My Emotionless Mask
Summary: After returning from a battle the Titans each go off to find something to do. Leaving Beast Boy to fight against boredom. That's when something catches his eye revealing one of Raven's deepest secrets.
This is a story is kind revolving around the poem that I wrote. So if it's short... that's why.
Raven sat on the couch with a small purple notebook in her hand. She was writing... it was the one way she could express emotion without hurting someone or blowing up something. The notebook she had been writing in she had entitled her "Poem Diary". Poem's being the sole thing that she put in there... it was a fitting name.
At the moment she was furiously writing down her latest poem called "My Emotionless Mask"... writing down all the mixed emotions she felt on the paper instead of screaming them out in her life.
At the moment she was angry at her emotions, her powers and herself. All these things she was angry at because she knew she could never love. She could never tell the one she loved how she felt. Or he probably wouldn't last long enough to tell her how he felt...he would be blown up by her powers in no time flat.
And so she wrote... in the one way she felt comfortable in writing. In poetry.
Coming near the end of the poem she slowed down. Then realized that there was a person looking over her shoulder. She slammed it shut as she looked up to see Beast Boy staring down at her book.
"What were ya writin'?" he asked as she looked at his dark emerald eyes.
Those eyes were enough to stop time... those eyes were the reason for her torment. Those eyes were the reason she had fallen in love. She had fallen in love with those beautiful eyes and then she fell head over heals for Beast Boy.
"None of your business." She said rather snappily.
"Whoa!!! Sorry!!" he said while he backed away "Didn't mean to make you mad!"
Raven looked at him realizing how quickly she had snapped "Sorry I-"she paused as she looked into his dark green eyes and fell in love all over again. "I need to meditate." As she stood up large flashes of red could be seen throughout the tower as well as a loud siren. The TV screen then madly flashed "ALERT IN SECTION 3!" Robin's classic line "TITANS GO!!" could be heard in the background as everyone rushed towards the door.
In the mad rush towards the door Raven threw her journal on the table... Forgetting one thing.
Beast Boy lay on the couch staring at the ceiling, waiting for something even slightly entertaining to happen. It had only been a few minutes since the Titans had returned from a convenience store robbery. The men had put up a good fight. Of course, it wasn't nearly good enough because they were being carted off to jail this very minute.
"Uh-"Beast Boy groaned as he turned over on his stomach so that his face was stuffed into the couch. "Mmf-mmmm-mmf-MMF!" Beast Boy said into the couch. He then changed positions again so that he was facing the TV.
"There's nothing to DO!!!" Beast Boy moaned.
"Sure there is, Salad Head!" A voice boomed from above Beast Boy. Beast Boy turned back onto his back to see Cyborg looking down on him. "First of all, I'm not a salad head, and second, name five things I can do."
Cyborg looked down at him and started to name things off on his fingers "You could play gamestation, watch TV, clean your room, eat tofu, go for a walk, train in the gym, sit their being bored, read a book, try and find some decent jokes on the internet or help me work on the T-Car and by help I mean passing me the tools." Cyborg said, ending his long list of ideas.
"But I don't want to do any those things." Beast Boy replied.
"Not my problem." Cyborg said as he shrugged, turned around and headed towards the garage.
"Oh by the way don't go looking for anyone. Star and Robin said they wanted some alone time so unless you want to be inside Robin's punching bag tomorrow I'd leave them alone. Also Raven said she was going to meditate so disturbing her would be like setting off a nuclear bomb. If I were you I'd stay as far away from them as possible." Then there was a click of a door and Beast Boy knew Cyborg had left the room. Leaving his sanity to slowly be eaten away by his boredom.
He found his mind drifting off strange feelings he had been having lately. They weren't like a sign. But they were very subtle; if they were anymore subtle then he probably wouldn't notice them. They were all small things that led up to one question. 'What was wrong with him?'. Maybe it wasn't him maybe it was her. Her being Raven.
He had been noticing her a lot lately. Of course he had always noticed her before, but not in this way. He noticed all the little things about her. Like the way she tucked a loose strand of her violet hair behind her ear or how she turned the pages of her books. He had also noticed some of the more important things about her like how she could keep her cool in the worst situation's and how she could live and not to show emotion. It was the weirdest thing. He didn't even try to notice these things!!! He just... did! Her face seemed to have implanted itself in his brain, in some place that it could never be forgotten... and if it ever was... every time he drifted into a dream he was reminded of her... Because she was in every one of his dreams. The more he thought about it, the more the idea dawned on him 'Do I like Raven?' he thought to himself. 'Well of course I like her, but do I like, like her. Do I lov-...' he stopped his thoughts and realized what he was thinking.
"What am I thinking!?!?! Raven!! Even if I did like her she would never like me!" he said out loud trying to clear his thoughts of her from his brain. But every time he tried some unknown force pushed them back in.
'You can lie to yourself as much as you like...' and unfamiliar voice said from inside Beast Boy's head. 'But the truth is the truth. And the truth is that you love Raven...'
Beast Boy was shocked at first, then he realized this was probably his Constance speaking.' No I do not have feelings for Raven!!!' Beast Boy screamed at the voice in his head.
'It is your choice. To stay in denial or admit the truth. Also I'm not your 'Constance', I'm your conscience.' The voice whispered as it echoed in his head.
'Whatever!!! What if I call you Constance? What would you say?'
'I'd say tell the truth. Tell me you like Raven!'
'That's not even related!! But, fine, you want to know the truth!?!?! I'll tell you... I like Raven. Maybe even love her.'
'If you want me to leave then say it...'
"I love Raven." Beast Boy mumbled out loud.
'Can't here you!'
"I LOVE RAVEN!" Beast Boy said very loudly. After realizing what he said his eyes widened. "I love Raven?" he said in shock. As he said that he could feel the small voice fade away and out of his head.
'Good Job' it whispered before it totally disappeared.
'Even though I love her... doesn't mean she loves me.' He thought right after the voice faded away. He then founded much easier to push away the thoughts. But instead of pushing them out of his mind. He kept them near the picture that would eternally stay with him.
"Uh... must... find... something... to... do... besides... think... of... Raven..." croaked out as he turned to face the TV. His eyes darted from the TV, to the gamestation, to the hallway that lead up to his room.
Then as the sun peaked out from behind a cloud a silver glint caught Beast Boy's eye.
A small purple book lay on the table with a small silver lock on it. He recognized it as the book Raven had been writing in earlier and reached out with his right arm for it. As he slid it off the table the lock fell onto the floor making a small 'fwump' as it hit. Beast Boy looked down at it then continued to bring the book closer to him.
'Raven's Poem Diary' Beast Boy read inside his head. 'DO NOT TOUCH!!! IF I FIND OUT YOU READ THIS YOU LIFE WILL CONSIST OF NOTHING BUT TORTURE!!!'
"Well. Sounds like she doesn't want me to read it." He said as he started to put it back on the table. Then a sly grin appeared on his face "Then again..." his eyes dart mischievously around the room as he brought the book back close to him "It wouldn't hurt to read just one poem." He said as she opened the book to the most recent entry. The one she had been writing that morning.
'My Emotionless Mask'
'The mask that I painted upon my face.
Is my emotional wall that will keep them all safe.
It is to hold back the tears that should stream down my cheeks.
It's to hold back the laughter that so seldomly leaks.
My emotional mask is what keeps them all safe.
It can never be touched.
It can never be scraped.
My emotional wall can never be breached.
Not a single emotion can ever leak.
But I'm finding it harder to hold up my mask...
For every time you walk past.
My heart skips a beat and a lamp takes the blast.
Your dark green eyes see into my soul.
They look past my mask and tell you much more.
They tell you about me.
The one that I hide.
They tell you what I am...
On the inside.
They tell you who I am.
And whom I love...
But my mask shall not budge.
My mask shall stay on through thick and through thin.
I shall never cry.
I shall never grin.
I shall never show love.
I shall never show lust.
The reason only being... because I must.
I am a rock.
Stuck in the sand.
And you are the ocean.
So large and so grand.
Time after time you beat on my mask.
And time after time you fail your task.
I am a rock.
Stuck in the sand.
Not moving, not changing.
Kept on the land.
But eventually time will wither away.
And the sand beneath me will slowly give way.
I'll tumble and slide into the sea.
Into your arms.
The water will wipe off my emotionless mask.
The real me will roam at last.
But until that day my mask will be worn.
It can never be touched
It can never be torn.
The mask I have painted upon my face.
Is not to hide love.
But to keep Beast Boy safe.
Beast Boy slowly put down the book and starred off into space "She care's for me?" he said aloud as he brain wandered off into space.
He sat there for a few minutes just trying to overcome this fact. Then he reached out for a pen that lay on the table and wrote a small note in the book. Then picked up the lock from the floor and locked it on the book so that it was safe from any other curious eyes.
He then turned on his stomach and eventually drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
Almost a day after Beast Boy had stumbled upon Raven's diary, Raven opened it and turned to the page that was last written on. To her surprise, it was not her writing she found, but the writing of another.
"Dear Raven," she read in her head,
"Please don't kill me for reading your poetry. I wasn't actually planning on telling you but I figured I should let you know.... That I'll be waiting for you.
Love Beast Boy"
Raven looked down at Beast Boy's note. Tear's jerked to escape her eyes and she slowly whispered to words "Thank You."
So how do you like it? I made this story because I wanted one to go around my poem. So thus this was created... I hope you like it. I'm so proud of the poem!! I reread it like 700,000 zillion time in class the other day. This story is dedicated to...
All my reviewers- Thank you for your support!
Stephie- You helped me with the outline of this story. And for that I must thank you!!!
KK and C.C- Although you hate me for being capable of writing poetry, your still getting a dedication for getting me hooked on Teen Titans!
My guild- I love you guys hugs everyone!! Thanks for your constant support!
Raven and BB Shipper's- This story is dedicated to everyone out there that has kept hope of Raven and B.B even through the Terra incident. Remember... KEEP THE FAITH!!