Title: Darkness' Addiction to Light
Author: Usagi-chan (usagilikesduochan at hotmail. Com)
Warnings: some madness, lime, lemon, light spoilers for everything in the manga till Death-T
Genre: Romance, Darkfic, PWP
Pairings: Yami no YuugixYuugi
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, I don't make money from fanfiction. I write only for fun and to get better at English.
Description: This fic starts from the mangas, right after Yami no Yuugi won his game against Seto Kaiba in Death-T. Yuugi has been aware of his other half for some time now and he had also told his three best friends about his darkness during Death-T. After Kaiba's games, thinking that he doesn't fear his other half anymore, Yuugi's assuming is taken back when he starts to remain more and more conscious during the times when Yami no Yuugi takes control over his body and plays his games against the people who hurt him. Shocked about what he has to watch from afar and confused by what he is feeling during these times, Yuugi becomes sad and fearful again about his other half. That is, until Yami no Yuugi does more than punish bad people. He's finally able to talk to Yuugi and tries to convince him to attend a meeting in their soul room. Will this meeting help Yuugi to understand his darkness and his own feelings? Will he even dare to meet his Yami after all?
And I must not forget, many thanks to Deb for betareading.
This thing with the names:
Well, I am using the original Japanese Names but... since I saw a lot of fics where this terrible English names were used, I will give a "who is who here for help".
Yami Yuugi = Yami no Yuugi, Mou hitori no Boku (called by Yuugi) (YY)
Yugi Mutou = Yuugi Mutou (YM)
Joey Wheeler = Katsuya Jonouchi (KJ)
Seto Kaiba = Seto Kaiba (SK)
Tristan Taylor = Hiroto Honda
Tea Gardener = Anzu Mazaki
"Speaking" = Speaking
'Thinking' = Thinking
"Mind communication" = Mind communication between Hikari and Yami speaking of the spirits outside the soul room
In Ancient Egypt, there existed a force so powerful, that it threatened to destroy the world. But then a brave, young pharaoh locked the power away by sacrificing his own life. Though this dark power was great, it was nothing compared to the light which existed in the form of a young boy at the same time. Many people tried to take control of the boy and to use his powers. But the boy was extremely well protected by the pharaoh, unlike no other treasure in the whole Egypt had ever been.
And as time went on, kindness and friendship between the pharaoh and the light changed to obsession for the pharaoh. He kept the boy close and allowed nobody to even touch him anymore. But the light wouldn't have it any other way. They loved each other with a passion nobody ever thought a holder of darkness and light could possess for each other. And if someone hurt the light, the person would find hell descend upon him, from the hands of the ruler of Egypt himself.
Still, through all the protection, a marionette of the shadows was able to kill the light thanks to a hideout. This made the pharaoh so angry, that every power was taken and locked away, together with the soul of the pharaoh himself. Since then the soul had been waiting to be released to find his reborn light and never let go of him ever again.
Darkness' addiction to Light
"Did you hear about Wakabe-kun?"
"Yeah, horrible, wasn't it?"
"But he was a bully..."
"Still it's already the 20th, isn't it?"
Whispers all around him. Why wouldn't they stop? He didn't want to be reminded.
'Oh please stop it, please don't talk about it anymore,' he thought desperately. But his prayers weren't answered. The whispers and talking continued to echo through the classroom; and no matter how much he tried to shut the voices out, he just couldn't.
Suddenly two new figures entered the classroom. Nobody paid much attention to them as they walked through the room straight to the table where their friend was sitting.
"Hey Yuugi!" the tall blond cheered joyfully, oblivious to the hung head and the slight shaking of fingers which gripped onto the table. He gave a slight glance at the two figures.
"Jonouchi-kun, Honda-kun," he acknowledged quietly.
'Oh please don't you two talk about it as well, please don't,' his mind pleaded. But the next second his hopes where shattered again.
"Did you hear the talk about Wakabe?" Jonouchi asked, still cheerful and oblivious to Yuugi's unusual condition. The grip of the fingers around the table fortified. This didn't go unnoticed by Honda this time and the brown haired teen raised an eyebrow in surprise.
Normally Yuugi was always cheerful and optimistic. That was the way Jonouchi and he had met this boy for the first time. To be this down and shaken could only mean something bad had happened. He looked over to Anzu, who sat two tables away, her eyes watching her small friend from childhood like a hawk. When she noticed Honda's questioning gaze though, he just shrugged her shoulders in a helpless motion.
She had already noticed her friend's condition before, but hadn't been able to get anything out of him. So Honda focused back on Yuugi and Jonouchi. First one just confirmed of his knowledge of Wakabe.
"Strange thing, isn't it?" Jonouchi went on easily. "He plainly became insane from one day to the next, just like so many others before him. And another one even died."
'Oh stop it!' the thoughts became panicked now, while Honda and Anzu stared at the blonde with wide, shocked eyes. 'Stop it!'
"I know not many heard about that but... Satoshi was found dead in an empty classroom this morning. I heard them say it was a heart attack. But... what the hell could have scared him so much that he just shrieked and died?"
'Quit it!' The thoughts in his head became even more frantic.
"Still, I can't be really sorry." Jonouchi added and shrugged. "They were really bad bullies. I mean Honda an' me were not the best of guys either, I admit, but I was not as bad as these two were, right Honda?"
Honda was just to give a comment of his own, when Yuugi finally looked up. Now it was obvious to even the carefree Jonouchi that something was very wrong. Yuugi was as pale as a ghost, scratches and dried blood still visible on forehead and cheeks, his lips trembling and his eyes shone with a desperation nobody knew he possessed. Anzu, who had just joined the two boys, gasped when she saw the state her friend was in.
"Yuugi, what's happened to you?" Jonouchi whispered, while his face became nearly as pale as the one of his best friend.
"They beat me up...," he whispered to his three friends so quietly, it was nearly unable to be understood. But the words still reached their ears and anger showed on Jonouchi's face.
"They WHAT?" he growled. "WHO? WHO did it?"
"Wakabe-kun beat me up," Yuugi repeated in hollow voice. "And Satoshi-kun threatened to kill me... yesterday."
Realization shone in three pairs of eyes.
"The other Yuugi," Jonouchi spoke aloud the thought of everyone, for one time in his life left speechless.
"Yami no Yuugi," Anzu added in a whisper. Honda just nodded in agreement and Yuugi hung his head again.
"But...," started Jonouchi after a while of awkward silence. "This isn't a bad thing, nothing for you to feel bad about, Yuugi. They hurt people. And... and you said Satoshi tried to kill you? So what if he was the one to die? He didn't deserve anything else!"
At these words, Yuugi shook his head violently.
"No, no, no!" he nearly shouted, now hysterical. "Not like this, they didn't... I mean... you can't judge them. You didn't see how things happened. But I... I remember things happening, Jonouchi-kun! Slowly, with every new bully who faces mou hitori no boku, I can remember more about it, I can WATCH while he does what he does."
He looked up again at his friends, tears now clearly at the corner of his eyes.
"And, the most terrible thing is... every time I watch him punish someone... I feel oddly satisfied and... for a second I don't feel sorry... this is not like me... it shouldn't be this way!"
Anzu's eyes had softened when she listened to Yuugi, while Honda and Jonouchi exchanged a helpless look, not sure what to say or do.
"Yuugi it's OK," the girl tried to soothe him. "I think mou hitori no Yuugi is only trying to protect you by punishing the people who hurt you with the same thing they normally do to other people. And who would not be satisfied to see the person who was mean and brutal to you, getting what he deserved?"
"But that's not like me!" Yuugi cried. "I normally don't hate people, even if they are mean to me or hurt me. I just can't hate people nor find satisfaction in their punishment. But... now it's changing and... I am afraid that I could become like him."
'So this is what's bothering him,' Anzu thought, surprised. 'And he takes it so badly.'
"Oh Yuugi," Jonouchi sighed. "You shouldn't be upset about yourself. You are a great guy, always caring about others, always friendly and loving and you give bad people so many new chances. You did so when it came to Honda and me and we are very grateful for it."
At his side, Honda nodded seriously and a small encouraging smile danced over his lips.
"But at some point," Jonouchi continued, "It really should be enough. If people don't take the hints, they have to face the consequences and then nobody should be sorry for them."
Yuugi still hung his head and his friends weren't able to change his mind for the time being, because at that moment the teacher chose to walk into the classroom. The whispers and talks around Yuugi died down immediately and for this, one small built boy of fifteen years, was really, really grateful.
Yuugi lay on his bed crying. It was all he had done since he'd arrived home. His grandfather and mother hadn't noticed his distress so far. How could they? His grandfather was busy in the shop and hadn't seen more than a fleeting glimpse of his grandson and his mother was away visiting a friend.
So here he was, all alone in his small room with a burden of guilt so heavy he was not sure how to carry it. His friends had tried the entire school day to ease his pain and his guilt. Right after they had taken him to the nurse's office to clean up his still, untended wounds, did the three teens try to coax him into believing that the satisfaction he had felt when his tormentors had got their cruel punishment was only fair. In the end they had given up on their small built friend and chosen to give him some time alone to think and sort out things. But Yuugi was far too depressed to even try thinking straight.
It started to become dark outside now and the small boy still lay on his bed, hiccuping and sniffling into his pillows.
"Little Light, why so sad? Why so deeply hurt?"
Yuugi jerked up his head so suddenly that his vision became blurred for a moment. His eyes were red and wet streams of salty tears garnished his cheeks. But this didn't matter to him at the moment. All that mattered was what got his attention so suddenly just seconds before.
It couldn't be. He was hearing things, surely he was. There was no way that a voice just spoke inside his head.
"Kind Light, why are you crying? Please tell me what's your distress? Who caused you such pain?"
Again the voice in his head, there was no denying this time. Yuugi's whole body started to tremble. Now that he was sure he wasn't imagining things, he had a pretty good idea about who was talking to him right now... and he feared the speaker, feared the one who seemed to live inside his soul.
"Go away!" he cried out and buried his face into his pillow in a weak attempt to shut out the voice in his head. "Please, just leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you."
Strange feelings brushed through the inside of Yuugi's consciousness. Feelings which were not his. First there was anger, but only for a second, followed by slight hurt and confusion. Then there was calmness, warmth and comfort, which tried to soothe his distressed soul.
"Why do you try to deny me?" the voice inside his head spoke up again, the tone sad and thoughtful. "I am not here to hurt you. I'd never hurt you. My only desire is to protect you and keep you safe from any bad soul."
"But you hurt me!" Yuugi whimpered back. "You hurt me and you scare me. You possessed my body and caused all these terrible things to these people out there. So many who became insane and then there are those two who even died. I don't want to feel satisfied watching them being punished... this is not what I am supposed to feel, I should feel sorry for them, I should have tried something to stop you. But I didn't. I simply watched; and the last time I even felt content with it. You noticed it, didn't you? But this is not the way I want to feel about people. I hate beatings, I hate fights and sorrow, I hate to see people getting hurt, even if they are bullies."
The voice was silent for a while and Yuugi was already hoping that he had been left alone again, but no such luck.
"Yes, you feel sorry for every being in this world," the voice admitted thoughtfully. "You are an innocent and I don't want you any other way, believe me. You are my Light, my sweet, lovely, innocent, pure little Light."
"Then why change me?" the small teen cried out desperately, new tears streaming down his face.
"I didn't change you. You never changed. But realize one thing, as pure and innocent as you are, in the deepest depths of your heart, you can't deny that the punishment your tormentors got, was the right thing and that they didn't deserve anything less. This is what you felt last time you were able to watch my actions. It was your heart which agreed with what I did. Don't deny it, little Light. Don't betray your heart's judgment."
"Nooooooo! I don't want to believe in such things! Don't make me, don't try to persuade me into believing things I don't think are right."
"I won't," the voice in his head vowed solemnly. "I would never do such a thing. It would destroy your pure light. That is the last thing I would do. But... please understand that I also can't change my way of dealing with threats to my little Light. I will continue to punish whoever causes you pain. But if it makes you so distressed, please let me soothe you. Let me hold you, coax you and do everything to make my actions up to you, to help you feel better."
"What... do you mean?" Yuugi asked timidly, his tears finally subsiding, but his body shaking even more now.
"Come to me, little Light," the voice enticed. "Come to me and let me give you the peace you crave so much."
"NO!" Yuugi jerked up on his bed again, his eyes wide and trembling with fear now. "No, please, I don't want to... please... just leave me alone... I want to be alone, just be by myself!"
There was a small silence before the voice spoke up again, defeat obvious in its tone.
"As you wish. I will leave you for now. But remember this... I am here with you and I care for you more than anything else in this world. I won't let you get hurt by other people and I won't watch you crying yourself to sleep night after night forever. I accept your wishes, but not forever... because you are half of my soul... you are mine as I am yours. So I won't wait forever. Sleep well, little Light. Sleep well and dream the dreams you like. Dreams of light and innocence, of friends and a world without hurt. Just remember I'll try everything in my power to let at least a part of this dream-world come true for you."
And with that, the voice fell silent, leaving Yuugi alone to think and sort out what just happened.
After that, the small teen lay awake for quite a while, not able to get any sleep. His thoughts always circled around his other half, his darker side and what he'd told him.
It was after midnight before exhaustion finally took over and Yuugi fell into a deep slumber, with dreams full of light and happiness, sorrow and worry forgotten for this moment of time.
Next day was a Saturday and there was no school for Yuugi. For that the boy was thankful, because it meant no talks and whispers about the latest events and no reminders for him. Also he had recovered a little from what he had witnessed as well as from the talk he'd had with his other half the night before. Now in daylight it all seemed to be just a bad dream.
The small teen spend the time with his new and old friends Anzu, Jonouchi and Honda. Jonouchi had developed a liking for the card game 'Duel Monsters' which Yuugi played and won against Seto Kaiba. So, now the group spend most of their time shopping for cards and trying to built a good deck for the tall blonde.
Anzu and Honda bought some cards as well and they also played one round against Yuugi for fun. But since the small one won easily, they gave up and were content to just watch their friend explaining some strategies to the slightly clueless Jonouchi.
The day was fun for the four friends and since they all seemed to have come to the silent agreement to not talk about Yuugi's distress from the day before, it was easy for him to totally forget about it while he spent time with his friends.
When the sun set, giving way to nighttime, Yuugi stood happily in front of the game shop and waved goodbye to his three friends. The day really had been great and during dinner with his family the small one chatted eagerly about the events of the day and when the talks went on to Duel Monsters, a big discussion about the card game started between him and his grandfather, much to the distress of his very straight and rational thinking mother.
Finally Yuugi retreated to his room, full stomach and content with life for once. But the peace of his soul was shattered sooner than he had hoped for.
He was laying on his bed, eyes closed and a small smile playing around his lips, but it quickly vanished, to be replaced by shock and fear when the now familiar voice spoke up inside his head again.
"You are happy today" it was not a question. "Your friends take good care of your soul. But it saddens me that I, who is a part of you, is not allowed to give you what you need, to give you peace and comfort."
"You... are still there?" Yuugi whispered, terrified. "I thought... thought you..."
A chuckle was the answer.
"I will always be here, sweet little Light. I am your darkness, don't forget that. I would never leave your side. Even if I would like to do so, I couldn't. I have no such desires to leave you alone. I will stay by your side to protect you, even if the world is ending, I will be here, mou hitori no ore."
"I don't want to be protected," Yuugi mumbled out while he buried his head under his pillow. Anything to just get away from the voice. He wasn't as distressed as he had been the day before, but he still felt bad about the bullies and he was afraid of this being inside of him. So brutal, so merciless, so cold, how could he not be afraid of this darkness, which possessed him from time to time?
But, funnily enough, when he was alone with his darkness, when they'd talked yesterday, wasn't the voice warmer? Wasn't his other half friendly and caring and concerning and so, so protective over him? Hadn't he said that he would protect him from every threat, that he would watch out for any harm? Did this mean he shouldn't be afraid of this darkness inside him?
"That's right, I would never harm you, sweet little Light," the voice told him, just as though it had felt Yuugi's hesitation and confusion. "Let me prove this to you, Aibou. Let me prove that I would never harm you, that I only wish to protect you, that I want to soothe, to hold you, to love you. This is all I've ever wanted, my whole purpose of existence."
"How can you prove this to me?" Yuugi whispered, still afraid, his body shaking, but his head had come up from the pillows again, his eyes wide, as if looking through his room and seeing nothing at the same time.
"Come to me," the voice coaxed again, like it had the day before. "Let me guide you to me, allow me look at you face to face. Let me be looked at by you. Don't be afraid because no harm is waiting here with me. I wish only for you to meet me fully and for me to prove to you my liking for you, my feelings, my love. You are everything to me, sweet Light. Never would I allow harm to come to you, not even from myself."
"Love?" Yuugi squeaked surprised and afraid at the same time. "But... but... I am still afraid of you, I am sorry. You are..."
He trailed off, never ending his sentence. His thoughts running in sheer confusion, but also in a desperation he never knew of.
'Love? I have never been loved before. I am liked by my friends now. They like me, but love? No one ever loved me. Not this kind of love at least. Kaa-san and Jii-chan love me, family love. But it is not the kind of love I long for. Still, this is mou hitori no boku I am thinking about. He is so cruel, how can he ever love anyone, let alone me?'
"Let me prove it to you," the darkness tempted, like it had the night before. "Come to me, my sweet Light. Aibou, Hikari, sweet, sweet Innocence, let me prove my love and affection to you. Don't be afraid, don't fear me. Never do. Come to me, come!"
Yuugi closed his eyes for a minute. Against his better judgment he allowed the voice to coax him, to take his fears away. He let the darkness sing and tempt and call and plead; and he had never felt such warmth building up inside him as he felt happening now. It was a good feeling, soothing and calming and it left him longing for something he didn't know. Did he long to see his darkness as much as it longed to see him? Did he want it? Did he dare to risk it? Should he? Would he?
"What do I have to do?" Yuugi whispered, finally submitting to the pleadings inside his head.
"Good, brave little Light. Sweet, willing, little Light," Yuugi could feel the delight and excitement his answer had caused the darkness inside of him. "Just close your eyes and let me guide you. Don't fear me, don't be afraid, my Light. Have faith that no harm will come upon you from my hands. You will be safe with me, I will keep you close to my heart, I will protect you, even die for you if I have to."
Yuugi knew that what he was doing right now was just plain crazy and went against all his better judgment. But he couldn't help it, it was like the voice was drawing him into his actions like a moth drawn to the fire. Deep inside him was a desperation he couldn't explain, but he just had to comply and follow the instructions given by his other half. It needed to be done, he needed to see, to verify with his own eyes that his darkness was speaking the truth. He needed to see the being which was able to cause such horrible things but... being infatuating and enthralling while doing what it did. A terrible, dreaded being, which sounded so gentle and caring at the same time.
Maybe, somehow he'd also felt there was something more he needed to experience. But this was something lying so deep and dark within his consciousness that he wasn't able to put a finger on it. So, although his whole body was shaking with anticipation and fear he couldn't deny it any longer. He closed his eyes and forced body and mind to be caressed and guided by darkness' hands.
First there was nothing, he only felt a little cold, like someone had opened his window and a nightwind was blowing into the room. Then Yuugi could feel a fine tug inside his mind and it was as if he was flying, but he didn't dare to open his eyes. Instead his eyelids pressed even more tightly together too afraid of what he might see if he dared to look.
Finally, the flying feeling and the chill were gone and it was quiet. The only thing he heard was his own, restless breathing and the loud pounding of his heart.
"Open your eyes, little one!" the voice suddenly jerked him out of the silence. But this time it didn't sound in his head anymore. It was more as if someone spoke to him through the door of his room. Hesitantly and still a little afraid, he opened his eyes, but slowly, oh very, very slowly.
The first thing he saw through blurred slits, was white. When he opened his eyes a little more and everything became focused, his eyes grew wide in surprise. He was no longer sitting on his bed in his room. Though he still sat on a bed, it was the bed of a child, colorful but a little bigger than a usual child-bed was supposed to be. The only familiar thing which had stayed with him while he'd come to this place, were the nightclothes he wore.
Yuugi was in a single room, with a white ceiling and walls and a carpet in glowing, happy colors covering the ground. The white was glowing in a soft, comforting and friendly light. On the ground lay toys, tons and tons of toys, most of them puzzles and card games. Wherever he was, it didn't look dangerous to his eyes.
As if sensing his question, the voice spoke up again.
"You are in your soul room, little Light. Innocence of the heart as you can see symbolized by light, white, toys and pureness. Your room is blessed and a peace of mind to every human being out there."
This time, Yuugi could define the voice's descent. Just on the other side of this room was a single door. It was slightly open, but through the slit, all he could see was darkness. Still Yuugi was sure that the owner of the voice stood just outside this room, speaking to him from whatever lay behind the door.
"By the way, I won't enter your room if you are fearing me, sweet Light. You may come outside if you wish to see me. I am right behind the door. But I won't go against your wishes. This is the last thing I can do to prove to you my peaceful intentions. I do not wish to force myself onto you. So far I am patient. I can wait. But... I have to warn you, my patience will not last forever."
For a moment, there was silence. The small teen tried to process what had just happened and what his darkness had told him. It was up to him to make his final decision now.
"I... won't back away," Yuugi whispered slowly, not sure if his other half could still understand him. It was more a reinforcement to himself anyway. "I came to this place to meet you and I will do so now, though I still fear you, I am still nervous, but I also feel strangely drawn to you. I can't back away now, I just can't, even if I want to. There is no backing away anymore."
He stood up from his bed, his body shaking only slightly now. Slowly he set one foot in front of the other. Slowly, he neared the door. Slowly he neared his fate and his insides pulled together in anticipation as if in the deepest depths of his mind he knew what would happen. And somehow he couldn't get rid of the feeling that whatever would happen this night in this strange place, he was already looking forward to it.
He had reached the door now. For a moment, he stopped dead in his tracks, trying to calm his nerves, to slow his quick breathing and to calm his wildly pounding heart. His hand reached out, even more slower than his steps had been. He touched the door and then... he pushed, letting the door open wide. He took the final step, out from the safety of his soulroom. He entered the darkness.
Just to point this out, because I am not sure if this will be cleared in the story later. When Yami no Yuugi is talking about Yuugi's innocence, he doesn't mean that kind of innocence where you have a clean mind and would never think dirty thoughts or something like that. I never believed in Yuugi being thaaaaat innocent. Especially if your best friend is called "Katsuya Jonouchi" chuckles. And already the first episode of the manga proves that Yuugi has his own not so innocent ideas after all (when Anzu talks about the fact that the boys only want to play basketball with the girls so they can look under their skits, Yuugi has an exact mental image of this in his mind and becomes very red eg). Anyway, the innocence Yami no Yuugi is talking about, is the innocence of the heart, Yuugi's way to feel for even the bad people. His ability to forgive mistakes, to give bullies always a second chance, to trust people so easily and never think anything bad about someone, even if people tell him otherwise. He always wants to get his own idea of a person first, before he decides if he agrees with rumours or not. And of course, there is his helping nature, if someone is in danger, even if he doesn't know this person very well, he tries to help them with all he can. He is no liar but a honest person, with no ill-disposed thoughts and he doesn't hurt people in purpose. He doesn't play with dirty tricks and in my opinion, this kind of character is also a form of innocence. To be a little naiv and good natured, this is the innocence Yami no Yuugi is talking about and praising.