.
He sighed gently, almost contently reaching out softly taking the colonel's hand into his own human hand, feeling the rough calluses on his palm. Roy turned looking at Ed, tightening his hand around Ed's gently. The small gesture, each consented to gave both of them a sense of closeness they had never felt, not with one another and certainly not with another person. Why the gesture was made was lost to both of them, but they neither questioned nor fought the closeness. The warmth it created between them both, was too precious and vital to the moment as Roy sat down next to Ed, hands still connected.
Roy enjoyed this so much, he felt feelings in his soul stir, feelings that he'd often wondered if he lost or had lacked the ability to feel. The warmth reached the pit of his stomach, as he unraveled his hand from Ed's. Ed looked at him, and for a moment a sadness flashed in his golden eyes, Roy gave a tender smile and drew Ed into his arms. Holding Ed there softly, Ed gasped out as he was pulled into his superiors strong arms, here, somehow it felt so safe and secure.
Still a momentary thought crossed his mind, 'I'm not gay', the thought passed swiftly through his mind as he dismissed it. It didn't matter what sexual orientation he was and his rank didn't matter much either not at this point in time. What mattered was that, in Roy's arms he felt he had a home again some place to return to after a tiring day, or a shoulder to lean on without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. Roy spoke softly, the words vibrating through his chest at the back of Ed's head,
"Ed, I've been thinking, for some time now, about taking a vacation to my summer home in the mountains. I'd put it off many times prior, but this time I want to actually take it. I want you to take a vacation too" he said to Ed.
Ed leaned his head back on Roy's chest, craning his neck back to look up into the Colonel's smiling face. He blinked at him briefly before giving him a reply,
"...I don't need one, I'm fine" he answers feeling as if Roy had somehow rejected him, after showing him how good it felt to be so intimate with someone.
Roy smiled softly, noting the slight disappointment staining Ed's voice, "yes you do, that's why I want you to come with me"
Ed could have sworn his heart had either jumped or stopped beating completely as Roy spoke those words to him so tenderly and sincerely. He couldn't help but feel happy, for once in his life he actually felt happy without the restrains of guilt holding him back. Still a sudden thought crossed his mind,
"What about Al?"
"Let him go visit Winry, I'm sure he wouldn't protest to the thought" Roy says gently.
"I still can't help but feel bad for parting with him." Ed admits softly.
Him and Alphonse had always traveled together, how was he suppose to explain to his little brother that he was going to the Colonel's mountainside cabin to spend time with him? He couldn't help but muse himself by imagining Al's reaction when he told him. He only hoped that Al understood, and was okay with the idea too. Roy brought him back from his thoughts softly,
"I understand, if you don't want to go, I'm not going to force you"
Ed only huffed gently, he really wanted to go more than even he'd admit to himself. He wanted to be with Roy how ever shape or form it took, he liked being so close to Roy, he liked coming home. He looked at Roy leaning his head back against his chest,
"I want to come with you..." Ed paused a strange thought crossing his mind, as he voiced it "If only to be this close to you again, I will go with you"
Roy gave Ed that tender smile again, and Ed returned it softly. Without their knowledge the rain had stopped, and the clouds had cleared. The first rays of the morning sun reaching in to touch both their faces warmly, as if Ed's mother was silently thanking them both for finding their way back home.