Okay, so this is my epilogue to my "Poor Emily" story. Its based off an Avril Lavigne song, "Nobody's Home" and is centered around the episode of Alias where Emily dies.
Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's fallen behind
She can't find her place
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place
She wants to go home, but nobody's home
It's where she lies, broken inside
Emily loved Arvin with all her heart and soul. So, she put up with everything he had put her through, because he had saved her from the cancer that had almost put her to her death. And, Emily reasoned, Arvin did not mean to hurt her as he did. And she was safe, in Tuscany, and Arvin visiting her often. It was hard to leave Sydney and Jack behind, but some things have to be sacrificed for love, and survival.
Her feelings she hides, Her dreams she can't find
Emily was overjoyed at the fact that Arvin had bought the villa that she had looked at. She simply adored it. but a part of her longed for America, longed for her friends back home. But Arvin's circumstances, and the circumstances he had put her in had destroyed any chance of that. She was dead to them, literally dead. She had a grave and everything. Emily did not have much want left, she had everything nessecary in Tuscany, and she knew she was lucky to be alive. But the one thing she knew, and the one thing she wanted, was to not stay in Tuscany. She did not want to be hidden away for the rest of her life. Arvin said he was doing what he was doing for them, for their relationship, for her. But it killed people, and it left her all alone. Emily knew it couldn't last.
She's losing her mind, She's fallen behind
Emily knew what she had to do. It was simple, she told herself as she sat waiting for Sydney to arrive by plane to talk to her. Just tell them what they need to know, but don't let them kill Arvin. Emily needed to turn Arvin in, and needed justice to be served, she knew that. But she also knew she couldn't live without Arvin. Whether a mass murderer or not, Emily could not live without the man who was always devoted to her and kept her alive throughout her times of trouble. She would die without him. Emily panicked, what if they didn't agree? What if Sydney couldn't get them to understand? What if Sydney couldn't understand herself what was the truth, and Emily's reasoning. What if.
She's fallen from grace, she can't find her place
Emily could not look at Sydney, the way Sydney looked at her when she entered the room. And even after talking to Sydney, the worst fears of both women were realized. Emily could get Sydney to agree to her terms, but could not get her to understand why she had let Arvin do the things he had done, and why she hadn't come to her before now. Sydney saw how weak Emily was and how controlled she was by Arvin. Emily didn't realize the extent of Arvin's damage, and Sydney didn't realize the extent of Arvin's love. They never had another time together to clear up the matter.
She's losing her faith
After all Emily had lost that day, she was still to lose more. Her faith in Arvin, her faith in herself, her own life. She had already lost her trust in Arvin, after realizing that Laura Bristow was still alive, but she still had faith in him. She had lost all faith in Sydney, and she knew the feeling was mutual, and Emily thought she was no longer deserving of Sydney's love. The hardest blow was losing her faith in Arvin. She realized she had to cut the wire, after what he was saying, after he was being the wonderful man she married again, instead of the monster the CIA was after. She was in so much shame when she showed him the wire, but the crushing blow came when she saw the look in his eyes. It wasn't the anger she had been fearing, it wasn't the sadness she had been dreading. It was fear. And with Arvin afraid, Emily was powerless. Her strength had come from his. She lost her faith.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home
Emily knew, as she was running across the airfield. Somehow, Emily knew her life was over. She knew she was going to die. But she kept running, because she still had love. She had lost faith and trust in Arvin, but she still had love for him, love in him, and the confidence that he loved her. It was only later, once her spirit was watching down from the heavens that she truly realized what had gone on in her life, in the life of that man.
Its where she lies, broken inside
As Emily died, she saw her life flash before her eyes. She saw the first time she met Arvin, up to the look on the face of her killer, Dixon. But she died with the sight of Arvin crying in her eyes. And that's when she understood the truth. She had been destined to die the second she fell in love with Arvin. But somehow, the spirit of Emily mused, that did not upset her much. Because faith, hope, trust, those are all mortal things. But you can have no faith in, no hope for and no trust in someone, and still love them with all your heart. Emily realized she had given up on Arvin, yet still loved him. Love is Eternal.
Emily had no regrets.