It's Okay to Cry
Story Type: One-shot
Summary: Yuugi reflects his father's death, and at the same time, wonders about life.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yuugiou so why don't you guys just read on? Huh?
Warnings: Angst, you're warned. You might want some tissue, per chance. A bit of AU (Alternate Universe). Oh, and this is in Yuugi's POV! And…there is no Sennen Puzzle in this!
Keys: "Speaking", 'Thinking', 'Conscience speaking', .Flashback. Note that each flashback is of a different time period ./Flashback.
Domino City, the place I was born in, was always described as a "peaceful and tranquil" city in my mind.
But that was years and years ago, before I grew up.
Then I found out how cruel the world actually was.
I sat cross-legged in front of my father's grave, slowly brushing away the dirt that has built up since my last visit. I laid down the white carnations I bought. Those were his favourite flowers.
Using a wet cloth, I slowly washed the contents on the tombstone.
1930 – 1996
May your spirit find peace and solitude in the Netherworld.
I missed my father. A great deal. I often still cry over the loss of him – I am not ashamed to admit it – but I had to live on. So, every month, I came to him and talked, sharing my most recent memories. He might not be able to hear me in person, but I always feel better after I've spilled out my joys, sadness, jealousy, anger, and love.
My father would understand. He would not laugh. He would not make a joke out of it. He would take my secrets seriously, sooth my soul, and had always made me feel better afterwards, in a way.
I wished I had him back. I really did.
The wind shifted direction. The trees swayed, my hair moving along in the same rhythm. Depressing memories came back to me, as I stared at my father's grave.
"YOU USELESS PIECE OF DUNG!" my mother screamed. "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! NOW!!"
I, a mere six-year-old, cringed at the corner of my room as the ceiling to the lower floor shook. I winced at my mother's voice; it was loud, harsh, and certainly held no respect. I may be at age six, but that does not stop me from being observant about family issues. Especially when it came tomy family.
Kyo, my pet dog, laid down beside me, eyes covered by his front paws. Clearly, he was as frightened as I was. I scooted closer to my Golden Retriever, and I actually felt his fur quiver in fear. I ran my hand over his back, and he visibly calmed down a bit.
"Oh Kyo," I mumbled, face buried in his fur. "I'm so scared…"
Kyo reared up and licked me reassuringly. "Woof." He seemed to be saying "it'll be all right."
I sighed, knowing, somehow, that it wasnot going to be "all right".
One of my bangs flew into my eyes, and I brushed it away hastily. My eyes itched, as they always did when I was about to cry.
Or was it just my bangs?
.Flashback.I hugged a picture frame close to my chest as the yelling continued to grow louder and louder. I squeezed my eyes shut as a table lamp fell on the floor with a loud CLUNK. The noise was getting to an unbearable volume.
"Stop…" I sobbed into the darkness of my room. "Stop it…"
Kyo came to me and pushed his nose between my elbow and my ribs. He wiggled, trying to get comfortable. Despite the situation, I managed a watery smile as his movements continued to tickle me. His head now fitted snuggly. To an outsider, it would appear he was in a headlock. I rubbed his head, silently thanking him for comfort.
"Woof," was all that he barked.
Well, what else had I expected? I took that as "you're welcome".
Kyo and I stayed in that position, until, what seemed like an eternity, my mother finished yelling. I cautiously crawled towards the door and placed my ear against it with Kyo alongside me.
For the first time in this past hour.
I closed my eyes, willing the pain to go away. But it was like a never-ending disease, a disease that has long taken root inside my body…it would stay with me throughout my entire life.
I did not want to live with it, but I had to.
I had no choice.
"Daddy?" I inquired softly, pushing against the door which led to my parents' room.
No one was in the room. I tried the bathroom next.
"Daddy?" I asked again.
I uttered a silent scream when I saw what laid inside.
My father was slumped against the counter, blood flowing freely, never stopping, from his wrists. His eyes were closed. His brow was pulled towards the center – as if it was costing him every ounce of resolution, determination, and courage he had to pull this off.
The weapon of choice was thrown towards the bathtub, a few fair feet from where my father died.
I refused to believe what I saw. I shook my head, yellow bangs swinging in motion.
Kyo whimpered at the sight of my father's body and at the scent of blood that was consuming the entire room.
"No…" I cried. "Not Daddy…" I ran into the bathroom, crouching beside my dead father, crying. Tears splattered noisily on the ground, but I paid no attention.
I never noticed that my mother did not come up to comfort me.
In fact, I have not seen her until I reached my thirteenth birthday. Where she disappeared to for the past years she did not say, nor did I have the heart to ask. I did not want to resurface the pains I was not ready to face yet, back then.
So for two years, I lived with her, and Jii-chan. Since the day after my father died, Jii-chan has been taking care of me. It was as if he knew this was going to happen.
Kyo had died shortly after I moved in with Jii-chan. Oh, it was not because the environment did not suit him. It was on one of those sunny days where one thinks nothing bad was going to happen. I took Kyo out for a walk, free of a leash. Then a truck came out of nowhere, squashing Kyo dead on the street. There were a lot of witnesses, but the truck had gotten away.
For the rest of the day, I moped in my room, cursing myself. I was six, and already I have seen two deaths in five short months. It wasn't fair!
Have God made my life especially miserable? Was I to live a cursed life?
That question followed me around from when I was six. When I was devoid of work, my mind pondered. Wandered. Explored. So I was at last capable of coming up with a satisfying answer to my life.
My life was not cursed. It was my heart who deceived and led me down this path.
When I grow close to a person, something tragic turns out. Take my friend, Anzu Mazaki, for example.
While walking back home one day, Anzu decided to j-walk across the empty, normally busy street. Unknown to anyone, death met her halfway. Again, I watched helplessly and speechlessly as paramedics rushed to the scene of the crime. It was like having that particular "something" stuck in my throat every time someone I know dies.
I looked at my father's tomb with a bit of longing in my eyes. It seemed so welcoming and warm.
Sometimes I wondered if I was to go with my father, to pass to another world. Though the thought occurred to me, I resisted. I lived on with this burden.
Tears stung my eyes again. I lifted a family photo, in a frame, and saw, through a haze of tears, three faces stood out to illustrate a happy, perfect family. Taken when I was only two, I of course had no idea that this photo would become ripped, torn, in reality.
"Oh why, oh why…of all the miserable things…"
The trees rustled even more, the leaves crackled with more energy. Nothing was fair, balanced in this world anymore.
Nothing was worth living for. Not anymore, that was.
'What about your Jii-chan?'
The thought resurfaced. Actually, that was the only thing that kept me sane. Yes, I care about my Jii-chan…but at the same time, I did not want to put him in danger. After all, if I really did love my Jii-chan, I wouldn't put him a position that would endanger his life.
Kind of ironic, was it not?
I arose, brushing off the dirt around my shoes and socks. Thirty minutes have passed since I started pouring my soul into the tombstone today. And I must be going.
"Well, well, well…if it isn't the pipsqueak, Motou," a sneering voice snarled behind me.
After all the things I have been through, this did not surprise me. "What do you want, Jounouchi?" I asked calmly, turning around.
He was taken aback for a second, I could tell. But he regained his swaggering manner almost instantly. "What's the matter, twerp? Thinking of burying yourself in the graveyard too? Yeah, you should, to rid this world of another useless person."
I was used to this. Very much…insults from my mother, and what happened to my father afterwards… I refused to let my tears fall in front of this big bully.
"No, Jounouchi, I do not plan on suffocating myself in the dirt. And if you would rather stand here to make smart remarks, I'd be best on my way."
But curiosity got the better of me. Before I could stop myself, the words "What are you doing here then?" were blurted out, straight in his face.
His face visibly slackened.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he tried to reply as off-handedly as he could, but failed.
"If there's something wrong, it's best to let it out, instead of letting it all cramped up inside you." I said gently.
There was a moment of silence while his eyes shifted here and there, as if looking for an exit to this interrogation. Seeing as how there was no way out, he heaved a sigh.
"All right, if you must know…I came here to bring these lavenders for my mother. Those were her favourite flowers…"
I was stunned at this new turn of events. Never, in my life, had I seen this compassionate side of a bully up at the school.
"You miss her, don't you?"
"Yes, tons. But…it's too late to bring her back, and I know she wouldn't like it if I pined for her existence again. Still…I miss her terribly." He walked to her grave and laid down the flowers. He bowed his head. His shoulders shook.
I placed a hand on his left shoulder and whispered, "It's okay to cry, you know."
He broke down completely. The tears now fell from his face at full force, as though a dam has just been torn from its supports, water rushing past. It lasted quite a long time.
Finally the sobbing subsided, and Jounouchi was able to look back up at me, a grateful look in his eyes. "Thanks," he hiccoughed.
"No problem," I handed him a tissue. "Doesn't that feel better?"
He nodded. "Much. How though…did you know that it would?"
I sighed and related my own tale. "I come here every month, experience the same thing, and go on with life. My father…he wouldn't approve of me crying everyday too. But I couldn't help it. It was very natural, how the tears just sprang up to my eyes."
We sat together for a few moments, enjoying the breeze and each other's company.
Jounouchi stood up. "I'd better get going."
I got up to my feet as well. I hesitated, but held out a hand. "Friends?" After all that we have shared, I felt we had something in common.
He had a surprised look in his face, but smiled pleasantly. "Friends." He shook my hand, waved, and departed.
I beamed. And here I thought the world was unfair.
- Owari -
Authoress Notes: Well, how 'bout that, eh? My first fic that does not need to be based on romance, and/or pairings! Oh yes, go me!
Hope you guys liked it! Clearly it's not the best thing written, but hey, I was struck with it after witnessing my mom yelling at my dad. T.T I guess you could say I'm just taking out my anger by writing it down. nods
Well, read and review, onegai? I noticed I haven't been receiving as many reviews as before…sniffles Is it because I update too slow? (Oh what a rhetorical question!) sighs Well, I do try my best, you know, with all that's going on around me…