Author's Notice: This is a pretty heavy weird fic. You probably won't get it. It makes sense though, but you probably won't get it. Lucius/Narcissa. I wrote everything in this fic even the weird middle italics stuff, I knew someone would ask what poem is this?

The clock is ticking and you won't see it until you hear it, you won't hear it until you see it. The clock is ticking. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

The Future quickly becomes the past, the present quickly becomes the past. And the past never changes. It is always the past.

You'll always have it, always hate it, always wish it came back.

Miss Narcissa smiled, a precious smile. Miss Narcissa covered her mouth when she coughed, a pale hand. Miss Narcissa fixed her necklace so the clasp was in the back, a blond strand of hair. Miss Narcissa missed Malfoy, a broken heart.

Mrs Malfoy smiled, a faked smile. Mrs Malfoy covered her mouth when she coughed, red nails. Mrs Malfoy fixed her necklace so the clasp was in the back, gray hair. Mrs Malfoy missed Malfoy, a broken heart.

Narcissa Rita Malfoy once wrote in her diary this:

October Twenty Ninth, Dear Diary:

I have two sides, you know. There is Miss Narcissa, she is nice, she is always smiling and she is perfect. Sometimes she's not, but they all forgive her anyway, she doesn't have to be perfect to be perfect, you know? Miss Narcissa was me as a child, she's scared to tell her feelings and scared to let Lucius in, she hates people asking her questions. Sometimes she sips her tea the wrong way, or forgets to cover her mouth when she coughs, she is very very silly. Sometimes Miss Narcissa still thinks she's the Princess, the Most Important Thing to everybody in this world, she remembers Hogwarts.

Then there's Mrs Malfoy, she's really brilliant, very tough. She puts on that big smile, that too-big smile that is so obviously fake I don't know how anyone believes her when she does that, but they do. Mrs Malfoy is often angry and bitter, she hates being Mrs Malfoy, but she loves the power, she loves being one of the elite. She remembers Hogwarts differently than Miss Narcissa, she remembers being left out, insulted, being called bad names. She loves her baby and she loves Lucius, but sometimes she doesn't know if she's loving them right.

If Lucius is brooding, Narcissa is nostalgic. If Lucius is fire, Narcissa is ice. If Lucius is unreasonable, Narcissa is ridiculous. If Lucius has Narcissa's heart, Narcissa has nothing...nothing to lose.

"and if you had the time

to take back everything you've ever done

would you take it

and if you had the time

to forget all about it

would you take it

and if all you did today was lost

would it still be a good day

and if there are two sides to one being

which one wins

and, most importantly

if you had the time to take back everything you've ever done

would you take it?"

"Miss Narcissa," she said, to no one but herself as she looked in the mirror. "Narcissa, answer me."

Louder, "Narcissa!"

"...Narcissa," she said, quieter "...I want to talk to you..."

When Mrs. Malfoy was satisfied with the face looking back at her she continued, "do you think it was a smart idea to marry Lucius?"

The room was quiet.

"Just tell me, just tell me, I'll listen," Mrs. Narcissa does not mean this, she just wants information, she does not want to listen.

Miss Narcissa, in the mirror looked startled, scared, not wanting to tell. Secrets, secrets.

"Tell my why you loved him," Mrs Malfoy commands, no more smiles.


"Stop stuttering."

"I just did, it was one of those things, I...he was there, at Hogwarts, my school, and he sent me roses. He treated me like a Princess," Miss Narcissa smiles through her tears, remembering her golden days.

"Princesses don't cry," her tone so cruel.

"You're wrong! You're wrong! They do too."

"Are you a Princess, Narcissa? Are you?"

"Not anymore."

"Your heart looks broken."

"My heart? Oh, you can't see it, it's in here, inside."

"What does Lucius do to you?"

"I don't have to tell you anything, nothing. I'm not telling."


"It's none of your bloody business," all of a sudden she was on the defensive.

"Narcissa," the voice said again.

"Sometimes he's so mean and cruel. He says he hates me and that I'm a bad Mother and a bad Wife, he makes me feel bad."

"Are you a bad person, Narcissa? Are you?"

"Sometimes I think I am...and sometimes I think I'm not. I love Draco very much, and I love his Father, I try to be good..."

"You don't deserve it," she said softly.


"You don't deserve it, I said."

"That was an awfully nice thing to say, you know, you didn't have to."

"Talk to him..."

"I can't, he doesn't care, he won't listen."



"Don't be afraid anymore."

"I am a little bit afraid..."

"We all are sometimes."

"Even you Mrs Malfoy?"


Mrs Malfoy smiles.

Miss Narcissa smiles.

But their smiles are so different.



"Love you."

"Love you too."

"It's been a rough day."

"I know it's hard for you sometimes, Narcissa."

"Thank you."

"I, umm, I brought you some roses..."

"You used to always do things like that."

"I put them in this vase, see, I painted it myself."

"Lucius Malfoy? An artist?"

"I tried."

"They're--you--it's beautiful."

"I was afraid you wouldn't like it."

"I love it."

Miss Narcissa stood by the gravestone, the wind biting at her skin.

"Love is a hard thing," she said, without thinking. "Sometimes I think things would've been easier if we didn't love each other. When I was younger the girls and I talked about what love was, what it is, what it does. I didn't know what to say. Then I met you. Love is hope when the candle's already out, love is life when destruction is everywhere, love is the vokda in your pumpkin juice, the spring in your step, the dance to your music, the mirror to your soul. I love you."

And she walked away.

Is insanity a good excuse for murder?

Mrs Malfoy thinks so.