'Y ello, me again. I've just read a review that complemented me on my angsting (thank you very much! eeee!) which is fortunate as this is a sort of angsty, songficcy...thing. I've been on a Billy Joel kick for a while now, and I've been desperate to try doing a songfic. (Never done one before, you have been warned.) I wanted to do 'You're my home' (lovely mushy song) but got the giggles at the line 'you're my castle, you're my cabin and my instant pleasuredome.'
I had a mental image of Skyfire as a trampoline.
Juvenile, yes, and not the intention I know, but I just couldn't face it. (Tries not to giggle. Fails.) Anyway. I love BJ and this song fitted (I wrote the fic around the song; it'd better fit!) but I had to change the pronouns and filk it a smidge. Go easy on me.
And yes, I know the title's weird. I'll explain it after you read the thing.
Skyfire stumbled down the corridors of the Arc, sending up a silent, weary prayer to Primus that nothing else would happen to keep him from recharge this shift. Finally reaching the entrance to his quarters he keyed in the short code and wobbled over to his bunk, a small light switching on automatically as he staggered in and creating shadows in the bare room.
He can kill with a smile...
One disadvantage of being so big in comparison to the others was that he needed much more space than they did - his room was as big as the twinned quarters Sunstreaker and Sideswipe shared, and every step set off hollow echoes that hung like ghosts in the dark. Skyfire glanced wearily around as he sat, noting gloomily that his meagre belongings huddled together on the surfaces as if they were lonely, refugees lost in a foreign place.
He can wound with his eyes...
Weren't they, though? Wasn't he a stranger amongst his own kind now?
Skyfire shook his head. The Autobots weren't his own kind, and that was part of the problem - he was a scientist amongst warriors, no matter how hard he tried to fit in, and there were times when he was lonelier in the Arc than he had ever been on any new world.
But then, his spark whispered sadly, I know why that is, don't I...? Skyfire groaned and shook his head, trying to block the voice out as he had for so many nights now, trying to forget the words...but he never could.
He can ruin your faith with his casual lies...
If he was honest with himself he'd admit it, that every time there was a battle he'd go out and push himself harder than he should - trying to fall straight into recharge when he got back so he wouldn't have to lie in his quarters time after time, his thoughts limping through his mind and coming apart at the seams, trying not to remember... Trying not to remember your bondmate, his soul whispered mournfully, trying not to remember the one you spent your life with, cherished, trusted...
Skyfire groaned again, giving up on recharging, and let his quiet pain cloud the air. The last time he'd seen Starscream, the flier - no, the seeker, that's what he's become - had shown him exactly how his affection would be returned.
And he only reveals what he wants you to see...
I thought I knew him, and he left me. I shot him, after I swore - I swore I would never leave, never cut him off... but I did. I did, and he did, and now... Now I don't know him. Not any more. I thought there was something, some part of him left that hadn't changed, but - why wouldn't he tell me? He could always talk to me, he knew that - he trusted me. He trusted me and I let him down. But he never told me...Why couldn't he talk to me?
He hides like a child
The Autobots didn't trust me because I knew him. They weren't sure of me for months, until I proved my worth in battle... The scientist barked a short, mirthless laugh. Hah! Me, having to fight and kill to prove my worth! ...And yet I did it. It seems Starscream is not the only one to have changed. Skyfire lay on his back, gazing sightlessly up at the ceiling. And after all this time, the months have done nothing to change it... I can't fight him. I can't. I tried, I wanted to hate him and I can't. There's nothing I can do.
I tried to hate him. I wanted to - it would have made everything to much easier. But...
But he shines like the starlight to me
I still love him. He shot me, threw me away, made it clear he doesn't want me.
He can lead you to love, he can take you or leave you
He's mine. And I'm his. And there is nothing I can do to stop it. I should...
He can ask for the truth but he'll never believe
...but I don't want to stop. No matter how much it hurts, I can't.
And he'll take what you give him as long as it's free
I've always been his. Whether he wants me or not, I have always been his. I always will be, long after the war is over and long after we are both gone, I will still love him. He has part of me.
He steals like a thief
And whether he likes it or not - whether he...whether he loves me or not...he will always have part of me.
But he shines like the starlight to me
Round and round, the guilt chasing the tails of his questions in a dizzying spiral over and over again - betray Starscream to stay true to himself, betray himself to stay true to the Autobots, betray the Autobots to stay true to Starscream... Every way he turned there was a bloody trail of pain and deceit he couldn't escape, and the carcass of his past clung to him like a broken promise to pull him down. And the look in Starscream's optics haunted him.
Not the venom. Not the spiteful glares. The fleeting moment when it seemed that a bewildered, anguished child stared at him from behind blood-red crystal, and wailed "you promised!"
Before the defenses snapped up and locked his bondmate away. Before the seeker shot him.
Oh, he takes care of himself
He would never forgive himself. Whatever he did, someone would get hurt - and Starscream would never forgive him. It had been too long.
He can wait if he wants
But Skyfire knew he would never have another bondmate. Not after Starscream - the seeker was too much a part of him.
He's the prince of his kind
Thoughts trailing off at a stalemate, as they always did, he listened to his systems finally power down and turned off the light with a voice command, the sudden darkness bringing him no help or hope but the dead, hollow ache in his spark - and a lingering, stubborn vision of silver shimmering in the dark.
Oh, and he never gives out...
Nights later Skyfire was standing out by the Arc's entrance bay, watching dusk smother the Sun in a mauve shroud and trying to put off recharging as long as possible. The shift had ended a few hours ago, the next watch marching cheerfully out in the late afternoon sun as the previous one trooped in - a handful had called out a greeting and Skyfire had nodded and smiled back, grateful for the reprieve the idle banter gave him.
He'd managed to forget about Starscream for a while, talking to the incoming watch, until Bluestreak had cracked some joke about why seekers were so stubborn.
"Because they're too stupid to know when to quit?" sniggered Sideswipe, half seriously. Skyfire had only been listening with one audioreceptor, having been talking to Hound about some interesting part of Earth's geography the tracker had come across, and his mind was elsewhere when he absently said "Depends on the seeker. Starscream's been stubborn since before I knew him..."
There was a sudden hush. Skyfire realised what he'd said and mentally kicked himself.
And he never gives in...
The others were looking at him, almost warily, and the silence dragged on for a long, awkward moment until Hound turned to Bluestreak and led the gunner off, starting up a quiet conversation about nothing in particular. The scientist would've thanked him then and there, if he could. The others however just stood and looked at him, almost accusing, until Skyfire had to drop his optics and look away. He heard the scuff of feet, and when the sound grew further away, the hum of muted conversation. About him.
Now he stood and watched the first stars come out. In the silence, the low 'ping' of his comlink activating sounded unusually loud - Skyfire activated it, and listened in utter shock to the message.
- he just changes his mind.
Skyfire touched down carefully on the grass in the clearing. In another life he would have been surprised at the choice of location - the surrounding trees were thick and tangled, though the clearing was large enough for him not to feel claustrophobic - but he knew that the one he was meeting wanted privacy.
He waited, in the dark, hope warring with fears of betrayal, of a trap, of some cruel joke - then he turned, wings flashing pale in the starlight, at a tentative sound from behind him.
"Hello, Skyfire" Starscream said in the silence.
He is frequently kind and he's suddenly cruel
He can do as he pleases he's nobody's fool
But he can't be convicted, three strikes and he's free,
And the least he will do is rain fire on you
But he shines like the starlight to me
This was based on 'She's always a woman' by Billy Joel. I didn't write it or sing it (professionally, at least. What I do in my kitchen is my business ;) ) and I definitely don't own it. I just made a fic out of it and filked it a bit. If you don't know who Billy Joel is, or at least one of his songs, I'm gobsmacked. Uptown Girl? We Didn't Start The Fire? (Eighties singalong, anyone? I'm a sucker for eighties music. Love the stuff.)
Oh, yeah - the title means Skyfire's watching the stars and the sun comes back up (metaphor, people...) on him and Starscream. Relationship-wise, not literally. It could, or it could mean Starscream's like the sun to Skyfire. I'm not 100% sure, but it sounds good. Very poncey-author-thinking.
As ever, read and review.