Title: So Hard to Say Goodbye

Author: Sebi

Rating: PG-13 (for angst)

Summary: Sam takes a moment to reflect on an old friend.

Warnings/ Spoilers: set a few years after D&C.

Disclaimer: Nope I don't own Stargate SG-1, although I wouldn't mind.


How do I say goodbye to what we had,

The good time, that made us laugh

I will remember

"So sad, yet hauntingly beautiful in it's truth I suppose." That's what Martouf had said the first time he heard the song playing on the small radio in my lab.

It had been late one evening after we managed to bring Jack back from Endora; the Tok'ra had been called as a last resort if our plan to rescue Jack had failed. Daniel, Teal'c, myself, and the rest of the SGC had worked tirelessly for three month to rescue him and what were our thanks? A sour Coronal. I wanted to yell and scream at him for not being more appreciative of my; our efforts to rescuer him. But instead I busied my self in figuring out the latest piece of technology SG-3 had brought back from their last mission.

I had figured out that it was some sort of storage device but after a few hours of toying with the stupid thing I still couldn't get it to open.

"Samantha?" I jumped slightly at the interruption but calmed quickly upon noticing the beige clad figure standing silhouetted in my doorway.

I thought we'd get to see forever

But forever's gone away

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

"Forgive me Samantha, I did not mean to startle you." He had apologized sweetly, moving further into the room before adopting his usual stance, strong arms clasped behind his back.

"Martouf! No it's quite all right, I was just trying to figure out this thing that SG-3 brought back. How are you and Lantash?"

He smiled at my inquiry, assuring me that both he and Lantash were well before something seemed to ketch his attention.

It was then that I noticed for the first time the song playing on the radio. It was a song I recognized from a few years back. I had never really cared for it until that moment.

"So sad, yet hauntingly beautiful in it's truth I suppose." He whispered quietly, seemingly entranced.

I sat there quietly for a few moments observing this beautiful man as he listened intently to the words, no doubt committing them to memory. I'll never know what prompted me to ask, but in my darkest moments since his death I was glad to have the memory.

I don't know where this road is going to lead

All I know is where we've been,

And what we've been through.

If we get to see tomorrow

I hope it's worth all pain

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

"Martouf, would you like to dance?" He looked at me with those pale blue orbs as if he were unsure of my meaning for a moment before accepting my offered hand. A slight shiver ran down my spine at the feel of his skin brushing mine as he pulled me close.

With a smile I remember his questioning look as I placed one hand on my waist and claimed the other in my own grip.

"This is how we dance, on earth." I explained. He simply raised one sandy eyebrow before concentrating on matching my movements. We danced clumsily for a few moments before our bodies seemed to melt into a natural rhythm.

For those few precious moments there was no Jolinar, no SGC, and no Tok'ra. There was only a man and a woman, sharing a moment in each others arms.

And I'll take with me the memories

To be my sunshine after the rain

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

Now that he's gone there are no words to describe how grateful I am to have had that moment with him. And although, my heart will never again beat with the same rhythm as it did in his presence, I have learned to be content with the memory of that night we healed each other close. Because even now years later, it's still so hard to say goodbye.

And I'll take with me the memories

To be my sunshine after the rain

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday