Disclaimer: I own Sarai, Joss and Christina Aguilera own the rest.

A/N: This is a stand alone Sarai story I thought of while listening to the radio the other day. It takes place somewhere between 'It's A Girl' and "It's a Slayer'(which the final chapter of should be done and posted by the end of the week.) Basically Sarai hears the song "Fighter" by Christine Aguilera and thinks about Holtz. Everything in bold is the song lyrics, the beginning in italics is my little narration, and everything else is Sarai's thoughts.

Sarai was bored out of her mind, it was raining and there was nothing to do so she decided to turn on her stereo and listen to music. That's when she heard a song that reminded her very much of her feelings towards Holtz:

When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm

He acted like he cared.....kind of. He taught me how to fight, taught me how to stay alive. Eventually he had me convinced. I thought maybe, he did care. He didn't. The only thing he cared about was Angel, and making sure I hated him. That's why he did everything, took care of me, trained me, kept me alive. So he could use me to hurt Angel.

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

He robbed me of a childhood. Of a life of being surrounded by people who really cared. But most of all he took me from Angel, who would've taken care of me out of love, not revenge. But its ok. I am not going to hold on to it, to be vengeful and spiteful, because then I'd be just like him. On the bright side now whatever happens to me seems like small potatoes compared to what he did.

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thickerMakes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Oh, ohh

I know better now, I know better then to trust someone else before I trust myself. I can trust myself now. I can trust Angel now. Thanks to you I am able to see humans are able to cause as much pain as demons. That they can be just as devious and careless.

Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh

He had the perfect set up, I'll give him that. He got what he wanted he convinced me to hate Angel because he was a vampire and he kept me from seeing what he was; man with a vendetta. Actually he called it 'justice', and I call that bullshit. If anyone asked him he'd say he raised me as his own daughter to make up for the fact that he never got to raise his own because Angel killed her, turned her into a vampire. If anyone asked me however, I'd say the truth. He didn't raise me like a daughter, he raised me like I was a plan. Angel turned his daughter into a vampire, so what'd he do? He made me into a monster, just to piss Angel off. I get he was in pain, he missed his family but that's no excuse for all that 'eye for an eye' crap. There's a fine line between justice and vengeance and he crossed it, big time.

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

Now I know what I am capable of; everything. There's nothing I can't handle because he already put me through everything. Most of all I realize that I don't have to handle everything. I can have someone else help me; Angel. Its because of him I know I can trust Angel, because Angel's nothing like him. He's not my father, not my enemy, he isn't anything to me. Not anymore. I am done with him.

Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

I fought for a new way, a new life with love, laughing, joking, relaxing, people who care, people who can be trusted and I did because I wanted better then what you gave me and I couldn't be happier I did.. 'So thanks for making me a fighter. '

A/N: How was this? Please review. I am tempted to do one of her thinking about Angel(using a different song of course) but I am not sure if I should....what do you guy think?