This is the story of Bobo Fat. Who exactly is Bobo Fat? Well, you'll have to read on to find out!
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. Or Maalox Max. Or Peptobismal.
Note: OK, this story goes against everything in the EU Bounty Hunter Wars trilogy. Also, I don't like about the prequels, or Jango Fett, so if I write something that goes against them, too, I don't really care.
Chapter One: The Quest For Maalox Max
After the Sarlacc ate Boba Fett, it started getting indigestion. Turns out that Mandalorian armor had been in some pretty gross place. So the Sarlacc spat him back out again.
"Eew!" said Boba, looking at his purty armor all gross and acidic. "Now I have to go to the Laundromat!"
He started to get up to go to the Mos Eisley Laundromat, but then he realized that his leg was caught in a tentacle.
"Quit it!" He yelled at the tentacle. Boba reached for his really big gun-thingy, only to realize that it must still be in the Sarlacc. "Can I please have my gun back?"
"No!" the Sarlacc boomed.
"Wha-what?" I thought the Sarlacc wasn't a sentient creature!" Boba thought put loud.
"Well, I am. And your armor gave me indigestion, heartburn, gas, and bloating!"
"Um, I'm really sorry. But there's not much I can do about that"
"Yes, there is! Go forth, Boba Fett, and bring me some Maalox Max!"
"Ha! Why should I do that?"
"Because I have a tentacle around your leg! And, only Maalox Max has the power to cure bloating, heartburn, and gas!"
"What about your indigestion?"
"I already have Peptobismal. It's very abundant in the Dune Sea."
"Oh, yeah. Hey, quit that! My grip is IRON!" the Sarlacc warned as Boba tried to pry the tentacle from his leg. Boba quickly ceased when the tentacle tightened.
"OK, well, uh, I'll get you your 'Maalox Max'"
"There is no promise you can make that I can trust"
"Uh, you could give me my gun back if I do it?"
"Hmm...yes! I could. But I still don't trust you. So, I'll send my flying devil-spawn, whom I have for no apparent reason! They'll keep you on track"
"Erm, right" of course, he was secretly plotting their destruction even as the Sarlacc...boomed.
Be back within one week, or they shall kill you, strip you, and bring me your corpse for consumption."
Boba Fett looked at him, disgusted.
"What!? It was the armor that gave me these stomach problems; I'd have to strip you!"
"Well, you'd be dead anyway, so it wouldn't matter," the Sarlacc was getting rather flustered, not looking forward himself to seeing BOBA FETT in the nude.
"Um, OK, so one week, Boba Fett mentally calculated. "There's no way I can do it! You might as well strip me now!"
"Thank you...but, NO! You will find me Maalox Max!"
"But, your...worminess! T'would be impossible! Someone must have cracked the codes to get into my ship by now!"
"I think you shall find that the codes that guard your ship remain 'uncracked.'"
"How would you know that?" Boba gave him a strange look. "You're not one of those...stalker Sarlaccs, are you?" he queried, getting worried.
"Of course not, you perverted little man! But you've only been in my stomach for an hour, and surely the great Boba Fett's security systems would last for more that an hour?"
"Oh. OK. As long as you're not a stalker Sarlacc."
So Boba Fett's leg was released and he went on his merry way. He was meant to be finding Maalox Max, but he went to the Laundromat instead. After all, the Sarlacc couldn't really have flying it?
OK, I know this chapter wasn't the best; I swear it gets better in the next chapter. PLEASE just read it! And maybe review? :)