Wondering Snow

By: Jennifer N. Bauters

Disclaimer: I don't know the series or anything like that. I thought this up to go to part one of Cleansing Rain, I know it's shorts but, I was very tired. I hope you all enjoy.

Roy looked upon the icy cold snow, it had been so long since he'd seen so much snow. He sighed, and looked around his office, and looked at the photo of him and Ed, he smiled at the fond memories that flooded to him, he picked up the photo delicately and looked at it, Ed seemed so happy in it, so joyous. Now Ed was long gone, Roy frowned and sighed, listening to the snow howl around the empty building. He always came here, to this room to think, he rested his head on his hands fingers intertwined under his chin. He turned again to the window, he watched as the snow fell, so pure, so white. He blinked and touched the class, it must be so nice, to be so carefree; to fall where you want, to just; be.

He loved his job, it was stressful, he had power, but something was always missing, Ed had filled that emptiness within him. Now he felt as if things were growing dark around him, and it pained him greatly. He blinked as he tried to fight the tears, he'd tried so hard to find out what was wrong with ed that day but no decent reply did he receive. He touched his hands gently looking at them and blinked outside as a tear fell down his cheek. He looked at his reflection within the glass, he touched his mirrored self gently. He felt so ugly, so useless when Ed needed him most when HE needed Ed the most, he was no where to be found. He longed to hold the small blond haired alchemist in his arms and feel safe to feel full again. But no shelter did he find from the pains in his heart. Roy moved back to his chair, he looked at the photo of him and ed again. He shook his head, as he leaned back looking at the ceiling of his office. How he missed Ed, everything about Ed right down to his childish ways.

It had all started that day Ed went out on a mission, Roy didn't think the mission was too hard. But as Ed always did, he did more than his worth and ended up badly hurt. Roy had visited him several times in the hospital. He didn't stay too close, because he didn't want people to get suspicious but he visited when he could and when he did he stayed for as long as he was allowed. When Ed came to, Roy was waiting for him, Ed blinked at him and looked away, Roy recalled the day painfully he felt his heart shatter as Ed looked away from him in shame. Roy sighed and did everything he could to try to get Ed to talk that day, but no words did Ed offer him, not a single one did he utter not a single word did he whisper to Roy. When Roy left, he left his heart in ruins, he visited still, until Ed got out of the hospital, and then Ed just disappeared out of no where just up and left.

Roy leaned back in his chair in tears as he watched the ceiling. He let himself fall back in to the days of yesterday, where him and Ed would pick at one another play and horse around, sleep together, do intimate things to one another, with so much love and passion. He remember the way Ed's eyes looked upon him with love and admiration; he longed for those eyes and that touch once again. Roy felt a sob rack his chest hard as he busted out into a full blow sob. He couldn't express, no amount of words could say how he so missed Ed, and how his being gone so long was killing him from the inside out. He wanted yesterday, those days of love, devotion, and happiness, he wanted that hole to be filled again with the boy, he desperately loved. But that boy wasn't here now to give him the love he use to give or to receive the love he would so willing give back to him. No; that boy was long gone, as if having fallen off the face of the earth, he was gone form Roy's life.

Roy had always secretly promised himself if he saw ed again, he would beg and plead with Ed to stay to keep beside him, and to tell him what had happened those days he was off on that mission. He was dying even now, to know it was killing him like a disease that no doctor could cure. He jerked as there came a light knock on his door, he compose himself quickly and moved into a more intimidating position.

"come in" he said softly but sternly.

The door crept open softly, and in stepped a dream, Roy almost lost himself again. He had to check his surroundings and back at the dream that stood before him. Sullen and dirty, Edward Elric stood before Roy looking at him as if he'd been through hell. Roy got up quickly.

"Ed? Ed?" he begged and pleaded, Ed looked at Roy and busted into tears and flung himself into Roy's arms, Roy held him closed. He was almost in tears again himself, he tried desperately to compose himself as he soothed the crying boy in his arms, they stayed like that for what felt like eons to Roy but he didn't mind, Ed looked at Roy and shook his head, "I'm so sorry Roy " he whispered Roy blinked "for what?" he asked gently. "For not realizing what I had " Ed said "I spend months wondering around looking for something that I felt I'd lost something I never lost to begin with" Ed said tear strung down his pale and beaten face "you" he whispered softly. Roy kissed Ed's forehead " Ed " he whispered gently.

Ed hugged him back, "I'm so sorry I've done such a horrible thing to you I ran off and left you behind with no so much as a good bye to you. I I couldn't face you" he said Roy looked at him "why, why couldn't you face me?" he asked.

Ed looked down trying to keep his face hidden, he couldn't bare to look at Roy he felt so dirty so tainted, he never knew something that him and Roy shared intimately would be stripped and torn away from him so violently, so painfully. Ed let a sob rack through his sore chest, as he hugged Roy again, "God Roy.." he said as if praying for some protection from a god. Roy held him close "Shh, don't worry we have all the time in the world don't' rush" he said,

Ed nodded in the mans chest, Roy looked up at the snow which had stopped "do you remember " Roy said softly "that night when I found you looking out into the rain storm and we talked of, intimate things that neither of us had mentioned even to ourselves?" he asked, Ed nodded "Yes I remember that night I remember how the rain brought us together how it was so calm and peaceful, and then the morning came, and it was like a fresh new start" Ed remembered fondly.

Roy smiled "yes yes, it was like a fresh new start now it's cold and it's snowing frozen rain falling quietly outside" he said gently "not a soul around, everyone inside bundled up close to a fire with family, friends and lovers " he said. Ed looked at Roy. "Ed I missed you so much" Roy said gently "I came here today, to think to try and find myself again, to try and reconnect with myself. I was losing myself fast, I couldn't concentrate on work, I couldn't' sleep I barely ate Gods how I've missed you like the snow is white, my world was black" he said gently "I couldn't see hope, I saw nothing but the far reaches of an abysses that I couldn't tame, I was wondering helpless in a world without you" he said gently. And kissed ed fully on the lips.

"And now you're here and I beg of you Edward Elric please, what ever troubles ale you, what ever demons haunt you at night let me be by your side, to help you to be your supporting shoulder, to walk you through the darkness" he asked looking into Ed's eyes deeply "Let me be the one to tell you it's going to be alright, let me be the one to hold you close when you cry, or when you're afraid. Let me be the lover I promised to you I would be. Don't leave me again for my world is nothing without you" Roy said in tears. Ed looked at Roy startled to see him crying so openly, he hadn't thought that Roy had missed him so much as to cry like this now.

Ed reached whipping away the warm tears on Roy's face, he felt so bad having caused such a beautiful and caring man, so much pain. Pain he didn't' need nor deserved. Ed nodded "I won't leave again Roy, I promise but please I beg you, if I tell you what happened will you not love me any less?" ed asked, Roy looked at ed stunned "Ed I could never love you less " he said passionately "You are my life my shining star the glimmer of hope that keeps me dreaming I could never love you less." Roy said. Ed nodded, " I was raped" he said, Roy felt pain and anger shoot through him and he hugged Ed close "Ed oh dear god, Ed" he said keeping Ed warmly close. Ed held on to Roy loving the warmth that he provided him, the security he found and the love, oh the love was passionate and warm.

Ed looked at Roy who brushed back his hair from his face "Ed I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help you to protect what was most dear to me from the unclean Ed, I'm here don't you worry, I'm here and Dear god, Do I love you so" Roy said, Ed smiled and leaped kissing Roy deeply, "Roy Aishiteru" he whispered gently as Roy leaned against he wall with ed close to him, as both of them slipped off into a blissful slumber filled with dreams of a brighter tomorrow.