Hey ppls this was my first fic I put on here so it was all screwed up so I decided to finally fix it. I hope you guys like it cause I spent alotta time on this. It's set to Counting Crows 'Colorblind'. Please review. pretty please.


Spike looked at the glass vial in his hand. The dark purple fluid sloshed back in forth as he shook it slightly. It had been two years since Wolfram and Hart had brought him back, two years worth of fighting to gain back the trust and love he had been given in Sunnydale. For some reason he had lost them, he had lost his friends. Now all that was left were cruel looks and harsh taunting. He had to escape.

I am colorblind,

Coffee black and egg white,

Pull me out from inside,

I am ready, I am ready, I am ready, I am...

No one listened anymore, no one cared, and he was alone. Forsaken and hated that is what he was. He had tried to talk to them, tried to understand what he had done. But they would just push him away. A tear traveled down his cheek. He thought about wiping it away, but instead he let the last reminisce of his hope hit the floor and shatter.

Taffy stuck,

And tongue tied,

Stutter shooken up tight.

Pull me out from inside,

I am ready, I am ready, I am ready, I am fine

Dawn, his Nibblet she had turned on him her back on him too. Why? Why did it have to be her? He could have handled the hate if she was still at his side. But no she screamed and yelled for him to leave her alone. He tried to calm her and to apologize for whatever it was that he had done to upset her. Then she said it, the one thing she promised never to say. 'I hate you Spike you're beneath me'. His heart broke and he left.

I am covered in sin,

No one gets to come in,

Pull me out from inside,

I am folded and unfolded and unfolding

In truth he was afraid to die again. The last time was painful and he didn't know if this poison would let him die peacefully or painfully. But even through his fear he knew this for the good of everyone; he was doing them a favor. Maybe they would love him for leaving...maybe.

I am colorblind

Coffee black and egg white,

Pull me out from inside.

He had lost almost everything he had; his faith, hope, and friends. His heart had been broken for the last time. His soul hung by a thread. Spike set the vial down and picked up a pen. He wrote a note no longer than three sentences. 'A suicide note to myself' he thought as he folded the paper and stuck in his pocket. He sat on top of the cold marble coffin. He would die on top of the beautiful coffin, not within it. He lay down and grabbed the vial. Tears stained his cheeks as he brought the glass to his lips and drank the sweet liquid.

I am ready, I am ready, I am ready, I am fine...

Spike's body shook violently and he dropped the glass making it shatter on the floor as his soul left his body. It hurt at first, and then it felt as if he were floating. All the hurt and sadness were taken away. He was free.

Buffy, Angel and the others found him two days later. Angel saw a piece of paper in his childe's pocket. He unfolded it and read it aloud.

"Only secretly will I feel. I am beneath everyone and everything. I love you Dawn and I'm sorry for anything I have done to any of you. -William-"

Everyone looked at Dawn who just stared at Spike's corpse. They stayed that for a minute. Then Dawn walked away never shedding a tear for him.

...I am fine