Hey, all! I know, I know. I shouldn't. But I couldn't resist! This story was just calling to me!

Besides, it's not a schoolfic, songfic, or romance(Well, not really. ;)!!

You should be proud!

Besides, I'll still be working on my other stories, the updates will just become even fewer and farther in-between now that I have something else to work on. ::nervous laughter:: Don't hurt me, please...

Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of the DK gang, male, female, or otherwise! I also don't own any of the phrases that go through Rune's head; they are all taken from books 1 and 6!

Warning: Swearing, minor violence, "female issues". Slight OOC on Rune's part. I tried to keep him in character, but he's hard! Plus, he's majorly pissed... Please attribute all oddities to his bad temper! Thank you!

"speaking; quotes(duh)"


[dragon's cards]


'Rune's such a girlie-girl...'

'He's already like a woman...'

He sharply rounded a corner, almost hitting and knocking over a tall and elaborately carved pillar standing next to it as decoration.

'Wow! He looks exactly like her...'

'Pretty as a picture...'

Steps speeding up as his temper rose even higher, Rune's mind began to fill as the voices rushing through his memory increased in volume. They overlapped each other, laughing, smirking, teasing.

And all saying the same thing.

'Whenever we need cash, we can dress Rune in drag, and...'

'Will you please marry me?!...'

That he was a girl. Female. Feminine.

The half-elf growled under his breath, releasing a string of barely understandable curse words in several languages.

This had always been going on, but today? This was the last straw.

'You are so beautiful...'

'And our daughter takes after her mother...'

Whirling around another corner, his destination came into view. A set of tall wooden doors, slightly ajar: The enterance to the castle library. Barely slowing down, Rune shoved through them, ignoring the disapproving glance cast at him by the young maid stuck on desk duty.

'Oh, come on. All heroines change their hairstyle. It's the current trend...'

As that last thought shot through his mind, he came to a dead halt, breathing hard from both anger and exertion.

Directly before him was a tall wooden shelf.

The books on this particular shelf were old, thick, yellowed, and covered in a gray layer of dust. None of them looked particularly appealing for a bit of light reading, and not all of them appeared to be in an understandable language.

His hand shaking slightly from barley contained rage, Rune reached up, slowly pulling a worn red book off the shelf, and hastily turning it's musty pages, searching with a near hysteria for the one chapter he needed.

He had found this book by mistake shortly after he had come to the castle, and had quickly put it back once he realized what it contained.

A smirk suddenly appeared on his features, icy blue eyes glinting dangerously in a frame of light blonde hair, loosened strands falling into his flushed face.

A smooth hand ran long fingers down the thick spine of the book, brushing dust off it into a silvery cloud, and revealing delicately styled golden lettering, spelling out the title.

"Revenge and Spite; A Book of Curses"

Snapping the book tightly shut, and releasing a larger cloud of dust into the air, Rune placed it under his arm and strode resolutely out of the library. That was one of the pluses of being a Dragon Knight. No one really cared whether or not you actually checked your books out.


"You think Rune's pissed?"

"Thats, it's Rune. He's always pissed."

The Dragon Knight of Earth considered this information, slowly running it over, his mind dulled by the presence of the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the branches of the tree in which he was currently stretched out in.

Finally shaking his head, he spoke.

"Yeah, but he seemed really upset this time."

A good ten feet below him, Rath Illuser opened his eyes, tilting his head backwards to peer up into the branches that held his comrade.

"I dunno. He seemed about the same as always to me".

"Really?" Thats opened his eyes as well, but didn't bother moving, "Not to me. He seemed..." he searched for a word, then closed his eyes once more, giving up on even attempting to think in the lazy atmosphere the castle gardens projected at this time of the day.

"Pissed. Really pissed."

"Thats," Rath began again, shutting his eyes and starting to drift into a dreamlike haze, "It's Rune. He's always pissed."

There was another lull in the conversation, during which both boys noticed that they had gotten nowhere, and had, in fact, repeated exactly what had been said before.

"He'll get over it," the Fire Knight managed to add in, stirring himself slightly from his light sleep.

"I guess so," Thats said, still uncertain.

"He always does."

"That's true," he agreed, stretching his arms briefly, then reclasping them behind his head.

"Besides, what could he do?" the black haired one asked, lazily opening one eye and flicking a small black ant off his leg, then leaned back down against the rough trunk of the large tree, letting the warm light play upon his slightly upturned face.

"It's not like he'd curse us or anything."

"Yeah," Thats gave a short laugh, "He wouldn't do that."

It was at this moment that Rune entered the gardens, a mere twenty feet away from the base of the tree that the other two knights were stationed at.


Testosterone and the burning pain of humiliation still running rampant through his veins, he opened the book he still carried with him to a dog-eared page towards the middle.

"Chapter seven," he felt a feeling of sick satisfaction growing within him, "Reversal of Genders. Set Up: Easy. Spell Level: Difficult. Spell Power: F-ing Strong."

Narrowed azure eyes took in the two figures lying on their backs either below or in the tree before him, and the corner of his mouth twitched up.

Rereading the pages contents one last time, Rune closed the book and carefully placed it on the ground at his feet, then turned his attention back to Thats and Rath.

"At least it's not permanent," he whispered, half to them, half to the uneasy feeling that had started to gnaw at his conscience.

"They'll have to deal with it for a month. Not one day more."

Then, extending both arms, palms facing away from him, Rune pushed all disapproving or uncertain thoughts out of his mind, concentrating on creating a ball of power large enough to envelop the two boys.

Straining slightly from forming and holding onto such a large amount of raw energy, the Knight of Water racked his minds for the words to the spell contained within the flimsy pages of the text.

"Sal Ramsey, Ignociora Haiz'n i Goreothe, kihtikcn cal Seude'n-rai, Feirra Laimnend trequm, Jaft Fema dan Turnfeo, Ssy..."

Here Rune paused, a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead, eyes squeezed tightly shut.

He couldn't stop now, not even if he had wanted to. An unfinished spell is one of the most dangerous things to leave lying about, especially if, as in the case of this particular spell, a great deal of power was backing it.

Continuing on straight to the end would be best, however he was having some difficulty.

Rune's mind raced.

He couldn't remember the final word needed to finish his curse.

Frantically he grasped onto the first thing he could think of, hoping it was correct, or at least close enough to being correct that it would pass as a reasonable substitute.


As the word slipped from his lips, slick with the sweat now running freely down his face, the orb of quivering magic slipped from his uncontrollably shaking hands, hurtling forward at a breakneck speed.


Thats opened his eyes.

Something didn't feel right.

As his sight adjusted to the now dim early evening light, a wave of power rushed over him.


Rath jumped to his feet, sensing the surge of magic as well.

"What is it?!"

"I don't..." Thats trailed off, green eyes widening in horror at what he saw before him.

"I can't believe it," His voice was hushed, the words breaking.

Raising his voice above the heated crackling now audible in the normally still garden, he shouted down to Rath, wearing an equally shocked expression as he too took in the scene in front of them.

"It's Rune, he--"

The rest of his explanation was cut off as a massive ball of power rocketed towards the two youngest knights, exploding in a blinding mass of lightning around them.


From the moment that Rune uttered the final word in the incantation, he knew something was very, very wrong.

So he was half expecting it when his fireball of a spell had ricocheted off the tree, coming back to envelop not only Rath and Thats, but himself as well, dragging all three of them down into it's hellish core.

As Rune felt the mind-numbing tiredness that he knew accompanied exerting this much magical power combine with the immediate lethargic drowsiness that was a side effect of this particular curse, two words managed to stay afloat in the quickly darkening world around him.

"Oh, fuck."


Haha! I've finished, and in one night, too!::is pleased::

I still don't really know why I'm starting a new story, just that a humor fic will be fun for a change, and guys-to-girls stories are always a good place to rant and be generally evil to the opposite sex. D

Do not worry. They will escape unscathed. For the most part.

Please review!! This is the only guys-to-girls fic I've ever seen in the Dragon Knights section... And I've been here ever since there were four pages worth!

Bonus kudos to whoever finds the plugs for JAFT, SSY, F&F, and Thatchels!

Hint: Look at Rune's spell.