Never Stop Living

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. That's all I'll say on this one.

I can still feel things sometimes. It's a weird sensation seeing as how I'm dead and all. Well, maybe not technically dead. Geez, this is complicated. I guess I should be used to this by now. My whole life's been pretty complicated so why should my afterlife be any different, right?

I watch you all the time. You know that breeze that dries your tears or that happy memory you remember when all you feel like doing is crying? That's me, Beast Boy. I'm always there for you because you were always there for me. I've never had someone like that in my life before. A lot of people would've given up on me but you never did. Even after so many mistakes you helped me see that I always had a choice. I never got to thank you for that or at least not in the way I wanted to. I didn't quite mean the last thing I said to you. You weren't just "the best friend I ever had". You were . . .I can't describe it. You made me feel like the most special girl in the world. You made me feel like I was worth something, like I finally belonged somewhere. I could never forget that. I still feel that feeling I got around you sometimes. It's strange to still feel things when I've stopped having a real body to feel them with. But still I get that warm, tingly feeling and it makes me smile. Well, not really smile but you get the idea.

I watch you all the time. I watch everybody really, everyone in the whole world. You know me; I love to wander. There's this whole, big world out there, you know? Now that I have all the time in the world I can finally see it all. But still it hurts that all I can do anymore is watch. I can't laugh, can't dance, can't sing, can't even cry. I can only watch.

I wish I was there with you. I know it's hard. Like I said, you were more than a friend. You loved me. Don't ask me why or how because I totally didn't deserve it but you did, still do actually. That hurts me too. I wanna wrap my arms around you and tell you everything will be okay. I wanna see you smile again. I always loved your smile. No matter what happened you always took it with a smile. I guess that's what hurts about this whole thing. I caused you all this pain. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am.

When you're dead you think too much. You don't really have much else to do. So I think a lot, about my life and my choices. Choices. I never even realized I had a choice until you helped me understand. I thought I was doomed to be alone, unloved, mistreated. That wasn't everyone else's fault though. I tried to tell myself it was; that I was just a pawn in everyone else's game. I was at fault though. I was the one who put myself in those positions to begin with. That was pretty stupid of me I guess.

I heard what you said about me. You know how to flatter a girl, that's definitely for sure. I may be the bravest person you've ever known but it's because you don't know yourself very well. Maybe if you did you'd see that you're the brave one. Me? I'm still a coward. Oh sure it takes courage to throw your life away for someone else but that doesn't take real courage. Real courage is displayed by those closest to you, the ones who have to deal with the sacrifice you made. You're the courageous one. I can't picture how life would've been for me if the situation was reversed. I would've just died inside if I knew someone loved me so much they gave their life for me. How was I ever worth that, you know?

You're braver than I ever was because you keep smiling. I know it's hard and it hurts to laugh but you keep doing it anyway. That's what makes you beautiful. If things had been different I would've wanted to be with you forever. I still want to be with you so I watch you. Your life isn't over. I'm the one who died, not you. You have to understand that, Beast Boy. You have so much more to do and be. Someday you'll find an amazing girl and you'll forget all about me. Life goes on, you know? It just keeps moving and changing and growing. You have to keep living for me. You have to keep smiling.

I'm always with you, Beast Boy. I'm always watching over you. Even if I'll never get the chance to tell you how much I loved you I'll still watch. Even if you forget me completely I will still watch. Even if you never feel my arms around you or my hand on your shoulder I will still be there every step of the way. I'm always with you and I will be forever. Well, maybe not forever. You see there's one thing that'll make me go away. If you stop smiling and laughing and caring then I really will be dead. Please, never do that. Please, Beast Boy, never stop living.