Author's Notes: This is a reposting of a fic that I wrote four years ago under a different account. In an effort to consolidate my two accounts, I am taking my fics off my other account and putting them on my new account. I want it to be in my new account so I don't ever lose it again! I'd forgotten how proud I was of this fic! (sweatdrops) I hope that you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Not mine. If you would like a more comprehensive response, please email me.
Warnings: Um...none really. Sap? Angst? Maybe GauEle...I'm not even sure...
More Notes: Blah blah. I believe I may have written my first semi-angst fic! Sugoi! I'm so proud! Okay, this isn't really creative. I just wanted to explore the feelings of Ele and especially Gau when they discuss Diaz's death. This is what they would have been thinking had it been up to me! I kinda wanted to make it an EleGau thing, but I'm not even sure who I want Gau to end up with and if I had, it would have been way OOC. I hate OOC stuff. bleh Plus I decided it would be good for me to write something that didn't have a sappy romantic outlook on something! I took some liberties with the dialogue because I can't remember the exact words. Gomen ne! bows Oh! And if you didn't already know, this scene appears in episode 22! Okay, I'll shut up now!
I agonized for days how I should talk to Ele, or even if I should. He was after all, her only brother...and mine, though I don't know if I have the right to call him Onii-sama. I didn't know if I should talk to her, but the silence I felt keenly pressing in on me. It made me uneasy. She solved the problem for me when she asked me to walk with her.
Sitting on the step, my back on the doorjamb, I replayed the scenes of my failure...and Diaz-onii-sama's death. I could feel each question tearing at my soul. Why? Why had I frozen like that? Why had I been so helpless? Why had I let him die?
A shadow fell on the stoop, obscuring the bright sunlight and I lifted my hand to shade my face to see who it was. I should have known. With an outstretched hand, Ele beckoned me to come with her. I saw the unusual troubled look that clouded her face and eyes, and the weapon in her hand...wing...and knew what she wanted to discuss.
Did she blame me? Did she hate me now? I killed her only family...she was alone...because of me. These thoughts plagued my mind as I accepted her hand nervously. I felt myself begin to sweat, my muscles felt rubbery. Was she going to send me away?
We walked in silence as the sun set. I opened my mouth a few times to say something, changed my mind, and snapped it shut. Finally we reached what was apparently her destination, a cliff overlooking the sea. Ele stood near the edge looking out at the view, her back to me, posture stiff. The setting sun gave an ethereal burnished glow to the calm water that normally I would have found awe-inspiring, but my heart was pounding, my knees trembled. Was this it?
Finally she spoke. "Take it." She said, holding the wing out to me. Still she did not look at me. I stood there frozen.
"Baka. I said take it!" This time she looked at me and I could see that her aquamarine eyes were fierce.
Still I made no move to do so. I had to say something... "I killed him..."
Her gaze softened a little.
"I froze, and I killed him. All because I was scared...ie...terrified of death." I shifted my gaze down to my clenched hands. "And because of me, you're alone."
I dared glance up into her face and almost trembled at the weight of her gaze. She was angry. She had every right to be angry. I had killed her only brother, her only family.
"Baka!" My head snapped up.
"I would have done the same for you! Do you think it's easy to carry this fear? Knowing that every time you fight, you could die? That's what it means to be a Sevaar! It means you carry it, and you deal with it...just like Diaz-onii-sama did."
I couldn't hold it in anymore. "He's not coming back Ele! He's gone!"
She looked down at the weapon still in her hands and out at the ocean again and suddenly launched the wing into the air.
"It's not easy." She whispered as she watched the black blur curve back towards her. As the wing neared us I saw that she was not planning to catch it and I reached out reflexively and grabbed it. I looked down at the weapon in my hand and remembered the first time Diaz-onii-sama had given it to me. "There are battles only you can fight." He had said. Lost in my thoughts I almost missed the small whisper the emanated from the woman who had her back to me yet again.
"I don't want to be alone..."
She turned towards me then. "You want to be a shield?" At my nod she stepped closer and continued, "Then I will be your sword." She took another step, "You will protect the ones you love and I will help you." Another step and she was only inches away from my face. "I will be your sword...," she repeated, "and my name will be courage." And with that her soft lips brushed quickly, warmly over mine. I nearly collapsed from shock but her arms around my waist and her head buried in my shoulder prevented me from doing so.
"I don't want to be alone." She repeated softly, words muffled by my shoulder. "Don't leave me."
I knew then that I wouldn't. She was Sevaar, she carried her fears inside of her as her burden, one that ensnared others in madness...and she was sharing it with me, showing a side I knew she possessed, but had very rarely seen. I knew then that never could I leave her, and I knew why Diaz-onii-sama had asked me to protect her. However strong she was, she needed someone to protect and in being able to be that person, I could save her...from her own madness. Whether as student, brother or...maybe something more, I couldn't abandon her to that fear, that despair of being alone. So thinking, I wrapped my arms around her and responded the only way I could.
I will protect her, Diaz-onii-sama...zutto...