What You Can Never Have

By Seniya

The darkness of the night was somewhat comforting to her. In the obscurity her companions couldn't see her, which gave her an unbelievable sense of security. She closed her eyes, trying to jail the sleep that had eluded her. Rest only mocked her efforts however and soon she found herself staring up at the star dotted sky, once again, listening to the unharmonious lullaby that was her friends' snores.

The insomnia was beginning to become far too commonplace for May. This would be the fourth night in succession that she would be unable to sleep. And though she had long discovered the cause for her sleeplessness, curing it had proved to be the problem.

The source was simple, him, all her problems stemmed from him. Her restlessness. Her nervousness. The tears that had only recently disappeared into her pillow, all were caused by him, though she trusted that he didn't know. She went through great lengths to ensure that.
She wouldn't call the experience love; she knew it wasn't. Love was reserved for adults, and she was only a child. Children weren't supposed to feel this way. Children weren't supposed to stutter and sweat when an individual approached them.

So no, it wasn't love. It was some other indescribable emotion that danced in the bottom of her stomach whenever her puerile thoughts drifted over to him.

She could feel the familiar tightness starting in her throat and as adamant as she was for them to vanish, hot tears began to stream down her face, each carrying with them the knowledge of the pain which she bore in her heart.

A part of her wanted to scream, to demand from the heavens an answer to her question. But no resolution came, and soon the nauseating sensation that she experienced in her chest had transformed itself into an emotion that she did recognize.


She had never predicted that she could feel this way about someone. It was a desire, a hunger that raged inside her. She had never felt anything as strong as the need to be near him, with him, to be him.

She didn't understand it, and the feeling refused to reveal its mysteries to her. But she did know that she would succumb to its influence, the silent battles that had raged within her mind for the past weeks had left her drained. And his relentless breathing on her exposed arm; wasn't doing much to assist her weakened mind.

Positioning her body so that she was face to face with his sleeping form. She muttered his name. When he didn't respond, she drew herself closer.


She whispered again, but still he didn't answer. With renewed confidence she crept closer still. They were now close enough for her to feel his thudding heart. She prayed that this would be enough to cease her yearning. His aroma was overpowering, it encased her in a cocoon of ecstasy and refused to set her free.

Much to her surprise, he came closer as well, allowing their bodies to touch for what wasn't the first time, but was curiously unlike the times before.

The flame of longing inside her roared again, keener than it had been previously. She tried to suppress it, but to no avail. She thought, grimly to herself, of the task that she would soon be carrying out.

She could see his vague outline by use of the deplorable moonlight. His dark hair was matted to his forehead; his hat lay discarded next to him.

She approached his face with hers, holding her breath, the tears continued to fall from her eyes, though more leisurely than before.

May muttered something unfathomable.

Her mouth went dry. And for a moment everything else in her world refused to exist but him and her.

Their noses touched first, followed by their lips. The kiss wasn't particularly glamorous, not like the ones she had seen on movie screens or read about in her mother's books. As a matter of fact, she found kissing to be quite an unexciting endeavor, the only thing that was stopping her from breaking all contact was the fact that kissing him satisfied the appetite inside of her, which in turn, at least for now, gave her mind some peace.

She wasn't sure how long she had been laying there, her lips clamped firmly down on his, before his arm had wrapped around her body, pulling them closer together, deepening the kiss. Her body froze against his, mostly in astonishment.

A part of her wanted to be released so that she could go back to staring at the lights in the sky and crying, but another, more powerful part of her, wanted to stay, locked in this passionate embrace, forever.

She moaned as his tongue slipped into her mouth, taking her psyche to a place where it had never been before. She knew she should stop this, before things got to be too serious, but found that she couldn't, nor did she want to. This was what she had been crying about for all this time wasn't it? So why should she stop it now, when this was obviously what she wanted.

His hands roamed her back, grasping at stray locks of her hair. She broke their kiss long enough to whisper his name, if he were to go where she thought he might right now, there wouldn't be a guarantee that she would stop him.

He whispered something to her. A word that forced her to withdraw from his wandering hands, it was a sound that although it had only been whispered, echoed on into the soundless night.


He had been asleep. She realized that immediately after she had pulled away. He groaned and rolled over onto his back, disturbing briefly, the yellow creature that lay asleep next to him.

A fresh wave of sadness swept over her, drowning her in shame and disgust. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have let herself get carried away like that? Of course he was asleep, he would never have carried on the way he did if he had known it was she…

Tears shattered effortlessly onto the ground as others replaced their fallen kindred. This wasn't fair, she sobbed. It wasn't fair.


A voice pierced her consciousness. It belonged to him.

She responded, frantically trying to stem the flow of tears with her hands.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine, I just had a bad dream"

He seemed convinced by her smiling, told her everything would be okay and then, yawning went back to sleep.

And she hated him for it.

Now I know I said that I don't write one shots, but this story came to me at the back of Chemistry class and I just knew that I had to write it. I hope you all liked it, it was my first Pokémon fiction, so don't be too quick to judge.