Wizarding Psycho

Disclaimer: Potter & Co. belong to the ever-talented Joanne Kathleen Rowling. "American Psycho" belongs to Troublecharger. I own nothing but my...my...owng lyrics to the song and the hilarious pictures running through my mind.


Harry peeked out through the curtains nervously. The Great Hall was filled with spectators. Of course, Dumbledore, being off his rocker as usual had not only gotten Fudge and several Death Eaters, but none other than *cue scary/not-so-scary music, depending on your alliance* Voldemort, himself. He was seated front row. Center.

"Ready, Harry?" Bill Weasley asked, tuning his bass a final time.

"Why do I get myself into these things?" Harry muttered, nervously playing with the microphone stand.

"Because you're Harry Potter, that's why, you git." Draco said, climbing up behing the drums.

"Shut it, Malfoy."

"Gonna make me?"

"Maybe I will!"

"Bring it on!"

"Fine!"

"Shut up!" Hermione screamed, "We're on in three!" she nervously ran her fingers up and down the keyboard.

"May I have your attention please?" Colin Creevey asked nervously, stepping out from behind the curtains.

Instantly, the Great Hall quieted, a feat Harry could not have thought possible of the mousy-haired boy.

"Now, with out further ado - what is an ado anyway?" Colin sounded confused.

"Just get on with the damn thing, Mudblood!" Voldemort called out.

"Eep." Colin squeaked and the curtains opened. He ran back to his place near Bill.

"One, two...three!" Draco called out and the instrumentalists began playing the music to "American Psycho".

Harry stepped up to the microphone, looking directly at Voldemort,

"What's the problem with the wizard race? (With someone like you?)
No matter where I turn, I can't escape you're snake-like face.
Don't wanna listen to the radio (Coz they don't know0
Fudge, you know I have to say I told you so!"

Fudge looked confused, "What does he mean by that?"

Lupin, who was sitting near by simply rolled his eyes and patted the had of the shaggy black dog that occupied the seat next to him

"Peter couldn't make it without you,
Malfoy shoulda known better to doubt you,
I don't think I'll hear the end of it!"

Fudge looked increasingly confused, as Voldemort's rage grew.

"And now I know how far I'll go
To stop that freak show,
Wizarding psycho!
His followers are my fiends,
Patron saint to Slytherin teens,
I wish they'd all say your name!"

Voldemort's arms were crossed and he was tapping his foot, either in impatience, to the beat of the song, or in great annoyance. Harry privately hoped it was the second option.

"Tomorrow could be just another day (it's nothing to you)
Avada Kedavra or the Cruciatus, that's okay.
Last June was your second chance (When Cedric died)
Staying out of the spotlight, hiding from the right!"

A vein popped out on Voldemort's head.

"Peter couldn't make it without you,
Malfoy shoulda known better to doubt you,
I don't think I'll hear the end of it!"

"I don't get this Peter thing." Fudge was looking quite the confused man now.

Lupin snorted.

"And now I know how far I'll go
To stop that freak show,
Wizarding psycho!
His followers are my fiends,
Patron saint to Slytherin teens,
I wish they'd all say your name!"

Harry leaned back from the microphone, currently thankful for the many flashing strobe/spotlights and cameras. He was fairly certain that he had heard a delighted squeal from one Miss Ginny Weasley.

"And then I wanna know,
But I already know!

What am I supposed to do?
When we know that's it all true?
That you killed, that you "died"!
That your baa-aack!"

Harry inwardly prayed that somehow he would be able to finish the next verse alive,

"Malicious and self-absorbed.
Murderer and never bored,
Killing binge and prugery
You need plastic surgery!" (Here, Voldemort started to get up, but was restrained - "Wait til the song's over!" Crabbe, Sr. hissed.)
"Always stooping to new lows,
Always pulling fancy shows,
They don't wanna be near you!

And now I know how far I'll go
To stop that freak show,
Wizarding psycho!
His followers are my fiends,
Patron saint to Slytherin teens,
I wish they'd all say your name!

And then I wanna know,
How far you had to go?
And I already know,
How far you had to go!"

The basses that Bill and Colin were playing (A/N: Lol. Creevey playing a bass. Now THAT'S a hilarious picture) went ne-ne-ne-nrew-nrew-nrew until the song ended. (With a loverly drum solo by Draco dearest)

"Okay, Potter, THAT IS IT!!!!!!" Voldemort was seething with rage.

"Mummy, I'll be seeing you shortly." Harry squeaked. Then, he flung down his microphone and flung himself to the floor.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!!" Voldemort screamed.

The green death-curse flew over Harry's head, heading straight for Draco. However, being the quick-minded Slytherin he was, he reflexively held up a cymbal to deflect the curse. It worked. The curse hit the inside curve of the cymbal and headed straight for...

Colin Creevey!

The boy fell to the ground dead. Oh, well. No big loss.



Post Author's Note: Gah. I hate Notepad. I'm only using it coz my friend Nicci has no better programs. *cough*Netscape Composer*cough* As always, review please. Tell me if it's pathetic/funny/stupid/fucked-up/etc.

Thank you and have a nice evening (if you can)