We Are What We Are
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO, Whinne the Pooh, or Charlotte's Web.
Author's Note: Okay, I just thought this up this evening so I decided to write it. I only jotted down the first argument before I improvised the rest on Microsoft Works. Anyway, please enjoy it and review. Bad reviews are welcome…but not encouraged.
"Stop callin' me dat!" barked Joey.
"Make me," said Seto Kaiba.
"Gladly!" said Joey, punching a fist into his own cupped hand.
"Joey, calm down!" said Yugi.
"Yes, Dog. Do shut up," sneered Seto, only making Joey madder. It took Tristan to hold Joey back completely.
"Argh! Someday someone's going to insult him to a tee and he'll be scarred from the burn forever!"
"Joey, it's okay. It's not like it's true," said Tea. "I mean, are you a dog?"
"That's right, you're not. You're Joey Wheeler, brother of Serenity…" said Tristan.
"Best friend of me," added Yugi.
"And you're one of the top ranked duelists in the world!" finished Tea.
"You guys are right! Just because somebody says something is true doesn't make it true!" said Joey.
After school that day, they met Duke Devlin outside, for he invited them over to watch some national duels on his high-D TV. Mai was invited too, but she was coming over later.
"It's nice of you to invite us over just to watch the duels, Duke," said Yugi as they walked. Tea agreed with a nod.
"Well, I just figured last time you guys were at my house was after Yugi beat me at Dungeon Dice Monsters…and that wasn't such a good day so now I want you over under more pleasant circumstances," said Duke.
"I'm just glad we'll be as far away from dat rich snob as possible!" grumbled Joey.
"Same here, Mutt," said a voice. Joey snapped.
"Kaiba…what's your deal anyhow? You think you're so great but you're the only one who feels that way. Everyone else hates your guts so why don't you just humble yourself?!" snarled Joey.
"I'm not flattering myself, I'm just insulting you. And you really don't put up much of a fight," said Seto.
"That's no excuse…putting others down to build yourself up…it's all the same!" Joey tossed his head and beads of sweat flew off it.
"Forget him, Joey!" said Duke.
"Yeah, you don't need to sit by while Dragon Breath here's breathing down your neck!" agreed Tristan.
"Are you calling me a dragon?" asked Seto.
"Yeah! What are you going to do about it?" said Tristan.
"I'm going to take it as a compliment. I'll see you geeks tomorrow, since we're forced to have homeroom together…" he sighed as he walked passed the group. He walked home the same direction of Duke's house so the group was ten feet behind his trench coat. Until they came to an alley that is.
"Hey guys, what's that?" asked Yugi. He pointed to some weird light emitting from a dumpster.
"Ya got me," said Joey. Even Seto had come to investigate. He was that curious. Tea lifted the dumpster lid up and peered into the blinding light. Then she fell in.
"TEA!" Yugi desperately struggled to climb into the dumpster after the girl he liked, but he was too short to even rest on his elbows. "Little help here?!" he grumped. Tristan tapped his little friend's butt and Yugi tumbled right in.
"If I didn't know better I'd say that's some kind of vortex…" said Seto to no one in particular.
"What? You're insane!" said Joey. Before he could say another word, even Seto had been sucked into the bright dumpster. It soon pulled Joey, Tristan and Duke in too. They awoke in an empty city, exactly the way it'd been before…except they were pilled onto each other in the dumpster, so they had yet to see their surroundings. Joey was the first to climb out.
"Where are we?" he asked. When he hopped out he couldn't seem to balance on his own two feet. He crawled across the sidewalk and looked at his reflection in a puddle. He couldn't believe his eyes. Before he could scream he heard a strange squealing sound from inside the dumpster. It was almost similar to a pig's.
"Um, Joey…I think something weird is going on…" said Duke. He climbed out of the dumpster wearing a fancy robe and he had a monocle.
"Whoa, where'd you get the cool threads?" asked Joey. "I mean…LOOK AT ME! I'M A DOG!"
"We already knew that," grumbled Seto, oblivious to the fact that he was now a Blue Eyes White Dragon. (A/N: When you picture this, picture the dragon as actually being white, not light blue.) "But Duke's right, something freaky is going on."
"You think?!" grumped Tea. She and Tristan were still themselves, but they were able to see the changes of everyone else. "Look at Yugi…he's a piglet!" she held Yugi up for all to see. He was now too small to wear the Millennium Puzzle around his neck, so Tea was wearing it now, but he was indeed, a piglet. At least he still had the same eyes and hairdo. But he had the snout, the ears, the tail- the works.
"What's happened to us?!" he squealed.
"I think we've become…what we are," said Seto, looking over his shoulder after examining his reflection in the puddle.
"But why am I dressed like a king? I mean, Yugi's the King of Games, right?" asked Duke. "And how come Tea and Tristan haven't changed? And…why is Yugi a piglet?"
"How should I know?" grumbled Seto.
"My guess is we stumbled into an alternate reality where what we're called is what we are. Since no one usually insults Tea or Tristan, they're still themselves," said Joey.
"That actually makes some sense, Wheeler," admitted Seto. "The last thing I called you was a mutt, and now you are one. Same with me."
"Well I still don't know what to make of this crazy robe and monocle," said Duke. "But I do know that we came in through that dumpster, so the only way back to the real world must be through the-"
"Yaaagh! There it goes!" screamed Joey. The dumpster was rolling away. In fact, it was almost out of sight. "Catch that dumpster!" he called, and took off after it. Tea was still holding Yugi, and she, Duke, and Tristan hopped on Seto's back while he flew after Joey and the dumpster they were pursuing. Joey's new species' legs made him quite the runner- he might have even caught up to it if he hadn't lost it around a bend. Seto scraped his claws on the sidewalk while trying to land, and jolting his body so that his passengers tumbled off.
"Ouch! Kaiba!" said Tea.
"Hey, I've never been a dragon before!" he snapped.
"Joey, where's the dumpster? It's our only way back!" gasped Yugi. He jumped out of Tea's arms and waddled up to Joey.
"We lost it, it turned a corner and then it was gone," panted the dog.
"So we're stuck in this crazy world forever?" whined Duke. "Well, at least I've got this nifty robe."
"But there's something weird about that," said Tea. "I mean, like you said, Yugi's the King of Games. So…maybe he's the one who has to wear the robe and monocle. Maybe that's the key to finding that dumpster and getting out of here." Seto shrugged and all of a sudden, a telephone pole came crashing down.
"Oops," he said. Then he folded his wings down so he wouldn't destroy anything else.
"It's worth a shot, Tea," said Tristan. Duke took off his robe and monocle and put them on their piglet of a friend. Nothing changed. "Argh, didn't work."
"Why don't we focus on finding the dumpster?" asked Yugi. He crawled out of the robe and shook the monocle off. Tea picked him back up into her arms and he blushed. Duke put his things back on and they all got on Seto's back except for Joey, who was not about to hitch a ride on that creep.
"Joey, aren't you coming?" called Yugi.
"Me ride on Kaiba? I'll walk, thank you!" Seto arched his heels and got one of his wings stuck in a fire escape.
"Darn it!" he complained. He ducked and backed out from under the close space he'd been crouching in. "From now on I only stay in wide-open spaces!" then he took off.
The friends followed Joey's lead for hours, and still couldn't find the dumpster. But they weren't completely miserable. Tea was tickling Yugi's pig-tummy. Duke and Tristan decided to give them some privacy, and moved further down Seto's back. "Hee hee hee!" giggled Yugi.
"You know, Yugi…you look kinda cute as a pig?" she blushed.
"What, you didn't think I was cute before?" asked Yugi. Tea laughed through that confrontation. Seto landed in the park- a nice wide-open area.
"Why are we stopping?" asked Duke.
"I just flew over the entire city in an hour! My wings are sore," said Seto. He lay down like a sphinx and curled his tail around his rump. All three human passengers slid down the tail, with Tea still carrying Yugi. Joey ran up to them and panted.
"Any luck?" oinked Yugi.
"Nothing," said Joey. "But I think I know why Duke is wearing that robe and junk."
"Why?" asked Duke.
"You're dressed like a duke!" said Joey, lying down on the grass.
"Oh yeah, now it makes sense. But…that still doesn't explain why Yugi is a piglet." the group thought long and hard.
"Well…what are piglets known for? Besides being Whennie the Pooh's friend?" asked Tea after a while.
"Well, Yugi is small, and underestimated, but let's face it; he's not a coward!" said Tristan.
"Yeah, what else?" said Duke.
"I don't eat like a pig," said Yugi. "What else are piglets known for?"
"We're thinking, so cool it, ya runt!" said Seto. "Hey, that's it!"
"What?" said everyone.
"Yugi is a runt! Like…'the runt of the litter!'" said Seto. Everyone gasped and agreed.
"Good thinking, Kaiba!" said Yugi.
"Hey, I just thought of something," said Joey. "If I'm a dog, I can use my nose to track down dat dumpster!"
"Yeah!" said Tristan.
"Okay, everyone get on my back and I'll follow Joey from a bird's-eye-view," said Seto. Tea, Tristan and Duke boarded Seto and Joey put his snoot to the ground. He detected nothing…and nothing…and more nothing until…
"Hey, I think I smell garbage! Owoooooo!" he howled. He took off, still sniffing the air. Seto flew over the buildings and kept his eye on Joey. Before long, the group was at the dumpster again.
"Alright, Joey! You found it!" said Tristan.
"Yeah, I did, didn't I?" said Joey.
"I guess even a mutt can be useful at times," admitted Seto.
"Yeah, and having you as a dragon wasn't bad either!" said Joey.
"Wait, there's still something I don't get," said Duke. "I'm a duke, but what does that have to do with being insulted? I mean, don't Tristan and Tea mean things, too? How come they weren't turned into weird animals or figures?"
"Well, maybe we already are what we are. I don't even know what Tea means," said Tea.
"Me neither about Tristan," said Tristan.
"But isn't it said in Charlotte's Web "A runt makes trouble?"" asked Duke. "When was the last time Yugi caused trouble?"
"Who cares?! Some of us want to get back to the real world!" barked Joey from the dumpster. The friends piled in.
"Wait, how am I supposed to fit in there?" asked Seto. "Last time it sucked me in but this time…"
"Oh just stick your claw into it!" yelled Tea.
There was a big flash and everyone was back in the dumpster in the alley back in the real world. Joey was happy to be able to stand on his two feet again, and they still had time to make it to Duke's house before the duels started.
"What was that all about?" asked Yugi. Everyone shrugged.
"I believe we were on the way to my house," said Duke, gesturing for everyone to follow him. Then Tea got an idea.
"Hey Kaiba, why don't you join us?" and reluctantly, he came with.