Ranma 1/2

The Joy of Fatherhood.

Not, a Ranma gets a kid fic.

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She had made it, at last. The Goddess Klulis had finally managed to get her own world. After millennia of work under other gods for the coveted position, she had finally gotten her very own reality.

Sure, she could complain. It was one of those ready made universes after all, but at least it was something.

She paused and looked down at the progress of her little world. "Seems to be all right for now." She smiled and turned towards the great celestial television that was floating off to the side set and smiled in satisfaction.

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"What? Dead?" snapped the Goddess as she looked at the towering form before her. Not that it was very intimidating; she was pretty tall herself.

"Yes, you left him alone for five minutes," commented the god who stood before her.

"You guys always leave them be!" snapped the Goddess angrily.

"We had minor gods working under us too keep an eye on things," replied the god lazily. "Really dear, you aren't quite up to that level yet."

"Dang! I really wanted to have him in there too!" she muttered as she glanced down at her world for a moment. "How? How did it happen? I never noticed."

"Well, the doctor slapped him after he was born. He got angry, and decided to hold his breath and take it like a man, instead of crying."

"What? You mean the stupidity is that ingrained?" said the Goddess in shock.

"It's what makes him special," replied the elder god with a shrug.

"I could perform a miracle, but I'd have to go through heaven and find his stupid soul first," muttered the goddess angrily as she looked at said reality from over her shoulder.

"It would be too late by then," replied the god with a smirk on his face. "I had one of these universes once. It never goes well without him, however indirectly he influences things."

"Yeah, he's probably the first one like him too ever make it to heaven too," snorted the woman angrily.

"Hmm, now what?" muttered the goddess as she glanced around. "Say..." she turned towards the elder god and smiled sweetly at him.

"No, Klulis," he said with a sigh.

"Why not? I'll just borrow one little soul!" she said with her eyes suddenly growing to huge proportions, they also started to shine.

"No!" replied the elder god as he turned his back on her.

"Come on! What about that stupid looking one! The one with his face in the computer screen!" said the woman as she fell on her knees and grabbed his robe.

"Who? Him?" said the god with a snort. "That guy might actually like it. He's scheduled to die soon anyway..." muttered the god as he attempted to convince himself. "All right, but just this once! I don't want this getting around."

"Yay!" cried the Goddess cutely as she threw her hands in the air.

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Carrot sat at his computer, writing the next few chapters of his latest fanfic. [The Shameless Plug!]

All he did was yawn; he stretched out his arms and opened his eyes again. Only to find himself looking at several giant doctors, all of who were staring back at him in equal shock.

"He's alive! We did it!" cried one of the giant men in Japanese.

"A miracle!" exclaimed one of the Nurses.

Carrot started screaming, he couldn't control his body and his limbs flailed about wildly.

"My god! I've been abducted by Japanese Space Aliens!" screamed his mind. "They're going to probe my anus!"

One of the giant space aliens picked him up and carried him over to a gigantic woman. He was gently placed in her arms.

"Mrs. Takama, you have a very healthy young boy!" said one of the aliens in Japanese.

"Huh?" thought Carrot as he looked up at her. She wasn't exactly a paragon of beauty, but hardly repulsive.

A large Japanese man with glasses, dressed in a business suit with hospital scrubs over it, grinned proudly. "A boy! I have a son!"

"Huh? Whazis?" thought Carrot as he tried desperately to think of how he had gotten himself into this.

His eyes focused on a blurry image over him, a huge mirror on the ceiling. He found himself looking at a newborn baby in the woman's arms. "Th...that's me? But, I'm not a Buddhist! I don't believe in reincarnation!" He paused and thought about it for a moment. "Or is that Hindu? I always get those two screwed up. Hmm..."

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Up in the heavens, two great beings smiled down on the world.

"He seems to be taking this rather well," commented Klulis.

"Hmm? Oh, he's not entirely stable," replied the god with a small shrug.

"Man, he was a better choice than I had thought," commented the goddess offhandedly.

"I guess so. What the heck were you doing when this happened anyway?" said the god as he noticed the television. He leaned in and peered at the screen for a moment. "Phantasy Star Online?"

"Um, yeah. I'm using a FOneware, got her all the way to level 52, in less than a week!" said the goddess proudly.

The god merely sighed and shook his head.

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Sixteen years later...

"What the hell did I do to deserve this reincarnation?" muttered Carrot. "My dad is a salary man, my mom is an overweight housewife, and I'm... I'm what? Going down the same road as my old man, that's what!" He kicked a rock angrily and clenched his fists. He'd managed to talk his parents into getting him martial arts lessons, but unfortunately, the Taikwondo Plus franchise down the street had been running a sale that week. "Man, this life sucks more than my old one did." He had often wondered why he could still remember that, and was beginning to doubt its validity. "Maybe I am crazy."

That couldn't be right though. His old martial arts training from before was still good. The things he'd learned in his past life still held true. He'd never even cracked a schoolbook open, and slept through most of his classes up until high school. He could guess that he was at least a second dan in Kenpo, and a rather poor red belt in Taikwondo. He could do better easily, but he just wasn't motivated.

It didn't help that his family genetics seemed to ensure that he was a little overweight.

"Hey, Takama. How's it goin?" sneered one of the boys from his class.

"Huh? What do you want?" snapped Carrot bitterly. The boy was a bully, and had a thing against everyone, including him.

"Nothin, just your lunch money. Cough it up fat boy," snapped the boy as he put his hand out and grabbed Carrot's collar.

"But...it's Sunday."

"I know that!" snapped the angry boy.

Carrot frowned, the kid was dressed in his school uniform. He had come here today, because he didn't think the boy would be around.

"I don't have any lunch money. There's no school," repeated Carrot lazily.

"Well heck. I just wanted to fight you again anyway," said the boy sheepishly.

"Huh?" muttered Carrot. "What the hell are you talking about Kodama?"

"I've never had a fight that good before. Yesterday, when I tried to take your money, I thought you'd be a pushover. No one has ever stood up to me before."

Carrot's jaw dropped. "Huh?"

"I want to be a martial artist some day! A man like no other!" said the boy with tears forming in his eyes. "When you and I fought... it was like... the greatest feeling I ever got!" Kodama started crying right there in the middle of the street.

"Uh, sure. I guess we could do it again," muttered Carrot in disbelief.

"R...really?" said the boy as he grabbed his shoulders.

"I guess," grumbled Carrot as he looked away from the pathetic display.

"That's great! You're a martial artist too right?" exclaimed the excited boy.

"Yeah, sort of. It's not a family thing, if that's what you mean. My dad's a salary man."

"Mine too," agreed the other boy with a serious nod. "It ends with me though! I'm going to become a real man! My fiancee and I will have our own dojo one day!"

"You're engaged?" said Carrot in shock.

Kodama blushed and looked towards the ground. "Yeah, one of those arranged things."

"I didn't think anyone did that anymore," commented Carrot lazily.

"Huh? I'm happy with it," replied the other boy with a shrug.

"Well, should we... you know..." said Carrot tentatively.

"Oh! Right! The fight... I guess we could do it later. I'm in no real hurry, not since I know you'll do it without me acting like a jerk."

"Sure thing... I guess," muttered Carrot as he looked away. His gaze locked immediately after that. The most beautiful girl he had ever seen was walking towards them, with a huge smile on her face. He simply let his jaw drop as all previous brain function and motor skills failed instantly.

"Excuse me, could you direct me to the Takama residence?"

"Duuuhhh," said Carrot.

"Hey, isn't that your last name?" said Kodama.

"Huh, a-yup," gibbered the love struck boy as he stared at her.

The girl blushed demurely. She was dressed in a formal Kimono and had black hair, with a slight red tint to it. "Oh my."

"Look, I'll just come back later," muttered Kodama nervously as he turned almost militarily and stiffly moved away from the scene.

Carrot shook his head and tried desperately to regain control of his functions again. "Man! That's never happened to me before! Who?"

"Is your name Takama?"

"Yeah, who?"

"My name is Nodoka," she said with a small bow.

"Oh, you need to find my house?"

"Yes, I'm supposed to meet my parents there today. I wasn't ready, and they kind of left without me," said the girl with a small giggle as she brushed her hair out of her face.

"Nodoka? Weird," thought Carrot for a moment. "Come on. I'll show you the way."

"Thank you," said Nodoka quietly.

"With my luck, she's probably my cousin or something," he grumbled under his breath.

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"Married?" said Carrot in shock.

The two sets of parents sat across from him and Nodoka.

"That's right son, you and Nodoka are to be married. Thus uniting the Takama and Saotome lines," said his father firmly.

"Saotome?" said Carrot in shock as he looked at Nodoka.

"You have a problem with my family?" said the girl's mother with an arched eyebrow.

"N-no! I'm just surprised! She's beautiful! I'll do it!" Apparently, he had still not completely wrested control of his brain from his...ahem...never mind.

"We decided it was best not to put the pressures of the engagement on him until today," said his mother quietly.

"He is not...soiled is he?" said the woman as she shot a glance back at him.

Carrot finally noticed the long bundle that rested across the woman's shoulder.

"Gack! Of course!" he replied instantly. He probably would have said that even if it wasn't true.

"I see, very well then. We shall hold the wedding this afternoon," said the woman as she stood up. Carrot noticed that her husband hadn't spoken a single word throughout the entire meeting.

Without thinking, he turned towards Nodoka. "Has your mom ever been to China? A place called Joketzuko?"

"No. Why?" said the girl sweetly. She didn't seem the slightest bit upset about any of this.

"No reason," muttered Carrot dejectedly. He was trapped and he knew it, that woman wouldn't hesitate to cut him in half if he tried to escape.

"Oh..." she looked like she was about to say something, but quieted down.

"What is it?" said the boy as he noticed this.

"Oh! He's so manly! Such a healthy interest in my chest when we first met! And now he seems to be in tune with my feelings! It was meant to be!" thought the girl to herself as she smiled at him. "You never did tell me your whole name."

"Huh? Oh, Genma Takama," replied the boy nervously. He wasn't really paying much attention, merely trying to figure out a way out of this mess. The Saotome woman didn't have to unwrap that sword for him to know how sharp it was. The cowering excuse for a husband beside her was enough to convince him.

"Genma-samma," said Nodoka with a blush on her face.

"Huh? Oh, just call me Carrot, everyone does," replied the boy out of habit.

"Karot? Why?" she said in confusion.

He smiled back at her. "It might be a way out! If she thinks I'm like that..." he thought to himself with a small smirk. "Have you ever seen an anime called Sorcerer Hunters?"

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"Oh, I understand now," said Nodoka with a smile on her face as she turned away from the screen about an hour later.

"Why does she look happy?" thought Carrot with a frown. He had done his best to grope her throughout the show, giving the impression that he was a complete pervert. He'd even gone so far as to spread out the few Urotsukidogi manga that he had, out on the floor openly.

"You're like this man," she said sweetly.

"Yeah. I really like him," he said in confusion.

"You must... really like redheads. I'm so pleased!" exclaimed the girl.

Carrot almost fell on his face. Only two hours until zero hour, and he'd failed miserably.

"Such a healthy young boy!" she thought to herself as she looked down at the pornographic manga that was strewn about the room.

"I give up," said Carrot as he walked out of his room and left her there.

"Oh my," muttered Nodoka as she followed him. She turned and noticed the few trophies and pictures from the dojo he'd been attending. None of them were higher than third place, but still, it seemed he had quite an interest in martial arts. "I wonder... perhaps..." she left the rest unsaid as she walked out of the room.

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Carrot frowned as he put down the phone book. "Hi, is your son there?"

A few moments later, a familiar voice answered on the other end. "Hello?"

"I got a question for you Kodama. What's your fiancee's last name?"

"Tendo. Why?" said the boy obliviously.

"I thought I might know her, never mind," said Carrot with a sigh. "It figures," his mind lamented. "I got somethin to tell ya. I can't make it to the lot tomorrow. We're gonna have to reschedule our fight so it's on Tuesday."

"What?" said the other boy in disappointment. "Why?"

"Turns out my parents arranged a marriage for me too. I just found out, and I'm getting married this afternoon," said Carrot as he glanced over his shoulder nervously.

"Oh, congratulations! Wait, is it... you know... her?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, great luck."

"Yeah, right," deadpanned Carrot irritably.

"Pardon?" said Kodama in confusion.

"It's nothing. I just wanted to let you know."

"Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it," replied the other boy in confusion.

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Genma Saotome stood on the porch to his home the next morning. A deep frown crossed his face as he thought about his situation. "Now what?"

The night before had been quite interesting. Apparently, Nodoka had taken his perceived perversion to heart. He really should have known better. He hung his head and sighed.

"I guess, I'm a martial artist from now on."

Unbeknownst to him, Nodoka was standing nearby, just out of sight. She would stand by her husband's decision, and she knew just the man to call. After all, the two of them were so much alike.

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THE END?

Continuation, depends on feedback!

Let me know when you figured it out!