Author's Notes: I'm back with another chapter of this story...if you can call this piece of junk a story. Anyways, this will be strictly humour since I probably won't be able to fit a romance in here (I can barely write mush for my main Digimon series).
Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah…you heard it all before so why should I bother saying it again?
When Counterfeit Cards are Used
Welcome…to the City of Kyoto, a place where giant monsters frequently strike with nuclear breath and other disturbing and powerful moves! That's why we have the awesome-
(Please wait as the current narrator gets sacked. Thank you. Hopefully, the second narrator knows that this is a frickin Digimon fic, not a typical Ultraman episode!)
It's a brand new day as our heroes head towards the grand city known as Kyoto. Okay…it's not really a brand new day, considering that it has been fifteen hours since the day technically started. But it looks like a brand new day, I swear! Normally, in the afternoon, our heroes would be in school but due to the teaching staff suddenly having the feeling to go shuck some corn or something…hey, wait! Nooooooooo!
(Please wait while the narrator who replaced the narrator, who got sacked previously, is being sacked. Thanks again!)
Ahem. Now normally a day of school wouldn't end until late afternoon or so but then again, nobody really specified the school hours in the Tamers series so I say that the Tamers have school from 8:30 to 3:00 or something. If you got a problem with that, go suck a lemon!
(Please wait while the narrator who replaced the replacement narrator, who got sacked, is being sacked…oh…okay…you three were doing this on purpose to get me to sack you as an homage to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, eh? Ha ha…we get the joke. Can we go on already?)
Nah…this is a helluva lotta fun!
(Get on with this or I'll put you in the catapult.)
Okay! Sheesh…can't a guy have some fun around here? We return to our tale when our heroes have just arrived in the city of Kyoto to begin searching for the store that sold Takato the counterfeit cards. "Let's recap what you did when you were in Kyoto before. Where did you go and what did you see?" asked the sensible member of the group, Henry Wong. Right now, the group had stopped to rest at a bridge.
"Let's see…I got up on the wrong side of the bed and messed up my hair. Then we had a good breakfast…"
"Please tell us all about this breakfast of yours. If it sounds good, I'll have to try it for myself!" spoke Terriermon.
"Nobody cares what you ate on that weekend, gogglehead! Just tell us what time you went to get the cards and where you got them from!" Rika was doing a pretty decent imitation of Soun Tendo's Demon Head (or for all you Gold Digger fans out there, Theo's Flaming Skull).
Takato slowly backed away from the Digimon Queen before answering. "Well, my mom dragged my dad into a mall so she could get something and told me to wait by the Chinese herb store and there was a little toy shop next to it so that's where I found my Digimon cards."
"So do you remember where this mall is?" asked Henry.
"Nope!" replied Takato cheerfully.
The other two tamers sighed. "This is absolutely fantastic," grumbled Rika.
"Well, Sir Takato did mention a Chinese herb store. So it's a matter of finding every single store that falls under that category in the area," stated SD Gallantmon from his hidden position underneath the bridge where the trio were resting. "I suggest we split up and search. I can check out the west end by myself while you guys figure out who would search the other three ends."
Renamon glanced at the tiny knight Digimon. "Are you sure you can cover such a large area by yourself?"
The tiny knight nodded. "It's more sensible that way. Not many people will notice me because of my small size. And I do have good prowling skills to rival that of an intangible psi-ghost from the Rifts RPG."
"Did anyone just get the last statement he said?" asked Henry as a drop of 'sweat' rolled down his cheek. The others shook their heads.
"Bah! You have no appreciation for a real game!" The knight Digimon then paused when he heard the surprised screams of terrified citizens and an explosion. He then felt a familiar sensation inside his head. "A Digital Field…"
"Looks like we got trouble!" exclaimed Takato. He then struck a pose and pointed his finger up in the air. "DIGIMON TAMERS ASSEMBLE!"
"We are assembled already, you goggle head! Now let's get going!" shouted the Digimon Queen before placing her purple sunglasses on her face.
It was chaos at the Kyoto Station building as people vacated out of the large facility in panic. "Excuse me! Pardon me! Let us through!" The tamers slowly weaved in and out of the traffic while SD Gallantmon and Renamon went in ahead and entered the building discreetly.
"So where is our visitor?" murmured SD Gallantmon. He didn't have to wait long as he heard loud shouting coming from the building's sixth floor. He bounced up two floors at a time like a flea before finding the source of the shouting coming from a game centre. Renamon opted to wait for the others to get in before they all followed the tiny knight.
As SD Gallantmon approached the game center, he heard the voice shout again. "How do you like that, huh? You thought you had beaten me before but who's laughing now? WHAHAHAHAHA!"
That voice definitely sounded evil. The knight ran inside and began a speech. "I cannot forgive evil! Your time is up, evil…doer?" The knight paused when he saw that the Digimon in front of him was laughing at a video game opponent controlled by the computer. The room itself was filled to the brim with multiple games, pachinko machines and so forth with a small blue door that was closed. It seemed to be an office for employees of the game centre.
"Hang on, buddy! The reinforcements are here!" Takato skidded to a stop and gawked at the Digimon in front of him. "That's Devimon!"
Rather than launching a sneak attack or going on some evil speech about planning to take over the world and killing all those who stood in the way, the Devimon merely snorted in annoyance. "You know, just because I look evil and sound evil doesn't necessarily mean that I am evil. Geez! Talk about discrimination!"
"I wasn't expecting that to come out from him," admitted Terriermon as he scratched his head.
"Don't listen to that ass! He's just messing with our heads! Ready, Renamon?" Before Rika could digivolve her partner, the blue door opened to reveal another Digimon. The female tamer frowned as she began reworking her strategy on how to take down Devimon and LadyDevimon.
"That certainly was an interesting experience dissecting that human," said the virus Digimon with a smirk. She then paused when she saw the group of humans and Digimon. "Well, what do we have here?"
"I don't like these odds," murmured Henry.
Takato shot a reassuring smile at his comrade. "Since when haven't we beaten the odds? And besides, this would be no problem for my partner Digimon who happens to have firepower equivalent to a mega Digimon! Right, buddy?" As soon as the last word escaped his mouth, LadyDevimon dashed towards SD Gallantmon and performed the equivalent of an Amazon glomp, crushing the tiny knight to her impressive cleavage.
"Isn't this the cutest thing you've ever seen?" gushed the ultimate Digimon.
SD Gallantmon struggled to get out but soon found his strength lessening due to oxygen depravation thanks to LadyDevimon. 'Must…get…out!' He began trying desperately to power his right arm but found no energy to do so.
Renamon and Terriermon began to move in but Devimon blocked their path to his sister. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. You see…she gets very, very upset if something interrupts her when she's in the middle of a cuteness rush. Heck, I'll show you what I mean." Before the others could react, Devimon pulled out a photo album out of nowhere and found the page he was looking for. "A short while ago, she had a cuteness rush with a bunch of Digi-Gnomes."
The group all gathered around to see a picture of LadyDevimon hugging a small white creature with beady black eyes. "Then along came an Etemon who not only attempted to hit on her but also knocked the Digi-Gnome away." He flipped to another picture showed the monkey booting the little dude like a football as LadyDevimon watched in horror. "He was never the same again after she got through with him." The last two pictures showed a close up of an enraged LadyDevimon with an AMSWTWSTBAM (All Males Should Wet Themselves When Seeing This Bad Ass Mallet) and a mutilated Etemon.
"I didn't realize a joint could go that way," said Terriermon as he cringed at the last picture.
Devimon nodded. "Yeah. Her last rampage caused some major side injuries to my person. I just recovered recently and I'm not looking forward to it again. In any case, just give her a few minutes and then we can get on with the battle and us killing you in a brutal fashion. Except for maybe the knight."
"Actually, we're the ones who plan on walking all over you," amended Rika.
Before the other Digimon could reply, they heard the footsteps of someone approaching. You can imagine the surprise of the Tamers when Jeri Katou stepped into the game centre, having been able to find the Digital Field thanks to Calumon. Her eyes narrowed as she saw LadyDevimon having a tight grip on the tiny knight. "Hey…uh, what's her name?"
"LadyDevimon," replied the tamers in unison.
She nodded in appreciation before addressing the other Digimon. "Hey, LadyDevimon! You better release Guilmon right now or there will be consequences!"
The ultimate Digimon grew annoyed at the small girl who attempted to threaten her. "And what do you plan to do about it?"
Jeri took off her bag and reached into it. "Observe! IMPMON STRIKE!" She then tossed Impmon towards LadyDevimon with the strength of a star quarterback in the NFL.
"What the hell? WAAAAAHHHHH!" SD Gallantmon fell to the ground unconscious as Impmon collided with LadyDevimon.
"Oh, she's in for it now," murmured Devimon.
LadyDevimon shook off the dizziness before screaming in rage. "HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME! YOU'RE ALL DEAD!"
Will our friends survive LadyDevimon's latest rampage? Will this warped idea of a story be continued? The tamers certainly hope so!
End Part Three! "LadyDevimon's Glomp of Death (or why it sucks to be a cute Super Deformed character)"
I suppose you can thank Slayers Great for getting me to start writing more of this random humour fic. Hopefully, my next update will be for Ascension and won't take so damn long.