A few notes from the author:
First off, the seemingly-mandatory disclaimer: I don't own ToS or the characters, places, events, or items in the aforementioned game. I do, however, own one very strange sense of humor.
This is my first ToS fanfic, so bear with me, okay? This is going to be a series of silly humor stories starring the Tales of Symphonia cast. I haven't finished the game, but I'm getting there, so excuse any inaccuracy that might occur. Also, there's probably going to be a bit of OOC behavior since this is a comedy. Enough pointless babble, on to the story!
Altamira....It's called the "Seaside Paradise. For Lloyd and his friends, the luxury of actually being able to sleep in at the hotel is enough reason to call it "paradise." That is, until Genis awoke early one morning and realized the date.
"Lloyd! Wake up! Guess what day it is?"
"Mmphhh," Lloyd responded, talking into his pillow.
"I said, guess what?" Genis began bouncing excitedly on the bed.
"You're an annoying pest who won't let me sleep. Is that what you wanted to say?"
Genis ignored him. "No, guess what day it is? You remember, don't you? It's my birthday!" He continued bouncing on his knees until Lloyd sat up, rubbing his eyes.
"Oh yeah, it is. I remember. That's still not an excuse to wake me up when we're supposed to be on vacation!"
"Well, you need to practice for when this little break is over. We still have a world to save, ya know."
"Ok, ok, I can take a hint. I'm up," Lloyd muttered, tossing aside his blankets.
"Come on, let's go wake the others!" Genis insisted. "I'm ready for breakfast."
"You can do that. I'm not risking an ass-kicking this early in the morning."
Genis pouted. "Oh, all right. We can wait for a little while, but not very long."
The two sat there for a few moments, not saying anything. Then, they heard a yawn and turned toward the other beds in the room. From the sounds of things, Zelos was awake. Lloyd and Genis watched him sit up, stretch, then climb out of bed. Then they screamed. Zelos was naked.
The two frightened boys dashed out of the hotel room and into the hallway, still screaming bloody murder. Moments later, they were joined by Raine and Sheena, who both looked sleepy and irritated.
"What are you two idiots screaming about at this time in the morning?" Sheena demanded.
Genis's mouth was open in terror, and he was shaking from shock. The only thing he could manage to say was "Z-zelos..."
"What about Zelos is so important that made you wake us up with your hollering?" Raine asked, raising an eyebrow.
Lloyd managed to gain enough composure to speak. "He's well....naked. I guess he sleeps in the nude or something, because when he got out of bed, we saw everything!" Lloyd covered his face with his hands, trying to erase the frightening mental image.
"You poor thing!" Raine cried, pulling her brother into a comforting embrace.
"That must have been scary for you!" Sheena cooed, also hugging Genis.
"Hey, what about me? I'm traumatized, too!" Lloyd protested. However, the girls ignored him and continued to fuss over Genis.
"You go back in there right now and tell him to put on some clothes," Raine ordered.
"But sis, I...I don't wanna go back in there and see him again." Genis sniffed sadly. "Make Lloyd do it!"
"Just make sure SOMEBODY does it," Sheena said, yawning. "Aren't we supposed to eat breakfast in there for your birthday?"
Raine's tone changed. "Oh, of course. Happy birthday, baby brother!" she crooned, squeezing him even tighter. "You're growing up so fast!"
"If you really love me, sis, you'll let go. You're making it hard to breathe!"
"Sorry," Raine replied, releasing her constricting hug. "Anyway, are you going to make Zelos put on some clothes or not?"
"Fine, I'll do it," Lloyd grumbled. He shut his eyes tightly and opened the door. "Zelos! For the love of all that's holy, put on some freaking clothes!"
A few moments later, Zelos came out into the hall wearing a tacky robe made of leopard print silk. "What's the matter, boys? Was the site of all that masculinity making you jealous?" He smirked in his usual obnoxious way. "Too bad you hunnies missed the show."
"Oh, what a shame!" Sheena rolled her eyes at him.
"Jealous of you? HA!" Lloyd added. "Are we going to eat or what? I'm starving!"
"Colette and Presea are making pancakes. They should be ready any minute," Raine told him. The five of them entered the males' room. By now, Regal was awake and sitting at the table, reading a newspaper. The others took their seats and made idle conversation until Colette and Presea joined them, each carrying a large plate stacked high with pancakes.
"Breakfast!" Colette called in a voice that was way too cheerful for that time of morning. They set the plates on the table and everyone began to help themselves.
"This is good," Lloyd said through a mouthful of pancakes.
"Don't talk with your mouth full. And chew with your mouth shut while you're at it," Raine reprimanded.
"Yes, Mother," Lloyd replied sarcastically.
WHACK! Raine backhanded him across the face.
"Ow, Professor. Isn't it too early for that?" he complained, rubbing his sore cheek.
"Maybe that will help you wake up, Lloyd." Genis smirked. "Pass the syrup." He took a sip of coffee.
"How many cups of coffee have you drunk this morning?" Raine asked.
"Only three, maybe four."
"Three or four? Genis, you're going to be bouncing off the walls! You know what happens when you have caffeine!"
"Oh, come on Raine!"
"Fine. Just stay away from me when you start acting insane."
Once everyone had finished and the table was cleared, Colette asked, "Isn't it time to give Genis his presents?"
"Presents?" Zelos asked. "Is it the twerp's birthday or something?"
"Well, yeah." Genis glared at him. "If you'd paid attention to anything I said, you would have known that a long time ago."
"Happy birthday, then. How old are you? Nine? Ten?"
Genis gave him an even nastier look. "Thirteen."
"Oh, sorry," Zelos said without sincerity. "I'm sure you'll have your growth spurt eventually." Genis just ignored him, because by that time, Lloyd had produced a sloppily-wrapped package.
"Oh, wow! Lloyd, this is great!" Genis exclaimed. He had opened it to discover a beautifully sculpted metal figure of a dragon with outstretched wings.
"Altessa let me use his forge," Lloyd explained. "
"This is from me," Regal said, handing Genis a box. "I don't know you well enough to know what you like. I hope you like chocolate."
Genis looked in the box, discovering assorted chocolate candy. "I LOVE chocolate! Thanks, Regal."
"You get to deal with him when he gets hyper from the sugar," Raine warned.
"Here, kid," Zelos said, handing Genis a handful of gald. "I didn't know it was your birthday, so take this instead of a gift. Maybe later I'll get a pair of Presea's panties for you." Genis blushed, and in a rare display of strong emotion from her, Presea punched Zelos in the gut.
"Ignore him," Presea said quietly. "I have something for you, too. I thought your old straw hat was starting to look a bit worn." She handed him a baseball cap that read "I went to Altamira and all I got was this stupid hat." Genis stuck it on his head and grinned. It looked a bit silly with his red pinstriped pajamas.
"Open mine next!" cried Colette. She handed him a wrapped package. Anyone could tell by the shape what it was. Still, Genis pretended to act surprised when he unwrapped a rather thick book. "Thanks, Colette. I can't wait to read it!"
"Here's my gift," Sheena said, pulling out a weird-shaped package. When Genis opened it, it turned out to be a set of bongo drums.
"Sheena, do you hate us that much?" Lloyd complained. "He'll be beating on those things for days and driving us crazy!"
"Driving you crazy, you mean. I don't have to share a room with him," Sheena reminded him. "Besides, I thought they were cool."
"They are," Genis assured her. "I promise I won't play them at night...unless you really make me mad!" He grinned devilishly.
"I could never forget my own brother's birthday. I have something for you too-homework!" Raine announced. Seeing the look on Genis's face, she added, "I was just kidding. I had your kendama customized." She handed Genis what looked like a souped-up new version of his old kendama.
"Wow! Thanks, sis! You're awesome!" Genis hugged her. "I'm gonna try it right now!"
"Be careful," Raine cautioned. "With the upgrade, now it shoots...." But it was too late. Genis fired the kendama, and it released a stream of fire. It hit the curtains, which instantly began to burn. ".....fire." Raine sighed, finishing her sentence too late. In an unusual instance of quick thinking, Lloyd grabbed Genis's coffee cup and doused the flames.
"I had something else," Raine said in an attempt to break the following silence. "I....don't think you'll want it, though."
Lloyd snickered. "I'd bet you anything she made you a cake." Instead of the usual glare Raine gave anyone who made jokes about her cooking, she went back to her room and returned with something that looked like it had once been intended to be a chocolate cake. The top layer was pushed to one side and hung over one edge. It looked ready to fall off at any second.
"Just because it looks funny doesn't mean it tastes bad." Colette tried to be optimistic and cut a piece. She chewed for a moment, then made a strange face. "I'm sure it was supposed to be a bit...firm, right?"
"Firm?" asked Zelos, who had just tried a piece. "More like hard as a rock."
Raine looked hurt. "I'm sorry I wrecked your birthday cake, Genis."
"Aw, it's all right," he reassured. "Maybe Noishe will eat it." Just then, a puff of smoke appeared from nowhere, and out stepped the Wonder Chef.
"Culinary disaster? Never fear, the Wonder Chef is here!" He smiled broadly and produced a large frosted cake out of thin air. "Happy birthday, kid. Take my advice and don't eat anything your sister cooks." With that, he disappeared in the same puff of smoke that had brought him into the room.
"I wonder, where does he come from?" Presea marveled.
To this, Regal responded, "All great chefs have their secrets."
Nobody noticed that Zelos had slipped out of the room. He was next door, in the room where the females were staying. Opening each of their bags, he rooted around until he found what he sought.
"Let's see...I promised Genis Presea's panties, so Presea's panties he shall have....Ooh, black silk. Professor, I didn't realize what a naughty girl you are. Hm, I wonder what kind of underwear angels wear? Colette, you're so innocent! Hehehe, I'm sure Sheena won't miss a pair or two." Stuffing the stolen panties into his pockets, Zelos returned to the next room before the others noticed he was gone.
Next chapter: A storm forces the whole group to stay in one room for the night. Can they survive without beating the crap out of each other?