"It would be my honor if you would at least consider it." Joe said to me. I can't believe it, what a, a I can't even explain it. Then he starts speaking Japanese to me, argh I can say I am so frustrated I had to write this all down otherwise I am going to drive Frankie nuts and myself insane.
Okay let me start from the beginning here, get the whole story out on paper.
Alright, it all started with this case we got assigned. It started out really strangely, Julian had made another modification to the Viper, like it needed anything else, but anyway, we were watching these criminals and we were right there, but they couldn't see us at all.
Joe had been acting really different that day. He has this thing where he couldn't stop touching me. I mean in little ways, a brush of the hand here or there. Or he would walk into me, invade my personal space. He would try to get my attention and move his hand over my fingers or rest it on my knees. I mean geeze it gave me the shivers everytime he did that. What does that mean? Anyway, he kept doing this, and really, I don't mind it at all. Joe is a great guy, a really great guy. That is as far as I have gotten on that front of Joe. I am grown women and I can only get to '
he is a really great guy', what am I sixteen?
Ever since, oh god I can't even tell you when, we have been flirting big time. I can see it, as I am sure everyone else can. I don't think I want to admit it to anyone until this case. It was really bad for me.
Anyway we went to Catlett's office to get further information on what direction we were to go in and to meet up with a Japanese cop that was going to assisting us on this case. Then bam, she walked in to my life, and it turns out Joe knew her, I can't believe it. He said they were old friends. Old friends my ass. I knew exactly what they were and all of a sudden I couldn't be around him or her anymore. I had to bolt out of there. But my professionalism kept me there.
The case was moving forward and I was really doing my best to get along with everyone. To work with her, to get the job done. The she took it one step too far in the interrogation room, and what did Joe do? He took her side. I was so mad at him for that.
The next day Joe and she went to a Japanese restaurant for dinner, he just asked her right in front of me,
didn't even ask me to join them. It was like I wasn't even there at all. Frankie seemed a bit upset about that. He was getting very mad at Joe for all this, the way he has been treating me. I know Frankie is both of our friends, but he always stands up for the person who is in the right. Always. Anyway, from what I read of the notes, there was a set up at the restaurant and for some reason Joe took her back to his place.
When I arrived to the complex the next day, I was going to be nice and buy Joe coffee, but no he wasn't even there yet. I know I was late arriving because I had stopped, then it popped into my head why he was late. Although I had no idea at that time she had gone home with him.
Well when I asked Frankie in return grilled me about my feelings for Joe. He was really quite good at it to, I didn't know he had it in him. Anyway he got me to admit I had strong feelings for him. Our conservation went along the lines of this:
Hey, anything on the wiretap? - Me Zip so far my friend - Frankie Here ya go - Me hey thanks - Frankie You are welcome. Where is Joe? - Me He hasn't called in yet. - Frankie I don't get it - Me What? - Frankie What he sees in her. - Me Argh, Westlake.. - Frankie What, ah come on I just want Joe to be happy. - Me Right Frankie What is that supposed to mean? - Me What? - Frankie The way you said 'right' what don't you think i want him to be happy? - Me I am sure you do - Frankie Thats right - Me Just not with her. Frankie Ha, I just dont see the two of them together - Me And, umm, who do you see him with? - Frankie I dont know (blushing big time) - Me Westlake, we both know how you feel about him. -
Frankie What do you want me to do? - Me Why don't you just tell him. - Frankie Sorry I had to take out the names, it is a federal case. Anyway that is about the conservation Frankie and I had. After my divorce and everything my ex-husband put me through I had finally made it over him. I made a vow not to fall in love again. I couldn't go through what he just put me through again.
But then I let Joe in, little by little, I didn't mean to or want to at first. But slowly it happened. It was like I had no control over it.
Well I go in search of Joe and I guess he was looking for me because we walked right into each other. I had gotten up all the courage I had to talk to him about this. I needed to get it off my chest so to speak.
Then he started talking and telling me she was staying in Metro, and that he would like it if we got along.
What on earth was that supposed to mean? All that was going through my mind at that moment was that I lost Joe forever and I hadn't even told him how I felt. It wasn't fair. I did all I could not to cry in front of him, so I waited until after he left all happy that I said I would try.
The truth I was crushed completely. I went back into my office locked the door and turned off the lights and cried to myself. I think I was meant to be alone forever. This was the worst day I have had in a long time. What was I ever going to do. I had to work with Joe, I had to pull myself together.
After about an hour of relaxing and going back to work I was ready to head back to Catlett's office for a meeting. I wasn't surprised to see that Joe had not returned. I thought at least our friendship meant more to him that this. I knew it did to me anyway. I guess I was wrong about a lot of things.
I make it in and Catlett tells Dan and Joe's new little, I don't even know what to call her, let alone spell her name Kam e ko I want to try and guess,
anyway he tells them to go home for the night an to meet up with us in the morning. Great a whole night locked up in a small office next to Joe. Just what I need, when all I want is a nice warm bath and bed. By morning I am going to be so itching to get out of here its not going to be funny.
"Well guys I have get up and stretch my eyes. I am starting to read in doubles" Catlett says and invites us down to the new coffee shop.
Then Joe asks Catlett to buy us some while he is down there. Joe actually knew I was there and bought me coffee. I can't believe it. I think it is just when she is around that the blinders go up and I turn invisible, just like the Viper. We don't say to much to each other outside the realm of the case. I told him I didn't trust Kam e Ko at all, and he blew up at me. So that was that. Another exciting day in the life of Cameron Westlake.
That night we figure out that Dan is the one behind all the leaks to the Japanese about where we are going to be and what was going on. Frankie got his hands on all the items that were reported missing and we tracked them to the docks, where they had a Russian sub, they were going to use to smuggle the drugs back with. Joe actually wanted me to go with him. I am not sure if it was out of the love fore the job and he had to have me there or if it was courtesy, either way I was going to take the opportunity. Anyway Sherman and Kam e Ko went to the one dock and Joe and I went to the other, which was deserted. As we start to head back they get captured, figures. Joe does his thing with the defender and stops the sub, but what it does is drains all the power from the viper.
And of course me, wanting to get to the bottom of this whole case took off out of the viper and on to the sub to rescue Sherman. Low and behold I was captured,
great. Kam e ko comes out of the opposite door and tries to reason with him to let me go and he wants no part in it. So she shoots him. I go falling to the floor, and had the wind knocked out of me. All of a sudden I hear Joe call for me. He sounds really upset,
I can almost hear, 'not again' go through his mind.
The way he looks up at me when I sit up, I will never forget it. It was almost the same as the past time I thought he was dead and him of me. Why do we always have to go through this? Can't we just have a normal relationship sometimes?
After everything was over and the suspects taken into custody Joe insisted that I be checked over by the paramedics to make sure I was okay. It was a sweet gesture on his part. So I did what he said, and there was nothing wrong with me, like always. He fiddled over me for a bit more then I went home for the night.
I am not sure what he does after this, and at this point, my bones are aching and I just want to go home to bed. I hate cases like this. Don't get me wrong I love the action, but sometimes it just gets a little much.
I get home and take off my coat and hang it up by the door. The next thing to go is my shoes, I have no idea why, but every time I come home the shoes come off. I guess I have this thing about wearing shoes at home, I love the feel of carpet under my feet. Anyway I change into something more comfortable and finally sit down on the couch. 'Now what' I think to myself, no one to talk to, to have dinner with, to sleep next to at night. I need to get a life big time. Well not a life per-say just someone to share it with I guess.
I light a fire and curl up with a good book, I guess I fell asleep because someone is knocking on my door. I look over at the clock and see that is after 11pm,
what on earth is anyone doing here at this hour, and who? Well I know who, its either one of two people Frankie or Joe. I am really hoping it is Frankie saying I forgot to sign something or something. Yeah right I couldn't be that lucky.
Maybe I could ignore the knocking and it will go away.
So I sit there for a moment silently wishing for it to go away, but curiosity gets the better of me and I slowly get up and walk as silently as I could to the door and look out the peek hole. It was Joe, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to talk to him right now.
Joe looked very, how should I say this, out of order,
if you may. He looked terrible; his hair was all over the place, like he had been running his hands through it all day in frustration. I felt for him a right at that moment.
I lean my head against the cold of my door and sigh. I am not sure what I want to do. If I let him in, there would be no stopping what would happen tonight, if I left him outside, thinking I wasn't home, which I knew was a lie and he did as well for he would of seen my car parked outside. Then he would think that I didn't want to see him, then in turn be really hurt. That was a option, believe me I really wanted to do that, but then what kind of person would I be?
Then I hear his voice through the door, just like he is standing next to me, leaning down and whispering to me what he thoughts are on a case, or asking me a question all the while flirting with me. Yes I have noticed all his flirting towards me, and I have always returned them.
"Cameron? I know you are home, please let me in?" Joe says softly through the door.
'Oh Joe' Think to myself "I want..I need to talk to you, aboutā€¦about everything, us."
Okay this is the downfall for me, if he keeps going I am going to end up balling my eyes out.
"Cameron, please" Joe pleads through the door to me.
From what it sounds like he is leaning his head on the door as well.
You have no clue how much I want to let him in right now. But what happened between him and that other women, still hurts me, a lot.
"Joe" I manage to say very softly "I..I love you" I whisper Joe continues to talk to me "Cameron, I know, I know I have hurt you. But I want you to know, that if I lose the most important thing in my life, I will not be any good to anyone. You know my past, or what I have of it. Outside of work, there is nothing for me. I can't lose you Cameron."
That's it, I am crying again. Man what is with me today! I never do this, well I have never felt like this before, both good and bad.
"You know you are the most important thing that I have. Please" Joe says.
I can tell he is very upset, but not with me, with himself. I would guess it was it is because he has finally realized his true feelings and is afraid of losing me and afraid of what is going to happen if I open the door. You want to know how I know this? It is because I am feeling the same way. I am scared to death.
We both are silent for a few minutes. Then I hear him move outside the door and sigh a bit. Then it is silent from the outside. I peek out and he is gone,
and I begin to cry a bit harder. I don't know if I turned him away for good or what. I really hope I didn't because no matter what he does I would never turn him away. See I have this little secret Joe is the most important thing in my life as well. I was going to tell him that, that day but he had to tell me that she was staying and he wanted us to get along.
Well what about me Joe? Huh?
Well I slowly walk back to my couch and sit down. Even lower than I was before. Now I have turned away my best friend, my partner what kind of person am I?
Especially after he had told me his feelings to me.
And what did I do? Nothing. Well I told him, but not loud enough for him to hear .
I pick up the phone and quickly dial the complex.
Frankie is going to kill me, but I have to talk to someone, and at he moment he is the only friend I have.
"Hello?" He answers the phone.
"Frankieā€¦" I manage to mumble out, I am still in tears.
"Westlake? What's wrong?" he asks me "Joe..Joe was"
"Joe what? Talk to me Westlake."
"He was here at my place." I say "Yeah and, did you guys talk?"
"He did most of the talking. Frankie I wasn't sure if I wanted to let him in or not. He was talking and then all of a sudden he was gone."
"I told you to talk to him last week Westlake,
remember?" Frankie says in the same tone he interrogated me with before.
"Frankie, I went to talk to Joe after that. He told me that Kam e Ko was staying here in Metro, and that he wanted me to try and get along with her. Frankie he had chose her over me. What was I supposed to do?"
"Oh Westlake, I didn't know he did that. I am sorry"
"Frankie, I still love him. After all of this, why?"
"Did you tell him tonight?" He asks me "Well kind of, actually it was more to myself. I was hoping he heard me, but I don't know."
Frankie and I spoke for a bit longer. He made me feel a little better, but not as much as I thought. I knew who I had to speak to. I went back towards my bedroom and went to sleep. Well kind of.
Frankie had told me the rest the next day, see I got to work early, he was still there.
"Morning Frankie"
"Yeah, morning Westlake. How are you feeling?"
"You okay?" I ask handing him a coffee "Thanks, I have been here all night. Sorry I am a bit edgy I guess."
"Sorry Frankie for calling you last night so late. I just needed to talk to someone." I pause "I bet I am driving you nuts with all of this." I say as I point to where the Viper usually is parked.
"Westlake believe me you are nothing compared to your partner."
"What? You spoke to Joe last night?"
"Yeah he showed up right after I hung up with you."
Frankie turns around and looks at me "You know you two have to get this figured out, and soon. I need my sleep you know and my sanity."
"What did he say Frankie?" I ask him "Westlake" he moves towards me "He was a wreck,
whatever happened last night, he was a mess. I haven't seen him like that in years. He heard what you said by the way."
I just sit there mouth open, unable to talk. So I get up and walk out. Like there is going to be actual work done today.
I want to look for Joe, and that shouldn't be to hard because he has the Viper, but I want to give him his privacy as well. So I went to my favorite place, yes I do have one, doesn't everyone. I head out to the lake,
see I have a small cabin there. No one knows this, not even Frankie, Joe, The FBI. It is my sanctuary, my home away from home. I already have some clothes there and it is stocked with food. I make sure I do that just for these type of situations. I have always thought about being Joe up here, maybe I still will.
But right now I just want to be alone for a while.
I call Frankie and Catlett and let them know that I will be out of town for a few days.
I go out to the lake and sit on the edge, it is about dusk and I want to watch the sunset behind the mountains. It is so peaceful here, its about the only good thing that ever came out of my marriage.
On Sunday, my last day here, I hear a noise coming up the dirt road to the cabin. It can only mean one person, Joe. The Viper has this very distinct sound to it. I wonder how on earth he found me. I think to my car, well that's how he found me. Damn Frankie for wanting to put a tracking device in it as well.
I just stay where I am, sitting on the dock over looking the lake. Joe will find me, he always does.
"Cameron" he says from behind me I don't turn around, if I do I will go running into his arms.
"Yeah.." I say By this time he is bending down to sit next to me.
"This place is beautiful, where did you find it?"
"It is mine, sorry I didn't tell you." I say to him repeating his words "It's okay. Is this where you have been for the last few days?"
"Yeah"
"I want to apologize" Joe starts, as he reaches to cover my hand with his "For everything."
I just nod in acceptance, not knowing what to say to him.
"I came over to your place the other night, I..I"
"I know you did Joe. I was and still am scared to death. You, can you forgive me for not opening that door to you?" I ask him, half in tears already.
"Oh Cameron, please don't cry." He says wiping away some of my tears off my cheeks. "I heard what you said through your door. It was very quiet, but I guess I was meant to hear it."
"Well that is good" I say smiling "Look the sun is setting, you have to see this Joe." I say pointing towards the mountain "It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."
"No it's not," Joe says as he looks right at me and leans in and kisses me souly on my lips.
Wow I have no other words to describe it. We break apart and Joe takes my face in his hands, he leans his forehead against mine, "Cameron, I am so sorry for Kam e Ko and everything that happened during the last case. I want to tell you something, I love you, and always will."
I grabbed a hold of his hand and we went inside. After that we had a very romantic dinner in front of the fireplace, after dinner we just held on to each other.
Well then that lead into something intirely different and, well you can use you're own imagination about that.