Disclaimer: Not mine. Set: pre season 7, probably. Daniel's around.
Notes: really short. And we were talking about, uh, something...

This one's for Alryssa, who gave me the first three lines.

It's Always The Singing Nuns by Ana Lyssie Cotton

"What we need right now is..."

"One bishop, twelve priests, thirteen lighted candles, a Bible and a good-sized handbell?"

"No, you moron, we need a PLAN."

"Jack," Daniel said patiently, "I am not a moron. I'm a geek. Get it right."

"Fine. Geek. Whatever." The man chained to the wall across from him waved a shackle-clad arm. "We still need a plan."

Tipping his head so he could shove his glasses back up his nose, Daniel sighed. "Look, they're sure to return Teal'c and Sam soon. Maybe one of them will have a plan."

"Let's hope it involves keys and not hacksaws."


"They're noisy as hell."


On that cue, the cell door opened, slamming into the wall. Teal'c was shoved in and quickly chained to the wall opposite the door. Then, finally, Carter appeared. She was walking carefully, her hands and arms bound behind her back. Daniel felt a sympathetic wince forming before one of the guards slammed the butt of his staff into her left knee and she went down with a muted cry.

Then they left, the door slamming again, the lock scraping closed.

For a minute, Sam lay curled on the floor, her breath harsh. Then she carefully moved and sat up, flopping backwards and connecting with the edge of the bench Daniel was on. A soft curse escaped her.

"You ok, Carter?"

She lifted her head and looked across the room at her commanding officer. "Yes, sir. I'm fine."

"So, Danny and I were working on a plan."

"That's..." she paused and shifted, awkwardly getting to her feet and sitting on the edge of the bench. "Ow. Great, sir." Another wince escaped her.


"Daniel. There's a key to my cuffs in my pocket."

He blinked. "A key?"

"Cool. How'd you get a key, Carter?"

"She kissed one of the guards." Teal'c informed them.

"Damnit, Teal'c--" Sam winced as Daniel's hand fumbled out the key and poked her.

With a few careful turns he had her chains unlocked. She began ridding herself of them.

"You kissed a guard? Way to go, Carter."

"Shut up, sir."

"That's insubordination, Major."

"Fine. Write me up." The chains clanked to the ground and she turned to begin unlocking Daniel's. This was a bit harder since the key wasn't quite the right one. But she was rather determined. At least, Daniel hoped she was.

Ten minutes later he was rubbing his wrists and deciding to never doubt Sam Carter again. Teal'c was also free and she was beginning to work on Jack's chains. It required her to lean rather close to him.

"Nice view."

Daniel blinked. Had Jack really just-- yeah. He had.

Because Sam had paused and was looking down at him with irritation. "Did they teach you to be an ass or does it just come naturally?"

"Naturally, Carter. Now unlock me."

"Oh, yes, sir, right away, sir." Her tone was mocking but she went back to work. "After all, can't leave you behind, can I? General Hammond would never forgive me."

"No, no, he probably wouldn't." Daniel said. He cleared his throat, then. "So, Jack."


"About that plan."


"I think we need some singing nuns."


That's it, folks. Really...

The ceremony Daniel refers to is excommunication in the Catholic church. If my non-research is correct. ;)