DISCLAIMER: Joss owns canon.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Me playing around the idea of a Harmony/Spike miracle child, first person style..

The first thing you need to know about me is that I am bloody, sodding fantabuwondergorgeouserific. Bloody and sodding are my daddy's words, but fantabuwondergorgeouserific is mine. My teachers at preschool say I am very creative. I say I am beautiprettibootilicious.

My name is Jacqueline Lo Kendall. My mommy calls me J-Lo. My daddy calls me Jax. Oh, and sometimes, my mommy calls me Jackiekins.

My daddy's name is Spike, but my mommy calls him Spikey, and my mommy's name is Harmony, but my daddy calls her Harm or Sodding Bint. I'm not supposed to say sodding, but I do anyway, because I am a miracle, and miracles should be able to say sodding whenever they want.

Lots of kids at my preschool say that their parents say they're miracles, but I really am one! In fact, I'm what they call a miracle child, the only one in the whole wide world. I'm not sure what it means, but I'm pretty sure it's because my daddy is a sodding-silly-willy vampire, and my mommy's one, too. I'm not though. I'm just supersplendicutieful.

Part of being supersplendicutieful is wearing pretty dresses and playing with Mommy's makeup and sometimes giving Daddy makeovers. Daddy doesn't like that very much. The other part of being supersplendicutieful is having minions. I have six. Their names are Todd, Wilson, Jason, Jason, Marty, and Brad. I asked Mommy if I should count the Jasons as one or two, because they have the same name, and she said they each counted, which made me happy, because everyone knows having six minions is a lot better than having only five.

My minions do what I tell them to, because I'm Jacqueline Lo Kendall, Evil Mastermind. I'm only four now, but maybe when I'm five, I'll take over the world. I might need more minions, though. Maybe even seven of them.


"Harm, if you call her that one more time..."

"I think it's a cute name, Spikeykins. It's very distinct, and..."

"You will stop calling my child J-Lo."

That's my mommy and daddy. Aren't they silly?

"Mommy," I yell into the next room, "don't call me J-Lo."

"See?" my daddy says. He hates it when she calls me that.

"Call me Princess J-Lo," I say. I think I'd like being a princess. From what I understand, princesses have lots of minions.


I'm thinking of a fic starring J-Lo/Jax… what do you think? Let me know.