If Only... I had Told You

Me: This is a one shot about Wakka thoughts as Tidus jumps off the ship at the end.

Tidus: Is it a sweet, happy story?

Me: Not really. It's more angst and depressing.

Tidus: Oh. Poor Wakka. ::pats Wakka on the head::

Wakka: I know. She is so evil to me. ::points at me::

Me: ::grinning evilly:: Yes I am.


I can't believe this is happening. He's 'dying'. He's standing there, his whole body fazing in and out of existence. She can't believe it either. Tidus can't just be a dream. Yuna doesn't want him to go. I don't want him to go. I wish I could keep him with me, but no I can't. I can't even tell him how I feel. I'm such a wimp.

I always thought he liked me back. I mean every time we had to share a room or a bed he would always choose me. Always. I must have been reading too much into it, but I guess love does that to a person.

I guess I was hoping for too much. I mean who would fall in love with their best friend? Who would fall in love with someone of the same sex? Why did I fall for him? I know the answer but why couldn't it have been Lulu or Rikku? It would have been more acceptable then. Trust me to make things more complicated. Trust me to be a wimp.

Why couldn't I have gotten a crush on Lulu or Rikku? I know why. Lulu is like a sister. It would feel too weird, to be with her. Plus I know she still pines for Chappu. I miss him. Rikku is nice and all, but she's too bouncy and... perky. How can someone be so cheery 24/7? Plus I would have to be straight to fall for her.

Sometimes I feel I've been cursed. I've, for as long as I remember, been gay. At first I thought it was a phase, but it wasn't. I began getting crushes on Luzzu, Botta and Gatta, but I never acted on any of them. I always squashed any feelings I had... that was until I met Tidus. I tried so hard to squash my feelings for him, but then I would look into those sparking blue eyes and everything I felt came back. I was and still am such a wimp.

Lulu was right, she was right about everything. She told me to tell him. She told me if I didn't I would be eaten up inside. Oh how I wish I had. I can't do it right now. Not while Yuna is crying, not while he's with her. I want to tell him, but now is not the right time. It was never the right time.

I can't look at him. If I look into those beautiful blue orbs, I'll lose all self-control. It would hurt Yuna. I don't want to do that she's like a little sister. I'm such a wimp.

"I love you."

I look up and see Yuna facing away. Tidus turns and hugs her from behind. How can she be able to tell him how she feel, and I can't? I can't bear to watch. My heart is breaking piece by piece.

I think I should have given up ages ago, when they both kissed. I was ready to tell him then, so I went to find him. I found him. He was with Yuna, kissing. That was when I should have saved myself from all this pain. All this suffering.

He's leaving now, for good. Rikku is beside me waving and jumping up and down. Is she happy he's leaving? I start to cry. I can't help it. I'm such a wimp. I need to tell him now. I run just as he starts running. He jumps off, and I just fall to my knees. Tears are flowing freely down my face.

"I love you, Tidus." I shout in-between sobs. "I love you."


Me: ::crying:: That was so sad.

Tidus and Wakka: ::both crying:: Your telling us this.

Me: Please review. This is my first FFX fanfic. Peace out.