Goku's Second "Talk": Because There's More To It Than. . .
A side note: Sanzo a rash = surely an R rating to this vulgar fic.
Another: Don't take my shot at Homura personally. The guy's awesome. But in my world, everyone gets made fun of. :P
"So she said, 'My name's Gonorrhea!'" Gojyo was hardly able to finish the joke before going into a fit of hurling laughter. It was another scorching hot day on the desert plain, and the party of four grew weary of the unyielding heat. Gojyo's poor attempt at entertaining his comrades brought about three mixed responses.
"My, that seemed to be in poor taste," Hakkai sighed (although with a smile), wiping the sweat from his forehead as he maneuvered the jeep around a bar of sand.
"Shut up, Gojyo, that sucked," Sanzo grumbled from the passenger seat, letting a puff of smoke out the side of his mouth, which blew into the back seat, and caused a burst of coughing from the famished monkey boy.
"Guys," Goku whimpered. "I don't get that joke. . . I'm too hungry."
"Of course you wouldn't get it, stupid monkey," The red-haired man interjected with a smirk.
"Shut up, red maggot!" Goku defended. "You probably told it wrong, that's why!" The two went on arguing, and the priest buried his face in the palm of his hand. It was too hot to beat on the two buffoons today and overexert oneself.
"Hey, Sanzo, it was a very limited explanation we gave him back at that old village," Hakkai said to the blond priest. "He didn't exactly get informed about all the problems that can arise from intimate relationships—"
"You don't even remember what Sanzo told you last year!" Gojyo's shouting interrupted the driving brunette.
"I do too!" Goku shouted right back.
"Oh yeah?" Gojyo crossed his arms. "Then what was it about?" Silence. Random crickets chirping.
"Guys, I could have sworn I just heard crickets—"Hakkai began, the only noise now being the soft rumbling of the Jeep's engine.
"Exactly!" Gojyo remarked triumphantly. "He knows nothing."
"You're not suggesting. . . "Sanzo started. "That we go through the whole process of explaining something to the monkey again, are you, Hakkai?"
"We don't have to explain it all, I just think he should know a little more about it before he goes out into the real world and experiences it," Hakkai responded with a smile.
"Yeah, we don't want him jumping into things he doesn't understand. . . Right, Sanzo?" Gojyo teased, leaning over the back of Sanzo's seat. The priest attempted to back hand his red-haired companion, but he evaded the attack by flinging himself back into the seat. "See? You couldn't move to smack me because of that rash!"
"Shut the hell up, Gojyo!" Sanzo growled.
"What are you guys talking about?' Goku whined. "What rash?"
"That's what the joke was about, stupid monkey!" Gojyo said, whacking the monkey demon upside the head. "Gonorrhea. I think Sanzo has gonorrhea."
"I don't have fucking gonorrhea!" Yelled the priest. His eyes were nearly turning red. Gojyo suddenly paused and looked at the blond.
"You know what, you're right. You have to have sex to have gonorrhea." And he immediately burst into laughter, so much so that he didn't have time to dodge a hit from the paper fan Sanzo whipped out of no where.
"What's wrong with having Gonorrhea?" Goku asked. "I think Gonorrhea is a pretty name!" The water sprite smacked his own forehead, Sanzo grumbled something in the front seat, and Hakkai sighed light-heartedly. "Whaaaat!" Goku yelled afterwards. "It's the girl version of Hakkai's old name, right? Gonou-rrhea... you add "rrhea" to make it a girl's name, right?"
"Poor Goku. We definitely need to have another talk. How about when we get to the next village?"
"Another talk? What's this one about, Hakkai?"
"Oh, just some important things you need to know about gonorrhea . . . which is not a female name, by the way."
"It's not? But Gojyo said—"
"You believe everything I say, stupid monkey?" Gojyo interrupted from the back seat, where he sat with his arms behind his head and a cigarette dangling from his lip.
"Hey, shut up, dumb ass water sprite!" Goku spun around to shoot back at the red-haired man.
"We can also take care of your rash when we get to the next village, Sanzo," added Hakkai, quietly enough that Gojyo didn't hear it to make some more comments about it.
"Hakkai. . . drop it."
"But you don't want a thing like that to be left untreated. The itching must be terrible!"
"They have plenty of medication for that now, why, medicated creams and pills and ointments—"
"Leave it be!" The monk squirmed uncomfortably, crossing his arms over his chest in a pout that seemed awfully childish and even out of character for the stone-cold Sanzo.
"Oooh, hang in there, Sanzo," Hakkai said with a smile. "Only a few hundred more miles."
By the time the party of four arrived at the next village, it was already dusk. For their dinner, they stopped at a little restaurant that seemed to be bustling with business, even at that hour of the afternoon. They sat in a circle around their table in the corner, the perfect place for civilians to gawk and whisper about them. Gojyo sat back in his chair, a smoke hanging out of his mouth as if it were a second tongue to him. Sanzo squirmed every so often, more moody than usual as he chewed on a rice cake. Goku was still eating, of course, and Hakkai was feeding a biscuit of some sort to Hakuryuu. How grossly familiar it seemed.
"Man, this is creepy," Gojyo mumbled, as his eyes scanned the restaurant. "I'm getting déjà vu right now..."
"It does look familiar, doesn't it?" Hakkai added, as Hakuryuu jumped up onto his shoulder. "Actually, it reminds me of that town we visited a long while back, when we gave Goku his first talk—"
"Oh yeah..." The red-haired man smirked. "The town where Sanzo supposedly shacked up with some girl in another—"
"Don't even FINISH that sentence, Gojyo!" threatened the monk, who now pointed a gun at point blank from his comrade's head. As if it weren't bad enough that he couldn't sit down without being uncomfortable, now the pervy water sprite was getting on his case.
"Oh dear, Sanzo, I almost forgot," Hakkai began, leaning over the side of his chair. He picked up a cloth bag and started sifting through it, while talking. "I stopped out at the market while you three were securing our reservation at the inn, and I bought you something that might be useful. . . "Hakkai held up a few bottles of what appeared to be medicine for personal rashes. The itching monk immediately snatched it from the brunette's hands.
"Don't hold it up like that so everybody can see it. . . "he mumbled grumpily as he stood up. "And don't be dumb-asses while I'm gone." With that, Sanzo trudged off in the direction of the men's room, an odd rhythm in his step. Gojyo chuckled while giving Goku a sharp poke in the side. The monkey hardly even responded, still packing his face with food.
"That's what we were talking about earlier, monkey," Gojyo informed. "That's what you look like when you have gonorrhea." He laughed to himself, pointing out the way Sanzo waddled to keep from itching.
"I don't want to look like Sanzo," Goku mumbled absently, with a mouthful of food.
"Oh no, don't worry, you won't end up looking like him," Hakkai said. He leaned back down to the cloth bag and this time pulled out a few thick hardcover books, dropping them on the table. The impact those textbooks made caused the dishes and glasses to jump, which was just enough to grab Goku's attention. He looked up at Hakkai, noodles falling out of his open mouth.
"What're those, Hakkai?" He asked, the noodle dropping back onto the plate.
"Don't be a slob, monkey," Gojyo said with a smirk, while shaking his head.
"While I was out getting Sanzo his medicine, I found these in a pawn shop and I thought it would help me explain some things to you," He began with a smile, turning to the middle of one of the books. "Do you remember our first talk? With the puppets?"
"And insertion," Gojyo added bluntly.
"Insert. . . ! Of course I remember that! How come you all think I can't remember stuff?" Goku pouted.
"Maybe because your brain isn't big enough to hold shit," The water sprite said tauntingly.
"Now, now, Gojyo," Hakkai interrupted. "Pipe down so I can talk seriously with Goku." He turned to face the boy. "You see, there are some problems that arise from. . . well, as Sanzo so kindly put it, 'inserting' oneself. Now it's still a very natural thing to do, but in today's day and age, one has to be careful because there are many diseases called STDs that people carry, and having sex with one of them would result in you catching the disease, as well. . . "
"Disease from inserting yourself?" Goku repeated, eyes widened. "I knew that was bad stuff. . . "
"Ah, the disease part is bad, yes," Hakkai continued. He edged his chair over nearer to Goku's and displayed the book on the table so they could both look at it together. "Now this," He said, pointing. "Is what normally happens after. . . uh. . . 'insertion'." Goku's eyes grew as wide as watermelons, and Gojyo burst out laughing at his two comrades.
"What is THAT, Hakkai?" Goku asked nervously, pointing to a picture in the book.
"That's a fetus, Goku," Hakkai said with a light chuckle. "It's what happens when you 'insert' with someone. You are actually sharing your zygotes with them, and creating a new life."
"In other words, monkey, making kids," Gojyo cleared up.
"Zygote. . . ?" Goku scratched his head, puzzled. "What're all these big words you keep saying, Hakkai? What is zygote? Can you fry it?"
"Oh, no, Goku," Hakkai laughed. "Well, maybe nuclear waste can fry zygotes. . . but no, they can't be fried the way you're thinking, Goku. They're cells. You share them when you. . . well. . . insert with someone."
"Oooooh!" Goku said, resting his chin on his hand atop the table. "I think I'm getting it now! You insert to share stuff!" Hakkai nodded, proud of the little monkey for finally beginning to understand. "Then why does Gojyo always share with all those woman and not with us?" Gojyo smacked his own forehead.
"He's not 'getting' anything, Hakkai," The water sprite sighed. "Just tell him about the diseases already."
"I suppose now's a good time," Hakkai sighed, turning the page on the book. Once again, Goku's face fell into a distorted look of shock. "Well, when you share with a girl this way, there are risks of getting diseases, as I said before. This picture here," Hakkai pointed to the right page. "Is what happens when someone catches one of these diseases from their partner."
"Ewww!" Goku cried, pulling back from the book. "Is that what Sanzo looks like underneath now?"
"You'd better believe it!" Gojyo said with a smirk, taking a gulp of saké. Of course, that grin vanished from his face the minute he saw a grumbling Sanzo headed back from the bathroom.
"Oh, is it working for you Sanzo?" Hakkai asked quietly as the monk reclaimed his seat.
"It said it takes fifteen minutes to start working and I'm timing it," He growled, crossing his arms and keeping his eye on the clock. "If it doesn't hurry up, you'd better get the money back for it, Hakkai."
"Don't worry, I'm sure it'll work, it just takes a minute or two to activate," Hakkai tried to be optimistic and patted his comrade on the back.
"Don't touch me, this itching is bad enough."
"Hey Sanzo, is that what it looks like now?" Goku asked the priest, holding the science book up so Sanzo could see the picture he and Hakkai were previously looking at. Big mistake. The monkey found himself whacked upside the head with a paper fan and on the floor within seconds.
"Now, now, Sanzo, he's just trying to learn," The brunette said, pulling Goku up from the floor. "This picture here happens to be gonococcus, which is the bacteria that causes the disease Sanzo has—"
"I DON'T have gonorrhea, Hakkai!" The blond stood up from his chair, pounding his fist on the table. The entire restaurant seemed to grow silent, and faces were upon the four travelers who were making such a ruckus. "I'm just allergic to this new laundry detergent you've been using." He said from between clenched teeth.
"It's the same laundry detergent I've always used—"
"I though you didn't want people looking over here, Sanzo!" Gojyo teased. As he went to take another sip of saké, he too was given a smack in the back of the head by that paper fan and found himself face first into his beverage.
"Whether Sanzo has gonorrhea or not," Hakkai continued, apparently ignoring the angry monk and the water sprite. "This page tells you some of the symptoms—those being things like painful urination, heavy discharge—and also courses of treatment. . . "He turned the page. "And if we continue, it does the same for many other diseases you can catch through intimacy—"
"For crying out loud, Hakkai!" Gojyo lifted his dripping face from the saké. "You sound like a doctor, and he doesn't need to hear about this from a doctor. He needs to hear about it from someone with experience. Obviously, you don't have experience. I doubt you got any STDs from your angelic little Kanan."
"Kanan. . . " Hakkai's face went red, then suddenly he seemed angry. Goku moved away, the brunette's sudden rage frightening him. "You leave Kanan out of this!" The water sprite got to his feet and pushed in his chair.
"C'mon, monkey, we're going for a walk."
"Huh? You're gonna trying to teach me about this, too?"
"Don't walk away from me, Gojyo!" A nervous Hakkai shouted. "You can't speak about Kanan that way!!!"
"You need to hear the real-world stuff." Gojyo whacked Goku in the back and prodded him along out the door, ignoring Hakkai's tantrum. "Hakkai, Sanzo, we'll be back, sit tight. Well, Sanzo. . . don't sit too tight. You might irritate—"A glass was thrown at the wall, barely missing the red-haired man's face.
Having escaped the unbridled anger of the priest, Gojyo walked side by side with Goku down the dim street. There were only a few other people out now, as the sun had almost completely fallen below the horizon.
"Now listen up, monkey. Hakkai can't explain shit. See, he doesn't know much about these things and that's why he had to buy those science books to try and explain it to you. But let me give it to you straight." Goku listened attentively. "You mess around with too many girls, and you're bound to get some kind of problems coming your way. You know, red and itchy, like Sanzo, all sorts of nasty, uncomfortable things down there."
"Really? How many girls does it take before that happens?" Goku asked with an expression of serious worry. Gojyo paused, and tossed out a random number with a shrug.
"So of course, you've got a long way to go. But one of these days you'll be playing around with her and realize, 'Shit! She's number twenty-three!'" He laughed at his own comment, most likely from his own experience.
"Does that mean Sanzo went to see twenty-three girls that one night?"
"Huh? Oh, no way! He probably couldn't even get one! But if he did, it just goes to show you that it's possible to be a moron and get STDs from your first partner."
"That's gross!" Goku made a face. "Isn't there any way to stop that?"
"That, my man, is why I brought you out here." Gojyo stopped walking, placing his arm around Goku's shoulder. The monkey shoved him away. The water sprite then reached into his pocket and held out in the palm of his hand three small, square-shaped packages. "These are the magical tool. Take one." Goku curiously picked up one of the plastic packages, and tore it open. He held up the latex condom and jiggled it around a bit.
"What's this, Gojyo?"
"You wear that in order to keep from getting crap from girls," He replied. "You'd better take these two, just in case you mess up with the first one—What the hell are you doing!?" While Gojyo had been talking, Goku blew up the condom like a balloon and now held it shut at the opening.
"This is cool, Gojyo! I wonder if Hakkai can make a balloon-animal-Hakuryuu out of this..."
"Were you listening to any of that, idiot monkey?" Gojyo grumbled, as Goku excitedly ran back to the restaurant to inquire such of thing of the wise brunette. "Dumbass. . . hm, oh well. Maybe I ought to seek out the lady folk of the village while he's off being stupid. . ."
"Hakkai! Hakkai, look what Gojyo gave me!" the monkey cried, waving the inflated latex around in the air. Hakkai seemed to have calmed back down after the mention of Kanan, and now he and the irritated monk were left at the table inside the restaurant to receive Goku's naïve enthusiasm.
"Goodness, Goku!" exclaimed Hakkai, trying to be calm enough so as not to embarrass the poor boy. "You shouldn't blow those up like that... that's not what they're for."
"Brainless chimp," grumbled the monk. "That horny water sprite probably forgot to explain what they were to him, anyway. . . at the mere sight of those, he must've dropped everything and ran off to use them."
"No, Sanzo! He told me! They're for when you get twenty-three girls," Goku stated proudly, as if proving the priest wrong.
"Oh my, seems even Gojyo couldn't explain that one to him," Hakkai sighed in the background. At this point, it just so happened that Gojyo was walking back into the restaurant (in search of a hot waitress). The monk, lighting a cigarette, called over to him,
"What the hell're you talking about?" Gojyo snapped, approaching the table. "Don't be making fun of me. . . all my experience pays off when it comes to giving the talk to our innocent little buddy here."
"You did a wonderful job," Sanzo replied sardonically. "Except for the fact that he thinks the CONDOMS are BALLOONS."
"Shut up! The moron ran off before I could explain how to put them on—"
"Hey Hakkai, can you make balloon animals out of these? Could you make one that looks like Hakuryuu?" Goku asked, oblivious to Sanzo and Gojyo's argument.
"Didn't Gojyo tell you what those were for?" Hakkai wondered aloud. "Please let the air out of that, Goku, hand it to me and I'll explain what it's for—"
"Hakkai, that's why I took it upon myself to explain things!" Gojyo interrupted. "He had no clue where you were going with your scientific jargon. . . all he needs is a beer, a chick, and a pack of these things! He'll figure the rest out!"
"A beer? What's the beer for, Gojyo?" the monkey asked.
"To make you stupid enough to actually sleep with the girl," Sanzo replied after a drag of the cigarette.
"Oh my," muttered you-know-who.
"Guys, I still don't get it!" Goku pouted. "If you weren't such an idiot, Gojyo, I would know what this balloon thing is for!"
"Me!? Now you blame it on me? You're the stupid one, running around blowing those up like a freakin' loon while I was trying to explain how they work!"
"Now, now, let's all settle down... perhaps we ought to finish our meal and talk more about this matter later?"
"I'm so sick of this shit," the monk uttered under his breath, carefully rising to pay the bathroom a visit again. "You bunch of freaks aren't helping this matter any!!"
"Sanzo, is the medicine not working?" Hakkai asked sympathetically.
"No, it isn't!" he growled bluntly. "I'm going to use more. . . if it doesn't work then. . . I'm going to go insane. . . " He charged off for the rest rooms once again, leaving Hakkai to sigh in empathy. Meanwhile, of course, Goku and Gojyo were still at each other's throats.
"That's why you don't have long hair! You ain't pervy!" cried the water sprite, poking the boy in the chest.
"I don't WANT to be pervy if it means being ugly like you, jerk-off!" retorted the monkey demon, throwing the opened condom in Gojyo's face. The red-haired man swatted the floppy latex away.
"Shit-head, you're wasting them!" he accused.
"I don't need this crap! I'm going to ask SANZO about them, at least he'll tell it to me straight!" With that, Goku spun around and stomped off through the restaurant. Gojyo, who now had most of the eyes of the customers on him, muttered something about the blond probably getting the rash from a gas station, and took his seat across from an ever-smiling Hakkai.
"Perhaps it's a good idea that Sanzo should be the one to tell him," Hakkai suggested, sipping his remaining saké. "Last time Goku seemed to understand for at least a few minutes. . . "
Although it took him a moment or two to actually find the rest rooms, Goku finally arrived at a door with a picture of a stick man and a stick woman pasted onto the front.
"Hey, those look like the people from Hakkai's book! I wonder if that means this bathroom is only for diseased people, then. . . " But, upon hearing a muffled groan of pain coming from inside the room, he shrugged the idea off and swung the door open.
It was a fairly clean bathroom, purple tiles adorning the floor and walls, unsoiled sinks and stall doors stood as if freshly installed. There was a row of approximately eight stalls, and three of those doors were closed—one of which Goku promptly approaching, recognizing the grunts of pain as his comrade's.
"Hey Sanzo, are you done in there? Can you tell me what those balloons are about now?" he called, rapping at the plastic door. "Why are you making that noise?"
"Why. . . ? You want to know why, you ignorant little shit. . . !?" To the complete and utter shock of Goku, the priest burst from the bathroom stall, the door of which whacked the curious monkey in the head. From the other side of the room now, Goku picked himself up from the floor and was given a clear view of why Sanzo was in such horrid agony (a view of much more than any male Saiyuki fan ever needs to see).
"S-sanzo! What is THAT!?" he cried, pressing back against the tile wall frightfully.
"It's obviously a VERY frustrating rash!" growled the priest, still with his jeans around his ankles and his robe hung over the stall door. "Whether or not you have sex, Goku, you can still get shit like THIS happening to you, and it's a bitch to take care of."
"Gross! It's red like Gojyo's hair!" Goku exclaimed, cringing at the sight of it.
"What about my hair, monkey?" came the suspicious inquiry from the bathroom door, and the water sprite and a peaceful Hakkai joined them in the room. All was silent.
"Oh my," was all that came from the green-clad brunette, who froze just past the doorway, shocked and disgusted (but in a friendly way).
"Dude, we always knew Homura was a pedophile, but what the hell are YOU doing, Sanzo!?" Gojyo asked, pointing at Sanzo's exposed underside. As if their timing wasn't bad enough, the noise of toilets flushing broke the silence, and two women emerged from the two other stalls to join in the gawking at the blond priest.
"Oh my goodness!" one of them gasped, covering her mouth but not ceasing to stare.
"Dear God. . . ! You poor thing, are you okay?" the other asked, eyes locked on the glory that was Sanzo's rash. Gojyo, now noticing these two gorgeous babes were staring at the pant-less Sanzo and paying him no attention whatsoever, promptly dropped his own pants to show the monk up.
"Hey. . . ! HEY. . . !" he shouted, pointing down between his legs. "He's got a rash, ladies. . . observe, you want the REAL thing!!"
"Aw, gross, Gojyo!" Goku stumbled back away from Gojyo now, too, towards Hakkai. "You have something gross on you, too. . . ! Sick! Hakkai, what IS that?" The monkey pointed at Gojyo, face turned away to avoid the sight.
"Gojyo. . . if you don't mind, pull up your pants, please," Hakkai requested, also looking away from his over-exposed friends. "Sanzo, you perhaps should too. . . "
"Yeah, Sanzo. . . nasty!" the monkey chimed in. "Nobody wants to see your. . . what's it called, gonorrhea!"
"For the last time, I do NOT have gonorrhea!" screamed a beet-red Sanzo, who shooed the gaping ladies away.
"So, wait, Sanzo. . . "Goku began, feeling almost safe enough to turn back to face the monk. "If all this talk is about inserting. . . and you say you don't have this gonorrhea thing. . . then does that mean you didn't insert yourself?" With a sigh, the monk pulled his jeans back up, zipping them, and prepared to dignify the monkey's question with an answer.
"Listen. It's NOT gonorrhea. All that crap Hakkai was trying to teach you. . . that's a disease. I don't have a disease, I have a RASH. It's temporary; it'll be gone in a few days."
"Nah, Sanzo, I know gonorrhea when I see gonorrhea. . . and I think that might have been it," the water sprite interrupted, climbing back into his own pants. "After all, guys. . . I've got my OWN share of 'prizes' down there, I know a thing or two."
"Guys, that's damn gross!" Goku shouted, backing away from Sanzo and Gojyo. "I don't have that crap growing on me and I hope it never does. . . !"
"That's good that you think that way, Goku," Hakkai said, trying to calm the poor boy down. "I guess this attempt at a talk wasn't a complete waste—"
"Hakkai, YOU don't have that stuff on you. . . do you?" Goku asked hesitantly.
"Oh, no, Goku, of course not," replied a slightly-embarrassed brunette. "As long as you're conscious of what you're doing. . . you don't have to worry about those things as much." That said, the monkey slinked away from his two diseased comrades and closer to Hakkai, pointing back at them.
"I can't look at them anymore!" he cried, and then burst out the bathroom door. Hakkai followed, calling out to Goku something about infections being a part of life sometimes.
"Damn it. . . !" groaned Gojyo, noticing that the women had left the bathroom some time ago. "Why were they paying so much attention to YOU!?"
"I didn't ask them to!" Sanzo growled, snatching his robe from the door of the stall. "Idiot. . . I can't believe I kept you fools around THIS long!" He stomped from the bathroom, face beet red and body trembling with overwhelming rage.
"Man, you take everything too damn seriously!" Gojyo called after him, leaving the bathroom as well.
The next morning would arrive, and Goku seemed to have forgotten completely about the previous night's events. He was preoccupied with the breakfast buns he'd been given by the inn keeper for the ride.
"Now that it's daylight, I'm sure of it! This must be the same town we visited a year ago!" Hakkai declared, as he started up the jeep.
"I knew it," the monk grumbled, sitting in the passenger seat much more comfortably this morning. That isn't to say he was happy, though. "I can't believe we just wasted an entire year driving in a circle."
"Well, that's not entirely true," Hakkai began to explain. "See, what I think happened was. . . we started off driving away from this area northwest rather than west, and then in that one town with the large man-eating tree, we fled the village headed southeast, which brought us back here in a straight line—"
Interrupting the brunette came Gojyo from the inn, holding Sanzo's card out to him and shaking his head.
"Would you believe this? They said your card's rejected. Think those monks back home ain't paying their bills?"
"Oh for crying out loud!" Sanzo growled, snatching the card from the water sprite and shoving it into his robe. "Let me handle this, idiot. . . I just want to get out of here." Drawing his demon-banishing gun, the monk headed back into the inn.
"Oh my, I hope he doesn't stir up too much trouble," Hakkai said with a smile.
"Hmph, yeah. . . well, glad I'm not the one he's after. I gotta go take a piss before we leave anyway. I'll be right back." The water sprite sauntered past the lobby (where Sanzo was busy raising a world of hell) and to the public bathrooms. On his opening of the door, however, he nearly collided with a young woman holding a baby. The two stumbled back a step.
"Woah, pardon me, beautiful," the water sprite said with a devious grin. "But hey, not such a bad thing that we ran into each other, eh? You wanna—" At that point, he noticed the baby in her arms and took the flirtatiousness back a step. "Er. . . cute baby, there."
The girl had raised an eyebrow at his quick attempt to seduce her, but that faded into a smiled when Gojyo paid her baby a compliment. "Oh, why thank you." The baby, which started squirming in her arms, became fully visible to the water sprite. It had soft, blond hair and spotted him with droopy pastel-purple eyes. Gojyo stared at the child in disbelief. The kid was almost glaring at him. His mother laughed heartily.
"Oh, don't mind him, he's a cranky little guy," she teased. "Really, he even acts like it's a bother when I wake him up to feed him." To that, Gojyo snickered. From the hallway leading to the bathroom, he could see Sanzo still screaming in the lobby at the front desk clerk.
"How old's the little guy, anyway?"
"Oh, he's about three months." To the mother's surprise, Gojyo began giggling like a school girl and pranced back over to the livid priest.
Ooooh, Sanzo!" he called.
"And I said you jerks should try the card again!—WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT, GOJYO!?" The water sprite scurried over behind Sanzo, and pointed to the woman with her baby, who was now walking through the lobby, shooting Gojyo an odd expression. The red-faced monk immediately went pale, and his jaw quite literally dropped.
In perfect timing, Hakkai, followed by a mouth-packed Goku, wandering into the lobby wondering what his two remaining comrades were up to when they were about to leave.
"Are we about ready, fellows? Oh my. . . say, Sanzo. . . that lady's baby had a striking resemblance to you." The priest's eyes turned red with rage towards the smiling green-clad man.
"Hey Sanzo," Gojyo badgered.
"I knew it."
"I said I KNEW it!"
"What the hell are you TALKING about, insect!?"
"What did he know? What are you guys talking about?" Goku asked after swallowing one massive bite of breakfast bun.
"Nothing, Goku." While the three rambled on in frustration, Hakkai herded them all back out to the running Jeep and seat-belted them in. When Sanzo had quieted, Hakkai leaned over towards him and covertly suggested,
"Perhaps you should leave her a bit of money to help her get by, Sanzo. It's the right thing to do, don't you—"
"Just DRIVE, Hakkai!" the monk boomed. With a humble "yes sir," Hakkai stepped on the gas and sped off down the dirt road.
"Goodness, and you didn't even get the problem with your card worked out. . . " the brunette sighed.
"Hey, Hakkai!" Goku called from the back seat, leaning forward. "If you add 'rrhea' to your new name, does it make it feminine, too? Is Hakkarrhea a girl's name?"
Open gun shots rang out through the town and the travelers grew silent as they drove off into the west.