Title: Of Love Letters and Dirty Thoughts

Summary: "It's a joint effort, and Sirius wonders just how many verbs and adjectives will be used before Remus get's a clue." Slash.

Pairing: Sirius/Remus

Disclaimer: JK owns it, I don't.

Author's Notes: Well, I've had good responses on my last Harry Potter fics, so let's hope this one is half as enjoyable as the others. I felt a bit redundant in this one, perhaps because I would leave for fifteen minutes then return to finish it. Oh, it's awful. And, for the record, this is a fourth year setting. Because I'm a total pedophile sometimes. Yummy underage boys in love? I am totally there. So, like it, don't, whatever. I was going for humor, but ended up entirely too sentimental, but the banter more than makes up for that. Heh.

Anyway, I'll shut up now.

Read on, kiddies!

-Of Love Letters and Dirty Thoughts-

Love is hard, and so am I.

Sirius snorted, and with a flick of his wrist, the sentence was gone. As he very well knew, some people just weren't as sentimental about humor as he was. Still, it made him a little morose to have to get rid of such a wonderful entrance line. Figured the most brilliant line was the one to go.

Damn love letters.

Damn grammatical errors, and thoughts wanting to spill out onto the two-foot parchment. Sirius was seriously contemplating tearing off a foot and a half of the parchment and just making it a love note. A six inch love note. This note is six inches, and so is myā€”

"Why, Padfoot, what's got you thinking so hard?"

Sirius looks up, dark eyes buried beneath unruly bangs, but he still has a clear view of Remus standing in the doorway of the boys dorm, his robes swishing around his ankles as if he's been running. Outwardly, the other boy looks calm and collected, as always. Sirius tucks his hair behind his ears, licks his lips. He's going for the unnerving yet sexily cute look, without being too obvious about it. Remus blushes and looks away.

"Moony, I'm writing..." He pauses dramatically, while Remus comes closer, a look of interest on his face. "A love letter."

The ginger haired boy stumbles, straightens, and his hands rush to cover his mouth. Long, beautiful fingers over deliciously pouty lips, Sirius notes, and tucks it away as a good thing to write later on in the letter. He stands up from his bed, and is rushing to his poor, injured Remus.

"Moony, moony, you silly boy. You just pulled a Peter."

Remus blushes brightly at this, before understanding dawns in his eyes. Sirius thinks maybe he should have called it pulling a Peter Pettigrew. It was worth the slip-up, to have those golden-brown eyes meet his in unbridled embarrassment. God, Remus is so beautiful. Pretty. Handsome. Sexy. Hm. A thesaurus may be in order.

"I bit my tongue. And for god's sake, Padfoot, why are you writing a love letter?"

"Actually, it's more of a love note. I'm going to shorten it considerably." He leads Remus over to his bed, and they sit down together. He pries Moony's hands away from his mouth, and forces it open. Sometimes he feels so uncouth. "Never you fear, my darling Moony. I'm checking for blood."

"You didn't answer the question," Remus stammers, and his tongue touches Sirius' fingers a few times. Sirius feels his lungs expand to hold the burst of air he's just consumed, and feels blood rushing to his face. Good God, it's like pre-pre-foreplay, or something like that, and suddenly he's imagining his friend spread out on the sheets, whole body naked and sweaty and glowing, while sucking on Sirius' fingers, one by one, a sort of prelude for what's to come. And those wonderful goddamn dirty thoughts just won't stop running through his head.



"Who are you writing a love letter to?"

He pulls his hand away says briskly, "Well, my lovely, that's a secret. I need you to help me, though."

Remus offers a dubious stare. "You want me to share my infinite wisdom for the sake of a secret?"


"Do I get a hint?"

"I guess."

There's a brief pause, during which Sirius plays with his fingernails. They might need a good trimming, before the night is over.

Remus laughs softly. "Well?"

One of his nails is chipped, and Sirius wonders what it would feel like to have Remus run his fingernails down his back. That sounds like a primal sex sort of thing, though. And Remus is staring at him, eyes half-lidded, looking ready to pounce. It's his playful look. The one that really gets Sirius' heart beating, and makes his knees turn to jelly. "It's to the most beautiful student in Hogwarts."

"Oh, that's a big help," Remus mutters.

And Sirius is leaning forward, tapping his quill against Remus' chin. "Hurry, Remmy. Become thoughtful."

"What do we have so far?"

Suddenly, it's their love letter, and Sirius doesn't think any dirty thoughts, just feels for a minute. It's a joint effort, and Sirius wonders just how many verbs and adjectives will be used before Remus get's a clue. Not too long, he hopes.

"Well, I had originally started out with, 'Love is hard, and so am I.'"

Remus turns a flattering shade of red and stares at Sirius' crotch, in a very covert way. Then he laughs. "That's not very...romantic."

Sirius grunts, and replies, "Well, I just have a different way of being romantic."

"Yes, Padfoot, I know that, but your bonny lass won't."

"So, what shall we write first, then?"

"How about, 'Dear whomever, I think I might be in love with you.'"

Sirius blinks, before copying down the words in his own loopy scrawl.

Remus smiles, and continues in a soft voice. "I can only pray you might be in love with me as well, but it will be enough just to have you know the way my heart beats for you."

No it won't, Sirius thinks, but writes down everything Remus says. Dear, dear Moony, and his lyrical thoughts. "I should like to think a word on the eyes are in order."

"And what color eyes are we talking about?"

"Brown, my dear Moony. Earthy brown, with golden flecks, like some sort of eye freckles."

Remus giggles. "Well, that's somewhat poetic. In a metaphorical sense."

"I am above such writing devices." Sirius pokes Remus in the stomach, and wiggles his fingers about a bit, enjoying Remus' delighted laughter perhaps a tad too much.

"If that were true, I wouldn't be writing a love letter for you." Remus leans forward and his words come out in warm puffs of air against Sirius' cheeks. Lovely, lovely, lovely.

"Love note, Moony. Love note."

"Ah!" Remus gathers up his senses, and sits back against one of the bed posts, smiling brightly. "In that case, we can only make the eye dedication about...forty or so words long."

"I can live with that. Go on, then, Moony. Woo me with your words."

"It seems momentous, in a way, to look at your eyes, instead of looking into them. I imagine I could be reading your thoughts, but I'd rather notice the way the sun catches the light, highlights the golden spots in your earthen brown eyes. I'd rather watch the way you see the world around you."

It's silent for a moment, and the bed squeaks as Remus wiggles around nervously, until,

"Good lord, Moony. I think you've taken my breath away."

Remus stares down at his lap, the slightest smile now gracing his lips. His cheeks are dusted with a faint pinkish color, and Sirius doesn't think he's ever seen anything as beautiful. Remus clears his throat, and looks up. "So, I've wooed you to your liking?"

"Oh, indeed. Woo me some more?"

Sirius watches as those wonderfully expressive eyes cloud over in thought, and he takes a moment to consider just how outlandish this is. And, as his brain points out for him, it is quite clever. Also, he realizes, it will be quite painful if this doesn't work out in the end, if Remus doesn't feel the same way for him, if he's making Remus write a love letter to himself for nothing. But that's not worth thinking about, because even if Remus isn't in love with him, Remus is wonderful because he will still be his best friend, and will still love him in the friendliest way.

Hell, it will still be painful, though.

"I want to talk about personality, now."

"To show you're not a shallow git?"

Laughter sprang from the back of Sirius' throat, and he threw a ball of paper at Remus' face. "Yes, you arse. To show I'm not a shallow git."

"Okay. What kind of personality does our lovely recipient have?"

"I'm so glad you asked. Shy, but brilliantly funny, and smart. A bit low on the self esteem, so we might want to exaggerate this part a bit. Oh, and very nice. Maybe too nice. But I think niceness is a splendid quality, don't you, Moony?"

Moony is staring back, looking thoughtful, and concentrating hard on Sirius' wild black hair that just insists on taking up residence in his face. He looks a bit pained, like maybe this is hurting him. Or maybe he's like Sirius, and being poetic for a prolonged period of time gives him damn painful headaches. Either way, Sirius decided he doesn't like the expression.

And then he's speaking.

"I love the way you're not overly confident in yourself, though you should be. Your sense of humor catches my heart in a painful grip that always makes my laughter quiet and strained, but it's a wonderful feeling. You don't seem to realize just how wonderful you are, which is quite all right, because I notice it enough for the both of us."

Sirius laughed and intoned drily, "Thanks, Moony. You've managed to capture my more egotistical side."

"Padfoot, you don't have a less egotistical side. You look haughty when you're being scolded by a teacher."

His fingernails may have grown in the last few minutes, so Sirius begins checking them once more. He sniffs delicately. "Well, I happen to think of it as confidence."

Remus snorts, and this has become sort of banter contest. "The cup runneth over."

"You're too sweet."

Laughter, short and musical, and somewhat breathy, before Remus is concentrating once more. "How much room do we have left?"

About two inches, he doesn't say. Oh, how the inches fly when you're Remus Lupin. Sirius jots that down in the back of his head for a rainy exam day. "Not much. Here, you do the rest. My hand is cramped."

"You want me to forge your signature on a love note?"

"Oh contraire, Moony. This is a rough draft."

Remus stares dubiously, but takes the quill and parchment. He's reading his own words, and looking somewhat proud, like he's not letting most of the pride out. Damn shame, too. He clears his throat, and speaks out loud as his hand scrawls across the parchment. "In short, I think I am in love with you. And I would very much like to know how you feel about me."

"Very sincerely," Sirius says slowly, and Remus repeats it.

"Sirius Black." Remus smiles, and says his name back slowly, writing it with deliberate care. In a light voice, Sirius continues. "Now, at the top, I want you to write, 'To my dearest Remus Lupin.'"

There's no real outward reaction now, except for the slip of the quill, and the hole it makes in the note. Remus doesn't seem to notice, though, as he's staring at his friend with painfully wide eyes. So wide, in fact, they're becoming quite watery, and for an instant, Sirius is very afraid his precious Moony is going to cry.

But Remus just blinks, and when his eyes refocus on everything but Sirius, his eyes are nothing but solemn. He hiccups suddenly, and looks shocked, before blushing.

"Well, you've just bared my heart to you, Remus." He pauses, and makes sure he worded that correctly. "Care to share your feelings?"

If he does, he doesn't answer. His eyes flicker down the note, then back up to Sirius' black eyes. He hiccups again, but it's mixed with a laugh. "Well," he says, and his voice breaks. He clears his throat, and murmurs, "I'm feeling rather narcissistic right now."

"Self esteem problem gone, then?"


Sirius moves a little closer, his heart beats a litter faster, and his mouth grows a little drier. "Do you...have any other feelings?"

"Well," Remus says rather conversationally, "I think I might be in love with you too, though I don't know that Iā€”"

But he doesn't get to finish, because Sirius is kissing him, and urging him silently not to doubt anything, please, please, please, and he realizes he never wants to stop kissing his delightful Moony. And since Remus is kissing back, letting his tongue run over Sirius' lips, whining for entrance, he guesses Remus returns the sentiment. And, it really is a wonderful sentiment. Never ending kisses.

Unfortunately, it does end, and Remus pulls away. "Agree with your method of confession," he breathes.

"Ah," Sirius replies, breathing harshly and not caring, "but I think you'll like my method of seduction."

"PADFOOT!" Remus is scarlet, but he looks entirely too happy to be mortified.

He's pulling off Remus' robes while muttered thing like, "Isn't it hot in here?" and "Man, I could sure go for a cold shower right now," until Remus is sitting in his civvies and blushing like there's no tomorrow.

He moves his hand under Remus' shirt, followed by another, until he can suavely and strategically remove it completely. Shirtless young boy before him, looking beautiful and pale because maybe there's a full moon approaching, and he'd sort of like to be there when Remus wakes up sad and alone and naked but only not be sad, nor alone, though maybe keep the naked. His thoughts are flying too fast for him to keep up with.

And he can't think of any good reason for de-shirting Remus, so he smiles and confides to him a cheerful voice, "Well, I don't know about you, but I always hear literature is much easier to appreciate in the nude."

He's enthralled to find out the blush from Remus' cheeks also covers his chest and belly, and the redness seems to disappear below the waist of his jeans. Chuckling devilishly, Sirius kisses Remus' belly button. Remus sucks in a breath, and his hips do some sort of thing, then he's breathlessly accusing Sirius of being a pervert.

Then Sirius pulls back completely, and gathers a book of poetry from beneath his pillow. "Honestly, Moony," he murmurs, flicking his tongue across his lips, "get your mind out of the gutter."

-The End-

Wah! Done, done, done! Thank god! I started this earlier in the night, and drove myself crazy trying to finish it. It started out as purely humor, but my stupid brain got caught up in the mushy moment. Goddamn, I need to learn how to stay on track.

Anywho, I'll never know if everyone appreciates my hard work and blushing!Remus and smooth!Sirius if they don't let me know.

So please, let me know already.

So I stick out my chin, and grin, and say, Review me, review me, it's only a click away.