Note: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you have all been waiting for; I now reveal to you the commercial at the top of my "Commercials I Hate" list, and it is….The City Furniture commercials! THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED IT FOR THE PAST 16 YEARS! And that couple swimming on the pool, WHAT THE HECK TO THEY HAVE TO DO WITH FURNATURE!
So now you know.
Anyway, I'd like to say that during the 5 months that it took me to write this thing, I feel that I have made some new friends. All of your reviews made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :sniffle, and now I am seriously considering becoming a writer (at the same time as being a marine biologist.) I'm sure that if we all went to the same school, we'd all be friends! (Corny Starfire moment.
Laresha: I named a character after you, just like you wanted! How come you haven't been reviewing?…Is it the bra thing?
DS Dragono: I can see you are very hard to impress. Don't worry, that's a good thing. I also thought it was bland except for the last part…Oh well. I hope you like this last chappie!
Total Goth Girl: Do you have any idea how much I complain when I see girly commercials like "Fairytopia?" My sis leaves the room every time that comes on because she knows I'll start! I know what you mean…I'm a bit of a tomboy myself. When I wore a dress to the con, my friends laughed at me and said "Dude, you look like a girl!" and I said "I am a girl!" and they passed out. Okay, I sort of just made that up, but you get the point.
HVK: A Legolas statue? For me? YOU'RE MY NEW BEST FRIEND! Milkandcheesecake: "But what about me?" Daphne, Goddess of the Eyebrows: "And me? Hey I gave you that Legolas standee!" Me: "Um…." Runs away with Legolas statue and standee.
The Eccentric CheezySquirrel: LOL! You're review was great! PEACES OF CAKE! I GET IT!
Ifartinurdirection: MONTY PYTHON IS GREAT! WOOT WOOT! You should also see some of their other stuff. Congrats on making vice president! Email me when your fic is done!
Wild Spirit Of Darkness2: Be careful with that "Commercials I Love" list. Someone from the "Commercials I Hate" club may jump you.
Rose: I can't believe you were tied to a chair and forced to watch commercials. My sympathy is with you. THE PRESIDENT OF OUR CLUB HAS BEEN THREATENED! WE MUST TAKE ACTION AGAINST HER SISTER! Hey don't let my crazy Miroku-loving friend know that you said that you claim to be Miroku's number 1 fan! She'll probably hire me to kill you. Seriously, when we shared a bed once, she kept scratching me in her sleep muttering, "Die, Sango, die." Okay, I made that up, but you get the point.
Cupcake330: Hey, you're right, I do write totally random stuff here that have nothing to do with the story! I just realized that!
Speaking of the story, ENJOY THE LAST CHAPPIE!
The sidewalk shook as the Teen Titans' jaws hit the ground.
"Yeah, where have you been?"
"B-but what about the electricity a-and the rain and stuff!" exclaimed Cyborg, waving his arms.
"Oh, well there were a few storms after the hurricane," said the civilian, "and there was no electricity because some guy named Mammoth tripped over a wire at the power plant while looking for his pet kitten, but it should be back soon."
"Well, um, okay, we'll just…go home," said Robin.
The Teen Titans removed all of the plywood from the windows of Titan Tower. They were currently cleaning the mess inside. So far they had garbage bags full of vegan food containers, empty Diet Coke bottles, and even a get-well card they found on their doorstep.
Hope you all recover from your dementia soon, so that I may destroy you with a somewhat clear conscience.
"When I find out who did this to my statue," said Raven, removing it from the fridge, "I'll make them wear its outfit for 6 months."
"I wish we could figure out where we got this horse, though," said Cyborg, petting Orglepuff ½. "Oh well."
"I am so relieved to be rid of those awful garments I was wearing," said Starfire, who had changed back into her regular clothes. "They made me look hideous and-what is that phrase-over of the weight."
Raven momentarily stopped cleaning to glare at Starfire, but she ignored her.
"If only I could remember why I put that monstrosity on," continued Starfire. "Or where my Beanie Babies are. Or why I have a sudden urge to kill them…to kill them all…."
Everyone stared at her, but she simply resumed cleaning.
"Well," said Robin, "I only wish I could remember where I got these rope marks from…."
Yet again, Slade burst through the doors (dun dun DUN! again.) And this time, he had a mind control device! (dun dun-ah, forget it.) It looked rather like a giant metal "V," but it was highly effective. This time, he was sure he would win.
"This time, Titans," he said, "I'm sure I'll win-"
"Oh, no!" cried Raven.
"It's Daphne, Goddess of the Eyebrows, coming to avenge her sister!" yelled Cyborg.
"And she brings with her the Tweezers of Doom!" screamed Beast Boy.
"No, surely not!" shouted Robin.
Oh, curses, thought Slade. "No, this isn't a pair of tweezers, it's-"
"You shall not harm my perfect eyebrows!" cried Starfire. (Are those eyebrows?)
"Aha!" exclaimed Robin. "I have no eyebrows!"
Slade cast his eyes down sadly, shook his head, turned around, and walked away. So much for the mind control device, he thought. It's no fun if you have to explain it to them. Or when they think you're a woman. Outside, the Titans could hear him sobbing.
"Huh…well, that was easy," said Beast Boy.
"I wonder what upset her?" asked Starfire.
"Ah, who cares," said Robin. "Someone so evil as to pluck at innocent eyebrows deserves it."
As if to complete their lucky day, the lights suddenly flickered on, as well as the-
"T.V!" shouted the Teen Titans, Robin the loudest.
He ran over to the T.V. and hugged it, yelling "Precious has returned!" But then, to his horror, he realized a commercial for Pepto Bismol was on.
"AHHH!" he yelled, jumping away from the T.V. as though it had electrocuted him. "CURSED T.V! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR A SONG ABOUT DIARHEA!" He turned around and pointed at Beast Boy. "This is all your fault!"
"What! How's it my fault?"
"EVERYTHING ELSE WAS YOUR FAULT!"
"Don't even start!" said Raven, who used her telekinetic powers to get the remote and change the channels. (All of their powers returned along with their…"sanity" :cough cough:) Now the T.V. was on a channel where "American Idol" was playing.
"Oh my goodness!" said Starfire. "It's Daphne, Goddess of the Eyebrows!"
And, indeed, Slade was on a rerun of "American Idol," singing with some girl named Rose (well, I'm assuming it's a girl, considering it's a female name).
"It's Hamtaro time!
Whee! Yippie! Yeah!
When we work together it's much better!
My best friend!
We love sunflower seeds krump krump krump. My Ham-Hams!
If she heads for trouble, we won't let her! Hamtaro!
Little Hamsters, Big Adventures!
Laura's gone to school, let's go to our Ham-Ham Clubhouse!
We can fix their troubles just be quiet as a mouse.
Watch out for those cats you know they're smarter than you think
But if we work together we can make their plans sink!
Snoozer, Howdy, Penelope, Panda.
My best friends!
Oxnard, Bijou, Cappy, Maxwell.
Dexter, Boss, Pashmina, Jingle.
Little Hamsters, Big Adventures!
Excuse me while I work out, gotta run on my wheel...
Hamtaro's here to help you!
Hamtaro's team is for you!"
When they were finally done, Slade looked at the girl and said "Rose, did someone hit me in the back of my head? 'Cause I'm seein' stars."
"Oh, Slade," said Rose, blushing, "you're so silly!"
"So what do you think?" Slade asked the judge.
"What's that?" he said. "I can't hear you right now because I've cut my ears off."
Disgusted, Raven changed the channel. It was now on the Weather Channel.
"I was on that show once," said Starfire, tears forming in her eyes, "but the judge told me that my voice was so horrifying that it could wake the dead and make them want to kill themselves again." She started crying.
"Oh, no," said Cyborg.
"What is it?" asked Beat Boy. Cyborg pointed at the T.V. All the Teen Titans looked at the T.V. and swore (even Starfire), for on the Weather Channel there was yet another hurricane.
(It should be noted here that hurricanes are named alphabetically.) "Hurricane Cocoapuff will be coming in a week," said the weather man. "It's a Category 3 hurricane, and it is a perfect hurricane, nice and symmetrical, very healthy-" Raven shut the T.V. off.
"Oh, good," said Beast Boy sarcastically. "As long as it's not sick."
"Who's gonna go shopping for supplies this time?" asked Raven. "Robin?"
"Uh…I have to go, um…water my…eyebrows," he Robin.
Raven turned to Starfire, opened her mouth, shut it, and then turned to Cyborg. "What about you?"
"Nah, I can't. I've got a date with BB."
"WHAT?" said everyone.
"I meant Bumblebee! Sheesh!"
"Well, I'm not going," said Raven resolutely. "And you can't convince me. It's between you two."
"Fine!" said Robin and Cyborg.
"Rock paper scissor shoe!
Rock paper scissor shoe!
"Um…you do understand that the correct phrase is 'rock paper scissor shoot,' do you not?" said Starfire.
Robin and Cyborg stared at her. "How did she know that?" asked Cyborg.
"Beats me," said Robin. "Ah, forget this. Let BB do the shopping."
"What!" said Beast Boy.
"The treaty says-"
"THERE WAS NO DAMN TREATY!"
"All in favor of Beast Boy shopping for supplies?" said Robin. Everyone but poor Beast Boy raised their hands. "Tough luck."
"Aw, man! No fair!" said Beast Boy.
"Well, I don't know about you guys," said Raven, but I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed." She left the room.
"Yeah, me too," said Beast Boy.
"And me as well," said Starfire. They both left.
"I'm gonna go take a bath," said Cyborg. "I smell like vegan food and horse."
He was turning to leave, but then Robin said, "But what if our water supply is still contaminated from the last few storms?"
Cyborg walked up to the fridge, took the last of the Diet Coke bottles, and left.
Robin sighed. He was far too hungry to sleep….
Robin was whispering into the phone inside his room. He was currently having difficulty communicating with the person on the other side of the line.
"Okay, I want two large pizzas-"
"Could you repeat that, please?"
"Two large pizzas."
"Two of them?"
"Two large pizzas."
"Yes. One pepperoni and one plain."
"Two of each."
"Ye- no! One pepperoni and one plain!"
"Okay, so you want one pepperoni and one plain, right?"
"Oh, for the love of- YES ALREADY!"
33675 Northeast Titan Tower, half a mile offshore."
"So I'll need a boat?"
"Will I get tipped extra for this?"
"What's your name?"
"Spell that, please."
"Robin, you know, like the bird."
"Please spell it."
"No! There's an 'N' at the end."
"'M'? Like 'Macaroni'?"
"Wha-no! 'N'! As in 'Nazneen'!"
"Ah, okay. Rovin."
"No! 'Robin'! With a 'B'!"
Suddenly, the door of his room burst open, and the other Titans burst in. Robin quickly hung up the phone.
"AHA!" exclaimed Cyborg, pointing at Robin.
"'AHA' WHAT? I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING!"
"YOU WERE ORDERING PIZZA FROM PIZZA HUT, WEREN'T YOU!"
"NO! I WASN'T!"
Robin sank into his bed and cried. "I COULDN'T HELP IT!" he wailed. "IT WAS A TWO FOR ONE DEAL! A TWO FOR ONE DEAL! AND THEY KEPT SHOWING THAT COMMERCIAL AGAIN AND AGAIN! AND I WAS SO HUNGRY! HOW COULD I RESIST!"He sobbed hysterically, his face in his hands.
Cyborg sat down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay," he said. "Everything's gonna be alright." Cyborg faced the reader (you). "The first step to solving a problem is admitting it."
"And succumbing to commercials is one of the biggest problems the world faces today," said Raven to the reader.
"But luckily," said Starfire, facing the reader as well, "there is something you can do about it. There are people who can help."
"It's just a simple phone call away," said Beast Boy, also facing the reader, "and you can be on your way to relief."
"That's right," continued Cyborg, "just 15 minutes on the phone can could make a difference and change your life for the better."
"Call 1-800-STOP-THE-ADS, that's 1-800-STOP-THE-ADS, and we'll send you a free brochure and video explaining this unhealthy obsession and what you can do about it," said Beast Boy.
"That's right," said Starfire, "absolutely free. So please, call now." She then pointed at Robin, who was still crying. "You do not want to end up like him."
"Call now," they all said, smiling.
Note: This is the most screwed up story I have ever written. Hope you enjoyed it.
Nazneen, if you are reading this, I hope you didn't mind!
And if anyone other than Beastboyluver want to help draw a comic for this and post it online, that'd be great. (I'm pretty sure this is too long for one person to draw.)
Oh yeah, and there MIGHT be a sequal. But it probably wouldn't be as funny. No promises. and I don't own the Hamtaro theme song, American Idol, or Bepto Bismol.
So there. Hope to see your reviews again!
Runs away screaming "I'M COO COO FOR COCOAPUFFS!"