Bridezilla Versus The King Of Thieves

"I am never doing that again," Mai declared as the door slammed behind her.

"Shopping for a wedding dress?" Bakura asked. "I should hope not." He pressed a hand to his heart, a mock-aggrieved expression pasted onto his face. "It wouldn't bode well for our impending nuptials if you were already thinking about your second marriage."

She frowned. "Hah-fucking-hah, smart guy."

He smirked. "Well, I'd really rather fuck you than 'hah', but…"

Making a face at Bakura's crude – but sincere – joke, Mai slapped him with her purse. Luckily, she was a believer in the saying 'less is more', and that was no more readily apparent than in the small handbag she carried. So Bakura was spared a broken nose.

Chuckling, Bakura yanked the offending purse towards him, consequently pulling Mai along with it. She landed in his lap with a yelp, then glared at him from behind disheveled blonde curls. "Ah, now, Mai, don't be like that," Bakura coaxed.

She sighed and snuggled up next to him, sighing in contentment as his arms came around her. "Sorry, 'Kura, I've just had a really bad day."

"What was so awful about shopping for your wedding dress?" he asked, brow furrowed. "I thought you liked shopping."

She groaned, the memory causing a pulsating ache to start up right behind her eyes. "Shopping for a wedding dress is different from shopping for anything else," she replied. "I have to find just the right one – and I had to go to eight different shops before I finally found it." She gestured towards the plastic garment bag that she'd draped over a chair right before her declaration.

When Bakura made as if to open the bag, Mai slapped his hand. "You can't see the dress until our wedding day. It would be bad luck."

Giving her a disbelieving look, Bakura said, "Considering who I am, I would think you wouldn't be worried about bad luck coming from a dress."

She shook her head, a small smile on her lips. "When are you going to get in through your thick skull that I think you're quite the catch? I love you. If anything, it's good luck that I'm marrying you – since you're technically already dead I won't have to worry about you dying on me."

Making a face, Bakura said, "No, but I'll have to worry about you dying on me."

"Then you'll just have to wait for me to be reincarnated," she said airily, though the comforting grip she had on his hand let him know she wasn't being flippant.

"I suppose I will, at that," Bakura allowed. "Now, if we've finished with today's allotment of emotional bloodletting – what was so Ra-damned awful about shopping for your wedding dress aside from how long it took? I know you haven't told me everything."

"The shopping wasn't awful, but the dresses were," Mai said. "I swear, some of the things they were trying to pass off as matrimonial gowns… Ugh!"

"Like what?" Bakura asked.

"Well, the one that sticks out in my mind I saw in the third shop," Mai said. "It wasn't white; it was dark green. The material was one of those faux sequined prints – in a reptile scale pattern. It had ruffles and bows and flounces – and the train was so poofy it looked like a tail. It even came with a matching tiara with spikes all over it."

A look of horror had come over Bakura's face as he listened to the description. "Please tell me that's not the dress you bought," he begged.

She looked upset that he'd even thought, let alone uttered those words. "Of course not."


She giggled then. "But all I could think of when I saw that thing was: 'Look out, Tokyo. Here comes Bridezilla!'"

Bakura barked a laugh. "Well, my little chameleon, I suppose it's a good thing we don't live in Tokyo, then, isn't it?"

She nodded.

One hand creeping up under her skirt, Bakura said, "Now that that's taken care of… How loud do I have to make you scream before you let me see the dress you bought?"

Arching one eyebrow in challenge, Mai said, "Oh, you think you can make me scream, do you?"

Bakura smirked. "Oh, I think I can…"

A smug smile on her lips, secure in her ability to best the thief, Mai said, "Bring it on, tomb-raider."

The afternoon showing of 'Bridezilla versus the King of Thieves' was canceled due to exhaustion on the lead characters' parts; sexual exhaustion.

And Bridezilla also had a sore throat the next morning from passion-induced screaming.