Disclaimer: Hellsing belongs to Kouta Hirano and Epithalamia to Sappho.

Author's Notes: Set in a possible future after manga events.

Special thanks: KharBevNor, my editor.

Epithalamia: A Bridal Song

"That bloody, insensitive git!"

Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing tore her eyes away the newspaper to glance at Seras Victoria, who had just burst into the sitting room. The Police Girl looked completely flustered about something, her cheeks held a pink shade. She briefly wondered how the girl was able to muster blood in such regions.

There's no privacy in this house anymore, Integral thought resignedly. "Captain Victoria. Is there anything wrong?"

Seras straightened her posture at the sound of Integral's voice. The Hellsing found it amusing how the younger girl collected herself in her presence. "Nothing, Sir. I'm sorry to disturb your rest. I know your spare time is invaluable."

Integral cocked a brow. Was Seras jesting? There hadn't been a serious vampire assault in about two years. Most 'perilous' elements had already been wiped out of the protestant lands. She missed the hunt. But the knight was patient. Integral was fully aware the low class Midians were like cockroaches, hiding and breeding in secret to one day strike again.

"Of course, Captain. I'm extremely occupied. That's the reason why my schedule is completely empty for the next two weeks," she remarked with a voice soaked with sarcasm. Indeed, the clippings of the news Integral had been reading all afternoon were hardly a remarkable task suited for a Hellsing such as herself. In the past, Walter would have taken care of such job yet he perished over two decades ago. Integral didn't find anyone else as competent to fulfil the late steward's role. She set her standards too high. Her hopes of finding any strange case that the police and the MI-5 failed to inform her had been in vain. England experienced a sense of peace that was driving her insane. "Now sit down and tell me what happened between you and Alucard again."

Seras smiled sheepishly, she had left her rigid stance, taking a seat next to Integral. "It's that obvious, isn't it?"

"There's no other 'bloody, insensitive gits' in this house. Unless some of the troops are giving you a headache again."

"I can handle them," Seras stated with a hint of pride. Integral chuckled; she knew the Police Girl was able to. It only took a flick of her finger to put any soldier in their place. "But yes, it's about our Master."

"He's not your Master anymore. And he was never mine." Integral reminded Seras the subject of referring to Alucard as her Master was quite taboo. Even though she had allowed him to change her while she lay dying during the last battle with the Millennium Group, the knight never felt compelled into calling Alucard her superior. The older vampire encouraged her independence and kept acting like the perfect servant. Walter, bless his immortal soul, had pointed out that Alucard might suffer from a severe case of Stockholm syndrome.

"I didn't mean to. It's just customary," Seras apologized, rubbing her forearm shiftily. Integral's eyes narrowed to the sight of bruises that were starting to heal.

"Did he do that?" Her anger was contained; it never ceased to amaze her how Alucard behaved so badly around Seras, the opposite of the submissive nature that he acquired while in Integral's presence. It was almost unbelievable.

"According to Ma-Alucard this is necessary for me to improve my vampire abilities," Seras spat bitterly.

"His pedagogy skills are rather lacking, Seras. You are efficient enough," Integral trailed off, picking up the pot and pouring a dark liquid inside her teacup. "Blood?"

"Yes, please," Seras nodded, taking another cup and waiting for Integral to fill it with the hot haemoglobin. "I never thought you'd drink blood that wasn't from the original 'package.' What happened to your elitist predatory instincts of feeding only on vampires?"

"They are in hiatus. The impure undead are rather sparse these days," Integral gave a slight shrug, sipping at her goblet. "This blood offers no real nourishment, it's a fall-back to old habits. If I ever grow too thirsty, I could always feast on Alucard."

"He enjoys that," Seras snorted, grinning wickedly. "I've heard you two during your trysts."

Integral continued drinking as if she had suddenly turned deaf. Seras was right, Alucard practically begged to be bitten during their encounters. "I'll make sure to gag him next time. And you're quite noisy as well, Seras. You're not so ill treated if you're able to orchestrated such lovely pinches whilst with him."

It was Seras' turn to play dumb, swallowing the blood. "I wonder why he doesn't want a threesome."

If Integral needed to breath, she would have choked with her drink. "Seras Victoria! That was uncalled for." She was riled by Seras' sudden daring statement. Perhaps the Police Girl had acquired more of Bernadette than she had thought. Including his perverted habits. "However, you're right. Perhaps he is afraid."

"Afraid? Of what? Granted, we do bite, but he enjoys it."

"Haven't you read 'Dracula'? The three sisters used to terrorize him and lock him away from their orgies."

"I remember vaguely the films. But not quite the novel. Great, now I understand why he's taking on with me."

"Alucard must be intimidated when he's surrounded by more than one powerful woman during the intercourse," Integral concluded with a smile of sharp canines. Both shared a laugh, a tad girly for the Hellsing's good sense. Here they were, gossiping at Alucard's back like a pair of teenager. Boredom did wonders to ones maturity, it would seem. "A traumatic past had scarred him for the eternity."

Speak of the Devil; Integral scanned the room, feeling Alucard's chilling presence. The suffocating obscurity was greater on a corner devoid of light. Shadows became tangible until they changed to a visage of the human form that was Alucard. "At last, you're gracing us with your presence. I take sitting around all day in that chair was a tad dull."

"Bugger," Seras cursed under her breath while Alucard advanced towards them.

"Language, Police Girl," Alucard chided Seras with a condescending tone. "Is Integra coddling you again?"

"Seras is a big girl, Alucard. She doesn't need anyone to nanny her."

"I beg to differ, she's still childish in her vampirism. And I'm the expert here."

" 'She' is still in the room," Seras interrupted, rising. Integral could tell that Alucard had piqued her temper. It would be rather frustrating to be ignored when the subject concerned her primarily. "And I wish an opinion on my own future."

Alucard scratched his chin, faking to think about the subject when it was plain obvious he wasn't. "No, you don't get one," he smirked maliciously. "Now come, Seras. Let's us finish the training for today."

"No. I'm quite busy," Seras said, challenging Alucard's authority.

"With what? Drinking blood in a teacup?" Alucard laughed loudly, it sought to produce shivers to the spines of any being. Integral knew he would be disappointed that it wasn't causing any effect with them.

"With this…" Seras loomed over Integral within the blink of an eye, bending down to her face. Integral guessed her intentions but remained still, allowing the Police Girl's lips to descend over hers softly. She lowered her lashes, deepening the kiss, taking dominance of it as her arms wrapped around her Captain, bringing her close. There was no need to look at Alucard to feel his shock. Her tongue entered to Seras' mouth, exploring the cavity and tickling sensitive spots, including the Police Girl's fangs. The Hellsing felt a thrill when her companion moaned at her actions, however she stopped herself before she pierced Victoria's tongue with her eyeteeth. That would be a private show that Alucard wouldn't enjoy.

"What is it, Alucard? Déjà vu?" Integral mocked, withdrawing from Seras' mouth and rising. She placed her hands over the Captain and massaged her shoulders longingly. Seras hadn't uttered a word; probably she had thought Integral would have pushed her away. Alucard required a lesson and her pedagogy was as merciful as his.

"Of such a lovely display, Integra? How charming of you to offer it to me."

Acting clueless won't help you; Integral smirked, sliding her arm on Seras' to lead her out of the room. "Why do you care? 'You yourself never loved. You never loved.' " She placed a special emphasis on her quote.

"Yes, I too can love. You yourself can tell it from the past. Is it not so, Integra?" Alucard recognized her words and countered by his own. A great adaptation for an own.

"But I don't," Seras stated, putting her free arm over Integral's possessively. The Hellsing was glad that Victoria followed suit. "You're a terrible lover. You killed me when I was mortal but hadn't been adequate to provoke another lesser death yet."

"Is that so?" Alucard huffed, drifting close to them again. His little male pride was in danger, Integral could tell. "Perhaps we should engage in some group activity..."

"Oh, we, Seras and I that is, have a group activity pending," Integral remarked, pausing at the threshold to spare a final glance. "A cruise for two on the Lesbos Islands. Enjoy solitude, Alucard, we'll send you a postcard so that you won't miss us."

"Watch the house for us and feel free to make us another sister to play with," Seras added, waving good-bye to the stunned Alucard before shutting the sitting room door.

Integral pondered for a while if it was safe to leave Alucard behind. His temper tantrums were as harmless as a nuke. But Alucard was aware of the consequences he would bring upon his head if London weren't still in one piece upon their return. Additionally, as her ancestor used said, Dracula was a rather childish creature. A future ménage à trois would be incentive enough to keep him in check.

If he misbehaves, Integral vowed to herself, Alucard will experience a readjust of identity from Vlad the Impaler to Vlad the Monk.