True, this concept is a little cliche... But think of it as an experiment, in more ways than one.



Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own Love Hina. Bummer.

He was going to kill Suu. That was all there was to it.

He was going to kill her. He was going to choke the life out of her and throw her over the side of the Hinata, then pour gasoline all over her body and throw down a match. A lit match, that is, no need to make the same mistake twice...

Or he'd just use a laser gun, yeah. Faster, easier, and conveniently within reach. Yes, kill her with that...

And he was going to enjoy it. Screw the consequences, he'd enjoy killing her. Just as soon as he-

"All right, Keitaro! Smile!"

Her daily exercises were usually a place for Motoko to think and gain some perspective on the myriad of happenings in the Hinata Sou. She was alone with her thoughts on the roof, practicing her stances, dodges, and attack patterns. Only her memories for company.

On some occasions, this could be a wonderful way to find some insight into herself.

On most... It was just annoying.

One, two, three, four... One, two, three, four...

Hey, guess what? Said a voice inside her head that sounded vaguely like Kanako's. Motoko scowled, but decided to bite.


Guess who's still asleep?

Who, praytell?

You know... Short... Wears glasses... Cute?

Shut up.

C'mon... Let's go to his room. We can hold him down; rip off his shirt with our teeth...

I'm not listening...

Let's go! You know you want to...

He's Naru's. I'm not interested...

Oh please. He's with her just because he likes getting thrashed. But, if YOU ravish AND thrash him-

Shut up, shut up, not listening, la la la la la...

"Morning, Motoko-chan!" Motoko paused, cursing her libido for interfering with her senses. She took a deep breath, and turned around, bowing to Urashima respectfully.

"Good morning, Urashima." When she stood up from her bow, Motoko suddenly found that she had difficulty breathing. She also found that she was suspended above the ground at an angle, being held in surprisingly strong arms. It took her confused mind a few extra milliseconds to determine the reason for her lack of breath.

"Hm... You're a good kisser, you know?" Keitaro grinned, pulling back slightly from Motoko's face. Her face, which he'd been sucking only a second or two ago. A fact that, only now, had Motoko managed to come to grips with. Her mind rebooted, and shifted the wide-eyed expression on her face to a deadly scowl.

"URASHIMA! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DO-" And he kissed her again. AGAIN! Part of her mind screamed bloody murder, shuddered, and yelped "EW! COOTIES!" The rest of her was too focused on the kiss itself, and the reactions it was causing inside her body.

"Hm... Definitely better this time... You were into it more," Keitaro smirked as he, once again, pulled away. Motoko's brain was currently like a three-legged hamster that fell out of it's wheel-Trying to get back on again and finding it nearly impossible. Oh yeah, and the hamster (which technically did not exist) was distracted from the wheel (which, she supposed, technically did not exist either) by, well... Sunflower seeds (which also, technically, didn't exist, aside from as a metaphor for the kiss with Keitaro).

"So, would you like to freshen up in the hot springs? I can scrub your back," Keitaro stated into her thoughts, as casually as though he'd been talking about the three-legged hamster in it's wheel... Which technically didn't-

"URASHIMA! What-... What were you-What's going-Why did you-?"

"'Cause you're a beautiful woman, duh, and I'm attracted to you," Keitaro grinned, rolling his eyes, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Motoko blinked. The hamster had just choked on a sunflower seed.

"Um... All right..."

"So... Want to take a bath?"


"Nah, that's not going to work. I'd like it better when you scream "Keitaro!". It has such a lovely sound to it, don't you think?" Keitaro brazenly asked, grinning down at the samurai. Motoko's brain was struggling to get things rolling again, attempting to find a way to rationalize this and say that this all had to be a dream. Or she'd eaten too much of Kitsune's cooking. Or she was having one hell of a hangover from one of Kitsune's parties.


This was real.

And Keitaro really wanted to... Erm... That... With her.

Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Chanted her libido.

"Um... Ura-"

"Keitaro, remember?"

"Um, yes... K-Keitaro... What's... Why are you acting so strangely?"

"How do you mean?" Keitaro asked, playfully kissing her neck. Motoko's heart skipped a beat.

"Um... That. This. This whole-"

"What? Oh, do you mean... This?" Keitaro kissed her deeply again, completely wiping out anything Motoko's mind had managed to reconstruct for the purposes of reason.

"Or," Keitaro said, wearing a smirk that fit far better on Kentaro's visage, "this?" And Keitaro proceeded to kiss her all over her face, down her neck, and across her collar bone.

"No... I mean-Huh? Hah... Ah... Stop, please... Really, I-Oh! No, don't-!"

"Don't do what? Do this?"

"No, I mean-Oh! Mmm... Oh, no, Ura-Keitaro, I'm going to-Oh, Kami..."
Kitsune nursed her latest bottle of sake, yet another pilfered commodity added to her lavish stores. She grinned as she took another swig, relishing the slight burn down her throat and the answering tingle in her nervous system. Ah...

"Sigh..." Kitsune blinked, and tilted her head. Sitting next to her, looking more depressed than she had ever seen him, Keitaro moped. His head was down, his eyes empty, his shoulders drooping. Kitsune blinked.

"What's up, Keitaro?" She asked, smiling slightly. "Naru turn you down again?" Keitaro sighed again, managing to look even more downcast, even though Kitsune had been fairly certain that this was the lowest she'd seen him.

"What's...? What's wrong?" Kitsune asked, blinking. Concern filled her alcohol-saturated heart, as she leaned over. She couldn't help it: Keitaro's mood seemed to drain the life out of the room.

"I... I'd just..." Kitsune took a deep breath, and narrowed her eyes. She'd be damned if she let him bring her down with another of his sulk fests.

"Look, Keitaro, tell me what's wrong! Stop moping! You're not going to get anywhere if you-" Keitaro burst into tears, sobbing hysterically and cowering at Kitsune's tone. Kitsune blinked awkwardly.

"Uh... Keitaro?"

"I'm sorry!" Keitaro wailed, bawling his eyes out. "I didn't mean to make you angry! I'm sorry!" Kitsune just stared at the over-emotional ronin, shaking her head.

"Uh... Keitaro, that's... Okay. I'm... I'm sorry."

"No, I should be sorry... Remember that time I said you were a whore behind your back?" Kitsune blinked. When had he...?

"Um... No?"

"I'm sorry, so sorry... I was angry and upset, and Motoko had just hit me and-Huh! Oh no! I have to apologize for bending her sword!" Kitsune blinked. Sure, Keitaro was a nice guy who tended to pick on himself a lot... But this was just ridiculous.

"Keitaro, did you take your medication today?" Kitsune asked, forcing a smile, trying out a joke. Maybe it could-

"I have medication?! I FORGOT TO TAKE IT?!" Keitaro gasped, his eyes wide. He sprung up and headed for the kitchen, where he could be heard loudly apologizing to Shinobu for walking in on her like that. This left Kitsune staring after the kanrinin, blinking.

Just what the hell was wrong with him today?
In another part of the Hinata Sou, Naru Narusegawa was angrily stomping along the hallway. Her fury could be felt by the dullest of men. Her anger could cause whole fields of beautiful wild flowers to burn into embers. Her sheer anger-

Well, it's enough to cause the narration to shift back to her, as Naru stalked along the ancient corridor.

"WHERE ARE YOU, YOU BASTARD?!" She screamed, eyes burning a demonic red. She searched for the target of her fury, the instigator of her petulance.

"Right here, bitch," responded a cool and collected male voice, from behind her. Naru blinked, her anger momentarily sated. She turned around.

There was Keitaro, smiling at her. Wait, no-"Smiling" wasn't exactly the best adverb. He was smirking, and-Leering? Since when had Keitaro leered? So taken aback by this change in her "study buddy" (cough) that her anger evaporated like water on a hot sidewalk.

"Um... Keitaro?"

"Looking for the person who spray-painted "BITCH" all over your room, and set your underwear on fire?" Keitaro asked, his smirk growing in... What was that particular feeling? She knew it started with an "E", but seeing it on Keitaro's face had robbed her of what, precisely, it was...


"Yeah, that was me," Keitaro stated, a voice as smooth as silk but hard as steel. He grinned ferally at her, and began to approach her with slow, steady, measured steps. Naru involuntarily began stepping back, eyes wide.

"And I'm going to do more. Much, much more," he hissed, baring his teeth. He resembled a big cat, his fangs bared, eyes narrowed-

Wait. Fangs?

"Keitaro! What-What the hell-?!" And then he pounced. A strength Naru had never felt from Keitaro once in all the times they'd made physical contact held her down on the floor, Keitaro cackling maliciously above her.

"Keitaro! Get the hell off me you-" SMACK! Naru's cheeks burned red, as she screamed against the duct tape wrapped around her mouth. Keitaro grinned, taping down the other, flailing parts of Naru's anatomy.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," Keitaro hissed, taping down Naru's legs with only moderate difficulty. Naru shrieked louder against the tape, her eyes bulging, as Keitaro stood over her, snickering.

"Oh well... Believe me, Naru, this is only the beginning of your torment... Only the beginning," Keitaro warned, and with a final cackle he stalked off down the hall. Naru continued struggling against the tape, pulling as hard as she could.

"Dum, dee dee dum..." Sang a familiar voice down the hallway. Naru began screaming frantically, hoping someone could hear her struggle. Help me before he comes-!

"Oh my, Naru! Oh dear, are you all right?" Naru momentarily stopped struggling, and stared up at Keitaro again. This time, Keitaro was smiling down at her, serene and pure and concerned. Despite the earlier event involving him, Naru began to feel calm and hopeful in the presence of the kanrinin.

WAIT! HOLD ON! He just duct-taped you to the floor, and now you're feeling okay when he comes back?! Her mind screamed at her lack of logic. Naru mentally shook her head as Keitaro knelt down and tried pulling at the tape around her ankles.

"Oh my, Naru-chan, who would do this to you?" Keitaro gasped, staring down in shock and dismay. YOU, YOU #%$ RETARD! Naru screamed at him through the duct-tape gag, to which Keitaro blinked apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Naru dear, I can't understand you. And I'm reluctant to pull the tape off your mouth as it might result in pain for you," Keitaro reasoned, pulled at the ankle tape. "Grrr... Wow, this is stuck tight! I could use some help on this..."

"May I be of assistance?" Naru struggled against the tape holding her neck down, her eyes nearly bursting out of their sockets. This can't be happening. She was hallucinating. The fumes from the tape had to be getting to her, or she'd simply been asleep too long...

"Yes! You would be of great help! Thank you!" Said Keitaro, smiling happily... At Keitaro, holding a large book in his arm and adjusting his glasses. The second Keitaro knelt down with the first, studying the now-hysterical girl.

"Hm... The tape has been applied in such a way as to support itself against Naru's struggles, and has been taped over itself to resist removal by force," the second Keitaro analyzed, tapping the side of his chin, while Naru questioned her sanity. "In addition, given how she's stretched out, her position negates much of the energy she could use to pull herself free."

"So, what do we do?" Asked the first Keitaro. The second Keitaro smiled, taking the edge of just one of the web of tape holding Naru down.

"We simply apply sufficient force in the one direction the tape is vulnerable. Observe," the second Keitaro said, and with that, he tugged on one strip of tape. Amazingly, the whole of the restraints holding Naru gave way, stripping away from the floor and allowing Naru to jump up to a sitting position, staring at the two Keitaros with wild eyes.

"Why, that was marvelous! Great job!" Complimented the first Keitaro.

"Thank you, thank you... Merely an application of physics, mind you, nothing more," replied the second. Naru pulled the duct tape gag from her mouth, cursing the pain, before she began screaming hysterically.

"Who are you?! What's going on?! Why the hell did you set me free? Why did you tie me down in the first place? Why-?!" This rant caused the two Keitaros to sweatdrop in shock, before a third joined them, yawning dramatically.

"Meh... Hey, what's all the racket?" The third Keitaro asked. Behind him, Mutsumi Otohime walked in, also yawning.

"Oh my, yes... Naru, I believe it's too early-" Mutsumi blinked, looking at the third Keitaro (according to Naru). She then looked at the first and second Keitaros. The first smiled at her and waved, saying," Good morning, Mutsumi-chan! It's wonderful to see you today!" while the second nodded respectfully and greeted," Salutations, Mutsumi-chan. A pleasant morning to you."

Mutsumi blinked, looking over all three of the Keitaros again, before calmly saying, "Ara, Keitaro, there are three of you."

"FOUR! THERE ARE FOUR OF HIM!" Naru shrieked, shaking and backing up against a wall. The three Keitaros looked around at each other, blinking.

"Hm... Yes, I suppose there are three of us here," said the second Keitaro, tilting his head thoughtfully. The first Keitaro smiled peaceably. The third blinked, then smiled, then hiccupped, before he went, "Neat!", his cheeks pink and adorable.

"Oh my..." Mutsumi kept looking back and forth between all three Keitaros, blinking between each shift of attention.

"Actually, I made six of him!" Came a high-pitched, slightly accented cackle from down the hallway. All assembled turned and looked at Kaolla Suu, grinning like a maniac, as a sour-faced Keitaro followed her, in the clutches of a Mecha-Tama. Naru blinked awkwardly, as did everyone else.

It was a little bit later, that, in the living room of the Hinata Sou, the residents all sat down... Along with the six Keitaros. One sat back on the couch, relaxed and confident, occasionally winking at various girls (Motoko in particular, who blushed), the next sat timidly on the couch, nervous and casting furtive glances at everyone, the one after that read his book calmly, the next cheerfully chatted with everyone (though there were few responses to his attempts at conversation), the one after that played with a yo-yo, and finally, the one who had mistreated Naru, was tied up and sulking on the floor.

Kitsune sat next to the yo-yo-ing Keitaro, just staring at him in disbelief, as well as the other Keitaros. Shinobu was passed out, having fainted dead away by the cheerful Keitaro. Haruka sat next to the confident Keitaro, looking only slightly-less impassive than usual, while the timid Keitaro sat between a shaking Naru and a bemused Mutsumi. The intellectual Keitaro simply sat in an armchair, while Motoko was near the evil-looking Keitaro, her sword drawn. Sarah was also passed out in shock, on the floor, but no one really cared.

Suu took center stage, grinning.

"As you can see, each Keitaro is a representation of a specific facet of Keitaro's personality!"

"Did you accomplish this with a quantum inversion of the various aural layers that create our collective consciousness?" Inquired the Keitaro with the book. Everyone around him blinked, before Suu, grinningly, nodded.

"Yes! See? That brainy side of Keitaro! Usually repressed by his insecurities and fear!" Suu pointed at the timid-looking Keitaro, who looked up at Suu's finger and began to tear up.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to," the timid Keitaro sobbed, as Mutsumi took him into her embrace to calm him down. Suu then pulled out a list of notes, and pointed at the confident-looking Keitaro.

"This is another side of Keitaro's! His courage and confidence!" This Keitaro grinned, giving a thumbs up to Motoko, to which she blushed like crazy.

"If I may ask, Suu-chan, what do I represent?" Asked the cheerful Keitaro with an inquiring smile.

"Suu thinks you are Keitaro's compassionate and peaceful side," Suu replied, smiling at him, to which he smiled back. Suu then turned to the yo-yoing Keitaro, and grinned.

"That Suu's favorite-Keitaro's fun-loving, happy side!" This Keitaro grinned, slapping Kitsune on the back playfully before kissing the cheek of a just-now recovering Shinobu. To this kiss, of course, she fainted dead away again.

"And this one's, what? Keitaro's anger?" Naru asked, pointing down at the struggling Keitaro on the floor. Suu nodded.

"Yes! His repressed evil side!" The evil Keitaro glared at the girls, snarling against his gag.

"Kanako's going to love this when she gets back," Kitsune mused aloud, as the fun-loving Keitaro gulped down a soda and burped, then laughed, then did it again.

"So, Suu? Any way to fix this?" Naru asked pensively, glaring at the confident Keitaro winking at Motoko and making rather odd gestures towards her.

"Suu not know! Suu just wanted to try out process and see if it would work! Would save lots of money on live-action anime movies!" Suu answered brightly, leading to a good sweatdrop by all.

"Nevertheless, perhaps you should find a way to fix this..." Haruka deadpanned, her eyebrow twitching slightly. The confident Keitaro scoffed.

"Bah! Heck no! I like being this way. I mean, I get to be me. Really me." The fun loving Keitaro nodded vigerously, grinning.

"Yeah! It's no fun being stuck behind him," the fun loving Keitaro said, jerking a thumb at the timid Keitaro. "I've never felt so alive!"

"I must concur," stated the intellectual Keitaro, closing his book and standing. "I mean, we are all, essentially, Keitaro. In a sense, we are duplicates of him, only without a few key psychological variations. I must admit, being free to pursue knowledge at my will is an invigorating prospect."

"I do wish for everyone to be happy," said the cheerful Keitaro thoughtfully, "but my own happiness is something that has been oppressed by fear and loneliness. I can do such good in the world, being free. I can't imagine going back to how I was."

"Hear hear!" Said the confident Keitaro. Naru stood up, fuming.

"Now look! You guys don't have a choice! You're all just, just pieces of the same person! You can't just stay like this! You're not whole!"

"What, just because we're not hampered by him?" Confident Keitaro snorted, glaring at Timid Keitaro. Timid Keitaro pulled back, looking miserable, as Mutsumi patted him on the back.

"It's... It's not natural! You can't be brainy all the time, or courageous, or nice," Naru argued. "A real human being is someone who is more than just one emotion! Ergo, you're not real! Really real!"

"I disagree," Brainy Keitaro interjected. "If we really were simply one aspect of Keitaro, each, with no feelings other than related to what we represented, then I would concur. But I feel anger, love, and sadness just like you. I simply adjust to it rationally and logically."

"I face my emotions head on, and express them so that they don't screw me up!" Crowed Confident Keitaro. "It's better than taking it out on my 'study buddy'." To this, Naru huffed.

"I want to go have some fun," whined Fun Keitaro. "Why don't we go to a karaoke club and mock a boy band?"

"As long as it's good natured ribbing, and not, you know, being hurtful, I'm willing," said Kind Keitaro happily. "Would you like to go, Shinobu?" Shinobu stuttered, looking at Kind Keitaro in shock.


"Of course! I'm always happy to have you along!"

"NO! Stop! You are NOT going off on your own!" Naru snarled, glaring at all six Keitaros. "You are staying right here, until we fix this!"

"Nah. Later toots," Confident Keitaro said, before extending a hand to a beet-red Motoko. "Would you like to go out with me, Motoko?"

"I'd-I'd-Um... All-All right," Motoko stuttered, causing everyone else to stare at her, slack-jawed. Motoko got up, took Keitaro's arm, and headed out the door.

"HEY! Stop! I'm not finished with you!"

"Hey Mutsumi! Kitsune! Wanna go have a drinking contest!" Fun Keitaro asked, jumping up and down. Kitsune stared at him, before smiling.

"Will you pay for it?"

"Only if you win!"

"You're on, Slim! Let's see what you've got! C'mon Mutsumi!"

"Oh my... What about Timid Keitaro?" Timid Keitaro shook in Mutsumi's arms, looking fearfully at everyone else as usual. Kitsune looked thoughtful.


"Bring him along! Maybe we can loosen him up!" Fun Keitaro suggested, grabbing his 'brother' by the arm and dragging him out the door, followed by Kitsune and Mutsumi.


"It would appear that your screaming has no affect," mused Brainy Keitaro, going back to his book. "Most unfortunate." Naru, seething, grabbed Brainy Keitaro by the collar and shook him violently.


"Hm, never one for restraint," mused Brainy Keitaro, still calm even with the redhead's assault. "Instead, you choose to vent your frustrations with violence."

"Gee, you figured that out all by yourself?" Naru raged, dropping him on the floor and storming off. Kind Keitaro looked concerned, and stood up, facing Shinobu regretfully.

"Shinobu-chan? Would you like to go to a kareoke bar later today?"

"Um, that's okay, Sempai... I just... Need to... To study," Shinobu stuttered, still sunk completely in a daze due to today's events. Kind Keitaro nodded, smiled, gave Shinobu's hands a comforting squeeze, and set out after Naru. Shinobu turned, and dreamily walked into the kitchen.

"There is only a 4.5% chance of her actually letting him talk to her," Brainy Keitaro threw out behind his book. Haruka, still sitting on the couch and smoking, looked at this version of her nephew quizzically.

"You don't care about Naru?"

"Not really. My rational side gave up on her long ago," Brainy Keitaro replied, passively reading. "I have no particular feelings for her."

"I suppose, by your very existence, that you have no feelings."

"Not true," Brainy Keitaro argued. "I care a great deal for Shinobu, and admire Motoko's dedication, for instance. I am hardly all knowledge and logic-Logic is only the beginning of true wisdom."

"Hm, I suppose you do have some brains in there," Haruka mused, taking a long drag of her cigarette, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling.
What do you guys want to happen next chapter? Your wish, my command...