Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, nor do I own the melody of 88 Lines About 44 women, to which this parody is rather haphazardly placed. Rather, the game belongs to SquarEnix and the melody belongs to They Might Be Giants, the singers of such classics as Particle Man and The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas. Or at least they're classics to me, but I'm kind of a whacko.

36 Lines About 18 Guys

Cloud was an amnesiac

Who thought he was his dead best friend,

Rufus was the president,

He met a bitter, burning end.

Reno had these glowing eyes

And sunglasses that didn't fit,

Tseng was a Wutaian guy

His words accented just a bit.

Zack was just your average dude

(Except he died while on the run),

Vincent couldn't seem to die,

Or to care for anyone.

Nanaki was like a cat,

With too much hair for any man,

Barret was a bulky guy

With a gun for his right hand.

Shinra was the ugly kind

Who bit it early in the game,

Barret's friend was something else,

But I just can't recall his name.

Rude was a tall, bald man,

Kinder than the average guy,

Hojo was a lunatic

That everyone hoped would just die.

Reeve was just a lonely man,

Who liked to work on toys and stuff,

Cait Sith was his favorite,

He ran whenever things got rough.

Cid was the chain-smoking type,

Who had a thing for outer space,

Heidegger was really gross,

I wish I'd never seen his face.

Liam was a poor OC

He didn't exist in the game,

Sephiroth was nearly God,

And everyone still knows his name.

Oh yeah.

Thirty-six lines about eighteen guys.

All right, I know you're all saying something varying on, "What the frell was that all about?!" Well, in the original song there's two lines that always make me crack up—Reno was a nameless girl/ A geographic memory—and it was those two lines that spurred on this entire song. I mean, they already had the name Reno worked in, what more of a hint did I need? So...yeah. That's why I wrote it.

Oh yeah, as for the line about Liam—he's an OC from my fanfic, Bound, in case you haven't read that—I actually just needed two more lines to make it even, and I'd already used every guy I could recall but Bugenhagen, who I found I could not fit into any amount of lines.